When I got home from work on Turkey Day, there was a new friend waiting for me.



Isn't she precious?! Her name is Nala. We think she was someone else's kitty, but she was outside shivering and hungry and Greg said he just couldn't leave her out there on her own. We're keeping an eye out for signs or things in the paper to see if someone lost her, but so far there's been nothing.




There she is with Bitsy. We think they are pretty close in age, but that's just based on how close they are in size.


I just love that picture of Bitsy. She likes to try to eat the camera. I swear, I've never seen a cat eat the things she does. A small list includes olives, peas and pickles. o_O


And then there were 5. For all the bitching he did about there being 4 cats, I never would have guessed that he'd bring home another one.

Someimtes I wish I actually had a cock so I could whip it out when I tell the world to suck it

Fucking seriously. Ok, so maybe I don't want to tell the entire world to suck my dick, but that's what fit in the subject line.

So, I don't think I blogged about my most recent appt with my "specialist" that happened the day before Thanksgiving. Allow me to do so now. There might be a lot of paragraphs that shouldn't actually BE paragraphs, but you'll deal with it if they appear. I just feel like separating things at random. Let's see if I do it.

*ahem*

I actually arrived at the office on time. This is pretty much unheard of since I am freakish;y late every where I go. I blame Japanese class in high school. But that's a different story for a different time.

I signed in and started reading my book The Jericho Pact. I got called back after about 15 minutes, which is awesome for his office. See, he's located inside Genesys and he's called out quite a bit for emergency c-sections and what not, so he's usually pretty backed up. I hobbled back to the room and started reading again after I told the nurse about all the pain I've been in. He came in and asked how I was doing and I spouted off to him about how I've been having trouble walking for over a month now and how my pain level is constantly at a 10. He then told me that he wants me to see another doctor. He no longer thinks a hysterectomy will help me. Seems he thinks I have Fibromyalgia. In other words, since the Depo Lupron didn't completely get rid of my pain like he wanted it to, he's giving me the big FUCK YOU and shoving me off on someone else. At that point, I was close to crying cuzz, fuck, I've been dealing with this for 5 years now and NO ONE has been able to tell me exactly what's going, why it's happening or how to fucking stop it. I think when he saw I was gonna cry that he started to feel bad cuzz then he told me that he wanted me to stop the Depo Lupron completely (I had just had my last injection a week and a half before this appt) and he'll do Laprascopy just to be sure that a hysterectomy won't help me. I reminded him, yet again, that when my grandmother had her hysterectomy BEFORE she was 30, they found endometrial cells on her spine, which is what my primary doctor thinks is happening to me. Of course, no one can be sure until they get in there, though. I also told him that he should review my mother's chart, since he's the one that did her hysterectomy last year and that it was possible I could be suffering for whatever the hell was wrong with her.

Then I asked him about pain meds.

See, I ran out of my precrition for Dilaudid the 16th, which is right when I should have. I called my primary doctor the following Monday and was told that she doesn't phone in prescriptions for narcotics over the phone. Ok, no big deal. I asked when I'd be able to get in to see her. I couldn't get in until today. They were closed Wednesday through Friday for Turkey day. I asked if I could speak with her to see about a possible exception since she'd have my chart there to review. I was told that was not her policy and I couldn't speak to her about it. I was pissed and made it known and then booked the appointment for today.

So, I asked him about possibly getting a prescription from him to get me through until I could see my primary. He asked if I was still taking Darvocet. I told him no, that I had been prescribed Dilaudid. He interrupted me at that point and told me that he will NOT prescribe Dilaudid for me or anyone else and that he would NOT be writing me any more prescriptions for pain relief. He then handed me my chart, told me AGAIN that he wouldn't prescribe me anything, pointed to the box of tissues since that's when I started crying and told me he'd see me in 6 weeks for the Laprascopy.

Fast forward to last night. I was at work and was in so much pain that I was shaking. I finally got through to my primary's phone service (I couldn't get through in the days prior for some reason) and explained to her what was going on and what had happened earlier in the week and she told me to go ahead and go to the ER. There just so happens to be one where I work, so Stephanie (a medic I work with and one crazy ass bitch) rolled me down in the office chair I sit in. The nurse who checked me in just so happened to know who my father is. She looked at my name and asked if I knew him, which kind of shocked me a little. Seems that she's worked at that hospital since 1979 and remembers him from when he used to come in for pain meds for his headaches. That kinda put me on edge a bit cuzz he's a drug seeker.

It took forever for the doctor to come to the room I was in. When he saw I was still dressed, he told me that I needed to change so he could examine me. That made me a little pissy cuzz I was hoping to not have to go through the whole pelvic bullshit, but whatever. So many fucking doctors have seen my hoo-hoo that it really doesn't bother me that much anymore. He left while I changed and took another forever to come back. Turns out, he just wanted to push on my belly and apparently I needed to be in one of those fuckin see through hospital gowns for him to do that.

He asked me why I was there and I explained to him all that's wrong with me and blahblahblah. He asked me what I was on for pain, so, of course, I told him that I ran out over a week prior and that I was on Dilaudid. He started shaking his head, telling me that he doesn't give that drug and he doesn't even write prescriptions. He then asked why they haven't "taken the uterus". I told him that he'd have to ask my doctors cuzz I've been telling them to for the last 5 fucking years. Then he told me that he wanted the nurse to draw my blood.

So, she did that while I layed there fucking fuming. See, that doctor was full of shit when he told me that he doesn't give Dilaudid and doesn't write prescriptions. He's given that to someone I know for the migrains they get, so I fucking know he gives Dilaudid. And on top of that, he gave a prescription for Vicoden to someone else I know just that afternoon! By the time she came in to draw my blood, I was crying, so she told me it would be ok and blahblahblah and then left.

After about 45 minutes, the doctor came back in to tell me that my blood TESTED CLEAN and that he wouldn't write me a prescription, which I told him I wasn't asking him to do, but he would have the nurse come back to give me an injection of Dilaudid. I got that about 10 to 15 minutes later and was told to keep my appt with my primary for today.

She didn't have anything new to add, just doubled my prescription so it'll last me a month this time and sent me on my way.

So, to sum it all up in case you've just skipped ahead of all my bitching, I've now been told that a hysterectomy WON'T help me and that I probably have Fribromyalgia. Even though my pain is NOT all over, NOT in my muscles and NOT triggered by pressure points. Basically, I've been given the big FUCK YOU, no-one-knows-what's-wrong-with-you-and-I'm-tired-of-dealing-with-you bullshit that I've been getting for the last 5 years. And it seems that everyone thinks I'm a drug seeker cuzz I'm on Dilaudid cuzz I am in ACTUAL pain.

The medical community can SUCK MY FUCKING DICK.

So, I am either awesome and just avoided being scammed or I just missed out on $2000 that I could REALLY use right now.

I just got a phone call from 201. Yeah, 201 is all that came up. On the other end was someone who was obviously from India or a country near there. He asked for me by name and I told him that I wasn't available and asked if I could take a message. He asked if I was family and I told him that I was my sister. I was told that since I have paid my social security taxes on time for many years, I was one of 10,000 people in Michigan that had been selected by the US federal government to receive two deposits of $1000 for the next two months into my checking account. I was told to look at it as a "Christmas bonus". Ok, I love free money and $2000 would get me out of this hole that Greg and I have dug ourselves into cuzz we are retarded with money. They knew my name and my address. All they needed from me was the name of my bank and my deposit number. That changed to my checking account number as the guy rattled on. When I could finally speak, I told him that I would not be giving him my checking account number. He kept asking me why I could not understand and that my checking account number was merely my identification number and was not confidential to the bank. I told him that I had no way to verify that he was legit and asked for his name and phone number so that I could call him back and verify. He said, again, that my checking account number was not confidential and that it was only an identification number. To make it sound like he was telling me the truth, he told me that he was not asking for personal information or my routing number or debit card numbers. I told him that anyone could walk into my bank with an ID that had my name on it and take money out of my account with only my checking account number. He responded by telling me that he would bet me it couldn't be done that way. I told him that I knew for a fact that it could cuzz I had just done so on Wednesday! He transferred me to his "manager", who sounded exactly like him, and HE proceeded to argue with me about it. Finally, I was transferred to an automated thing to obtain my confirmation number and was asked for my checking account number again.

I hung up. I could seriously use $2000 right now, but I can pretty well guarantee that my checking account would be drained and that I'd never see that fucking money. And seriously? $19 is not worth the hassle of having to cancel checks and close one account and open another.

I wanted to report it, but I can't figure out who to call or where to go online. Everything I come up with is about people getting fraudulent social security benefits and I don't think this qualifies.

Musical Masochist

(I know I've spelled quite a few words wrong in this, but for some reason, the spell check option isn't working for me. Weird...)

I'm not sure if I've ever gone off on a tangent about how much music means to me before or not. I've decided to do that now, even if I've done it before. See, I should be sleeping so I can go to the specialist all refreshed and what not, but that's not happening. And I've been drinking, too. Maybe I'm a little keyed up about my appointment tomorrow?

Anyway, I've always been obsessed with music. Ever since I can remember, I've been a music addict, often foregoing normal kid activities just so I could listen to a song on the radio or watch the video on Mtv. I remember when I was in 2nd grade, I was getting ready to leave for school and saw Janie's Got A Gun by Aerosmith coming on the TV. I decided to stay and watch it cuzz I had it in my head that all music videos and/or songs were only 2 minutes long. No clue where I got that from, but suffice it to say, I was pretty late for school that morning. I can remember getting ready for school in 6th grade and making sure my little brother got his ass going, all while listening to Brian Adams. Most of the significant things that have ever happened in my life I can tie to music in some way. It took me forever to be able to listen to Tori Amos again after I was raped cuzz I had that CD playing while I was sleeping and he came into my bedroom...

Moving on...

I've decided to throw up some of my favorite videos on here so I can share my favorite songs. I have a shit ton, so I'll be narrowing it down quite a bit, I hope you enjoy them.


Fine Again by Seether.

This was the first song I ever heard by Seether. This CD got me through most of my marriage. Especially this song. I wasn't sober for a lot of my marriage. There was a lot of bullshit going on, but this song helped imensely.


Broken by Seether

It's very possible you've heard the version of this song with Amy Lee helping out on vocals. While I love her voice, I much prefer this version of the song. When I was initailly going through my divorce, I would sing this to my son. When I first told his father that I wanted a divorce when he was 4 months old, he took off with my car and my son. I didn't know where they were for three days. It was the beginning of December and the Christmas tree was up with is little swing in front of it so he could watch the lights. I remember walking by his bedroom and bursting into tears cuzz he wasn't there and doing the same when I would walk past his swing. When I first left Matt for the last time, I was petrified he was gonna take off again. Thankfully he didn't, but every night I had Alex, I would sing this to him. He still remembers all the words and asks me to play the song all the time.


And So It Goes by Billy Joel

When I was a kid, I would go through my grandma's tapes and CDs. I "borrowed" this from her when I was about 9, I think. It made me cry. It made me think of my Great Grandma Arlene, which was great grandpa Lawrence's wife. I miss her more than I can put into words and for a long time, I was angry with her cuzz I thought she just abandoned me. I had a very difficult childhood and, until she died, she was my savior.


Hackensack by Fountains of Wayne

This song makes me think of the man that I was supposed to marry before I started seeing my ex-husband. He was my high school sweetheart, if you will. I met him while preforming in Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat. He called me the "cute little redheaded girl", like from Charlie Brown. My goal was to get him to give me his kick ass Superman hat. We were together for over a year and his family gave me pictures of my PeePaw. I never got the hat.


Me and a Gun by Tori Amos

This is the song she wrote after she was raped. While it tells the story of what happened to her, I've always felt like it was telling the story of what happened to me in a way.


Hey Jupiter (remix) by Tori Amos

This song has just always felt like it was written for me.


Three Libras by A Perfect Circle

4 words. Maynard is a genius. The sadness and the raw emtion the words of this song portray draws me in every time. And you don't see me...


Blue by A Perfect Circle

Another awesome song lyrically. (Well, ALL the songs I post are awesome lyrically.) I just didn't want to know... I close my eyes, Ignore the smoke... Just beatiful.


Henry Lee by Nick Cave and the Badseeds featuring PJ Harvey

I love both of their voices. Actually, PJ Harvey's voice is very similar to my own. Such a haunting, beautiful song.


Wise Up by Aimee Mann

I first heard this on an episode of Crossing Jordan and thought it was The Pretenders. o_O There's also a very moving scene in the movie Magnolia that has all the main characters singing along with this song. This song could be so many points in my life...


Lie To Me by Devics

I'm a little jealous that I didn't write this song myself cuzz I feel like I could have. It follows my writing style pretty well. It makes me think of the man I was with in high school. The one I was supposed to marry. We still talk on occassion. This song could have been something that I said to him...


Coffee and Cigarettes by Michelle Featherstone

I found her on MySpace a while back and fell in love with this song. Again, another song that I'm a little jealous I didn't write.


My December by Linkin Park

I've posted the lyrics for this song before. I always feel incredibly lonely at night, which is usually when I'll listen to this song. It breaks my heart. Just wish that it didn't feel like there was something I missed... I always feel like there was something I missed somewhere along the way.


Pin Up by Evans Blue

I've been listening to this song repeatedly for the last few months. It was listening to this song that I began to wonder if the Depo Lupron might be having more of an effect on my emotions than I intially thought. I was driving home from darts one night while listening to this song. There's a paret of my drive that goes by a few lakes. All I wanted to do was to just drive into the water and sink. It felt like the most absolutely right thing in the world. And I wasn't particularly sad about anything. I was stressed, but no more than any other day. I just wanted to drive into the water and never think twice. If I didn't have my son, I more than likely would've done it.


So... I think that's where I'm gonna stop. That's a shit ton of songs to listen to and I commend anyone who's been able to get through all of them. I could go on forever, but the boy has moved out into the living room to sleep (he's got a wicked headache for some reason) and I need to get some rest so I can make it to my doctor's appointment in the morning. Hope you enjoyed my musical entry. And yes, I am well aware that my metal cred is probably no more. LOL

It's over. The viewing was on Friday and the funeral was yesterday. I took the boy to the viewing and he did very well. I hadn't intended on staying for the rosary, but I went out for a cigarette and when I came back in, it had already started. I snuck in and just kind of listened. Afterwards, the boy asked my uncle why the priest kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was kinda cute. He kept pulling me over to the casket. I can't say that I was overly excited about that. I don't typically go up to the casket, especially if I'm trying to make sure I don't cry. On the way over, the boy told me that he had prayed he wouldn't cry while we were there. I told him that it was ok if he did, but he insisted that he didn't want to, so I was a bit concerned when he kept pulling me up to the casket. I thought that if I started crying, he probably would as well. But, I held it together. We left not too long after the rosary. We got to the funeral home shortly after 6 and by the time we left, it was 830 or so. The boy was a little mad at me for not wanting him to attend the funeral, even though he said he wanted to. Since it was a full Catholic funeral, though, I didn't think it'd be a good idea. It started at 11 and I don't think we left the church until around 1. I really don't think that he would've been able to be still for that long, no matter how hard he tried to.

I did ok at the funeral. I started crying during the opening hymn and I stared at the wall a lot. I just have a hard time watching everything I guess. At one point, the sister asked if anyone had anything they'd like to say about grandpa. No one stood up, which is just the way the family is, and I think my aunt got a little upset about it. She got up and went to the front and started talking about how special grandpa was to her and how it meant so much that he accepted my uncle (her husband). While she was talking, she started to cry and she looked over at me and I just lost it. Thankfully it was near the end. They did the closing prayer and hymn and then the family followed the casket outside. My aunt made a point to thank my parents for taking care of grandpa for as long as they had, which not a lot of people in the family has ever made it a point to thank them at all. I didn't stop crying until I got into my car. When we got to the cemetary, a horse started whinnying or whatever it's called when they talk. It was kinda like he was saying goodbye to grandpa. LOL There was a small prayer service at the graveside and my grandma started crying. It's rare to see that and it almost made me lose it again.

Oh, I forgot that I ended up having an asthma attack in the middle of the service. Heh. Everytime the incence got stronger, I had a harder time breathing. My mom kinda laughed at me cuzz I smoke and I used to get high and burn incence and have no problems. Apparently, when you don't smoke pot anymore and don't burn incence for a couple years (I used to burn it all the time just cuzz I like the smell) you begin to not be able to breathe around it? LOL

There was a HUGE floral arrangement that my grandpa wanted to give to the boy. (I'll post pictures of it later) He donated the rest of the flowers to the church, but this one was in a Detroit Tigers bucket (grandpa loved the Tigers), so he thought that the boy should have it. He also invited me and the child out to the house, which I guess is a big deal. No one else in the family has been invited out to the house, so I guess I have to make a really big effort to go over there. I'm not too sure if I want to or not, though. I remember the house being a certain way and I know that they've changed it quite a bit. They carpetted the hardwood floors and have redone some rooms and stuff. That house had hardly changed since my grandma passed and I loved that. It made it feel like she was still around a bit, ya know? I'm not sure if I'll handle seeing it all redone very well. We'll see, right?

Now that the funeral is over, the fun begins. There's a lot of drama regarding the will, the fact that my grandfather is pretty damned selfish and happens to be executor of the will and the fact that he has pretty much shunned the rest of the family recently. The most significant has been the fact that he has completely cut ties with my parents after grandpa had to be put into a nursing home. Basically, from what I understand, he doesn't want to give my parents a damned thing and has tried to convince people that they did a shitty job taking care of grandpa. Thing is, everyone in the family KNOWS how well my parents took care of him. It was to a point that my dad was the ONLY person he would allow to help him to the bathroom, get him cleaned up and do various other tasks that CENAs do in nursing homes. They did as best they could for as long as they could and my grandfather seems to be pissed off that he wasn't the one doing it, even though he had ample opertunity to do it and LIVED with grandpa for a while, but refused to do it. Anyway, there's gonna be a lot of drama regarding everything and I'm not looking forward to it at all. There's issues about the house being sold and the proceeds being divided up and the car is supposed to be sold and the proceeds being divided as well. There's already drama about that damned car. Everyone wants it and there is at least one relative who's been claiming that grandpa promised to give it to her. Whether he did or not is anyone's guess, since he didn't tell anyone about it. Ugh. I'm hoping that I get to have the knick knacks that were all around the kitchen. I've said since I was a little girl that I wanted to have those and I'd be happy if I even just got to keep one of them. We'll see. I'm not expecting anything and I'm not concerned about getting money or anything else. Just a knick knack or two.

I knew it was coming...

Lawrence Dolehanty
DOLEHANTY, Lawrence James- Age 92, of Gaines, died Wednesday, November 14, 2007 at Durand Convalescent Home. Funeral Mass will be celebrated 11:00 AM Saturday, November 17, 2007 at St. Joseph Catholic Church, Gaines. Fr. Robert McKeon celebrant. Burial following at St. Joseph Catholic Cemetery. Visitation will be held at Sharp Funeral Home, Miller Road Chapel, 8138 Miller Road, Swartz Creek from 1-4 and 6-9 PM Friday, where a vigil service will be held at 7:00 PM followed by a Knights Of Columbus memorial service, and at the church from 10 AM until time of service Saturday. Those desiring may make contributions to the American Cancer Society. Mr. Dolehanty was born March 4, 1915 in Gaines, the son of Daniel J. and Alma (Brown) Dolehanty. He married Arlene Gilbert in 1938 in Gaines and she preceded him in death June 22, 1987. He retired from GM Fisher Body in 1968 after 36 years of service. He graduated from Gaines High School and has resided in Gaines his entire life. He was a member of St. Joseph Catholic Church and the Knights Of Columbus Council 12186. Surviving are: son, Daniel James and wife Doreen Dolehanty of Gaines; 8 grandchildren, 10 great-grandchildren and 1 great-great-grandchild; 6 step-grandchildren, 11 step-great-grandchildren; 2 sisters, Helen Aurand of Gaines and Ruth Bennett of Bay City; 3 brothers, Clem of Gaines, Paul of Texas and Harold of Rose City. He was also preceded in death by his parents; son, Edward Lee Dolehanty; sister, Thelma Brady; 3 brothers, Steve, Max and Leo Dolehanty. "Online condolences and tributes may be posted on the obituaries page of www.sharpfuneralhome.com"





I'm happy that he's home now. I'm happy that he's finally with my grandma Arlene. But none of that makes it any easier. And it doesn't help ease the guilt I have about not seeing him as often as I should have these past few years.

He's happy now. He's not sick anymore. His memory is back to where it should be.

I feel like I'm being selfish by being so upset. For not crying around other people. I feel incredibly selfish for wondering how this is going to affect my job. I know I shouldn't feel like I'm being selfish, but I do.

The fact that things feel like they're being rushed doesn't help either...

I miss you grandpa. Tell grandma I miss her, too.

Ok, so I know I'm getting behind my goal of making an entry every few days a week or whatever. (Although, technically, I did say that I was sticking to one entry a week so my slacker ass didn't get down on myself.) But you see, about 3 weeks ago, my uterus and ovaries decided to rebel against me and try to break free of this mortal coil. (Wow, I sound so dark and goth.) They have been losing, but they have been putting up a helluva fight. Such a helluva a fight, in fact, that today is the first day that I've been able to walk upright ALL.DAY.LONG.

I know, it's shocking, right?

Now, I'm not sure if that means that they are tiring of fighting or if the fact that I have the PLAGUE and have been laying on the couch ever since I came back from shooting my very first gun has anything to do with it. I'm hoping that they are giving up the fight, cuzz, really? I'm fucking tired of walking like an old lady. And I'm tired of being in pain, as well. In fact, I was supposed to call my doctor and see if she would call me in a refill of Dilaudid or if she needed to see me first. I'm betting she'll need to see me first, which is gonna kinda suck a lot of monkey balls.

In other news, I shot my very first gun today. Curious why? Well, I have decided that I am gonna "kill me a bambi" this year. (Not really killing a Bambi, I've just been telling people that to see what kind of reaction I get. Typically, it's a mix of horror and you-need-to-lay-off-the-crack-pipe-you-are-a-GIRL-don't-you-know-that?! Which amuses the hell out of me) I'm hoping that I get my child support tomorrow (it came last week) so I can go pick up an orange hat and at least an orange vest. You know, so I don't get mistaken for a Bambi. Apparently I shot damned well for my first time. My mom called to let me know that my step-dad had been raving about it when he got home. LOL

And that's pretty much gonna be it. I hear the couch calling my name and I need to go check on the boy and the nephew, as we are not at Scouts for the second week in a row. I've got the PLAGUE and I had to pick him up from school early cuzz he had an "accident". (read: shit his pants) I was LIVID when I got home. See, they called me to let me know that I needed to come get him cuzz of his "accident". Not a big deal. I said that I was on my way home and that I wouild swing by there before I actually got home. Then she tells me that he might need cleaned up. Excuse me? Now, normally, this wouldn't have been an issue. I live close enough to the school that I can get there in 5 minutes if needed. Except I wasn't at home today, and I was probably being a moron for thinking that when I SAID I wasn't home, that I was clear about NOT BEING HOME. I told her that I would stop home and grab him a change of clothes before I got up there and she said that he might need to be cleaned up. AGAIN. As if I didn't hear her the first time. I said fine and hung up. I had made up my mind that if he was in the bathroom covered in shit when I got there, I was pulling him from teh school. I mean, I can understand not wanting to do that kind of clean up cuzz of all the molestation allegations that go around and what not, but there comes a point where you say Fuck It and do it anyway cuzz if you don't you could potentially endanger the child. Seriously, being covered in shit is NOT something I want my child to do for longer than a few minutes if it can be helped. Luckily, he was in the office when I got there. He smelled like shit, as I assumed he would, and he had fingerprints on his shirt. I signed him out and asked him who helped him clean up when we got in the car. He said no one, that he had to do it himself as best he could. I wasn't happy about that, but, then again, he wasn't sitting in the bathroom waiting for me, so I guess it's not too big of an issue. I'll be letting my ex-mother-in-law know, since she pays his tuition, and I'll also be telling her that if they fuck up one more time, he's being pulled from that school.

Did I ever blog about the HUGE fuck up they made with Child Protective Services? Let me know and if I haven't, I'll blog about it as much as I can with out getting into too many details. The situation at his father's is NOT one that I want him to be in, but I jhave been told that I have no choice...

Weirdest. Dream. EvAr.

Holy shit, I fucking LOVE that save feature that I wasn't so fond of before. I was listening to music on the intarwebs and it somehow decided that I was not going to play intarwebs anymore and it closed all the windows I had open, including the one that I was typing my update in. Thanks to that save thingie, my post was tucked safely away as a draft and I didn't lose anything. Huzzah!

Now we continue with the regularly scheduled update.


So, I had this dream. It was an odd kind of dream.

First, Greg had joined the National Guard. I went with him to see him off and wound up joining myself. Apparently, in my dream, the National Guard took place on an aircraft carrier. All of the training and being stationed and all that happy horse shit was on the same aircraft carrier. o_O

Then, I was on leave or something and I kept telling people that I had joined the National Guard and I would laugh like a crazy person. There was a Taco Bell and I guess it had some kind of pool surrounding it cuzz Greg was swimming around and I was floating on a raft thing in a bikini. Weird thing about that, well, besides the fact that I haven't even owned a swimsuit since I was about 15, was that my belly was magically gone but I had this GINORMOUS butt. I am talking one of those asses that you can see for miles and miles. So, I kept trying to cover my ass with my raft. The boy was there with his dad and we were trying to raise money for his school by eating food, but it wasn't Taco Bell food, it was hot dogs. Matt kept trying to make me feel like shit cuzz I had joined the National Guard and the kidling was going to miss me.

Then, I was suddenly carrying Harley into a movie theater. Cricket, you were there with your kitty and some guy. He was making an ass out of himself, like trying to draw attention to himself by acting like he was in high school and trying to do all these stupid tricks. So, we sat next to each other with our kitties, who were eating popcorn for some reason, and you kept telling him what an asshole he was. LOL Then I was walking into a house and you were sitting on the couch with your kitty, still telling the guy what a douche bag he was being. Harley and I sat on the couch and I saw this note that one of the guys I work with had written to the host of the party saying that me and this other guy I work with were gonna be showing up and it was gonna be "off the hook". Very odd. Anyway, I sat there with Harley for a while and just giggled at you telling this guy how much he sucked. I realized I had to use the bathroom and I walked around and found a bathroom outside off this huge ass deck. I went in, sat down and looked over to see two windows. One was at head level and the other was at bowl level and they looked right into the living room. I freaked out and woke up.

See? Weirdest.Dream.EvAr.

LOTS Of Pictures! Of CATS!

And the boy with his pumpkin. I forgot to take any pictures in his Ninja costume. Seems forgetting things has become my super power or something.

Anyway...

PICTURES!!!

















I'm not feeling creative enough to caption them. The older cats are starting to like the bitty one, I think. Baby lets her use her as a pillow and vice versa, so I know she's starting to warm up to her. Squeak will clean her on occasion and Mydna has pretty much adopted her as a sidekick. LOL

And that's all for tonight. Wow. 2 entries in a week. I'm impressed with myself.

Everyone seems to be doing this NaBloPoMo thing. I am not due to the fact that I am lazy and I fail at updating anything lately. So, what I've decided to do is attempt to update at least once a week. I'm really shooting for 3 times, but I'll keep that little goal to myself and stick with the minimum of once a week. That way, if I am actually able to update 3 times a week, it'll be a happy fun surprise instead of a disappointment for myself.

So, not much is really new at the moment. Still broke as hell, though now it's a little more so than normal. See, there's something going on with the child support. Last week, it was $20 short and then it just didn't show up at all this week. When I tried to call the ex-husband to let him know about, just in case it was some kind of problem with Friend of the Court and not him, I discovered that his phone had been disconnected. Now, this leads me to 2 conclusions. 1- He got a job down near Detroit and he and his insta-family are going to be moving down there like his grandmother told me or 2- He quit his job cuzz his girlfriend/fiance/whatever is working and, really, why the hell should they have 2 incomes coming in when he can just sit on his ass and make an ass groove in the couch cushions while watching her kids run wild. I'll find out for sure when I pick up the boy after work tonight. I'm leaning toward the quitting the job thing, though I really don't want to find out that's the case. He's actually held a job since we separated which, for him, is pretty fucking spectacular. The only time he hasn't paid his child support was when he was in jail, (he was AWOL from the ARMY and was arrested a few Christmases ago) so I'm really hoping that he hasn't just fucked himself over by deciding that he doesn't need to work since she is. If that's what he's chosen to do, fine. Hope he has a good time with that. When he misses 2 months worth of child support, I'll be more than happy to lead the police right to his house so they can throw his ass in jail for being a douchebag dad.

I've been missing a lot of work lately and spending more and more time at the doctor's office. I'm not sure if it's the PCOS and the Endo or if it's the Depo Lupron, but something is messing with me. I'm having trouble walking and am at a constant 10 on the pain scale. Thing is, it's not just the normal pelvic pain that I have that's shot up to a 10. I now have pain in my hips and back to accompany it. It's fucking miserable. I have prescriptions for Diclofenac and Hydromorphone. The Hydromorphone makes things interesting. There's still the underlying pain, but it's no where near the point that I'm at right now (can't take it at work cuzz they have this thing about not taking controlled substances when you work EMS) and I don't seem to care too much that there's any pain at all. The Diclofenac doesn't really do too much that I can tell. I have to watch out for bleeding into the gut though, so that gives me a nice sense of adventure. I'm hoping to be able to get in to my Gyno next week to see if he can figure out what's going on and maybe get him to just take the girl parts away. I doubt he'll do that, but I'd really like him to.

The boy got his school pictures back and he looks like a little fuzz ball. The Bitsy is growing. She's about the size of my foot now and a bit bigger than my cell phone, so I know she's growing. LOL She's eats like she's a damned garbage disposal! She's face planted into my soup, a plate of eggs... She's eats olives, pickles, buffalo chicken wings. Pretty much anything that drops to the ground is inhaled by that little tiny cat. She's still small enough to squeeze under the doors, which I think makes the other cats jealous.

The boy and I will be traveling to see Great Great Grandpa sometime this week, I hope, since he's probably not gonna be around much longer. It kinda sucks that we won't be able to get out to see him if I don't get my child support any time soon. He's about 1/2 an hour away and gas isn't cheap, as I'm sure you know. I've got just under a 1/2 a tank right now and I don't get another pay check until the 15th. Hooray for $3 in the checking account! At least it's not a negative balance. That would really suck some balls.

Oh! My Sirius Satellite radio module got stolen out of my car yesterday sometime while I was working. I'm normally really good about locking my car up, but we had a pot luck for the Michigan vs. Michigan State game and I must've forgotten to lock it. I went out to my car to go home last night and it was gone. Thankfully, they didn't find the Nintendo DS in the backseat. We just got that for my son on his birthday. With the module gone, I'm only out about $30 to $40 cuzz I got it on sale a few months back. Had they found the DS, I'd have been out another $130.

And that's pretty much it. Got some new kitty pictures to post, but I'll have to do that from home. Now I've got to try and come up with something for the scouts to do at their meeting on Tuesday. Hooray. o_O

Just under 2 months!

Holy damn I need to remember to update more! Although there hasn't been too much excitement going on. I like that, but I hate it at the same time. I like that there's nothing new to stress out about, but I hate that it makes me feel boring.

Meh. Whatcha gonna do?

So, I have added another cat to my collection. We named her Bitsy Lee and she is SO incredibly cute! She has the same coloring and markings that Harley did when I first got her all those years ago. Pictures? OK!


Aw. She was a tired little kitty the night I brought her home.


She was smaller than the remote control. What was really funny was the day that she stepped on teh keyboard for the computer and absolutely none of the keys moved. o_O


Mydna checking her out. They are like best friends now. Well, except when Mydna takes playtime a little too far and tries to chew on her head.


Yeah. She was just a hair bigger than my cell phone.

She's about as big as my foot now. She's all frisky and jumpy and keeps trying to climb me like a fucking tree. She's awesome.

I've also become a den leader/mother/whatever for Tiger Scouts.

Yeah, I'm completely for real. I'll give you a minute to wipe up that drink you just spit at the computer.

All cleaned up?

So, yeah. I kinda got volunteered to be this leader thing, but I'm actually kind of liking it. I've already got the boys all set up to tour an ambulance and base tomorrow for their very first outting. I'm kinda psyched. I hope everyone shows. I didn't go to work on Thursday or Friday cuzz my ovaries decided to try and break out. They failed, but I swear they tore through several layers before giving up. Anyway, since I wasn't at work those two days, I had to call everyone when I got out on Saturday night. Left quite a few messages and still haven't heard back from all the parents. It should all go well.

And that's basically it. Well, other than feeling like I'm living at the doctor's office. I had to go and get my paper work for FMLA filled out since I have a "chronic condition" that makes me call into work at times. With that paperwork filled out, I can't be punished for missing days as long as I can prove that my PCOS and Endo (yeah, newly diagnosed) is what's causing me to miss work. Since I'm not too keen up on getting blood stolen from me and a pelvic everytime I complain about the pain, I don't think they're gonna be getting too many call ins from me.

So, that's all that's been going on. Nothing new on the homefront, which is good. Work is work, which I suppose is good. Basically, everything is pretty fucking good right now.

And now that I've said that, I'm pretty sure I've jinxed myself. o_O

The Ozzburn

So, Sunday was Ozzfest and I had a fuckin BLAST! The bands were awesome, the pits were violent and there was even a sod fight. All in all, it was a GREAT day. Damned near 12 hours of metal and I have the sunburn to prove it. There were some minor tiffs, but nothing too major. Given that there were 6 of us that went together, I thought there might've been a bit more conflict. If there was, I wasn't around it and that made my day spectacular. I

took my little brother cuzz Greg backed out on me at the last minute. Looking back, it's probably best Greg didn't go. He'd have bitched the whole time. Hell, he texted me to see how it was and when I told him I was have a great time, he responded by telling me that it was all "kids shit anymore" and that there were only "kids with fucked up hair" there and that it was worse than rap, though he called it something different. Then, when the boy got dropped off, he tried to tell me that he wanted me home by 8 so he could go to sleep. He knew I didn't drive, so there was no way that could happen. He then told me that if he fell asleep, he didn't want to hear any bitching. I don't understand why he does things like that. He'll make plans with me, back out and then try to ruin my time when I go anyway. Or he'll just flat out tell me he doesn't want to go and then act like a ginormous asshole when I go anyway. When I was married, I wasn't allowed to do anything with out bargaining. I'm not about to get to that point again. At least he didn't threaten to move out this time. I told him the last time he did that that if he said it again, I'd put his shit out to the curb and he could move back home with mommy. I just don't understand why he has to try and make me feel like shit all the time. Just thinking about that shit makes me exhausted.

That's pretty much everything that's been happening. I took the boy over to my sister's house today. He hasn't seen her since he was like 2 or 3. Our sons are 19 days apart, so that was cool for the boy. He had a lot of fun today. She offered to go with me to the birthday thing on Saturday, too, and I think I'm gonna take her up on that.

So... On to the Ozzburn. It's epic.



This shoulder isn't too bad. I mean, it hurts, but the other side is damned near purple. o_O


Yeah. I'm totally awesome enough to manage to have a very distinct burn line from my necklace.


And there I am with no make up, showing off the mini black eye I got from catching a huge ass clump of sod with my face.

I was SO filthy when I got home that I took a shower right away. I had dirt everywhere. And, even though I was completely filthy, someone made me feel absolutely gorgeous. He seemed sincere when he kept complimenting me. It felt like he meant it and even if he didn't, it still made me feel incredible.

And no, it wasn't Greg.

So...

I can now officially READ the blogs I was blocked from. Which I like. I can't comment (at least I don't think I can comment) which kinda sucks. Also, I've been trying to get my verification e-mail and I haven't gotten it. I even went through every fucking piece of bulk mail in case it went in there. Let me tell ya, I'm none too happy that it wasn't there. I was doing this thing where I didn't empty out my bulk folder for a while cuzz I was curious to see just how many I could get. I was at about 3000 when I went hunting. I gave up somewhere around 1600 and just emptied the damned thing and told bloglines to give me a new one.

Cricket- Reading your tale of the new wife reminded me that on Sept 1, I'll be spending the day at the beach with the ex-husband, the girlfriend/fiance/whateverthehellaheis and her 3 kids. I guess that's what the ex decided to plan for my son's birthday. I plan on taking the camera for pictures and I am hoping to have back up with me as well. And by back up, I mean someone I know who will sit with me and make sure I don't freak out when the ex's whatever decides to mess with my kid. See, the boy wants me to go cuzz, duh, it's for his birthday, but more specifically, he told me that he wants me there so I can see how she treats him. I know she won't do anything that she shouldn't while I'm there playing Mamma Bear, so that's not going to be an issue. What will be is the fact the she likes to run her mouth. A LOT. It probably doesn't help that I know she's scared of me.

- Ok, a bit of background before I continue. Ex's whatever is the older sister of my little brother's best friend. Little brother's best friend has known me since he was about 11 years old or so. Since little brother is 22 now, that makes it 11 years? Anyway, the whatever has heard stories about me in all that time from my little brother and her little brother. It was common knowledge then that she was scared of me, for whatever reason. I had never really met her and didn't have a problem with her, so really, there was no need to be scared of me. When she met the ex, we had been seperated for a month or so and I can only imagine the stories that came out of his mouth. When they broke up, supposedly "for good" and the ex decided to start calling me every day to tell me about the latest shit she had pulled and to make me think that he had maybe seen the error of his ways while we were married and try to pay me back as far as the lawsuit goes, he told me that she was extremely scared of me. Seems she got it into her head somehow (no doubt the ex's doing) that I was going to beat her ass old school like the next I saw her. No clue why I was going to do that, but okay. Since they've been back together and bought a house, some things have come to light that make me INCREDIBLY angry in the I'm-gonna-do-whatever-I-need-to-protect-my-son kind of way. Since then, she has decided that it's a good idea to run her mouth. -

*cough*

SO! I'm not expecting the day to go well at all. I'm not going to go looking for a fight or anything like that. I plan on keeping pretty much to myself and following the boy around and pretty much ignoring the people I don't feel like seeing. If the ex-in-laws are there, I'm sure that will create a TON of tension, since they like me and will openly point out her flaws physically as well as the flaws in her charactor and parenting. I went through the same thing when I married their son, but since the divorce, a lot of the things that ex was telling them I had done in the marriage were reveled to be bullshit and a lot of the things that he had done came into light, all by his own hand. I didn't run around telling his family about anything that went on during our marriage that they didn't know about. It's none of their business. It should be an interesting event.

Cricket- I'm not sure I have as much self control as you do. I might have a few months ago, but since the menopause? My temper is incredibly quick. If she starts running her mouth, I know I'm gonna shoot off right back at her, which is why I intend on stalking my son around the beach. LOL

Other things that are coming up include Ozzfest (Lamb of God!!! WOO!!!) and my vacation. Mind you, vacation doesn't include actualy going anywhere to... Um... Vaca? Vacation includes going to the boy's Beach Birthday Bonanza and NOT GOING TO WORK. For over a week! I can't begin to express how excited I am to have time off. Granted, I'm not working 7 days a week anymore, but I've been burned out for a while now and I'm hoping this time off will let me get back into things a bit.

I'm excited about Ozzfest, too. This will be the first concert in years that I've gotten Greg to go to with me. Hell, this will be 1 of 2 times he'll have gone out with me someplace that isn't going to dinner and then RIGHTBACKHOME in at least a year. (The other time would be this past weekend when I was able to get him to come out for a grand total of 1 hour for my sister's birthday. I think he only went cuzz he had never met her and wasn't sure if he'd get the chance to again) My mission that day will be to not pass out on the hill. o_O The DTE Energy Music Theater (or Pine Knob for anyone who reads that remembers when it was called that) has a pavillion that's covered and has seats for a lot more money than the "lawn". The "lawn" is basically a GINORMOUS hill that has grass on it in some places. (I remember the first time I saw Korn there and the mosh pits started on the hill, a guy had broken his ankle on a 90 degree angle in the first 3 minutes of the very first song.) Well, when I went to see the Family values Tour last month, I wound up passing out on the hill and missing all of Korn. I'm confused as to WHY I passed, though. The only thing I can come up with is someone put something in my drink when I wasn't paying attention. I mean, it was a warm day out, but I spent most of it in the shade and yeah, I was drinking, but I had eaten and didn't drink nearly enough to get me to the passing out stage. The only thing that makes any sense is someone slipping something into my drink. I think I'm gonna see if I can't take an empty big girl sippy cup in with me this time so I can just empty my drinks into that and put the lid on it.

Phew! There's an entry with substance! Now, I'm off to see if I got my verification e-mail yet...

Thanks for the BlogLines suggestion, Cricket! I wonder how long it'll be before they block that out, too. :-P

Heh.

So... I can't read my OWN blog. I can write, but I can't read.

Neat.

Just a quicky!

So... I'm at work right now. Big surprise, I know.

Anyway, I have all of my favorite blogs listed in a section of my e-mail and when I have down time at work, I read them. That practice has kept me entertained on many a slow day. At least, it did. I tried to read this morning only to be met with a Page Cannot Be Displayed message. This happened on quite a number of blogs, so I decided to try to go to www.blospot.com. And that's when the giant ACCESS DENIED page came up.

*sigh*

I can't read Cricket at work anymore. I can't read Badger at work anymore. I can't even access PostSecret at work anymore.

And I am pissed.

I'm not sure why I can't access those blogs, but I can access this. I haven't figured that one out yet, since when I've clicked on the view more blogs option on Cricket's blog, I've come across Blogger. In fact, I was under the impression that Blogger and BlogSpot were the same site. Mind you, I'm probably completely wrong in thinking that, but that's the impression I was under.

I'm sure that I'll eventually not be able to access this at all, especially considering that I cuss on here. A lot. I'm also relatively sure that at some point in the coming days and/or weeks, I will no longer have access to my DeadJournal or my LiveJournal as well. After all, my LiveJournal is my source of all things gossip and gossip is wrong. And my DeadJournal is where I say things like fuckity-fucking-fucker all the time. And that's wrong, too.

I guess that's what I get for working for a Catholic hospital. I sometimes wonder if the sisters (yes, I am speaking of nuns) access everyone's history just to see what they're looking at and get all freaked out cuzz there's cussin or something. Meh. I'm amused that I grew up in a pretty strict Catholic family and they did more cussing and rable-rousing (is that how you spell it?) than people in Flint! LOL

I guess I'll just have to limit my reading to when I'm at home. Damn it. I wanna read now!

So... Not much happening since the last marathon update. Heh. Things seem to have pretty well evened themselves out as far as mood swingy-goodness and the hot flashes are starting to become not so irritating, though I'm still not completely sure when I'm having a hot flash or if the room is just overly warm.

Oh! I finally went and got a hair cut, so THAT'S new. It would seem that the people in my MySpace world think I look awesome, which is a HUGE ego boost. Kinda makes me wanna leave the house and go do something. Kinda, but not quite.

Anyway, here's me being a camwhore.





In that last one, I started out looking at the camera. That also seems to be the exact time that one of the cats (Mydna) decided she wanted to see if she could fly, hence why I'm not actually looking at the camera in the picture. She was unsuccessful, by the way.

So, other than gettin ma herr did, the only other thing I've been doing is working. ALL. THE. TIME.

I'm going to The Family Values Tour and Mushroomhead next Wednesday and Friday, so I should have something interesting to write about and I might just have some equally interesting pictures.

Oh Menopause (This is REALLY long and I'll be impressed if anyone reads it all.)

So, yeah. I went through with it. I got my shot two weeks ago this past Thursday. So, that means it was June 21st. Wait. What? I did not regale you with the tale that is my trying to get the shot from the fucking pharmacy? OH! Well! Let me lavish that tale upon you!

Picture this if you will...

It's 2 o'clock in the afternoon. My brother and his (girl)friend have just gotten to my house to watch my son so I can begin my injections. I drive over to Diplomat Pharmacy to pick up my prescription so I can take it to my doctor's office. I walk in and tell them my name. They ask me to spell it. I do. They can't find it. Hmm... Odd, since I called this morning to make sure it was there and I was assured that it was. I tell them it might be under the first part of my last name. It's not. They try under Jones. Still not there. Finally, they look under Leslee and they find it.

I give them my insurance card so they can process everything. Can't do it. They try it with my name spelled correctly, which always helps. Nope, can't do it. They try it with just Jones. Nope. Maybe the first part? Still not able to do it. So, the chickie goes to someone with more authority, thinking it's the whole hyphenated name that's messing everything up. Wouldn't be the first time that's happened, so seems like a good idea. She comes back and asks me if I have some other prescription card. Oh yeah! I forgot that I have 500 billionity cards for my insurance crap. I give her the one she was asking about and she goes back to the other chickie with more authority. She comes back after a few minutes and says that it's still not going through, but the other chickie told her to have me call a number on the back of the card and it should be taken care of.

So, I call the number. At this point, I'm mildly peeved.

I get some other chickie on the phone who asks me to spell my name and give her my birthdate and subsriber number. I do, but she can't find me in the system. I spell everything again and still nothing. I tell her I where I work and all my doctors names (there's like 5). She FINALLY finds me in the system and asks me what the problem is that I'm running into. I tell her that I'm at Diplomat trying to pick up a prescription that was called in for me sometime last week. She asks what it's for and I tell her Depo-Lupron. I hear some typing and I get put on hold. Mind you, she never bothered to TELL me she was putting me on hold, she just did.

At this point, I am moving into the not quite pissed off but horrendously peeved part of the mood swing.

She comes back and tells me that I need to have a pre-authorization number. Ok. I ask who I need my doctor's office to call and ask if it's be done any time in the next 15 minutes so I can be sure I can make it to my appointment on time. She informs me that pre-authorizations take 72 hours.

Now I've entered pissed off.

I tell her that 72 hours is not going to work for me since I need to have this shot during girly time and I more than likely will NOT be having girly time in 72 hours. She tells me that I can pay for the prescription in full and mail in the receipt for reimbursement minus my $5 - $10 co-pay. I ask how much it is and I expect to hear that it's between $50 and $100. Oh no. Care to guess how much?

$634.50.

Yeah. For ONE fucking injection. I told the chickie on the phone that she must be on crack. She countered that with a ghetto, "Excuse me?" I imagine she moved her head around like her neck was made of rubber and possibly snapped her fingers. I told her that I'm an EMS dispatcher, I even went so far as to tell her that I answer her 911 calls (even though I rarely take actual emergency calls) and that she must be on crack to think that I had $634.50 that I could just magically shit out of my ass in the middle of the pharmacy. The entire pharmacy staff started laughing. Hard. I think this angered the phone chickie cuzz she dropped her "professional" phone voice and told me that it wasn't her fault I was poor and that I needed to find another job if I wanted to have this medication. That's when I hung up on her and called their customer service line and spoke directly with her supervisor.

Kathleen? Yeah, I hope your bitch ass got fucking fired cuzz of me. Bitch.

If you haven't guessed, I've moved into the fucking pissed off portion of my mood swing.

The chickies at the pharmacy told me to call my doctor and tell them what was going on cuzz they've seen people get pre-auth numbers in a matter of hours when something like that happens. So, I went out to my car and called the doctor's office. I told them what was happening and made it a point of telling them that I work tomorrow 7AM - 7PM and that if I'm not able to get this shot today, there's no telling when I'll be able to get it. When the chickie at the doctor's office asked why, I eplained about the PCOS and that it could be 7 months before I have another cycle. I was met with, "Cooooooooool!" I told her that, no it wasn't really all that cool, but yeah, it kinda was. LOL

I hung up with them and decided to call the receptionist to make sure she knew I wasn't going to be at my appointment. When I called, she put me on hold to see what was going on, since I told her I had already called. Someone else got on the phone with me and told me that they were on hold with the prescription benefits people and that there was a strong possiblity that I could still keep my appointment and that she'd call me back.

Pissed off level went from fucking pissed, to irritated pissed.

I got home and began to play Dynomite cuzz I am horribly addicted to that game. My phone rings at about 4. It's the chickie from the doctor! Hooray! Except no. She tells me that I have NO prescription coverage through Health Plus AT ALL, which was news to me, and that this other thing (remember when I had to pul out the other card at the pharmacy?) is my only means of coverage and they don't deal with Diplomat. Seems that when I told the chickie who set everything up that I had insurance through Genesys and she explaimed that, "No shit? Me too!", she didn't stop to think that she had the exact same prescription coverage as I do and just went through Health Plus. The office had gone ahead and called the in-house pharmacy, though and they would have my injection ready by 130 tomorrow afternoon. Well, that's swell and all except I work 7 - 7 tomorrow, which I reminded her that I had told her that before. She told me to call and check my prescription benefits with the company and that she was going to make some phone calls as well, and asked that I call her back with what I found out. Ok.

I moved to moderately pissed off, at this point.

I called the place back and spoke with a dude this time who, after making me spell every thing and give the name of my first born and any other child I might miraculously conceive and what THEIR children's names might be, told me that Diplomat is covered in my plan. Buh... What?! I told him what was going on and he double checked and sure as shit, Diplomat was covered. So, I called the chickie at the doctor's office back and she told me that she had a pre-auth number and that if I could get to the office by 530 at the latest, they'd be able to give me my shot.

Back down to irritated pissed.

I haul ass back to Diplomat. Keep in mind that Diplomat is just down the street from where I work. If there weren't trees, I could probably spit on it if I had super spitting powers. I put my car in park and my phone starts ringing. It's the chickie from my doctor's office again, telling me that she has this dude on hold from the prescription benefits place telling me that I won't be able to get my prescription from Diplomat cuzz I have NO RETAIL PRESCRIPTION COVERAGE! She then tells me that o-boy wants to call me, but she wanted to be sure that I knew he was calling before he did so I wasn't caught off gaurd. I told her by all means to have him call me, to which she said that I sounded kinda evil. I laughed and told her that I was upset and she said that she would be as well and that she have the dude call me.

I go back to fucking pissed.

So, o-boy calls me and tells me that I have no retail coverage and that I have to have everything either done through the mail or at the in-house pharmacy. I ask when this happened and told him that I had had prescriptions filled at Wal-Greens and Rite-Aid before. He read me off my prescription history and said that while those (inhalers and Darvocet) were covered, high-cost injectables were not and that I needed to use the two options he had just given me. I was right at the drive way for where I work, so I went in and parked and lit a cigarette while he assured me that he was going to make things right. I was put on hold.

When he got back on the line, he told me that in order for them to do a one time over-ride so I could get the prescription at Diplomat, it would take between 72 and 96 hours. So, I told him that I have a cracked out uterus and that this shot MUST be given while I'm having cracked out girly time and I worked tomorrow AND Friday 7 - 7 and could not get the shot done then. He tells me that they can get the prescription transfered to them so they could over night ship it to my house, free of charge. *sigh* I told him AGAIN about the hours that I work. He told me that he could have it sent to the doctor's office instead. I told him there was no point cuzz my doctor's office is INSIDE Genesys and that I could spit on the pharmacy from there. He asked if I wanted it to go to my home or the doctor's office.

Dudes. I went to that special place where pissed off is a happy memory and everything is red. I was at the point where I couldn't yell. All I could do was speak very measured and very calmly. A few of you have seen me at that point. Those of you who have, have also told me that I've never scared you more than I did when I got to that point.

I told him the situation AGAIN and that nothing he was offering me was of help. He counted by telling me that they have certain policies and procedures that they have to follow. I told him that I knew more about policy and procedure than he knew about the color of his own jizz that stained the front of shirt the night before. Yeah, I siad that all calm and measured like. I then told him about the hospital housing the doctor's office and the pharamacy AGAIN. He told me I didn't need to be rude, but he wanted to mail it to either me or my doctor's office and would I be able to sign for a delivery tomorrow?

I laughed at him. There was nothing else I could do. We went round and round saying the same thing to each other for 5 minutes before it occurred to him what I said. He then told me he was sorry for being such a dumbass.

After all that, I went into my base to see if the dispatcher that was working would be able to replace me for 4 hours the next day. He couldn't cuzz he was getting his nuts snipped so he wouldn't reproduce anymore. Is that ironic? I think it is, since I wanted him to replace me so I could make sure I went into Menopause. Fuck you Alanis Morrisette for forever making me doubt myself when it comes to irony.

Anyway, so he couldn't and when I called up there at about 8PM, my boss answered and told me that the chickie I was trying to get a hold of didn't work there anymore, so I was screwed. (She got shit canned, come to find out, with no reasoning as to why and some bullshit write up) Thankfully, the other 3rd shift dispatcher came in for me at 3 that afternoon, so I got my shot.

Let me tell you, it completely stpoped the girly time. Like, within 2 hours, which shocked me. I figured I still had at least a day left to deal with that shit. I was happy that I didn't, but the mood swings were in full effect that same day. I shouldn't be surprised cuzz when they were testing birth control on me to treat the PCOS, I would go from laughing one minute, to full out sobbing the next and then bunching the steel tables (I worked at Domino's at the time) the minute after the sobbing started. I'm sure you can imgaine how bad that must've been. Well, take whatever you imagine and multiply it by like, 500billion.

Yeah.

THAT bad.

I think I'm probably gonna get fired soon. I got into an argument with one of the EMTs that same weekend. It was BAD. And, when I say bad, know that I TRIED TO WALK AWAY. Fucker followed me and had the balls to tell me it was "obvious" that I "have issues" after I REMINDED him that I had been put into menopause and probably wouldn't have a handle on my emotions for a bit. I told him I was sorry for being a bitch, even though I know I wasn't being one and he STILL followed me out of the back room to tell me that shit. I was seriously so mad that I could FELL myself turning red and I couldn't stop shaking. I was STILL shaking when I left 3 hours later.

And the mood swings just get worse form there. Most recently would be yesterday, though I'm still not completely sure it was me that picked the fight. I was cleaning and Greg wanted to make something that I wasn't planning on making for dinner. Mind you, he didn't ask me to fix it for him, but the boy, Greg and I had talked about dinner the night before and I thought we were all on the same page. Well, seems Greg wanted something else, which hurt me more than it should have. In the 2 1/2 years he's been living with me, I should be used to him not eating when I cook. Everyone else I've ever met in my life tells me I'm a wonderful cook, but for some reason, I don't measure up to Greg's standards. So, when he said he wanted something other than what we had agreed on, I was upset.

(I'm gonna copy and paste from my other blog cuzz it's easier at this point.)

I love my profile song (If you can't view my profile, go HERE and click on WITHERED. It's a beautiful song, I promise.) entirely too much. You should check it out. A lot of people I know haven't heard it. In fact, They've never heard of Atomship, which is a shame. They were fucking awesome.

I'm kinda hating this whole menopause shit. I know that seems to be all I talk about anymore, but it interferes with my life more than I ever imgained it would. I figured not too much would change. The PCOS has always fucked with my cycle. Like, to the point where I was buying pregnancy tests to take before I went out drinking. (Seriously, I didn't have any girly time for 7 months last year.) So, I figured since that happened, not too much would change, ya know? I've been moody for as long as I can remember, but this... This is something beyond moody. For those who saw how quickly my moods shifted when they were trying to figure out the right dosage of birth control to put me on to treat the PCOS, just imagine that multiplied by 555,555. Not fun. (Like I said before)

I'm not sure if I picked a fight with Greg today or if he was just being a fucking prick. I absolutely abhor the fact that when he gets mad or "irritated", as he put it today, he won't talk. At all. I was on a bit of a cleaning rampage today so I wouldn't have time to just sit down and think. I already had dinner planned and all of us has talked about it last night. I shouldn't have been surprised or even upset when Greg decided that he was going to fix himself something completely different. When I cook, he doesn't eat. He knows that it drives me insane and that it hurts me when he does that. It makes me feel even more worthless. He chooses to ignore that, though.

Anyway, so I got a little snippy, but I told him to just fix whatever he wanted and went on cleaning the kitchen. Aparently, I was getting in his way cuzz he decided he wanted something else, which was actually what I was going to fix. So, I'm cleaning, he's getting some stuff together and he decided to say that he was gonna make something else to go along with it, whic got me even more worked up. I loathe the fact that he actually, and sometimes actively, does not listen to me. I told him I was gonna go ask Alex if he wanted the same thing and he mumbled something. I thought he said there wasn't going to be enough for anyone except him, so I asked him what he said. He told me it was nothing. That drives me fucking nuts. Don't say something you don't want me to hear. If I can't understand what's said, at least have the balls to tell me what the fuck it was that was said. So, I asked him to tell me whatever he said again. He refused, so I told him what I had thought I heard. When he didn't respond, I got fucking pissed. I asked him one last time to tell me what he had said, explaining that I needed to know if he said there wouldn't be enough of whatever so I could make something different for Alex. He looked dead at me and told me "don't start with your bullshit."

I fucking lost it.

That was one of my step-dad's favorite things to say to me when he thought I was being snotty or bitchy or whatever. I usually got into severe trouble when he used that phrase.

Greg went out to smoke and I grabbed the vacuum and started on the carpets. I was slamming into shit accidentally and felt like I couldn't breathe, so I went to the bedroom and just exploded into full out, body wrenching sobs. I did that for about 10 minutes, went back into the living room and turned around and went back into the bedroom like 2 minutes later to sob some more.

When I finally was able to leave the bedroom with out crying, I went out to smoke. Greg was still out there. I asked him if he was gonna tell me what I did wrong this time, or if I was going to be given the silent treatment for the next week. He said that he was just irritated. I asked if he wanted me to fix whatever it was he wanted with dinner and he told me no, that he was just gonna finish with what he was making and go to work. Mind you, we were having an early dinner (around 330) so he could eat, get ready for work and then go. I was pissed, but I just went back inside. I knew nothing I said would even fucking register, so I gave up. He left at about 345.

He didn't have to be to work until 6.

Paranoia is a minimal side effect, but I'm betting that's what's making me think he's got some other chick out there. He's been leaving earlier and earlier for work (though never as early as he did today) and he's been coming home either later than normal or right when he's supposed to be leaving. Like, the other night, he got home at 10. He wasn't supposed to leave until 10. He works in Pontiac, so it's not like it's only a 10 minute drive home. I trust that he wouldn't be fucking anyone else, but there's a little voice telling me that he is. It wasn't there before.

Depression is also a side effect of the Depo-Lupron. Again, I'm not sure if it's cuzz of the shot or what, but I've been incredibly depressed. I don't want to leave the house. AT. ALL. I stayed in pajamas all day. Well, I got dressed when I had to get Alex from his friends' house, but other than that, constant jammies. I seriously took a shower and changed into fresh jammies rather than throw on a pair of shorts and a t-shirt. I have a feeling that if I didn't have Alex, I wouldn't leave the house until I had to go to work and I'd probably wind up calling in.

I'm gonna force myself though this.

I'll get through it.

I gave serious thought to just telling him to get the fuck out and not come back. I thought about throwing him out over something incredibly stupid. If I didn't need him to help with the bills and rent, I more than likely would have told him to leave and that he could get his shit when I was at work on Thursday. I'm glad I didn't throw him out, but at the same time, I kinda wish I had tried. Maybe if I had said it, it would've made him realize just how selfish he's been.

I wish I could fucking sleep. My sleeping pills haven't been working as well lately. I suppose I'm building a tolerance to them. I bought a bottle of 32 last Wednesday. I have 6 left.

I want to get high. I haven't had been high in forever and, for some reason, I've been craving pot lately. I've been craving it as badly as I craved beef while I was pregnant, so you know that's one hellasious craving. Maybe that would help me sleep. Heh. knowing my luck, though, I'd get fucking fried the night before I had to go to work, would manage to hurt myself the next day, have to take a piss test cuzz I got hurt and wind up losing my job.

It's bad enough I'm not sure how long it's gonna be before I get fired through no real fault of my own. I shouldn't really try to help it along. Heh.

Yeah... So that's pretty much been my whole 2 weeks since the shot. Is this what the next 3 months are gonna be like? I really hope not. I don't know that I could handle all that.

In other news, I volunteered for Online Hotline through RAINN. I know that may not seem like a lot, but it's a HUGE step for me. I'm also concidering being a voluteer for thier national hotline. There's a shelter at the YWCA here in Flint that is affiliated with RAINN. I'm also thinking about being a guest speaker, though I'm not completely sure where I am with that. I mean, I WANT to cuzz I wasn't able to bring myself to do anything legally when I went through everything and I think I might be able to help someone else be strong enough to take that step. Thing is, before i speak in front of anyone, I need to make sure that I'll be able to do so without breaking down. I can't show weakness to these girls and women who've been through the same thing cuzz once I do, they'll think that everyone is completely destroyed by it and I can't let them think that. Regardless of whether or not it's destroyed me, I can't let them see that. If I do, they may not be willing to go forward. I can't now, but maybe I can help someone else who still can, if they're ready and willing.

So, that's where I am right now. Let me leaving you with a giggle inducing picture of me and Marc Rizzo (from Soulfly). I say him and Flaw this past Friday and it was a fucking PHENOMINAL show! Absolutely amazing. If you get a chance, check out Recognize. I know it's only a 30 second demo, but it's all I could find. Trust me, though, when I say that that song is amazing.

Anyway, so here I am with Marc Rizzo. I look WAY too excited to be in that picture. o_O



So, congrats if you've made it through the blog entry from hell! LOL I wasn't joking when I said it was long. I'll try not to let so much more happen before I update again.

I finally went to the girly doctor instead of rescheduling. I hate the girly doctor. Unfortunately, I have to have pap-smears every few months. Seems my girly parts are just that awesome.

So, while making small talk, the doc did the pap-smear. It HURT. Normally, it's uncomfortable, but nothing too bad. Today was painful. No idea why, since he decided to tell me that my cervix looks perfectly normal. That's a good thing.

He lectured me about smoking just like with every appointment. Blah.

Then he started talking surgery.

He was telling me about how it's been three years since I had the first one and that he didn't think he'd see anything new, but if I told him to do it, he would. I said that I would pretty much be up for anything at this point cuzz I'm tired of always being in pain. I told him about how I'm getting pain on the left now, too, but it's not constant like it is on the right. He asked me if I had ever been on an injection that started with depo, but isn't depo-provera. I told him I had been on depo-provera for years before I had the boy and he assured me that it's not the same drug. This one WILL stop my periods like the depo-provera, but it's not a form of birth control. This shot will send me into early menopause.

Yep. I'm going to have menopause at 27.

He said that 90% of women who use this shot have hot flashes like crazy and mood swings. Thing is, if i have microscopic endometriosis, this shot should help. It should get rid of my pain, which is what I'm ultimately after.

Menopause. I find it somewhat amusing that I'll be going through menopause with my mother. Heh.

So, that's where I'm at with all the girly shit. I have to wait until I start my period, which should be any day now, and then I'll start the shots. Once a month. Joy. He wants to see me again in three months to see if it's helping. If it's not, I get to go in for surgery. It'll just be laprascopy (sp) again, but there's a huge chance that I'll need a hysterectomy if this shot doesn't work.

Weeha!