Someimtes I wish I actually had a cock so I could whip it out when I tell the world to suck it

Fucking seriously. Ok, so maybe I don't want to tell the entire world to suck my dick, but that's what fit in the subject line.

So, I don't think I blogged about my most recent appt with my "specialist" that happened the day before Thanksgiving. Allow me to do so now. There might be a lot of paragraphs that shouldn't actually BE paragraphs, but you'll deal with it if they appear. I just feel like separating things at random. Let's see if I do it.

*ahem*

I actually arrived at the office on time. This is pretty much unheard of since I am freakish;y late every where I go. I blame Japanese class in high school. But that's a different story for a different time.

I signed in and started reading my book The Jericho Pact. I got called back after about 15 minutes, which is awesome for his office. See, he's located inside Genesys and he's called out quite a bit for emergency c-sections and what not, so he's usually pretty backed up. I hobbled back to the room and started reading again after I told the nurse about all the pain I've been in. He came in and asked how I was doing and I spouted off to him about how I've been having trouble walking for over a month now and how my pain level is constantly at a 10. He then told me that he wants me to see another doctor. He no longer thinks a hysterectomy will help me. Seems he thinks I have Fibromyalgia. In other words, since the Depo Lupron didn't completely get rid of my pain like he wanted it to, he's giving me the big FUCK YOU and shoving me off on someone else. At that point, I was close to crying cuzz, fuck, I've been dealing with this for 5 years now and NO ONE has been able to tell me exactly what's going, why it's happening or how to fucking stop it. I think when he saw I was gonna cry that he started to feel bad cuzz then he told me that he wanted me to stop the Depo Lupron completely (I had just had my last injection a week and a half before this appt) and he'll do Laprascopy just to be sure that a hysterectomy won't help me. I reminded him, yet again, that when my grandmother had her hysterectomy BEFORE she was 30, they found endometrial cells on her spine, which is what my primary doctor thinks is happening to me. Of course, no one can be sure until they get in there, though. I also told him that he should review my mother's chart, since he's the one that did her hysterectomy last year and that it was possible I could be suffering for whatever the hell was wrong with her.

Then I asked him about pain meds.

See, I ran out of my precrition for Dilaudid the 16th, which is right when I should have. I called my primary doctor the following Monday and was told that she doesn't phone in prescriptions for narcotics over the phone. Ok, no big deal. I asked when I'd be able to get in to see her. I couldn't get in until today. They were closed Wednesday through Friday for Turkey day. I asked if I could speak with her to see about a possible exception since she'd have my chart there to review. I was told that was not her policy and I couldn't speak to her about it. I was pissed and made it known and then booked the appointment for today.

So, I asked him about possibly getting a prescription from him to get me through until I could see my primary. He asked if I was still taking Darvocet. I told him no, that I had been prescribed Dilaudid. He interrupted me at that point and told me that he will NOT prescribe Dilaudid for me or anyone else and that he would NOT be writing me any more prescriptions for pain relief. He then handed me my chart, told me AGAIN that he wouldn't prescribe me anything, pointed to the box of tissues since that's when I started crying and told me he'd see me in 6 weeks for the Laprascopy.

Fast forward to last night. I was at work and was in so much pain that I was shaking. I finally got through to my primary's phone service (I couldn't get through in the days prior for some reason) and explained to her what was going on and what had happened earlier in the week and she told me to go ahead and go to the ER. There just so happens to be one where I work, so Stephanie (a medic I work with and one crazy ass bitch) rolled me down in the office chair I sit in. The nurse who checked me in just so happened to know who my father is. She looked at my name and asked if I knew him, which kind of shocked me a little. Seems that she's worked at that hospital since 1979 and remembers him from when he used to come in for pain meds for his headaches. That kinda put me on edge a bit cuzz he's a drug seeker.

It took forever for the doctor to come to the room I was in. When he saw I was still dressed, he told me that I needed to change so he could examine me. That made me a little pissy cuzz I was hoping to not have to go through the whole pelvic bullshit, but whatever. So many fucking doctors have seen my hoo-hoo that it really doesn't bother me that much anymore. He left while I changed and took another forever to come back. Turns out, he just wanted to push on my belly and apparently I needed to be in one of those fuckin see through hospital gowns for him to do that.

He asked me why I was there and I explained to him all that's wrong with me and blahblahblah. He asked me what I was on for pain, so, of course, I told him that I ran out over a week prior and that I was on Dilaudid. He started shaking his head, telling me that he doesn't give that drug and he doesn't even write prescriptions. He then asked why they haven't "taken the uterus". I told him that he'd have to ask my doctors cuzz I've been telling them to for the last 5 fucking years. Then he told me that he wanted the nurse to draw my blood.

So, she did that while I layed there fucking fuming. See, that doctor was full of shit when he told me that he doesn't give Dilaudid and doesn't write prescriptions. He's given that to someone I know for the migrains they get, so I fucking know he gives Dilaudid. And on top of that, he gave a prescription for Vicoden to someone else I know just that afternoon! By the time she came in to draw my blood, I was crying, so she told me it would be ok and blahblahblah and then left.

After about 45 minutes, the doctor came back in to tell me that my blood TESTED CLEAN and that he wouldn't write me a prescription, which I told him I wasn't asking him to do, but he would have the nurse come back to give me an injection of Dilaudid. I got that about 10 to 15 minutes later and was told to keep my appt with my primary for today.

She didn't have anything new to add, just doubled my prescription so it'll last me a month this time and sent me on my way.

So, to sum it all up in case you've just skipped ahead of all my bitching, I've now been told that a hysterectomy WON'T help me and that I probably have Fribromyalgia. Even though my pain is NOT all over, NOT in my muscles and NOT triggered by pressure points. Basically, I've been given the big FUCK YOU, no-one-knows-what's-wrong-with-you-and-I'm-tired-of-dealing-with-you bullshit that I've been getting for the last 5 years. And it seems that everyone thinks I'm a drug seeker cuzz I'm on Dilaudid cuzz I am in ACTUAL pain.

The medical community can SUCK MY FUCKING DICK.