Monday, April 01, 2030

Over On The Right...

(This post will ALWAYS be the first {until 2030 anyway.} Scroll down for newer content)

So, I made a little box that links to places I think do wonderful things and, should anyone visiting here ever feel the need to give to an organization, they deserve donations. I've not lost a child myself and I know that I can never ever begin to feel even a fraction of the pain the parents who've lost children feel, but if I can donate and/or get others to donate, I'll feel like I'm helping them to cope, even if it's only a small sliver of help. So, if you're feeling generous, click those links and throw a couple bucks their way. I will be with my next paycheck.

Saturday, July 18, 2009

An Open Letter To My Eyes

Dear Eyes,
Look, I understand you've got a bit of a complex going on about your looks. I mean, how could you not when everyone keeps telling you how pretty you are. Hell, even I know that you're my best feature. But the recent acts of sucktardness you've been exhibiting need to end and they need to end NOW.

Ok, I'll admit that the possibility of a scratched cornea lies solely with me. I'm sure you've even come to expect it by now considering that the whole scratching thing seems to be a yearly occcurrence. Please believe me when I express just how sorry I am about the whole thing. It sucks to have a scratched cornea and if I could afford it right now, I'd have my happy ass at the doctor's office trying to score some wicked eye drops to make you feel better. Thing is, I am flat ass broke, so we're just gonna have to learn to deal and heal on our own. That being said, I am requesting that you please stop being goopy. It's not very becoming and, quite frankly, it's kinda grossing me out. I appreciate the fact that you're not goopy enough to be crusted shut when I wake up as well as the fact that there's not enough of the aforementioned goop to make me appear diseased, but really? Ew. It needs to end now, please.

Now that that is out of the way, I have one more teeny tiny little request. The whole thing you've got going on right now with the eyelid? It's annoying as hell and I am issuing an immediate cease and desist order. I understand that I've been stressed a lot lately and that sometimes weird little things happen due to said stress. However, I can no longer take the almost constant twitching of my eyelid. While you may think it's a great stress reliever and/or cute the twitching is kinda making me want to go after you with a knitting needle in order to make sure it stops once and for all. Drastic? Probably. And really? I'm pretty ok with that, as long as it results in the eyelid no longer being twitchy. Yeah, it really IS that annoying.


I'm glad I was able to get that out there. Again, sorry for the whole possibility of a corneal abrasion. I've tried my hardest to break that tradition, but it would appear that it's one of those never ending battles. As for the twitching though, I make no apologies since I don't believe stress is a good enough reason for you to make my eyelid flip it's shit. So knock it off before I hunt down a knitting needle and end it all myself.

Lovingly yours,


Wednesday, July 08, 2009

Oh what a beautiful morning!

*shudder* Now I have that damned song stuck in my head. o_O


What follows is a tale of how my morning has made me think that the rest of my day may just suck ass. Well, maybe not completely, but a little bit of suckage is certainly in my future.

So, after allowing the boy to have a friend stay the night last night and PLEADING with the to just sleep in for once in their teeny tiny lives, I promptly woke up at the asscrack of early. (The asscrack of early happens to be around 0545, in case you're wondering.)

I get out of bed, as I am wont to do when my bladder is screaming at me to make with the moving or else it shall blow, and decide to not even attempt to go back to sleep. It's a losing battle (it always is, even when I should be able to sleep) and I was sick of fighting. I make my way to the couch and turn on the news to only, once again, be saturated by coverage that ye ole king of pop hath kicked the bucket. I decided that it would be a good time to read since the kids were actually still asleep. It was about that time that the cats decided it was time to begin the Kitty Olympics®, which usually means that anyone who happened to be asleep will be no longer. Miraculously, the chillens slept through most of the Kitty Olympics® and I was able to get some reading done.

When they woke up, they promptly decided it was time to take a bike ride. Being that it was all of 0730 and about 45° outside, I had to squash that idea for a bit. It lasted for maybe half an hour due to the fact that my son became enraptured with the death of the king coverage. o_O Before they left, they asked me to make them pancakes and bacon for breakfast. Being the most absolutely awesomest mom evAr, I agreed.

Making breakfast proved to be slow going for some reason. Everything seemed to take hours to fix and it was just weird. I think I'm pretty safe in assuming that everything tasted good cuzz the kid that spent the night asked for seconds and he's super-mini. When they finished eating, I had to break up a small argument (since my kid is an only child for the most part, he sometimes forgets that just cuzz HE wants to do something, not everyone else will) and they decided to go on yet ANOTHER bike ride. (Seems the super-mini kid is the boyfriend of a 22 year old chickie somewhere around here, which is kinda cute but also? kinda creepy) That is when I decided that I may as well start cleaning.

Now, most of you who will read this know that I absolutely abhor cleaning with a passionty passion. (See what I did there? AWESOME.) Though I may scrub the ever-loving shit out the bat cave when I'm working, getting me to clean anything is usually more difficult that pulling the teeth out of the mouth of a live and non-drugged out crocodile. I HATEHATEHATE cleaning, so the fact that I kinda wanted to clean was something I knew enough to jump on as soon as the thought hit my brain.

I got as far as loading and starting the dishwasher before stopping.

Impressed? Anyone care to take a guess as to WHY I stopped after loading the dishwasher? No? Well, why don't I just tell you then.

See, while I absolutely abhor cleaning, I simply LOVE the smell of lemon cleaning products. Whether it's dish soap, crap to mop the floor with, a Clorox wipe, if it's lemon scented, I am sure to sniff the life out of it. So, I got the dishwasher loaded and was pretty damned proud of myself for not only getting it done, but for the beautiful way all the dishes seemed to fit in there all magical like. (Shut up, I told you I was up at the asscrack of early.) I poured the Cascade powder into the little cuppy thingie that holds such crap and turned on the dishwasher, ready to attack whatever else I thought needed to be cleaned. (Which is actually everything, but would have probably only amounted to wiping down the cupboard.) As I was putting away the Cascade, I decided to sniff it, as I do every time I happen to load and start the dishwasher. It smelled SPECTACULAR, so I sniffed again. And then I decided to sniff one last time before I put it back under the sink.

That's when it happened.

Now, this is NOT the first time something like this has happened and I'm sure you're not shocked to read such a thing. I mean, I'm the chick who managed to chip her front teeth SNEEZING and also managed to BREAK a tooth almost completely in half by eating a salad that consisted of nothing but lettuce, cheese and my beloved ranch dressing. ANYTHING that can somehow hurt me has probably managed to do so at least ONCE in my lifetime, dishwasher detergent being no exception.

I accidentally managed to sniff Cascade like (I can only assume) a coke head. >_< Now, don't go thinking that I decided to bust out a razor and cut some lines of Cascade like I was Johnny Depp in blow cuzz that is nowhere near what happened. I simply was enjoying the refreshing lemony scent of the Cascade and sniffed too hard.

I'm sure you can imagine that it was not a comfortable feeling in any way. And while I can attempt to describe how much it burned and actually tasted NOTHING like lemons, I'm sure you all can probably imagine it better than I can describe it, so I'll leave you to it.

Oh and if you're wondering? No, I did not sneeze a bubble like I kinda hoped to. I did however manage to sneeze out a clump of Cascade. Now go eat your lunch and think of me. :-P

Saturday, May 16, 2009

In Which I Blame My Mommy For Me Being An Asshole.

So, I was at work this morning and got out of the office about 10 minutes late. No big deal, happens all the time. I went outside thinking my mom would be there, but she wasn't, which, again, no big deal. Happens a lot. So, I decided to have a cigarette and call my step-dad in case he was home and could remind my mom if she had forgotten. Well, he was on his way to Chesaning, but he said that my mom was awake when he left and she knew she had to come get me. So, I got off the phone, thinking maybe she got stuck behind a back hoe again. (I think that happened last week.)

I stood outside, smoking my cigarette and watching traffic, but I didn't see her by the time I was finished, so I decided to go inside and jump on FaceBook really quick in case she was on there and lost track of time.

- Keep in mind that she was driving a car that I've only seen a handful of times -

I went up to the door and saw a car that looked like my mom's pull into the Chase bank next door. I watched it turn around and saw that it was pulling into the base, so I told everyone I was leaving and walked up to the car. I opened the passenger door and saw that there was a coat on the seat, so I went to kinda set my purse on the floor so I could move the coat.

And then I heard, "I'm sure you think I'm someone else..."

Thankfully, I didn't say what I was thinking, which was, "What the hell?"

Seems I had decided that I was going home and I would be driven by a little old lady. A little old lady who was not related to me in any way, shape or form.


Hi, I'm Leslee and I'm a ginormous asshole.

I am SO happy I didn't start cussing. I have enough presense of mind not to when there are patients around or if someone comes in to pay a bill or something, but this was the end of my shift and I was feeling pretty giddy. See, not only was she a little old lady who was a completely stranger to me, but she was ALSO a little old lady who was coming to the base to drop off church pamphlets.

I had no choice but to take them. I mean, I had just tried to get into this lady's car for crap's sake, I couldn't very well turn down the pamphlets and tell her no soliciting. I may be a ginormous asshole, but I try to be nice to old people. :-P

So yeah, cuzz my mommy was running late to pick me, I showed my asshole skills to a completely unsuspecting old lady. I am TEH AWESOMER than you!

(I have GOT to stop forgetting I have this! :-/)

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

And it just keeps on coming...

I've been wanting to update with happier themes and what not. Unfortunately, this is not gonna be one of those kind of updates. This is the kind of update that just makes me want to start drinking at 800 in the morning. Heh.

So, I haven't had medical insurance since I officially lost my job at Genesys. No big secret there. Once that happened, the insurance coverage I had for the boy was lost as well. Matt still has him on his insurance, so it wasn't really all that big a deal. I've looked into getting him on Medicaid or whatever, but I have yet to hear anything. (I'm not surprised since there has been a GINORMOUS increase in people who need help.) I think it might have to do with the fact that Alex is already insured under Matt, so it's not a top priority to get him Medicaid. The only reason I looked into it is cuzz that according to the divorce paperwork, Matt and I BOTH have to carry medical insurance for Alex. It wasn't a problem when we got divorced cuzz Alex was on Medicaid and then when I got hired in at Genesys, it cost me $60 a month for both of us to have medical, dental and vision. When I hired in at Patriot, I looked into their insurance and realized that unless they decided to pay me like $15 an hour, I couldn't afford it.

So, I got home from work last night and was dinking around online reveling in my Happy Moron Tuesday (seriously, it was rough.). Greg came home from work and brought the mail in cuzz, being that it was Happy Moron Tuesday, I had forgotten to check it. I got a letter from the HR place that Patriot uses, so I figured I'd better open it and make sure I wasn't being fired or anything. (Not that I think I would be, but I'm a little paranoid after everything that went down at GETS.) In that letter, I was told that pursuant a National Medical Support Notice, case number blahblahblah, Alex is going to be enrolled in the medical insurance offered by Patriot. Since he's being enrolled, I have to be enrolled.

What's this insurance going to cost me? Just over $400 a fucking month.

I can barely pay my bills NOW, how the fuck am I supposed to be able to pay any bills when I'm going to be losing damned near half of my paycheck?!

Greg doesn't seem concerned at all. Then again, whenever something happens concerning money, he doesn't really have ANY reaction, so I suppose that's a normal response for him. Heh. I'm gonna have to try to get another job, which is going to be difficult cuzz the dispatchers have all been told that if we need to have another job and it interferes in ANY way with our job at Patriot, we'll be bumped down to part time, which is basically no hours unless they need someone to cover for vacation or a call off.

I don't know what the fuck I'm gonna do...

Sunday, January 25, 2009

Long time. Again.

Damn I suck. I keep meaning to come back and post something, but I always seem to get side tracked. Ugh. I'm gonna throw the last two blogs I've posted elsewhere up here so y'all will be caught up. The first one is pretty damned funny, I think. The last one isn't. Heh.

Here you go!

In Which I Am Scammed By My Only Child
(January 5, 2009)

So, at 630 this morning, Alex came into my room and scared the shit out of me. His alarm goes off 5 minutes before mine, for some reason, and I was actually in a sound sleep. He told me that he didn't want to go to school today cuzz he hadn't slept very well. Seeing as how I was damned tired myself, I wasn't feeling the greatest and I knew it was FREEZING outside, I agreed but told him he had to go right back to bed and it wasn't gonna be something that was gonna happen regularly. He agreed to go back to sleep and I turned off my alarm, effectively assuring that I would forget to call the school to let them know he wasn't going to be there. (Yes, I completely forgot until about 5 minutes ago.)

We played Frog Tennis and Yahtzee and he played his PS2 in his room for a bit. It was a pretty good day. He wanted to play Little Big Planet, which is what he's doing right now.

About 5 minutes ago, I told him that he needed to stop playing the game and work on his spelling words cuzz he has spelling tests every Friday. He told me he didn't need to work on them and offered no other explanation. I told him to get to work on his spelling words before he got himself into trouble. That's when he informed me of WHY he didn't need to work on them.

He has no school tomorrow.

Heh. I called bullshit and made him call his grandma to make sure since she has the calender for the week. She confirmed that he has no school tomorrow.

I texted Becky to tell her I just got played. That's when I learned just exactly how well my one and only child played me.

He has no school Monday, either.

*sigh* I must be losing it. I got played by an 8 year old.


You were a big strapping boy with a boner. Yeah i felt it when we hugged goodbye
(posted tonight, just a few minutes before this)

So, since I MUST have a title for a blog, I figured I'd throw random song lyrics up there. That one sure as shit got your attention, didn't it?

So, things have been relatively shitty the past couple weeks. And by that, I mean shittier than usual.

Let's start with my birthday shall we?

I got a shit ton of birthday wishes, which was awesome. And Becky and Bobbi came up to Patriot and made birthday EXPLODE all over the bat cave (also known as the Dispatch Office), and that was fucking awesome! I already knew I was gonna be spending that night home alone with a sick cat, so while that sucked, it wasn't cuzz I was expecting to go out and do something and then couldn't. What REALLY sucked was what happened with a pillar of the EMS community in Genesee county. Not gonna go into details or anything since anyone who would REALLY care probably already knows. Suffice it to say that the atmosphere at work that day was not ideal and with good cause. And even though no one did anything to make me feel like I did, I wound up feeling like I shouldn't have been having a birthday.

That Saturday my mom called to let me know that my great grandmother was dieing. Seems she had a stroke the day before and didn't pull out of it. Since she was a hospice patient, she wasn't taken to a hospital or anywhere that would attempt to keep her alive. And while I understood that that was how SHE wanted it, I was a bit pissed off that she hadn't been taken to a hospital to be evaluated just to make sure that she had actually had a stroke. I didn't want her to be given anything to extend her life mind you, I knew that wasn't what she wanted, but I was pissed that there wasn't anything being done to simply determine what had actually happened. I think I was hoping that they'd find that she was gonna pull through and be ok. I went and visited her on Monday. She wasn't the gramma I knew anymore. I think she could hear me cuzz there were a few times when it looked like she was trying to crack a smile. I know that chances are really good that it was simply a slight facial tick, but I'm gonna choose she could hear what was being said and thought it was funny.

While I was at work Wednesday, my mom called to tell me that she had passed away.

Sallie B. Cheshire, age 87 of Durand, passed away on Wednesday, January 21, 2009. A memorial service will be held at 2:00pm on Saturday, February 7, 2009 at the Linden Lane Apartments, 3095 Linden Lane Flint, MI 48507. Pastor Ron Grindling will be officiating at the service.

Sallie is survived by 2 children: Glenda Foster of Durand, Phillip (Jude) Smyth of Hawaii; 4 grandchildren: Tony (Christine) Foster, Bob Foster, Chris Foster, Gary (Paula) Foster; 5 great grandchildren, 1 great great grandson, Sisters: Ina Risner of TX, Carolyn Smith of MO and Brother: James Cheshire of TX.

Memorials are suggested to the family. Online condolences may be sent at

I worked a 24 hour shift that day due to a call off. I volunteered for it so I could have the next day off. When I was trying to go home Thursday morning, my car decided to give me the big FUCK YOU and not go over 35 MPH the entire way home. I was amused to see that while my Check Engine light never came on, my ABS light did. Heh.

Jesse was supposed to ship out to Kuwait on Friday. They delayed his platoon until Saturday. Then they delayed it again until tomorrow. He has to report by 0400. If his platoon gets delayed AGAIN (they're the only ones that have yet to ship out), Tony gets to drive down there to drive Jesse to base, since his wife and mother-in-law will be driving their only vehicle to Texas tomorrow regardless of whether or not he gets delayed again. (Kat's from Texas and her mom came up to make sure she got down there ok. She was able to extend her vacation through Monday, but she won't be able to extend it again.) Jesse called tonight was I was getting home from work. I'm proud that I didn't cry. He doesn't need that shit right now.

On the positive side, I think I may have accomplished something at work today. It's not gonna be fixed overnight, but hopefully SOMETHING will happen soon. I'm not holding my breath, but I really think I got through.

And that's it. Not a good couple of weeks, but hey. It could always be worse...

And if you're wondering what song I took my blog title from, here's the lyrics.

Asked You First

by Ani Difranco
things can't get much weirder
this can't get much worse
don't know why you wouldn't kiss me
but it's a good thing i asked you first.

you were a big strapping boy with a boner.
yeah i felt it when we hugged goodbye
you gave me an evening i'll never forget
no matter how hard i try.

yeah you were just mister flirtatious
all night just workin' that ass
well you know it's uncool to bring it to school
if you don't want to share with the class

i am just mrs. embarrassed
i feel like a dirty old man
i've got my eye on a guy
that just moved out of mom's house
with his pretty head stuck in the sand

you've earned yourself a place in my memory
by being the one who said no
where are my fucking car keys
i think i'll just go

surprise surprise now you miss me
now that i'm not in your face
surprise surprise now you're calling me
now that you feel safe
do you think that i could be your prom date
you could do us a stiff little dance
except that this isn't high school, baby
and you had your chance
you had your chance

you've earned yourself a place in my memory
by being the one who said no
now where are my fucking car keys i think i should go
hey look! car keys... bye!]

things can't get much weirder
this can't get much worse
don't know why you wouldn't kiss me
but it's a good thing i asked you first.

you were a big strapping boy with a boner.
yeah i felt it when we hugged goodbye
you're leaving i'll never forget
no matter how hard i try

no matter how hard i try

So there you have. And now you're all caught up on my world. Exciting, no?

Thursday, December 11, 2008

It's that time of year again... (Possibly triggering?) (And a spoiler for last night's SVU)

Not sure if it will be or not, but I figure better to put the little warning in the topic than to not and have someone flip out cuzz I didn't.


I've been in an interesting place today. Well, maybe not so much interesting as it is a little later than normal. See, I've been trying to get passed everything. To finally put it out of my mind and get the fuck over it. Easier said than done. Not to say it didn't enter my thoughts, but I was determined not to write about it this year. Not to get down on myself about it this year. Mostly, I was attempting to crawl back into the warmth of blocked memories.

I was doing ok. I was until last night at least. I love Law & Order:SVU. Have since the beginning. Sometimes the subjects upset me and send me into a bit of spiral, but typically it's nothing too major. I'm not sure if it's the time of year or the story line, but last night's episode got to me like no other. And it sent me into a not too good place.

I've mentioned before that I repressed a lot of the rape. Hell, I'm still remembering new little details every now and again. For a long time though, it was blank. Then came the night when that asshole punk decided to slam on my back door when I was home alone. And everything came flooding back.

The rapist character used some drug from South America (or some place similar) to drug his victims and put them into a state where they'd fight back, but they'd do whatever he wanted cuzz they were completely open to suggestion. After the fact, they'd have no memory of what happened or even having met him. It was the second victim that sent me reeling.

She was married with a small child (a baby, I think). The detectives went to her house after having identified her as someone in a number of videos he'd made of the rapes. When they asked her about whether or not she knew him or if she had ever remembered being assaulted, she had no idea what they were talking about. Her husband came home and the detectives left. Stabler (detective) went back to the home a day or so later and showed the video to the victim's husband. She walked in the door while he was watching it and saw herself and everything started to come back to her. At one point, Olivia (another detective) went back to the victim's house and found her sitting outside. She asked things like how she was supposed to go on now that she knew what had happened. How was she supposed to get back to the way things had been and things like that. There were no answers, obviously, but the questions were still asked.

After that, I found myself chain smoking. Those of you who know me know that I don't smoke inside if my son is home. Seems last night I didn't care. Heh. I wasn't in a real good place for the rest of the episode and in the end, three of his five victims sent him to jail. Yay, happy ending for all. What REALLY sent me reeling was the very end. He had called them dirty sluts and told them they had all wanted it. Then, as the victims were walking out, he kept screaming at them that they'd never forget him. That he's be the one who was always in their dreams.

And I lost promptly lost it.

I'll NEVER forget him. Not his face. Not his voice. Not his scent. Not his touch. EVERY FUCKING THING is burned into my memory. I still to this day find myself looking behind me, thinking he's coming up behind me. Sometimes I find myself stopping dead in my tracks somewhere cuzz I think I've heard his voice. I still flinch when I smell beer and cigarettes on a man's breath, which is REALLY not a good thing since Greg loves his beer and cigarettes. As long as I keep my eyes open and on Greg's face, I'm ok. Otherwise, I start to fight with out even realizing it.

13 fucking years this month and it STILL has such a hold on me and damned near everything that I do.

I've taken a few calls for sexual assaults in my five years of dispatching. And every time, I find myself shaking when everything is done and the crew is transporting the pt to the hospital. Thankfully I'm able to keep my shit in check. If I ever found that I couldn't, I'd quit that very day.

So, since watching that show, I've been jumpier than normal. I've been smoking a lot more. (Usually when Alex is home, I might have 3 or 4 cigarettes the whole time. I'm into my second pack now.) And I've been drinking. Craving beer, actually. And I know that's just my mind or body's way of dealing with shit, and I also know that it's really not the best way to cope.

At this point, I'm fighting to bury it all again or, at the very least, put it in the far reaches of my mind. I'm still waiting to be able to do the online hot line thing with RAINN. They just never seem to have classes near me so I can get the training and get started. After watching that show though, I'm beginning to wonder if I'll ever be able to do something like that or if I'd lose my shit and cause someone else to lose whatever grip they might have.

Tomorrow I'm cooking my first turkey and we're gonna set up the Christmas tree and be all happy and yay family. I'm praying that I don't ruin everything. I need to have something happy and normal happen. Something to take my mind off of this again.

At least for a little while...