Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Stupid sun and other random thoughts

So, I took the boy the Burton Memorial Day parade yesterday. It was... Well, it was different. See, I'm used to parades in small town, like Durand, where people stay on the curb or the grass by the sidewalk and watch the parade.

The boy and I got there about maybe 5 minutes before and parked near the Speedway on Bristol and Center Rds. I wanted to get a pack of cigarettes before hand, but quickly decided against that when I saw how many damn people were in there. It was kinda freaky. We got our spot near one of the driveways and I sat on the ground so I wouldn't block the view of the people behind me. One of the other moms told me I might want to stand up cuzz it could get violent when it came time for the candy to be thrown. That's when I noticed that all the kids and some of the parents had plastic bags. The boy and I were sorely unprepared.

The parade started and more people came. One group had what appeared to be two moms and like 6 kids between them. One of the moms was saying something about keeping her kids in check cuzz it was just candy. Another mom that was on the other side of me said something to me about tripping the big kid if he started picking on her kid, who was considerably smaller. Then the mom on the other side of me was saying something about it being a bunch of bullshit cuzz it was just candy but she'd throw down if she needed to.

Yeah, it was seriously like that.

I told the boy not to fight with any of the other kids over the candy cuzz he had plenty at home and he did really good. At one point he tried to hand me a handful of Tootsie Rolls to put in my pocket and I told him no (we have this ginormous Tootsie Roll wreath that he got for Christmas that's barely missing a side), so he decided to just put them behind one of the smaller kids so he could "find them". The kid's mom (the one who was ready to trip kids) asked why he did that and I explained so she and her husband were on the look out for different kinds of candy for him.

Quite a few times, the cops had to come over and tell everyone to back up. I didn't realize it, but we had gone from the curb to the double yellow line and the people across the street were at the white dashed line. That was different. LOL

We watched the entire parade. It started at 100 and ended around 230. We got there maybe about 115. So, I was out in the sun for about an hour and a half or so.

Remember how I keep telling you guys how I have a hate/hate relationship with the sun? Well, check out this shit:

The part I circled is the ONLY part of me that got ANY color.

Yeah... No bra and no make-up is pure sex, I know. Try not to jump into your computer monitor trying to get a piece of that. o_O

The boy didn't have school again today. He played outside with some kids he met a few weeks ago all day long. That is, he played outside with them when they weren't in here trying to undue all the fucking cleaning I did today. It would seem that I've been dubbed the "cool mom" cuzz I let the kids play with his toys and have popcicles. Apparently, I am so cool that these kids don't feel a need to knock on my door, they just walk right in. Not too sure how I feel about THAT one.

Sunday, May 20, 2007

8 Things You Don't Know About Me

So, Cricket has tagged me for this. Since I don't know anyone besides her that reads this blog, I'm going to copy this to my DeadJournal (there's a helluva lot more entries, but I've got them on a privacy filter, so you'd have to get a DJ and be my friend in order to see them) and tag people on there.

Hmm... 8 things you don't know about me. This is more difficult than it sounds.

~ I'm thinking about going to school to become a mechanic. Cars have always fascinated me and I'd love to be able to work on my own car and not have to waste time and money waiting for some shop to fix it if it breaks down. Mechanics also make decent money, so that's a plus.

~ I hate leaving the house without showering, yet I love getting dirty. Whether it's getting all greasy from building something or muddy from playing on the ground, I love getting dirty. I wonder if that has anything to do with the fact that I find sex outdoors to be awesome. :-P

~ I tell people that my son was conceived completely by accident, when in reality I wanted to get pregnant cuzz I was convinced that that would be the only time I'd be able to. I had no business trying to get pregnant at 20. I must be psychic cuzz I was diagnosed with PCOS a couple years after he was born and it's very likely I'm not able to have anymore children.

~ When I get drunk, I wake up the next morning with chapped, red lips. No one else I know has that happen when they drink, yet it's happened to me everytime.

~ I am completely enthralled by celebrity gossip. I have no idea why and I think it's completely worthless, but I cannot seem to get enough.

~ I haven't worn a swim suit in 12 years.

~ I love horror movies, but I can't watch them alone. If I do, I wind up scaring myself so much that I won't be able to get off the couch or out of the bed (depending where I'm at when I'm watching the movie, of course) until someone comes home.

~ I reallyreallyreally love the smell of diesel fuel. Like when it comes from a school bus or an old truck or something. I don't know why, but I just love that smell.

Damn... That took me almost an hour to do.

Saturday, May 12, 2007

The Jerrdog nuptuals. Also, the infinite smoothness that is Leslee.

So, it's been a week since I traveled to Indiana for the Jerrdog wedding. I've been meaning to write about it, but every time I start, I get lazy. Probably due to the fact that I am with out my phone and it's kinda making me batshit crazy, but who knows. At least I can still check my voicemail. Heh.

So, Becky and I were going to leave at 11 last Saturday, but we left at 12. 12 was the original time to set out, but I had suggested that we go a little ealier so we could stop at a store along the way so I could see about finding a bra that wouldn't show. I wore black, but it was a little lower cut than I thought when I bought it and I couldn't find any bras at home that wouldn't peek out.


Anyway, we hit the road at noon and the ride went smoothly. There was a point after we went through Lansing that kinda freaked me out. For some reason, there's a stretch of I-69 that's not visibly bumpy, but makes your car shake and bounce. It felt like my tire was going flat. I was tempted to pull over, but I never did cuzz I figured I was just being worried over nothing. See, when I travel any real distance, I love to be the one driving. It helps calm me down cuzz I know if anything happens to go wrong with the car, I'm the one in control. I worry about the car breaking down when I'm far away from people I know, but I don't tend to worry as much as I would if I weren't driving.

We got into Indiana and were making great time. We shopped a bit in search of bras, but found none. Seems stores don't like carring ginormous. Bastards. I wound up buying shoes, though, cuzz I accidentally on purpose left my shoes at home. Heh. From there, we decided that we'd look for a hotel, grab something to eat real quick and then go to the wedding. It didn't quite work out that way. First of all, there are not that many hotels around Ft. Wayne, which is odd cuzz there was a shit ton of them listed on the intarwebs when I was being brilliant and wanted to book a room months ago. Unfortunately, I suck with teh monies, so I was never able to book one. We drove and drove and drove. Saw a Holiday Inn Express in New Haven, but Becky wanted to keep going to see if there was somewhere cheaper. Ok, so we drive and drive and drive some more. We come across an actual Holiday Inn. Becky calls Jerry to see if he has any clue where we might be able to stay and he tells her to go back to New Haven cuzz of some basketball thing that was going on that weekend. Heh. So, we go back to New Haven and snag a double queen smoking room. For it being a weekend, we got it for relatively cheap.

By this time, it's like 430 or 5 and the wedding started at 6 in a small town that I can't remember the name of, but I think it was like 20 minutes outside of Ft. Wayne or something. I drove down looking like your typical Flint-white-trash-ghetto chick, so I had to get dressed and fix my hair real quick. I was brilliant enough to have done my make-up before we left or else we'd have probably missed the wedding. Heh.

We got to the church with about 10 minutes to spare. Becky found Jerry's mom and introduced me and then we were ushered to a pew. The wedding started and Jerry kept making all these faces at Jessie and it was full of giggles and general happiness. It was a beautiful wedding. I wish someone had told us that there wasn't any flash photography allowed, though. We brought the camera and no one said anything to us when we got there, so, thinking it was ok, Becky started to take pictures during the ceremony. After she took a picture or two, we saw other flashes going off, so at least we weren't the only ones being assholes. *snicker*

As we were walking out after the ceremony, I noticed a familiar face in the last pew. When we got out of the church, I asked Becky if she recognized the guy and she said she wasn't paying attention. I told her that I could have sworn I had just seen Sahaj from Ra. Sure as shit, just a few minutes after I said that, he walked out the door. We talked to him for a bit and found out that he had come straight from sound check and was actually only going to be at the reception for a little bit cuzz he had a show that night. I still think it was awesome that he was able to go at all, let alone being able to squeeze it in before a show.

We went to the reception and gerenally felt out of place. I mean, we were out of state surrounded by people we didn't know and we were sober. There was NO way to not feel out of place. LOL The wedding party got there and they were introduced and then Jerry and Jessie were introduced. They walked in to Blind which made Becky squee with delight.

And that is when the keg came out.

Like the proud Flint beer drinkers we are, Becky and I beelined to the keg. They had little cups out at first and, since I was nervous, I pretty much threw back the beer at the speed of light. I tried not to cuzz I didn't want to look like I drink professionally in front of people I didn't know, but I decided at some point, that I really didn't give a fuck anymore. Becky and I told Jerry that part of our wedding present to him would be to make sure the keg didn't go to waste. I think we accomplished that. There was even a keg stand, which I don't think pleased some of the old people (looked like grandparents). Of course, it could have just been due to the fact that I was over there and had pissed off an old guy (grandpa?) when I went out to smoke. In my infinite smoothness, I walked outside talking loudly, as I often do, and managed to say something involving the word Fuck. Shocking, I know. Anyway, Becky and I turned the corner to go smoke under the pavillion and there was a dude in a kilt (I think his name was Turner) and an old guy (grandpa?) staring at me. Immeadiately, I said I was sorry and then I fell back on what would become my excuse for the rest of the night. I said, "I'm sorry. I'm from Flint."


Yeah. Again, I was working the infinite smoothness.

So, we drank and met some awesome people, like Mama Heart (Hart?), who said that she would let us stay at her place for $95 a night when Becky told her we were charged $100 for our room. She even offered to throw in breakfast. LOL

After the reception, Becky and I decided that we wanted to drink some more. I wanted to go back to the hotel and change, but Becky just wanted to get to the drinkin. The first bar we went to we should have stayed at. It was really close to the hotel and we could have stumbled back if we got to lit. But, it was playing country. Becky is an avid hater of all things country music. We sat down and got giant beer and Becky went to talk to the band cuzz she saw the drums and wanted to pet them. I decided to chat up the bartenders and fall back on my nifty little "I'm from Flint" reasoning while talking to them about being robbed or something. A chick at the bar started talking to me about something and Becky came back and said she couldn't take the country music and we needed to find somewhere else to go. The chickie talked to her and told her about a place and even drew us a map. So, we were off.

The other bar we went to was kind of a dump, but it was kinda like being back in Flint. LOL The beer was cold and cheap, so that pretty much sold us. The fact that there played something other than country music was a plus as well. We drank and decided that we needed breakfast. Well, Becky agreed when I said I wanted breakfast and I kinda insisted that we find someplace. We got directions from some random bar guy and started walking to where ever the hell it was we were supposed to go.

At this point, I should probably point out again that we were still dressed from the wedding. This plays a slightly import role.

The place we were heading to was supposedly right down the street. Keep in mind that this place is like the size of Gaines. We were walking down the street when I decided to display my infinite smoothness yet again. Seems I thought it would be fun to see what would happen if I stepped on one side of my shoe while I launched my body in the opposite direction. Those of you who know me personally should not be surprised by this. You should also not be surpirsed that I managed to bite it. Hard. In my wedding garb. In front of a group of strangers that were walking down the street in front of us.

See? INFINITE SMOOTHNESS. It makes me sexy.

(Incidentally, this is when we think Indiana decided to eat my cell phone)

The group of strangers decided to be good ole small town folk and help me up. One of the guys even helped walk me over to a nearby stoop cuzz walking was just not in the cards after my awesome trip to the ground. They stayed with me while Becky went to get the car. The guy who helped me told me that he had just gotten out of jail, which obviously means that I should have fucked him right then and there. Heh. He told one of his friends, who happened to be a paramedic and confirmed that I had indeed fuckered my ankle, that he was obligated to help any and all girls "whose boobs were hanging out". Um... I know I what I was wearing was low cut, but I was far from having my boobs hanging out. Meh. Becky drove up as he decided to try and get a look at said boobs.

We drove to a gas station to get a soda or something and Becky asked directions back cuzz we had lost the helpful little map somewhere in our travels. He got us LOST. In a place the size of Gaines. Yeah... We went to a different gas station and discovered that we were literally just around the corner from the hotel. We got back there and promptly layed down and fell asleep.

We left just before check out at 11 the next day.

So, that was my adventure to Indiana, otherwise known as The State That Eats Cell Phones. What we think happened is that my phone either fell out of my purse when I bit it and one of the group picked it up or someone took it out of my purse while I was waiting for Becky to come around with the car. Either way, it's gone and I doubt it will ever be seen again. Dammit.

I believe I said something about pictures when I threw up that bulletin about not having my phone. I have 4 that I can put on here, since I was too lazy to actually load them all up on my photobucket while I was at home. Remember, I told you that the fact that we went out in our wedding garb played a slightly imporant role. That role would be comedic in nature. You'll see why here in a second.

Jerry and his bride, Jessie.

Jerry and Becky being weird. I was insistant on getting odd pictures for some reason. I think the purse brings out Jerry's eyes. Well, the purse and that bottle of booze.

Me and Jerry. Notice the beer. Also, Jerry is way prettier than I am.

Here is where the comedy comes in. Those who know me, know that I have not worn anything like this for YEARS.

Yes, that is a dress. Yes, I wore it of my own free will. Now, picture the fall I described. See where the wedding garb makes it funny?

I'm contemplating wearing that tomorrow when I go out for Mother's Day with the fam. I'm not sure if I'll wear it or not cuzz I think it makes me look pregnant. We shall see.

So, that concludes my entry about the trip to The State That Eats Cell Phones. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did. I also hope you're all laughing your ass off at my infinite smoothness. My ankle is better now, thank you.