Monday, December 31, 2007

So, I've been home all by myself tonight and I haven't been able to think of how to do my Year in Review post. I want to do a meme thing, but the only one I've come across has been Grandpa Becky's and it just seemed too serious for me. Maybe it's cuzz I couldn't think of how I would answer the questions, which is weird cuzz when I read memes, I always think of how I would answer them. Gah!

I wasn't expecting to be home alone tonight. The boy is spending the night with his grandparents, so I though it was just gonna be Greg and me. He went to visit friends while I was at work, so I didn't really figure he'd be home till late anyway. He never goes out to see anyone he was friends with before he met me, so I don't mind. Actually, I'm really glad he went. He apparently had too good of a time, though, cuzz around 930 I got a call from one of his friends telling me that Greg was passed out on his living room floor. LMAO He called to let me know tha they were keeping him for the night cuzz they didn't want to make the drive out here. I don't blame them, really. They've never been here before and it's a bit of a drive. I guess Greg woke up cuzz they put him on the phone and it was pretty obvious he was still fucked up. Hehe. I told him that his friends said he was staying there and that I would see him in the morning. He texted me about an hour later and said that he was alright if I wanted to know. That tells me he didn't remember talking to me. I told him I knew cuzz I talked to him and his friend and that he should get some sleep. I think he thought I was gonna be mad at him. I'm pretty sure that if it were me that passed out drunk at a friend's house, he'd have lost his shit. That's how he is, though. If I go out with someone that isn't him, he'll start texting me or calling me and be a dick about it. I remember when I went to Rob Zombie last summer with a friend I've known for about 2 more years than I've known Greg, he completely lost his shit and threatened to move out. That just prompted me to drink more and get pissed. I told him that if he thought he was going to threaten me with that again, he'd better have his shit packed and be gone when I got home cuzz I'd throw his ass out. He hasn't threatened since. Heh.

This wasn't meant to bash Greg, so oops? I didn't really back him, though. Just told what happened, so meh. I'm really glad he had a good time tonight. Hopefully he'll see his friends more often. I think it'll be a good thing for him.

For some reason, I really want a chili dog. o_O Or a coney. Mmm... Coney dogs. Damned weird ass cravings at 230 in the morning.

In other news, I smell fucking awesome! Is it weird that I love the way I smell and that I tell people about it on a regular basis?

I'm gonna smoke my last cigarette and try to get some sleep I think. I want to get up in the morning and start overhauling the boy's bedroom. It's a fucking disaster!

I'll work on that Year in Review thing. I promise.

Saturday, December 29, 2007


I've been sitting here all by my lonesome for damned near 12 hours now. It's been nice, but pretty damned boring. There's never anything on TV on the weekend and, up until recently, almost all the good shit on the intarwebs was blocked. Today I discovered that not only can I access the games, but I can access the music. I'm blissfully listening to In This River by Black Label Society and all is ok with the world.

Have I mentioned that I think the knocking me out during laprascopy fucked up my mind? Seriously. Like, on Christmas Eve, I was parked out front of my aunt and uncle's house, but I didn't recognize it. And then, on actual Christmas, I was picking Alex up from the ex-husband's parents house and I didn't recognize his backpack. I thought it belonged to one of the other kids. And I had to be convinced that it was actually his. o_O The mind. She burns.

And my leg is all hurty and gimpified. I think I wrote about that, though.

Oooo sweet! Ben Folds Five! I fucking heart them!


I have my follow up with my surgery/specialty/non-thorough doc on the second. Well, providing my referral comes through in time. I had to wait until yesterday to set up the appt and the family doc's office closes at noon on Fridays. I called before that, but had to leave a message. Meh. They should be able to get it through. Then I get to see the pee doc on the 25th or something like that to start treatment for the interstitial cystitis, which means I should be bald by summer. At least my head won't be hot, eh? I have to wait until the 2nd to get a hold of the fibromyalsia dude cuzz the office seems to be closed every day I try to call. That's mildly annoying.

And that's about it. Went out and has a beer or five with a couple friends last night and they talked me into going to sing karaoke, which made me miss doing theater again. I haven't been in a show for three damned years now. One of these days I'll get back into it. Maybe. I kinda feel like my time has passed on that one. Grr.

Ok, I'm off to dink around with the games again, I guess. Only about a half an hour left of working and then I get to go home and harass the kitties. Oh! So, my Sirius radio module was thieved from my car at work a couple months back. Today, Greg's was stolen out his car while he was at home. We're thinking it happened sometime after I got home last night. Greg called Sirius and now we're both getting new modules for free. The ones we're getting are normally like $130, I guess. Weeha for that!

Now, I'm really going. I'm thinking of doing a Year in Review thing like Grandpa Becky tomorrow. We'll see if I get the motivation.
And this made me giggle, too. I heart Micheal Cera.

So, I'm stitting here at work, all by myself, and I came across this gem. Seriously? I couldn't stop giggling. I may in fact be giggling a little bit right now.


Might make a real update in a little bit. After all, I am the only one here. ALL.DAY.


Monday, December 24, 2007

Ok, so about the laprascopy...

I'm not sure why I've been avoiding blogging about this. Lord knows I don't have that much to do at work today. (Although, I discovered this morning that yahoo games are not blocked right now. Yeah, I've been wasting my day away playing Dynomite and Bookworm between calls. Merry Christmas to me!) I think it might have something to do with the fact that I feel incredibly let down by my doctor.

Let's start at the beginning.

I hate being told I can't eat or drink anything after midnight. I understand why, but being told you can't have and/or do something always makes it that much harder for me. So, when I woke up that morning, I was already a bit pissy. I always wake up thirsty and there was no water in my world that morning. *grumble*

We got there at 1030 and I turned in a medical records release for FMLA that I shouldn't have even had to do cuzz they don't NEED to give my medical records to Human Resources, they just need to write everything down on the application, but if they really want to give HR the power to read about my hoo-hoo and my caustic uterus, then by all means let them have at it!


So, we get there and go up to the 2nd floor to the waiting room. This family of three cut me off on the way up to the desk and then proceeded to be stupid, so I made a bit of a show out of reading the sign and signing in like someone who isn't too stupid to read signs. (Hmm... Think the hormones were a raging perhaps?) We sat there for a bit and my mommy came down (she works for the legal dept at the hospital I was at) and I got called back at about 11. Vitals were checked and I peed in the cup on command and put on the gown and sat on the little bed and waited.

And waited.

And, you guessed it! Waited some more.

After an hour of waiting for them to just at least let my mom and Greg come keep me company, I asked a nurse what the hold up was. (I was actually very polite. I start out sweet and get bitchy only when needed when people will be cutting me with sharp things.) They told me that I needed to have an IV first and then they would allow my family to come back. I sat back down on the bed and had just lifted my feet onto it when a two nurse team came in just as happy and peppy as could be! (Guess I just needed to remind someone I was there?) The one nurse got me to sign all sorts of shit and the other one actually got my IV going on the first try. That is pretty much unheard of when it comes to me and my veins. They were in and they were back out and my people were brought in to entertain me.

We waited some more and they came in to explain that my doc was held up and was running behind. We were all kinda expecting that since he delivers the bitty bitty babies and they don't like to keep on a schedule like good bitty bitty babies. They had shift change and I got the nurse who had no people skills at all. I had versaid (I think that's how it's spelled) in my system and was a bit giggly and maybe semi-retarded and he would just stare at me. Stare at me like I was ET and he wasn't impressed cuzz I wasn't a klingon or some shit. He comes to take me to the room of the cutting and told Greg that the doc had just said he expected to be looking around in meh belleh (hehe. I heart Fat Bastard) for at least an hour. Greg said he was gonna go get something to eat and I was on my drugged up way.

I was cracking jokes and shit in the OR cuzz I am awesome when on teh drugz and was generally a delight to be around. (Shut up! I was!) I moved onto the teeny tiny little table thingie in the room and they strapped me down to it. Now, this was not something I knew was going to happen and it was not a good thing that happened. I am weird about being tied down and what not. In some instances, I like it. (rawr!) In most instances, though, I panic. I can't even sleep in a sleeping bag that's zipped up. When they strapped me down with out even telling me that they were going to do it, well, I became a little less than pleasant. There were tears and cussing and ordering of the anesthesiologist to take the bouffant cap off my eyes or he was going to lose his wee little willy. (Yeah, I remember putting it that way.) They quickly told me that they were going to make me go to sleep after that.

The next thing I remember is waking up and not being able to breathe. AT ALL. I think I woke up with a tube still in my throat. Then I remember being wheeled down the hallway very quickly. Finally, I heard a nurse telling me that I had woken up incredibly hard from the anesthetic and that I needed to calm down. Panic ensued, but eventually I could breathe again. I got a lot of pain killers. Then they wheeled me to a different room and gave me Vernor's and a blueberry muffin. Greg came back and made fun of me for looking like a little kid with my Vernor's and muffin. I asked him if the doctor had come out to talk to him.

This is where I began to think that it was simply a waste of my time.

He told me that he left to eat and was gone for maybe half an hour. Remember now, he was told a minimum of one hour in surgery. When he came back, the nurse saw him and told him that the doc was looking for him about ten minutes prior. That means that he had me in the room and looked at in 20 minutes tops.

20 fucking minutes.

He came out and told Greg that he didn't see anything. Now, we don't know if that means that he didn't see anything new or that he didn't see anything at all. I'm hoping that maybe it means nothing new, though I'm betting it means nothing at all. At any rate, I'll find out in about a week and a half.

I have an appointment with my family doc Wednesday to get more pain killers and let them steal my blood. I'll be requesting an MRI and/or CAT scan at that time. I've never had either one, which is odd. I'll also be requesting a second opinion. I feel incredibly let down by this doctor who told me that he would help me. He told me before we went in that if he didn't find anything that he could fix, he would help me manage my pain long term. Mind you, this is the same doc that refused to write me prescriptions when he found out that my family doc had me on Dilaudid. He also made sure to mention that I needed to get into see the urologist for my Interstitial Cystitis in front of my mom, so I can't conveniently forget again. Heh. Looks like I'll actually be bald this year after all.

And, to top it all off, girly time decided that Saturday would be a good time to show up after a 6 month hiatus. Let me be the first to assure you that girly time is PISSED OFF about being gone for so long! And also? For some reason, I am not allowed to having anything in the hoo-hoo (don't you just love TMI? It's so FUN!) for two weeks, so I get to feel extra icky. Wee ha!

I might be back later tonight to bitch about Greg leaving to go to Kentucky and being a complete dick about the whole thing and my spending Christmas with my FIVE (you missed one, Cricket!) cats and a half gallon (ok, prolly not that much) vodka. We'll have to see if I get to tanked at the family's house that I'll be going to tonight. Since it's not family that I know very well, it's going to be awkward, which means it'll be prime drinking time. Also, I'm trying to decide if I should go home and put on a sweater jacket thing and relatively nice shoes and maybe a bit of make up before I go over there when I get out of work, or if I should just show up in my tennis shoes, black elastic banded pants (jeans are still a bit too restricting, which pisses me off) and Zelda sweatshirt with merely eye brows (which are expertly drawn on thankyouverymuch) and mascara.

I hope you enjoyed that run on sentence, it's your Christmas present. I'm so fucking generous :-P

Sunday, December 23, 2007

So, I was gonna update about the laprascopy...

Instead, I'm gonna update about how I kinda almost died tonight.

For real.

I was at Meijer buying vodka and cat litter, cuzz that's what's essential for Christmas merriment. Tried to buy some gum, but I must've left it at the counter since I can't find it anywhere.


I was at the stop light waiting for it to turn green so I could be on my merry little way. It turned green and, not seeing any other cars, I proceeded to go through the light.

Next thing I knew, there was a big red pick up truck coming at me.


I hit my brakes, but I was already in the middle of Center Rd. I heard the trucks tires squeal and looked over to see what looked like smoke coming from the wheels.

I shit you not when I tell you that fuckin truck literally tapped my driver's side door. He managed to stop JUST.IN.TIME.

There was no damage to either vehicle. The grill of his truck was right in the center of my door. MY DOOR.

I may or may not have peed a little, what with thinking I was a goner and all. He looked like he was gonna have a heart attack.

The reason he ran a red light? He hadn't been in the area in a while and didn't know that there was a light there.


So, there will be an update about the laprascopy later. I'm off to drink some more vodka and play with the kitties that are my only company for the next few days.
So, I need to update about the laprascopy.

Thing is, I can't come up with any words.

I'm not happy, but I'm not sure if I have a reason to not be happy.

Make sense? Doubt it.

I'll probably update when I get home from work tonight. After all, it's just gonna be me and the cats for a few days.


Tuesday, December 18, 2007

2 days to go...

Until happy surgery day. I know I just wrote about how I'm looking forward to it, and I still am, but I'm also starting to get nervous. I'm not nervous so much about them finding something (hell I want them to find something!). I'm more nervous about what might happen. I'm not sure if I wrote about this when it happened or not, but my mom almost died when she had her hysterectomy not too long ago. (It's been like a year and a half, maybe two years now) The same doc that did her hysterectomy is doing my laprascopy and I have no doubt in his abilities at all. He's never even had a medical malpractice suit or settlement or anything like that against him. My mom apparently decided that that would be a good time to scare the shit out of everyone and went into cardiac and respiratory arrest. More than once. When she came out of surgery, she was on a vent for a while and it was kinda touch and go for the first few hours. She was off the vent the next day and while she looked like shit, she seemed to be perfectly fine. They released her a couple days later. And while I know that I'm younger and whatever so I most likely will not have the same thing happen to me, it's still kinda freaky to think about. They called to pre-register me a week or so ago and they asked if I had an advanced directive. (I don't even though I know I should have one.) They asked me if I wanted them to save me, should I do what my mommy did, and of course I said yes. I didn't tell them that I don't want to be kept alive by machines, though, should it come down to it. I know I'm over thinking it and that's not even gonna be an issue, but that's how I roll. Always thinking about the worst case scenario. I suck, I know.

The boy is freaked out and keeps asking me when I'm going and if I've already had it done. Like when I picked him up from his dad's on Sunday, that was the first question out of his mouth. I hate that he's so worried and I didn't want to tell him about it, but he must've over heard me talking to someone about it. It's kinda cute how he gets all defensive about me now. His cousin was saying something about how I was walking (effectively making fun of me, like kids do) and the boy chirped right up with, "SHE'S HAVING SURGERY! SHUT!UP!" It's nice to know he'll defend my honor when little kids try to be assholes. LOL

It seems that it's Kitty Olympics time right now. They're ALL running around and jumping on things and knocking them over. They're LOUD, too, so I'm sure Greg is just loving that. They messed with his hours at work, so now everything is an hour off. He goes in an hour later, which means he gets out an hour later than normal. I don't think it would be such a big deal if he worked one shift. He's swing shift supervisor, though, so he works all three shifts. Last night and tonight he works third, which means sleepy time. Not too sure how well that's gonna work when the boys get here after school. Hope he's sleeping now cuzz them boys are LOUD!

Speaking of Greg, he'll be leaving for Kentucky a few days after I have the surgery. Not too thrilled about that. This is the first year that I will actually have Christmas day off and I'll have the boy and was thinking that we were gonna have a nice Christmas all together and be happy and Norman Rockwellish and generally vomit inducing. Seems I was wrong in that assumption as he had already made plans to go to his mom's. He just forgot to tell me. As usual. Ugh. Now I have to figure out how the hell I'm gonna give him money to make sure he can get there and back. This also means that I'm gonna be here all alone for a few days. I haven't been alone in a while, so while that's gonna be nice, I'm not looking as forward to it as I should be. I'll be going back to work Sunday and I'll be working Christmas Eve, so that'll eat up some time, and I'll probably sleep in the hours in between. (Maybe.) Christmas Eve though, I'll be all by my lonesome. *sigh* Maybe I'll call a few friends and see if they wanna come over and drink. That would be all nifty and shit.

Apparently, things are hitting the fan at work. Ambulance companies are always full of Teh Drama for some reason. We all have better things to do with our time, but somehow the rumor mill runs rampant anyway. Which is where a lot of my entertainment comes from. I'm the person that everyone bitches to cuzz I don't tell other people what's said, but I love hearing everything. I'm like a gossip wall or something. I'm nosey as all get out and willfully listen to people bitch about whatever is bothering them and then not say a word. So there's that drama and it's mixed in with the shitty moral. We all used to LOVE going to work when we first started. Now? Not so much. You can only shit on a person so many times before they start to get tired of the smell, ya know? Should be interesting when I go back.

My brother just called to see if I could take him to his recruiter's office. Heh. Can't happen. No money in the bank plus no gas equals no drivey anywhere extra. He signed up to go active ARMY a few weeks ago. Not too excited about that, but he seems to be a bit. There's quite a hefty sign on bonus (providing they don't fuck him over on that, which they will) and he wants to get some kind of training, which will be good for him since he has, like, ZERO job experience. Still, I'm not fond of the idea. He'll be shipped out, I'm sure of it. I had my fill of worrying about that when my ex-husband was in the ARMY. Of course, he was only in for six months before he went AWOL, but the worry is still fresh in my mind. The boy is already worried. He has a couple uncles that are in the service and he worries about them everyday. One was shipped to Iraq a couple times and came very close to being blown up, but managed to get out alive and is stationed in Alaska now. Hopefully he won't get called back. The other two are stationed over seas, just not in war zones. He worries about them so much it's heartbreaking. I swear that boy is gonna have an ulcer by the time he's eight with all the worrying he does. That's one trait I'm not too thrilled to have passed down.

Meh. My hands are getting tired and I feel like I need a nap. Probably best to get rested up before the boys get home. Then I get to fix dinner and ship them off to scouts and hand over the den leader reigns. (That's not spelled right. Oh well) One of the moms said she'd do it, but she wants to ask about changing the meeting night and all sorts of shit. Heh. I'll let her handle all that crap.

Welp, it's off to the couch! Providing the Kitty Olympics are over, that is.

Sunday, December 16, 2007

Happy Fucking Blizzard!!!

Ok, so maybe it's not technically a blizzard, but the sky shit out a LOT of snow last night. It's actually still doing it. This morning, Greg went and cleaned my car off for me. He opened the door to leave for work about 5 minutes later and I asked him if he had cleaned my car off or had gotten too cold. he said he'd cleaned it, but you couldn't tell AT ALL. Later, I went out to start my car and went back inside for about 5 minutes. When I went back out, you couldn't even tell that I had been outside. This should make picking the kidling up from his dad's an interesting experience. o_O

I'm not fond of snow. AT. ALL.

I'm getting a bit antsy about the laprascopy. Just about 4 days away! I'm looking forward to it simply cuzz for those few hours I'll be under anesthetic, I won't be in any pain. I'll finally be comfortable and just be asleep. I honestly cannot remember the last time I was simply comfortable. I can't sit on the couch and find a comfortable position. I can't lay down in bed and find a comfy spot and just fall asleep. Hell, I can't even sleep through the night. (I've always said that I have insomnia at times, but I used to be able to sleep with the help of a few pills. Now? Not so much) Even when I was pregnant I could get comfortable most of the time. It's so frustrating.

I'm nervous about the laprascopy cuzz I'm betting that they're going to tell me that everything looked "normal". I don't know what the hell I'll do if they say that. Five years of being in pain. 3 years of being told that it was PCOS causing it. A few months of being able to say that it could be endometreosis. If they don't see anything it'll be like they've just been lying to me this whole time. Or that I'm full of the crazy. Actually, I'm thinking it'll be more like I'm full of the crazy. People go into doctor's offices all the time, bitching and moaning about some problem or another and they are perfectly fine. Hypochondria I think is the term for it? Anyway, whenever I would tell my mom that I thought there was something wrong with me when I was younger, she would tell me I was a hypochondriac and that I was fine. Except she was wrong. (Those are stories for a different blog ramble, though.) I loathe being told that I'm imaging that there's something wrong with me. And I really think that's what's going to end up happening. Of course, I'll have to schedule an appointment and wait two weeks to be told all this, which means I get to go out of my mind worrying about it for just a little while longer. Yee ha!

I wonder how much snow is gonna be on the ground when the sky stops shitting on us. I think we've got about 6 inches or so on the ground already. It's definitely made things interesting road wise. And since ambulances drive on the road, it's reeking havoc on my response times. Meh. It's too be expected in weather like this and it's even MORE expected considering that we're in Flint. I swear, the people that are responsible for plowing and throwing salt on the roads are completely devoid of any and all common sense. On my way into work this morning, the roads appeared to not have been touched by a plow at all. Ok, I can see how that could happen what with the snow falling down like it was racing, but when I saw 4 snowplows in a line going down the road, I figured that it wasn't the snow's fault, but possibly that of the road crews. They went down one street, completely in one line all nice and orderly like. Then they turned to the left and went over the bridge and onto a different street, still all nice and orderly. Uh... Wow? The ginormous snow drift they left behind almost killed my car. Idiots. If they are gonna plow together, you'd think that they could try and plow ALL of the street maybe? Maybe?

Bah. I think I'll read the paper. Or eat some chicken noodle soup. Man... I've been living on coup, water and pickles for weeks (for some reason that's all I've been craving) and yet the weight, it doesn't move. Long as it doesn't move UP, I guess I can deal with that.

Sunday, December 09, 2007

Written from work... And then from home!

Holy slow intarwebs Batman! The computer is lagging HARDCORE and it's making me feel a little bit stabby. Then again, I've been feeling a little bit stabby at the drop of a hat lately, so chances are really good that I'm just being too fucking impatient and need to calm down a bit. Damned hormones.

It seems that in order for the laprascopy to go like it should, I need to have the Depo Lupron out of my system. It also seems that while I faithfully received the shots for 5 months, it only takes 6 weeks for that shit to vacate. Sounds odd to me, but I'm no doctor. Just a lowly dispatcher that is beginning to wonder if this doctor that will be doing the procedure actually thinks there's anything wrong with me. But that's a post for a different time. When there's beer and/or wine. Or maybe just when there's a couple of Dilauded pills in my system. Ok fine, it's a post for when I'm at home damn it. (I was trying to sound all hardcore about my creativity and needing booze and possibly pills to be all creative and awesome, but you just had to ruin it for me didn't you! Geeze...)


Anyway, with the lupron leaving my system, my beautiful PMS is coming back 10 fold, like it was pissed at being suppressed for so long. In reality, it was never suppressed. It was AMPLIFIED and I was full of the crazy. But, since it didn't have a happy period (fuck you Always products. There is NO SUCH THING.) I think the PMS felt all empty and emo and now? It must take out it's emo angst on me. I expect lots and LOTS of pity.

I forgot to bring food with me to work today and I'm rather hungry. Greg has been home all day and I am hoping that there will be dinner when I bring the boy home from his dad's, but I'm betting that he sat around watching movies all day. *sigh* My home is such an incredibly mess right now and I HATE it. It makes me wish I had a long sword with which I could play stabby and just stab all the crap that needs to be picked up and it would magically go where ever the fuck it needed to go simply with 1 stab. Or that Greg would clean for me. Neither of which is likely to happen, but you never know. Magical stabby cleaning swords appear all the time from what I hear.

OH YEAH! So! Last night I went to darts for the make up games. First, I got a freaked out text from one of the people on my team saying that no one was at the bar we were supposed to throw at and OH!MY!GOD! *insert appropriate freak out here* See, my phone decided to turn itself off at some point and it forgot to tell me. So, there was minor drama there. So, we're throwing and people are asking me if I'm ok and I was wishing I had a walker with those cool tennis balls on the front. About halfway through the games, I went to go sit back down after my shot. As I was walking past the bar, this random chick in a red blazer grabbed my face and started to MAKE OUT WITH ME!!! Then she walked off to the bathroom. I'm guessing the drive by make out was a bit one sided, seeing as how I wasn't anticipating it and, um, well... Girls are not exactly my thing. I was stood there COMPLETELY freaked out and kept asking my friends if they had just seen what happened. We all stood there with this wide eyed look of amazement on our faces. Then this dude in a sweater (think Bill Cosby sweater. Yeah, for real. And he looked like he was younger than I am.) tells me that the same chick dragged him from the front of the place to the bar so she could "buy him a beer for being hot." That pissed me off and shook me out of my shock. I mean, how come HE got a beer and all I got was a random drive by make out? If ANYTHING, I deserved booze for that. Random people who witnessed the drive by make out kept coming up to me, asking if I knew who she was. Every time I answered no, they told me that's what they had thought, judging by my reaction. I'm still a little bitter about not getting any booze.

~And now from home~

I hadn't realized how late it had gotten when I was writing this last night. I had to save right quick and get the hell outta Dodge so I could pick the kidling up from his dad's. I hobbled my way to the door and Matt couldn't even be bothered to step out onto the porch. Dick. I think next week I'll be calling in advance to get him to bring him out to the car. It'll be a mild annoyance, but it'll make me giggle.

I have GOT to remember to get someone to come in early for me on Friday. The boy's Christmas program is that night. I got there incredibly late last year cuzz that's the day I put Harley down. Heh. I just realized that she was put to sleep on the 14th last year, which also happened to be the date of the Christmas program last year and just so happens to be the same date for THIS year's program. How odd...

In my head, I think I've been able to figure out how to buy Christmas this year. All of our bills should be current, so all we really have to worry about is rent. Damn rent. Oh and the phone bill. I HAVE to remember to pay that this time. Last month, my mommy bailed me out cuzz I forgot to pay it for 2 months in a row. I used to be so on top of getting everything paid and now I'm lucky if I remember that I got a bill in the mail. I blame the Lupron.

Is it sad that I'm excited for my surgery simply cuzz it means that I'll get 3 days off? I think it's sad. I love my job for the most part (dealing with some of the nurses makes me wanna play stabby sometimes, though) and I used to look forward to going in. I can remember actually feeling happy that I was going to work when we first started. Now, it's such a damned chore that I would call in all the time if I could get away with it. Meh. I still think it'll get better.

I think I'm gonna stop writing now and blacken my lungs a bit. I typically reserve my Dilaudid for night time use, but I hurt so much right now that I've already taken it. Greg said he'd pick the boy up from school today, though, so that's awesome. I kinda wish they had bus service, though. I guess that's what I get for sending him to a school that had a biggest graduating class of 12 a couple years back. o_O At least I can send him to school with chocolate in his lunch!

Saturday, December 08, 2007

So, I seem to have pissed off someone I work with. *blink* And I'm not all that upset about it. It's actually been kinda nice not to have anyone talking to me for the first couple of hours at work. Wonder how long it will last?

I'm hating money right now. HATE. Then again, when do I not hate money? Oh yeah, when I don't have to spend it on bills and wonder how I'm gonna get groceries and Christmas presents. Seriously, we are beyond broke. And who can I blame? It's not like I had a gun to my head and had to give all my money to some mugger. Hell, if that had happened, I could probably take advantage of some sympathy pity. Nope! Just regular ole stupid-asshole-quit-not-managing-your-money-properly pity. And that pity SUCKS. And what sucks just a little more than that? I find myself harboring resentment towards Greg for this. But hey! He's all set with whatever the hell he had in mind when he went out and spent money like we had a money tree, so it's cool. >_<

I am in LOVE with Grape Aquafina. LOVELOVELOVE! I've been seriously contemplating calling the water company to see if I can't just get that shit to flow freely from the faucets. Of course, it'll have to go through the Brita pitcher first cuzz if it doesn't, it'll smell like a combination of chlorine, eggs and ass and probably taste much like that appetizing combo, but hey, it'd be CHEAPER!!!

Having surgery on the 20th. Yippee. I have to remember to get my FMLA paperwork filled out by my surgeon so my boss will approve my PTO. I wish I had known that before yesterday cuzz I could have already taken care of that. Guess that's what happens when the ginormous hospital you work for expects one person to do a job that should take, like, maybe 3 people to do. My boss is INCREDIBLY overloaded and while I do bitch about how he doesn't do this, that and the other thing, I know it's not cuzz he's a complete douche or anything. Which kinda sucks cuzz, really, who wants to defend their boss? That's almost equivalent to ass kissing and NO ONE likes an ass kisser.

I'm not excited about tonight. I have to go and make up a dart night in fuckin Fenton. Not something I'm looking forward to. The team we're playing is no fun, which typically makes the night suck. I don't have any money for beer, so THAT sucks. And, really? I'm just fuckin tired and I'm in pain and I don't want to deal with everyone asking me if I'm ok when I attempt to walk. Do I look like I'm ok? I know it's not a question that's intended to be rude or anything and I try not to be rude when I answer, but DUDES. Every.Fucking.Time.I.Get.Out.Of.A.Chair. I get asked. You try not being a little miffed by that. Betcha can't!

There's a little shindig for Mandy's bday tonight, too. I want to go, but I don't at the same time. I mean, it's her birthday today and everyone should have their friends around for their birthday. Thing is, I'm gonna be dog ass tired to begin with and I can't take my pain meds until I know I'm in for the night, so THAT'S gonna be interesting. I want to at least be able to buy her a beer and/or a shot, but I won't be able to. I'm sure she'll understand, though. Hell, she's probably in the same boat I am financially. I'm planning on heading up as soon as the make up game is done; I'm just not sure if I'll be able to stick to that plan.

I'm going to give up my Den Leader status. Heh. It's just not fair to the boys to have a leader who doesn't know if they can be there for every meeting. I mean, getting sick once in a while is understandable, but I've been having so much trouble getting around that I've been having to miss and that's just not fair. I'm hoping that one of the other parents will step up and quit being so fucking wishy washy about it, but I doubt that's gonna happen. Ugh. I want to quit scouts all together, but the boys would be heartbroken, so that's not an option. If Matt would step up and, oh I don't know, be a father to HIS child instead of only stepping up for Danette's kids, it wouldn't be so bad. Every time I've asked him if he could take the boys to a meeting, he has some excuse. Kinda like the excuse he gave me when I asked if he could take the boy home or at least up to the ER when I went a couple of weeks ago and he couldn't cuzz he didn't have gas. Whatever.

My skin is SO dry right not that it's unreal. Hell, the air is so freaking dry that when I breathe it tastes like blood. Ew. I'm so gross.

I want my makeup. I woke up at, like, 610 this morning and I have to be to work by 7. I had just enough time to shower and start my car while I took off the makeup that was left behind after I washed my face. Suck. I was kinda hoping to throw on a little make up since I'm leaving straight from work to go to other places tonight, but oh well. I'll just look like death tonight. It'll be pure sex, I'm telling you.

What else, what else...

My friend is getting ready to pop out a baby. She's due on Monday. I feel bad cuzz we were supposed to have dinner together and let the boys play (they both have the same name cuzz we are the AWESOME), but I've had to back out every time we've made plans. That's why I just need to randomly show up places. If I could just be all, "Hey, I think I'm gonna show up here and they will feed me and the boy cuzz they will be prepared and it will rawk", then I'd never have to break plans and I would see everyone all the time and everything would be shiny and happy and yay! Shut up, I like living in delusions sometimes.

I guess that's all. I was really enjoying typing for some reason. I'm weird. And you LOVE it. LOVE, I tell you!