Monday, December 26, 2005

Merry Christmas?

So, things went rather well with the holiday. Aside from the boy not remembering he had opened his presents when we got home from the family party on Christmas Eve, anyway. LOL Poor kid. I woke him up on Christmas morning cuzz I had to go to work and he came out into the living room. He looked around all confused and said that he thought Santa was supposed to have come. I told him he had visited before we got home (round midnight or so) and that he had opened his presents last night. I asked if he remembered and he looked at all the toys and wrapping paper on the floor and said no, with tears in his eyes. Then he saw all the dinosaurs and was happy again. Aw.

I guess I should say things were good up to a point. About 1130 last night, my phone rang. I'm not feeling the greatest, so I had taken some NyQuill and was out by 10PM, so when my phone rang, I was confused. I looked at the caller ID and saw that it was baby daddy's number. So, I answered, thinking there was something wrong with the boy. It was baby daddy's fiance. O_o I guess he had gone out for coffee and been pulled over or something cuzz he wound up getting arrested. On a felony warrant from Kentucky from teh ARMY! Since we were supposed to be stationed in Kentucky once he had finished AIT and he didn't get that far, I can only assume that he's AWOL. *facepalm* Wonderful. We were supposed to be going to court on Jan 9th to present the final paperwork. According to baby daddy's fiance, though, they were sending the boys up to get him last night and take him to Kentucky. This in mind, I doubt he'll be showing up to court. I'm gonna call the lawyer when I get home from work today and see what happens if he can't go. This also means that child support will be stopped and he's most likely going to lose his job, so buuh-bye child's medical insurance. Couldn't have had to kiss that good-bye at a better time. >_<>

Saturday, December 24, 2005

Well, Christmas is upon us once again. And whether you celebrate Christmas, Kwanza or whatever, the holiday season is here for everyone and I hope that everyone has a joyous time.

That being said, I am excited to get out of work. Only an hour to go and then it's off to my Aunt Kim's to actually participate in the holiday festivities. Last year, I didn't get to do anything cuzz, as I am this year, I was working. The difference this year is that my son will be there as well. So, everyone has decided to wait for me and do a late Christmas thing since I get out of work at 9PM. Greg will be calling at some point during things to tell the boy that he woke up to go to the bathroom or something and that Santa has already been to the house. That way we can open presents together without getting him up at the asscrack of early. I mean, he's 5, so he'll be up early anyway, but in order to open presents together, we'd have to wake him up at 4AM since Greg and I both work tomorrow. O_o Not too happy about working the holiday again, but it's just the way the holiday fell. I work Friday - Sunday for 12 hrs each day and then part of the day on Mondays. My mantra has been time and a half, time and a half.

After I drop him off at baby daddy's tomorrow morning, I won't see him again till Thursday. I told his great-grandparents they could keep him for a couple days over his Christmas vacation and his Uncle is home from the Air Force for a bit. He'll have fun. I just hope the grandparents can handle the nebulizer.

So, the boy has been diagnosed asthmatic. I am so excited about that. O_o ugh. He's been handling it really well, though. He has to have a minimum of 3 breathing treatments a day and is on Albuterol and Pregnazone. Of all the things I could have passed on to him, he gets my health problems. *sigh* At least he's a boy and won't inherit all the random girly problems that I have.

Bleh. Not too much else is going on really. Think I'll wander off to myspace for the next 15 minutes or so. I can't seem to come up with anything else to write.

Monday, December 19, 2005

Oh my lord, I am so pissed off right now. Ok, maybe not so much pissed as extremely frustrated. A little background:

My son has allergies. Ok, most kids do. Except my son seems to never have an allergy free season. He's allergic to grass, dust mites, some form of pollen, cats and cigarette smoke. Ok. We have 3 cats. He's not really bothered by them. Sure, he gets stuffy every now and again, but nothing like the way he is when he comes home from his dad's. My son goes to his dad's Friday night through Sunday night, when I pick him up after I get out of work. Every time, literally every time I pick him up, he's sick. I'm guessing that is due to the fact that his dad doesn't make people smoke outside like I do. My son is not exposed to smoke when he's with me or his grand parents. His dad claims to have quit smoking, though I have my doubts since he was workin on a 2 1/2 pack a day habit when we split, but he very well may have. Dad's new fiance, however, smokes like a chimney, as does her little brother. I think the little brother may be living with them as well, but I'm not sure. Anyway, my son's dad claims that no one smokes inside anymore, but just last weekend, my ex mother-in-law went to pick my son up for church and the place was full of smoke and there sat the fiances brother, smoking away like it was no big deal. Hmm.. Looks like there's people smoking inside, but maybe I'm confusing the living room FOR THE PORCH.

So, to sum it up, my son comes home sick every Sunday night and last night was no exception. This time, however, it had nothing to do with his coughing or his throat, but rather his stomach. Seems just before I got there, the boy decided it would be fun to projectile vomit in front of the door. O_o His dad tells me and makes a nifty little comment about how he doesn't understand why it's been so difficult for me to change the boy's doctor. Um, excuse me? Number 1, I don't hold the insurance policy. Number 2, while I said I wasn't opposed to switching doctors, HE is the one who is hell bent on it. Given those 2 reasons right there, I was under the impression that he was going to make some calls and get back to me with the info he had gathered. Looks like I set the bar too high on that one. I look at him with my You're such an asshole look and we leave. The boy tells me on the way home that dear daddy made him finish puking outside. In 15 degree weather. WTF. He couldn't get him to the toilet so why not just throw him outside?! I swear, sometimes I wonder why I allowed this man to have sex with me.

So, I take the boy to his gramma's today and he pukes in the car on the way there. Thankfully I thought ahead and brought a puke bag and he made it in the bag! I felt guilty as hell for having to take him there and not staying home with him, but I have no sick time left and I missed the last 2 Mondays due to him being sick. So, I drop him and his puke bag off and walk into the shit storm that is EMS. I'm working away, reading random things while waiting for my crews to get to where they're goin and what not when baby daddy calls. Seems he finally took some iniciative and got the boy a doctor's appt with a pediatrician. Ok, it's the fiance's kids doctor, but whatever. He then asks if I can get out of work early to take him or if he has to. I asked when the appt was and he says 3. I get out at 2. I asked where. He tells me Owosso. Ugh. This means I have to travel a 1/2 hour to get him from gramma's and then drive an additional hour to get him to this doctor. No way in hell we'll be there on time. So, he says he'll have fiance call and say we'll be late. He then proceeds to tell me that fiance told the doctor what was going on and that he wanted to see the boy immediately. This confuses me as he seems to have the flu as opposed to the other times he comes home and sounds like he needs a lung transplant. This is when baby daddy decides to tell me that it's been his stomach that he's been concerned about all along. *facepalm* Are you fucking serious? The doctor he normally sees asked me last week if he has ever had to use an inhaler cuzz he's wheezing and NOW I'm being told that it's all been about his stomach?! I think he waited to tell me that while I was working cuzz he knows I can't scream at him. I did it once when we were first separated and though my bosses completely understood why, I was told that I need to keep my temper in check at work and that I needed to remember why I've been banned from watching sports while I'm working. (Seems I got a teeny bit loud watching the Red Wings and a walk in patient heard me screaming outside.) From that point on, whenever baby daddy wanted to start shit, they have made me go into a different room or out to my car. Today though, all the bosses are out sick and I have no where to go to yell. I told baby daddy that the normal doctor was concerned about the boy's lungs and that I had no idea about his stomach cuzz when he's with me after like a day, he's perfectly fine. Baby daddy then tried to place the blame on HIS mom as to why I didn't know about that. *sigh* Why the hell was I moronic enough when I was younger to allow this man to go all the way?!

So, there's my rant. I tell you what, if the boy comes home sick again this weekend, baby daddy is gonna have his visitation revoked. Though, since it's Christmas this weekend and I get the boy Christmas Eve after I get out of work at 9PM and Christmas Day before I have to be back at work at 9AM, he'll prolly not get sick. But, we'll see...

Saturday, December 10, 2005

Whoa. 2 entries in 1 day?!

About a week or so ago, there was a pretty bad car accident out near a town called Byron. A little boy, named Dawson was killed as a result. I was in a relatively good mood until I came across that in the paper. I mean, I didn't know him or his family (that I know of at least) and I knew he didn't survive, but it still just breaks my heart. That poor little baby. I know more about the details than I care to divulge for personal and professional reasons and I think that may have me a bit more choked up than normal, though I get choked up when I read the obituaries and come across one for a child anyway. Hell, I was going through the obits once in Junior High and I came across a memorial poem for a child. I still have it in my purse to this day. His name was Houston Michael Griffin. I didn't know him or his family either, but that poem just ripped out my heart. He was just shy of 2 months old when he passedon October 20, 1994. Here is the poem, since I'm like that and all.

The Red Headed Angel

The memories stand still of that cool fall day
Seems like yesterday
So small and helpless you struggled to hold on
Your pain revealed through those tiny blue eyes
Only God could heal your pain
We tried hard not to be selfish
For we knew your time was near
If love alone could have saved you
You never would have died
But the Lord had bigger plans for you
When you left us you took a piece of our hearts
I try to remember what Daddy said
"God gave us two because he was taking one away"
Please watch over Mommy and Daddy from above
For they grieve deeply
Hopefully your mommy and Daddy will heal one day
They are wonderful people
And one day
We will meet again
And I will take you into my arms
And kiss you all over

Love and Kisses and a big truck from Hunter

Reading that again, I'm not sure if it was a poem or a note written from a child to the brother he barely knew, but it still makes me cry.

I also came across this little excerpt I cut off of The Detroit News the same day, if memory serves. I was reading a story about an accident and this part just stuck with me.

Jolliffie died two blocks from her red and white brick home on Junction at about the same time her daughter, DarQuisia Eubanks, 3, bolted upright in bed, saying, "I want my mommy", said Elerson, who was baby-sitting for the child at the time of the crash.
"That will stay with me forever," she said.

It probably makes me look psycho by admitting that I kept these things about people I didn't even know, but oh well. I'm not sure why I carry these around with me. Hell, I'm surprised I haven't lost them actually. I've had these for round about 11 years now and they're in neat perfect condition. They've been kept in countless purses and read and reread I don't know how many times. I'm gonna have to perform home lamination on them soon I think.

Sorry if I bummed anyone out. I just really felt an urge to post those things.

Tales from the PCOS files

I tell ya, I have come to loathe being female when it comes to the reproductive system. I'm sure this will delve into the TMI category for most anyone who comes across this, but bear with me. I need to do some bitching. For those who fear words like period, ovaries and PMS, you've been warned and may go about your business.

Seems the period fairy likes to fuck with my head. After going on an, oh let's see now, 2 month hiatus, the fairy has deemed it fit to make an appearance. Mind you, it's unlike her other appearances. There is no flood gates. No, Holy shit what did I do to make my uterus hate me?! exclamations. Merely a tease. A clever rouse if you will. Will you finally have a period this month? Maybe. Maybe not. I think I'm more disturbed by the fact that I know PCOS can stop menstruation and that seems to finally be happening after years of telling the multitude of doctors to just rip out my girly parts and let me have peace. Or maybe it's the fact that for the last 2 months I've taken over 10 pregnancy tests and have not once received a positive result. See, I never wanted to have children. Not that I would give my son back if someone paid me shit tons of money to do so, but I just was not the mommy type. I wanted to be a STAR! In order to do that and be successful at it, that meant no babies until much later in life, if ever. Well, that whole idea went to shit when I was just turning 20. And I'm not complaining, I love my son more than I ever thought I could love another human being, I'm just explaining my whole mentality about my being a mother. When Alex was about 1 1/2, I began having these incredible pains in the lower part of my abdomen. When Alex was 4, I was finally diagnosed with Polycystic Ovary syndrome. Since my son was born, I would have a period as short as 3 days or as long as 15. Most of the time, the break in between would only last about 2 - 3 days. I would complain to my doctors about going through approx. 120 Super Playtex tampons and roughly 50 Stayfree maxis. My flows were so strong that I would often bleed through BOTH tampon and maxi in about an hour. (Not something I recommend if you're not feeling girly enough, by the way) Along with that, I would have horrible cramps. So, after the diagnosis, they tried to put me on birth control to even things out and while that did help somewhat, it also caused me to loose my hair and develop terrible cramps in my legs that would actually leave bruises. That caused the doctors to worry about blood clots, so that was discontinued. I was also put on Glocophage, which is a common treatment, but also something that made me incredibly ill. See, it's also used as a medication for diabetics. I am not diabetic, which is probably why it caused me to get ill. When I told the specialist I was seeing that I refused to take it cuzz I wasn't able to care for my son properly, she refused to see me again. Heh. Then I lost the Medicaid that I had cuzz at $7.50 an hour, I was making too much money. Mind you, I could barely pay my bills with what I brought home, but go ahead and take away the Medicaid that kept me in the inhalers I need to use so I can breathe and kept paying for the multitude of doctor''s appts I had to have. So, I had to stop going to the doctor and I haven't been back for about a year now. And everything kept going on as normal until October. Then... Nothing. And, while I can't afford another child and I'm still not officially divorced, I kinda liked the thought of another baby around. Alex has been asking for a brother or sister and I miss babies dammit! Now that this is happening, I'm afraid that I may not be able to have more babies. PCOS leads to incredible difficulty in getting pregnant, most often leaving the woman barren. And while I am very thankful for the son I do have, I don't think I want him to be an only child. I dunno...

This has just been something that's been on my mind a lot for the past couple weeks and I needed to get it out somewhere. Not many people who know me know of this blog, so I guess this is where I chose to dump. Again, prolly in the TMI category for pretty much everyone, but oh well. You were warned.