Sunday, November 18, 2007

It's over. The viewing was on Friday and the funeral was yesterday. I took the boy to the viewing and he did very well. I hadn't intended on staying for the rosary, but I went out for a cigarette and when I came back in, it had already started. I snuck in and just kind of listened. Afterwards, the boy asked my uncle why the priest kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was kinda cute. He kept pulling me over to the casket. I can't say that I was overly excited about that. I don't typically go up to the casket, especially if I'm trying to make sure I don't cry. On the way over, the boy told me that he had prayed he wouldn't cry while we were there. I told him that it was ok if he did, but he insisted that he didn't want to, so I was a bit concerned when he kept pulling me up to the casket. I thought that if I started crying, he probably would as well. But, I held it together. We left not too long after the rosary. We got to the funeral home shortly after 6 and by the time we left, it was 830 or so. The boy was a little mad at me for not wanting him to attend the funeral, even though he said he wanted to. Since it was a full Catholic funeral, though, I didn't think it'd be a good idea. It started at 11 and I don't think we left the church until around 1. I really don't think that he would've been able to be still for that long, no matter how hard he tried to.

I did ok at the funeral. I started crying during the opening hymn and I stared at the wall a lot. I just have a hard time watching everything I guess. At one point, the sister asked if anyone had anything they'd like to say about grandpa. No one stood up, which is just the way the family is, and I think my aunt got a little upset about it. She got up and went to the front and started talking about how special grandpa was to her and how it meant so much that he accepted my uncle (her husband). While she was talking, she started to cry and she looked over at me and I just lost it. Thankfully it was near the end. They did the closing prayer and hymn and then the family followed the casket outside. My aunt made a point to thank my parents for taking care of grandpa for as long as they had, which not a lot of people in the family has ever made it a point to thank them at all. I didn't stop crying until I got into my car. When we got to the cemetary, a horse started whinnying or whatever it's called when they talk. It was kinda like he was saying goodbye to grandpa. LOL There was a small prayer service at the graveside and my grandma started crying. It's rare to see that and it almost made me lose it again.

Oh, I forgot that I ended up having an asthma attack in the middle of the service. Heh. Everytime the incence got stronger, I had a harder time breathing. My mom kinda laughed at me cuzz I smoke and I used to get high and burn incence and have no problems. Apparently, when you don't smoke pot anymore and don't burn incence for a couple years (I used to burn it all the time just cuzz I like the smell) you begin to not be able to breathe around it? LOL

There was a HUGE floral arrangement that my grandpa wanted to give to the boy. (I'll post pictures of it later) He donated the rest of the flowers to the church, but this one was in a Detroit Tigers bucket (grandpa loved the Tigers), so he thought that the boy should have it. He also invited me and the child out to the house, which I guess is a big deal. No one else in the family has been invited out to the house, so I guess I have to make a really big effort to go over there. I'm not too sure if I want to or not, though. I remember the house being a certain way and I know that they've changed it quite a bit. They carpetted the hardwood floors and have redone some rooms and stuff. That house had hardly changed since my grandma passed and I loved that. It made it feel like she was still around a bit, ya know? I'm not sure if I'll handle seeing it all redone very well. We'll see, right?

Now that the funeral is over, the fun begins. There's a lot of drama regarding the will, the fact that my grandfather is pretty damned selfish and happens to be executor of the will and the fact that he has pretty much shunned the rest of the family recently. The most significant has been the fact that he has completely cut ties with my parents after grandpa had to be put into a nursing home. Basically, from what I understand, he doesn't want to give my parents a damned thing and has tried to convince people that they did a shitty job taking care of grandpa. Thing is, everyone in the family KNOWS how well my parents took care of him. It was to a point that my dad was the ONLY person he would allow to help him to the bathroom, get him cleaned up and do various other tasks that CENAs do in nursing homes. They did as best they could for as long as they could and my grandfather seems to be pissed off that he wasn't the one doing it, even though he had ample opertunity to do it and LIVED with grandpa for a while, but refused to do it. Anyway, there's gonna be a lot of drama regarding everything and I'm not looking forward to it at all. There's issues about the house being sold and the proceeds being divided up and the car is supposed to be sold and the proceeds being divided as well. There's already drama about that damned car. Everyone wants it and there is at least one relative who's been claiming that grandpa promised to give it to her. Whether he did or not is anyone's guess, since he didn't tell anyone about it. Ugh. I'm hoping that I get to have the knick knacks that were all around the kitchen. I've said since I was a little girl that I wanted to have those and I'd be happy if I even just got to keep one of them. We'll see. I'm not expecting anything and I'm not concerned about getting money or anything else. Just a knick knack or two.

1 comment:

Cricket said...

What a sincere pictuer of how you feel. I am glad you're letting yourself feel it all. I hope you get the little things from the kitchen you want. That's how I am, mostly wanting little junk things.

Your son pulling you to the body, well, I would have lost it. I remember ex's g'pa's funeral, my first and we were tight, I could not even go in the same room as the viewing. It was like magnets pushing me away.

This stuff is all so hard. You seem to be right on time with it.