After YEARS of threatening...

I finally did it. When my hair came out in clumps when I washed it this morning, I figured now was as good a time as any.



Anyone who tries to call me Britney is gonna get kicked in the junk. That goes for girls, too. The way I figure it, if a girl is gonna try to do that, they must be packin some balls somewhere! :-P




I don't think it looks too bad...

In which I foresee my own demise. At 3AM. And it SUCKS

So, I just got to work and I was happily surfing the intarwebs.

And then. THEN! I was ATTACKED by a fucking millipede!

Ok, so maybe I wasn't attacked. All I know is I was sitting, happily minding my own business and waiting for my coffee to brew, when the EMT that's on right now jumped back from his paperwork. I looked over and proceeded to shriek like a little fucking girl.

Dudes. That thing was GINORMOUS!

And we lost it. No clue where it went.

I'm going to be killed and eaten by a GINORMOUS MILLIPEDE today.

Keep me in your thoughts.

Sitting at work alone in the quiet

Ok, so it's not completely quiet. The scanner is going and it's telling me all about how the city is exploding since it was warm today. There have been a shit ton of suicide attempts and threats, shit tons of drunk people being assholes, the occasional frequent flier... All normal bullshit that happens when the weather turns summery. Last night there was drag racing on I-475. That was different.

I'm not liking having bangs. I had bangs in junior high and my forehead was like one giant zit. It would appear that I had forgotten about that and now I am pissed off at my forehead. It hasn't reached zit meltdown proportions yet, but it is icky greasy and I feel a compulsive need to blot it with toilet paper every 5 minutes or so. I'm really kicking around giving myself a buzz cut tomorrow (ok, technically today) when I get home from work. Will I actually do it? We'll see how pissy I am when I get home. I think it would actually not look that horrible. I mean, I don't think the baldness would be that big of an issues, really. The spots aren't completely bald, they're just very, very thin. I dunno. I think I could make it work. I wonder if Greg has the attachments to his head buzzer thingie...

I broke out the shorts for the first time this year, though they aren't the ones I wanted. I couldn't find those. (One of these days I may take a picture of my bedroom in hopes that by posting it on here, I'll be embarrassed enough to clean the fucker. I kinda wanna see my floor again, too.) I did come across a couple pair of shorts that I wore back in 2003 (I know this cuzz I wore them when I had my picture taken with Shaun the last time. Damn I'm unhealthy in the head) I got a little depressed when I realized that I am FAR bigger now than I was then. This means that I'll be going into my MUST-LOSE-WEIGHT-NOW phase. Maybe it'll actually last more than a week. Heh. I started exercising and shit a couple weeks back, but with all the fucked up hours I've been working, I stopped in favor of making the sleep.

I wish all this damned overtime was making a dent in my bills, but after taxes, I'm losing about $500 a paycheck. Seriously. A few paychecks back, I had to call off work and was a bit fucked up on Dilaudid and I called up to the basse to let them know I wouldn't be coming in that morning. I then instructed one of the medics to open my pay stub cuzz I didn't have enough money and needed more. hehehe. He made me repeat the request a few times just to be sure I was really asking him to do that cuzz it's a pretty big No-No with out permission. I just don't understand how I can gross $1400 and only bring home just over $800. Ok, so $60 gets taken out every check for medical insurance and to go into my retirement fund but DAMN! That's only $60! Fucking government stealing my money and then telling me that they want me to go shopping. Fuckers.

I wish my stimulus check would just hurry up and fucking get here already. I have to wait until the end of June, though.

I'm debating on switching over to 3rd shift. I mean, it'd be kind of ideal with the insomnia and all, but I'm just not sure how I can swing the child care. Especially with summer break coming up in 2 weeks. I mean, if I could get the days I wanted, it shouldn't be a problem, but I can almost promise that wouldn't happen. I mean, I have teh bewbs and apparently, that means that no matter how much time I have in at this place, I automatically get fucked over. When I got taken off weekends, the other daytime dispatcher (which is a guy) was able to dictate which weekends he would work, based on his custody arrangement. When I mentioned that I was going to have issues with MY custody arrangement, I was told that he (my boss) couldn't take that into consideration cuzz it would be showing favoritism. heh. Isn't that just fucking ducky? Who knows, though? Maybe I'll be able to work it out. If I can, I'll get an 8% premium, so that'll mean more money. It's not much (if I did the math right, which I probably didn't), but it's something.

Damn. I feel incredibly boring. I feel like I should have tales of... Something. Lately it seems all I do is bitch about work and other assorted adult bullshit. Ugh.

I'm sleeping my life away

Except not.

I went home after my last 16 hr shift (I believe that was Wednesday, but I'm not completely sure. The days have all begun to bleed together and I'm having difficulty tell the difference.), promptly ate a cow and layed on the couch to watch DVRed CSI. I didn't even make it through my first episode before I was out cold. I don't remember Greg coming home from work (he got out at 1000) or even moving from the couch to my bedroom. I do remember waking up just in time to pick the kidling up from school. When I woke up and looked at my phone, I saw that they had been trying to get me to work due to a call off. Heh. I feel bad for sleeping through my phone, but I obviously needed some sleep. I was back in at 3AM this morning, once again, with out sleeping at all the night before. I think it went a bit better, though, since I slept for, like, 15 hrs.

I've started popping the new pills for the Interstitial Cystitis today. My mommy came up and dropped them off to me cuzz I am teh suck when it comes to remembering to get my prescriptions. I had to wait a bit to take them cuzz I have to do so on an empty stomach, no more than 1 hr prior to eating and no less than 2 hrs after eating. I had my crew hijack some cake from the celebration at the main hospital for EMS Week, so I had to wait. Seems they might just make me dizzy. Not sure if I'm actually dizzy at the moment or just having one of those retarded days when it comes to typing. I've had to type out the same sentence like 5 times! o_O

Tell me, when you have a job and someone tells you that you need to do something, like inform them of where the hell you are, would you do it? Or would you continuously IGNORE what you were told? Honestly, if it were ME, I would do as I was told cuzz I wouldn't be too big of an asshat to realize that the reason I was being told to let someone know where I was would be to not only allow the other person to DO THEIR JOB, but to also ensure my safety, should the need arise. Guess I just happen to realize that there's typically a very LOGICAL and VALID reason to say something like that to someone.

I finally got my nails done yesterday. I had to take the poor boy child with me. He was very good, as he was the one other time I had to take him. This time, he had questions, though. The first one was to ask if the guy doing my nails was famous cuzz he was REALLYREALLYREALLY sure he had seen him on a game show once. The next one was to ask why they all looked like they came from another country. Uh... Cuzz they did, was my response and the couple people that worked there that heard him giggled a little. When he asked why, I told him that all sorts of different people wanted to live here for a variety of reasons and that a lot of times, they prefer to keep that to themselves, which is their right. Everyone seemed pleased with that response and now I feel like Mommy of the Freakin Year! I'm so damned awesome.

I find myself wandering through stores, attempting to buy things I don't really need. I mean, I can always use new clothes, cuzz, really? I only have a few things that I wear. And I'm kinda tired of rotating them all the time. And I've been leaning towards more girly type things, which is kinda scary. My hormones are still feeling like they're all outta whack, so maybe that has something to do with it. Bleh.

Oh hay! My pictures from Five Finger Death Punch! Let me shows you them! (Or attempt to. I always seem to have trouble loading them correctly from my picture hosting place.)





Huzzah! I do believe it worked! That's me with the guitar (or possibly bass) player, drummer and lead singer. The singer really liked the necklace my brother gave me when he graduated basic training. It's a replica dog tag that has the ARMY logo and says Proud Sister on the front and his name on the back. I had to put it around my wrist after the show cuzz my skin decided to HATE ME and become allergic to the chain it's on. Damned skin.

And now I am off to smoke more cigarettes and await my replacement. Then I am off to get Chinese and become glued to my couch. MY COUCH! Whee ha mother fucker. Whee ha.

My chair keeps sinking slowly. It makes me feel short.

For realz, yo. I've been sitting here, trying to keep my mind entertained, and the next thing I know, I'm practically sitting on the floor with my knees up to my chin. Either the chair is broken or I have become so fluffy that the chair can no longer support said fluff. Since I have not appeared to have added any fluff to my already fluffy frame, I'm going with the chair being broken.

Seems I like the word fluff and/or fluffy today.

*cough*

So, I'm on my 3rd pot of coffee. I've also had 2 Red Bulls and a couple caffeine pills. Unfortunately, I'm not feeling wired. I am going back and forth between the hunger, though.

See, I knew I needed to be in to work at 3AM today. I made attempts to sleep and all were in vain. So, I've been up well oer 24 hrs and I still have, like, 4 hrs left in my shift. Sucks to be me.

I got to see Five Finger Death Punch and it was AWESOME!!! I'd post pictures of me with some of the band members, but the home computer is being retarded and freezing up every time I try to upload anything. Greg thinks the hard drive is getting ready to kick it. Heh.

So, I've been working and working and working and working some more. Someone got fired and there's overtime to be had. There was overtime to be had before, since the person who got told not to come back went out on sick leave for a bit, but now it's definite. Er. Yeah... At any rate, I'm looking at working 16 hr shifts damned near every shift, so I shall have even more of no life than before. It's ok, though. I figure I'll snag as much OT as I can right now and get everything caught up and what not and then I can file unemployment (if and) when the outsourcing happens and look for another job then. Hopefully it won't be too difficult, since they're gonna need dispatchers when this ordinance goes into place, but we shall see.

I need to get my nails done. I've got, like, a months worth of growth going on, so not only do they LOOK gnarly, but they're making me type like I'm on crack.

That's pretty much it. I smell my own feet, but they smell like new shoes, so it's cool.

My, oh my, you know it just won't stop

So, I should be out drinking beer at a going away party for one of my dart throwing peoples.

Care to guess where I am instead?

Yeah... There was a call off, so I'm at work. Ugh. Normally this wouldn't bother me, but I actually had plans tonight. Figures.

I decided last night that I needed to buy some crap to make myself feel cute. Or something. I wound up with a few tank tops, a new pair of shoes, some make up, a new purse... I can't remember what else off the top of my head, but I got some other crap, too. Now I wish I wouldn't have. See, I was told by my boss today that my job is going to be outsourced soon.

Heh. When it rains it fucking pours, I guess.

He did say that I could apply with this other company and that they have 2 slots open. Thing is, I'd have to enroll in the EMT class that's starting this coming Monday. Now, I don't have a problem getting my basic license, I've actually been considering it for some time. What has always stopped me, and what's stopping me now, is the fact that I would be in class on my days off, working on the days I'm not in class and then doing clinicals whenever I had a free moment. That wouldn't be a problem if I weren't a mom who, oh I don't know, didn't like seeing her kid or anything. Truth be told, I kinda love the hell outta the little shit and would like to actually be there while he's growing up. So, since this other company requires their dispatchers to not only be EMD certified, which I am, but also be a licensed EMT, I won't be applying with them. Hopefully I can get in with either county or city 911, but from everything I've been able to find, they're not hiring. At least not until this stupid Overhaul of the EMS system gets going and they figure out whether or not it's going to work or if they'll need more dispatchers (which they will, trust me). The overhaul isn't supposed to take place until at least Jan. 2009. Then again, it'll probably be a couple more years after that since there's a shit ton of companies suing over the whole thing. At any rate, I'm probably looking at playing the waiting game.

If I didn't have to worry about Matt having a fit if I oved out of state, I could go anywhere in the country and answer 911 calls. The certification I have allows me to do that. Hell, if I really wanted to, I could advance myself farther and get the international certification and move to fucking Canada. Matt would never allow that, though. Heh.

Ya know, I was actually starting to feel a little better. Guess I'll just wait and see what the third shit storm will be...

So.

Haven't updated in a while. Haven't really felt the urge. Haven't felt the words. Every time I sit down to type, it just feels like bullshit. Heh.

There's not gonna be much to this update, either. Just don't really have much to say.

Or maybe I do. I'm simply not sure yet. I must admit, I've been hesitant about even writing about this here. And I'm not sure why.

I'm still trying to figure out how I feel about it. I mean, I've been perfectly clear about not wanting anymore babies. Cuzz I'm full of the selfish and what not. That, and I've been fairly certain that I could no longer have the babies. Heh.

Seems I was wrong about that. For the most part anyway. I can hardly bring myself to even type up that I had a miscarriage. Not sure if it's cuzz I'm not completely sure how I feel about it or what. What really sucks is that I didn't even realize I was pregnant until, like, the day before, so chances are really good that I'm the reason for the miscarriage. Heh.

So, that's that I guess. Maybe now I can get that hysterectomy...

NEW HAIR!!!!

And the look of PermaExhaustion. o_O

So, I basically got incredibly bored with my hair. I originally had new hair a couple weeks ago, but I got bored with that with the quickness, so I ended up with the newEST hair yesterday. I'm still trying to figure out how to style it and what not.






So, you can kinda see some of the hair loss in the first one, but not too bad. I was able to hide it relatively well in the pictures. Unfortunately, the color I picked and the length seem to amplify the scalp in all of it's butt-ass-white glory. Guess that's what I get for having a hate/hate relationship with the sun. LOL

Next week I start new meds that are gonna make me lose even more hair, so while this cut isn't exactly the most flattering, I think it'll make seeing Bald Leslee a little less shocking. Heh. I think once I figure out how to make it look like I want, it'll look a lot better.