Friday, January 07, 2005

Brite's Bitching Corner

So, I have randomly decided that not only will I use this blog to entertain myself at work, but I will also use it to write about things I don't want to put in my DeadJournal cuzz I really don't want to hear any shit about it. I love my friends, I really do, but sometimes they're a little much. I mean, shit, we're all opinionated as hell, but there are some things that you don't need to comment on. Especially if you've already made it known that you don't approve/like whatever the subject matter may be about. Sometimes people just need to get shit off their chest and not see any kind of comments. Most of the time I welcome them. My friends give some great advice. But then there are times when they make comments that hurt me. Most likely, I'm being overly sensitive, but who the fuck knows.

Ok, essentially, the only thing I feel like I can't talk about on my DeadJournal is Japheth. My friends are pissed cuzz he made me cry. I do not cry and when I do, I do not cry in front of people. It's very rare that I cry at all, and when they saw that, he instantly went on their shit list. Don't get me wrong, I love that they care for me that much. But the choice to be with him or do whatever the fuck we're doing, is mine and mine alone. Even if they think it's completely retarded of me, which I know they do, show me some fuckin support sometimes. I feel like I can't even mention his name most of the time cuzz it'll be met with some smart assed retort. I don't mind most of the time, I do the same thing. But when I see that they're trying to reach out to me or just simply want me to listen, I allow them to do that, with out the smart ass commentary that we're all so fond of.

So, that being said, I will make this entry my little bitching corner. Obviously, that has already begun, but I thought I would just give ya'll a warning or something. Ok, so Japheth. That boy does something to me. I have NO clue what it is, but normally, I would not put up with some of the shit I've been dealing with with him. Maybe it's cuzz I've gotten more understanding in my old age. Maybe it's cuzz I've decided not to listen to everyone around me. Who knows. What I do know is that this boy is on my mind a lot. More than he should be probably. We spent New Year's Eve together. That was nice. All we did was stay at my place, get drunk and listen to music. But we were actually spending time together and I really enjoyed it. I don't get to see him as often as I'd like to, but I know he's busy. He has a full time job and his band is extremely important to him. As a matter of fact, they've been recording recently and that's been eating up basically all of his free time. At any other point in my life, I think I would be handling this very badly. I'd probably be freaking out and making myself look psychotic. But now I'm just taking it for what it is. His life. So far, he has really given me no reason to think he's out there dating hordes of other women or anything like that. And I'm actually not even worried about that with him. There's something about him that makes me believe he wouldn't do that, even if we were just fucking around. He's told me there's more to it than that and I believe him. Even though he's not sure what to tell me as far as what we are (couple, fuck buddies, etc), I believe there's more to us than just fucking around. Maybe I am being stupid, who knows. What I do know, is that I enjoy being with him immensely and that I've developed feelings for him. Whether or not he has feelings for me as well remains to be told. We both seem to have a very difficult time letting our feelings be known, so neither one of us may open up anytime soon. But, for the most part, I'm happy with the way things are. The only thing that kinda irks me is when he doesn't call. I know he's insanely busy, but I like hearing from him. As I said, any other time in my life, I'd be freaking the fuck out. I guess I've calmed down through the years. LOL.

Ok, I guess I'm done. Hope you enjoyed Brite's Bitching Corner. Stay tuned...

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