Saturday, October 04, 2008

Oh, the drunken places you'll go

So... Long time, no bloggy blog. Yeah. I want to blame it on work, and I can somewhat cuzz there are no intarwebs at work. Well, there actually is internet access, but I have to limit it only to the map system until the new server is fully up and running. That's been ongoing since I hired in. Heh.

Not anything interesting to report really. I've been hermiting it up, only venturing into the vast wilderness to go to work or take the boy to and from school. How lame am I? Seriously. Look back at some entries from this time last year and you might see that I was actually interacting with the outside world. Then again, maybe you won't. I'm not really sure since I haven't looked back myself. If this tells you anything, I'm not throwing darts this season. That should say something. Especially considering that I've been throwing darts with a league on the regular for the last 5 or 6 years.


I'm not sure what exactly is wrong with me lately. I'm stressed out about money. Then again, when am I not stressed out about money. This time though, it seems even bleaker than it has been. If you'll remember, I lost my job at the beginning of July. Yeah, I've found another, but it's for quite a bit less money and, like a dumb ass, I didn't prepare for that. Now gas prices aren't going down all that much and food costs are rising... I can't barely pay my rent and car payments let alone worry about groceries and gas to get to and from work, the boy's school (no buses for private school that I don't pay for) and the grocery store. Child support is infrequent since Matt's been dealing with health issues and what ever else that might keep him from work. And for once? I understand how he has to call off work. Ok, not hat I've been a heartless bitch or anything cuzz I completely understand that people get sick. It's just that lately he's had to deal with pneumonia and shit like that, so it's worse than him just calling off cuzz he's tired. (Which he's bound to be after dealing with 3 kids that aren't his everyday.)

I don't know... Things are just REALLYREALLYREALLY rough right now. And what's worse is that after I go through all the necessary bills (excluding Sirius radio and TV cuzz those are LONG gone) I can't afford the health coverage at work, which means I'm doubly fucked. I've been with out any of my medications for months now, with no way to get them in the near future. Seems I make too much to qualify for government and/or state funded insurance, but I can't afford to have the premiums taken out of my check to get the stuff that's offered by my employer. Not that it's some spectacular insurance cuzz it's not. It's actually right up there with what I was getting with the hospital, but my current employer can't afford to pay as much as the hospital did for it. And I understand why. I mean, I'm working for a private ambulance service again, so I know they don't have the funds that a hospital does. And the people I work for are awesome. Seriously. I got something attached to my check a couple weeks back asking me what I wanted for Christmas that was more than $100. O_O The hell?! I've NEVER been asked that by an employer and now I'm expected to come up with something that expensive?! The only things I can come up are a $100 gas card or a $100 gift card to a grocery store. How pathetic is that?!

And now that I don't have and can't afford health insurance? Yeah, this is when I'm actually considering the fact that I might need professional help to deal with some sort of fucking depression. Heh. Figures, right? Though, if I actually had the resources to get help? I'm damned near certain that I wouldn't. See, to ME that would be showing weakness. That I can't cope with the bullshit life hands you. And while I know that's really no the case here, I probably still wouldn't seek out help cuzz that's just the way my stubborn ass operates.

Other than that, things are going... Well, they're going. The boy's teacher came up to me today to tell me that on their way home from a field trip, he threatened to kill himself. With a knife. O_O I have no idea where he even got the idea from. It's pretty disturbing. The teacher handled everything very well with me, letting me know what he said and that she didn't try to get after him about it or anything. Since this is her first year with him, she may have thought that maybe there was something going on in his head that we were taking care of or something. But, again, she handled it VERY well and I'm thankful for that. When I talked to him about it, he said that it was due to the fact that another little boy in his class wouldn't let him play his DS game. Now, I know he gets really upset when he can't play a game, but he's NEVER threatened to kill himself. When I asked about it, he said it was about the game. So I told him that's not something people threaten lightly and I told him that one of his classmates was crying cuzz hey were worried about him. (His teacher told me about that, too) He was genuinely surprised to hear that and is going to say he's sorry to his teacher on Monday. But still. HOLY SHIT!!! I need to have a conference with her to tell her about everything that's gone on with him and his dad and social services and all that shit. Ugh. Not something I'm looking forward to, but it seems I'm gonna have to go through it every year until his school decides to actually KEEP records about that sort of shit for their students.

So, yeah... That's where I am right now. Being a hermit that goes to work. Heh. I really wish I didn't have to go to work, but there's no way we'd be able to survive if I stayed home... How sad is that shit?!


Aunt Becky said...

Oh man. You have a lot on your plate right now. Anything I can do to help?

Cricket said...

Sheesh. I have SO MISSED you, but it figured it was job related. This sucks in a grand fashion. I would gladly buy you a gas or grocery card. Please.

I hate that it's rubbing off on your son. My son dropped the F bomb at school the other day. Why are they such @@#$#%% sponges!? I think your son understands the magnitude now. Smart kid. He gets it from his charmingly smart mom, who is temporarily in a hole. You're actually a phoenix.

Please blog more.