So, last week, I dropped $50 on concert tickets. Mind you that while I had $50, I could've been a lot more responsible and spent it on something needed for my family, rather than concert tickets. I figured it would be my way to reward myself a little for working damned near an entire month straight with only one day off. And besides, the 4 other people I bought tickets for would be paying me back on the night of the show. The concert was last night.

And I stayed home and slept.

See, one of the people that was going messaged me via MySpace cuzz I can get on it at work right now and I left my phone at home. I guess she'd had a migraine that had pretty much kicked her ass all day long. I'm talking puking and the whole nine yards. Ok. It sucks, but I can completely understand that shit like that happens. She had asked me to pick up a ticket for a guy she's wanted to go with us, but he never called her back. That's 2 people down, 2 to go. The other girl couldn't go cuzz while her parents had agreed to baby-sit, they were MIA, so she couldn't utilize their services. Ok, I've had that happen before, too. Again, I can completely understand that being something that would keep a person home. The last guy that was gonna go decided that he was too broke. That kinda pissed me off. I mean, I had already bought the ticket. If he couldn't give me the money for the ticket last night, I wouldn't have made it an issue. Hell, I had pretty much decided to tell him that I wouldn't take his money and that the ticket was his birthday present. So, other than not being able to drink, he really had no excuse. But, to top it all off, the girl with the headache had told him that she'd buy him some drinks and with the way I know the owners of the place we were gonna be, he wouldn't have had to worry about paying for a damned thing. 5 tickets were purchased and, at the last minute, I was the only one who'd be able to go.

I went home and told that boy who thinks he lives with me what happened and he immediately said he'd go with me. That threw me a bit cuzz he NEVER wants to go anywhere with me, especially to concerts. We tried to get some other people to go, but everyone was either sick or were already busy. In the end, I opted to just stay home and go to bed. Same thing I've been doing for the last month.

I guess it's not really that big of a deal, except that I'm out $40. Oh, and the pesky fact that staying home when I have concert tickets, even if it means that I go alone, DOES NOT HAPPEN. That's not me. If I have concert tickets, it usually means that I reallyreallyreally want to see the band their for. I had been looking forward to this concert for a very long time. And, in the end, I offered no fight. I simply laid down.

I've lost myself somewhere along the way. I've suspected that for a while, but last night made it incredibly clear just how much of myself I've lost...