Saturday, January 22, 2005


Ok. I think I may have decided to just give up on Japheth. I mean, if he calls and wants to come over, that's cool. But I'm done sitting around and waiting for him. I mean, shit. I saw him when we woke up Saturday. Since then, I have heard exactly 5 words from him. He was AIM Tuesday while I was working.

Me- Shouldn't you be in bed? LOL
Him- I'm on my way.
Me- Ok then. Sleep well.
Him- Ok.

And nothing since. I called on my way home from throwing darts on Wednesday. I wanted someone to talk to while I drove home. He didn't answer, so I left a voice mail. Still, nothing. I could be over reacting, who knows. I know he's EXTREMELY busy with recording and that tends to distract him. But, a simple phone call in a week is too much? It's not like I'm asking him to give me a fucking itinerary or anything. I just want to know how things are going with recording and how he is. And, on a more selfish note, I'm trying to judge whether or not I'm some fuckbuddy or if I'm something more. He said he didn't want a serious relationship. Cool. I can deal with that. Then he started calling more regularly. After the one argument we've had, he started making it known that he was still alive. Now, not so much. Hell, I doubt I'd have even seen him Saturday if I hadn't been drunk and insisting. I probably made him feel bad for forgetting my birthday as well. I guess I'm expecting too much but wanting him to call. I'm tired of sitting by my fucking phone every night, hoping he'll call. I'm tired of worrying about him when it gets late or when the roads get bad. And I'm tired of not knowing how he feels. Whether or not I'm wasting my time by thinking there may be a chance for something more with him. Just fucking tell me. That's all I want.

Wow. I'm just one huge ass fucking bummer this morning. I think it could be due to all this damned snow that keeps falling. I don't mind snow, for the most part. But when assloads of it fall from the sky at once, it tends to make me pissy. I'm just glad I don't live in New York. I've heard they're supposed to get 18 inches!!! We're supposed to get a mere 8 inches here in good ole Flint, MI. I feel lucky when I think about the shit that they're getting.

I've been listening to a lot of screamy-angry-metal this morning. Lamb of God, The Haunted, etc. Usually that shit makes me all bouncy and in the mood to kick things and/or people. Not today for some reason. Fuckin moody shit. I suppose that'll be all for now. Bleh.

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