Sunday, June 29, 2008
Help Save 1-800-SUICIDE
As taken from hopeline.com
1-800-SUICIDE marks its tenth anniversary this year. It was founded in 1998 by Reese Butler in memory of his wife, Kristin who had committed suicide. The Kristin Brooks Hope Center has helped almost three million callers connect to help and hope.
As they enter their second decade of service to the public, continued support is needed to ensure that the confidentiality of every caller is protected. Because they are totally privately funded, they need to prove to the government that they are capable of supporting 1-800-SUICIDE to keep control of the line from being taken over by the federal government.
The money you donate will not only be used to pay the phone bill that connects about 50,000 callers each month to the Hopeline Network, but will also be used to pay for training of online crisis counselors who will provide the same support via online counseling. This is where the young people of today reach out for help. The success of 1-800-SUICIDE is based on individuals in crisis knowing that any personal identifiable information is kept strictly confidential.
The Hope Center's volunteer staff and Board remain committed to preserving confidential suicide prevention programs. Your action today assures their sustainability!
The Kristin Brooks Hope Center and its national 1-800-SUICIDE hotline is a great asset to our society - one of those private-sector initiatives called a "point of light." For reasons of their own, certain officials within the government tried to snuff that light. With your help and support together we can prevent that tragedy from occurring and help the Hopeline achieve success in liberating 1-800-SUICIDE from government control permanently.
This is definitely something worth saving. If you've ever found yourself in the grips of a depression so deep that you've considered taking that final step, then you understand exactly how vital it is to have some place to reach out to for help. Sometimes friends and family simply aren't enough. Or, they simply aren't there when you need them. At any rate, this is such a good thing that to lose it would be a great detriment.
I'm sure that a lot of you who come across this have also seen this at PostSecret. I'm sure that you've also read the e-mail/letter from Casie at the end of the site. That's just one person's story of being helped. Think of the millions of others who've called and been helped. Then think of the millions of people who won't get to receive that help should t he government get it's hands on it. I know I wouldn't be very likely to call if I couldn't be promised that what ever I said wouldn't be kept private and confidential.
Monday, June 23, 2008
Meh.
I'm in a... Funk, I suppose. Not really sure what other word applies here.
I had a good weekend off. Lots of beer, lots of friends.
I held together rather well. No random drunken tears (which seem to be abundant lately) and no actual fights. I had my old tattoo on my forehead that called to all the dirty old men. (Especially this one dude who kept trying to talk to me about Vietnam. At one point, a friend of mine made me go to the bar while he went to the bathroom and had strategically placed himself in between us so he didn't bother me anymore.) All in all, it was a good weekend.
And all my stupid What If thoughts are bouncing around in my head. I play all sorts of scenarios of what might've happened if I had done this or that or the other thing. And I know it's pointless, but I can't stop.
So I've worked myself into this... Funk. Bleh. What's new, eh?
At least I giggle and imagine disco whenever I type out Funk. :-P
I had a good weekend off. Lots of beer, lots of friends.
I held together rather well. No random drunken tears (which seem to be abundant lately) and no actual fights. I had my old tattoo on my forehead that called to all the dirty old men. (Especially this one dude who kept trying to talk to me about Vietnam. At one point, a friend of mine made me go to the bar while he went to the bathroom and had strategically placed himself in between us so he didn't bother me anymore.) All in all, it was a good weekend.
And all my stupid What If thoughts are bouncing around in my head. I play all sorts of scenarios of what might've happened if I had done this or that or the other thing. And I know it's pointless, but I can't stop.
So I've worked myself into this... Funk. Bleh. What's new, eh?
At least I giggle and imagine disco whenever I type out Funk. :-P
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
30 Minutes and Counting...
Until I get to leave and go pick up my boy for baseball. This will be the first time I'll have seen him since I dropped him off at his gramma's house last Wednesday night. He's probably like 5ft 7in now. o_O
So it looks like I'll be on this 7 days a week thing until, at least, the second week of July. The hospital hasn't approved the job openings for dispatch yet (which, really? They're already vacant. What the hell is there to approve?), which will take a couple weeks. Then it'll take, like, another 2 weeks for the jobs to be posted. But see, they have to be posted internally (which means strictly with in the hospital) first, so that's another 2 weeks. Then they can be posted to the public. Then there's the interview process, which could take however long they want it to. After that, there's at least a month's worth of training. All that crap will put a new hire in and ready to go in about 4 or 5 months. >_< In the mean time, it seems my boss and the girl who does QA have been reassigned to dispatch. I think I'll still be on 7 days a week, but I think that my hours won't be quite so long. (I have four 12 hour and three 9 hour shifts a week. Except this week. Two 12 hour shifts, one 16 hour shift, one 9 hour shift and then three 12 hour shifts. Then I get to have my precious paid time off I put in for oh so long ago.) I dunno, we'll see how it plays out. In the mean time, I'm paying off EVERYTHING that I can and just going from there.
my stimulus check should be in my mailbox any day now, according to a letter I got from the IRS last week. Once I get that bad boy, I'm buying a stationary bike and an Ab-Lounge. Cuzz I want them. And I will use them. Even Greg said he'd use the Ab-Lounge, so that'll be awesome. He thinks he's getting fat cuzz he's gained like 30 lbs since he moved in with me. Um... Yeah... I think he's a big fat liar cuzz he's still ultra skinny. He likes to grab his tummy and tell me it's a fat roll. And then. THEN. I chuckle at him and tell him that until his tummy can become two tummies while wearing pants, he has no room to talk. And then he rubs my tummy and tells me I'm not fat and then I yell at him to stop rubbing my belly cuzz I AM NOT A TREASURE TROLL DAMN IT YOU ASSHOLE! It's a vicious cycle we repeat once a day when we see each other.
I'm seriously considering getting a pedicure. This is HUGE for me since I am so weird about feet. I've been thinking about getting one for, like, 3 months, but whenever I go to get my nails done and try to write that I want a pedicure, too, I have a mini-panic attack cuzz HOLY SHIT THEY'LL TOUCH MY FEET!! And then I sit down with out writing pedicure cuzz I am a chicken shit.
And I'm out of ideas. Nothing else has been happening. Well, I did try to fight this douche bag with a mullet and a purple shirt at the Iron Maiden concert in Ohio Thursday and I may or may not have spent the 2 HOURS we sat in the parking lot waiting to fucking move screaming "I FUCKING HATE OHIO THIS PLACE SUCKS!!!" out the window in an alcohol induced haze.
But that's not exciting...
So it looks like I'll be on this 7 days a week thing until, at least, the second week of July. The hospital hasn't approved the job openings for dispatch yet (which, really? They're already vacant. What the hell is there to approve?), which will take a couple weeks. Then it'll take, like, another 2 weeks for the jobs to be posted. But see, they have to be posted internally (which means strictly with in the hospital) first, so that's another 2 weeks. Then they can be posted to the public. Then there's the interview process, which could take however long they want it to. After that, there's at least a month's worth of training. All that crap will put a new hire in and ready to go in about 4 or 5 months. >_< In the mean time, it seems my boss and the girl who does QA have been reassigned to dispatch. I think I'll still be on 7 days a week, but I think that my hours won't be quite so long. (I have four 12 hour and three 9 hour shifts a week. Except this week. Two 12 hour shifts, one 16 hour shift, one 9 hour shift and then three 12 hour shifts. Then I get to have my precious paid time off I put in for oh so long ago.) I dunno, we'll see how it plays out. In the mean time, I'm paying off EVERYTHING that I can and just going from there.
my stimulus check should be in my mailbox any day now, according to a letter I got from the IRS last week. Once I get that bad boy, I'm buying a stationary bike and an Ab-Lounge. Cuzz I want them. And I will use them. Even Greg said he'd use the Ab-Lounge, so that'll be awesome. He thinks he's getting fat cuzz he's gained like 30 lbs since he moved in with me. Um... Yeah... I think he's a big fat liar cuzz he's still ultra skinny. He likes to grab his tummy and tell me it's a fat roll. And then. THEN. I chuckle at him and tell him that until his tummy can become two tummies while wearing pants, he has no room to talk. And then he rubs my tummy and tells me I'm not fat and then I yell at him to stop rubbing my belly cuzz I AM NOT A TREASURE TROLL DAMN IT YOU ASSHOLE! It's a vicious cycle we repeat once a day when we see each other.
I'm seriously considering getting a pedicure. This is HUGE for me since I am so weird about feet. I've been thinking about getting one for, like, 3 months, but whenever I go to get my nails done and try to write that I want a pedicure, too, I have a mini-panic attack cuzz HOLY SHIT THEY'LL TOUCH MY FEET!! And then I sit down with out writing pedicure cuzz I am a chicken shit.
And I'm out of ideas. Nothing else has been happening. Well, I did try to fight this douche bag with a mullet and a purple shirt at the Iron Maiden concert in Ohio Thursday and I may or may not have spent the 2 HOURS we sat in the parking lot waiting to fucking move screaming "I FUCKING HATE OHIO THIS PLACE SUCKS!!!" out the window in an alcohol induced haze.
But that's not exciting...
Monday, June 09, 2008
A blog entry got me thinking...
I couldn't have said it better if I tried
Obviously, there are differences between me and the author. I've been regularly taking Dilaudid for damned near 6 months now and he won't touch anything harder than Motrin. Trust me, if Motrin or Tylenol or anything similar touched my pain, I'd be all over it.
Over the last five years, I've found that I've lost my drive to do anything more than simply leave the house. I used to take my son to the park every day I was with him. Now he's lucky if I even go out in the yard with him. If we do anything together, I'm often sitting on the sidelines watching HIM do something, rather than actually running with him. I've found that he really loves playing video games with me. I think it's due to the fact that it's something we can do together rather than it being the video game itself.
I've also found that I tend to slip into a depressive state more often that I used to. And that the slips are getting worse every time. I've recently been put on Amitriptylin, which is an anti-depressant that is also used to treat chronic pain. On the leaflet from the pharmacy, I was told to watch for suicidal ideations and report them to my doctor ASAP. While I haven't noticed anything that drastic, I have noticed that I've been feeling more out of whack emotionally. I watched The Mist the other night and had to fight from sobbing when the little boy was crying cuzz he was scared. That doesn't seem normal to me. Neither does damned near losing it over a fucking commercial. Yet that's where I'm at.
I never know day to day if I'm gonna be able to go to work or get the boy up and around or whatever the hell I have to do that day. Mostly I force myself to go through the motions. And that gets me angry. And I find myself getting pissy with everyone around me. Then I get down on myself even more. Eventually that all leads to me slipping back into a depressive state. It's a vicious circle that I can't seem to stray from.
Five years... I wonder how many more years I can actually take before I effectively lose it?
Obviously, there are differences between me and the author. I've been regularly taking Dilaudid for damned near 6 months now and he won't touch anything harder than Motrin. Trust me, if Motrin or Tylenol or anything similar touched my pain, I'd be all over it.
Over the last five years, I've found that I've lost my drive to do anything more than simply leave the house. I used to take my son to the park every day I was with him. Now he's lucky if I even go out in the yard with him. If we do anything together, I'm often sitting on the sidelines watching HIM do something, rather than actually running with him. I've found that he really loves playing video games with me. I think it's due to the fact that it's something we can do together rather than it being the video game itself.
I've also found that I tend to slip into a depressive state more often that I used to. And that the slips are getting worse every time. I've recently been put on Amitriptylin, which is an anti-depressant that is also used to treat chronic pain. On the leaflet from the pharmacy, I was told to watch for suicidal ideations and report them to my doctor ASAP. While I haven't noticed anything that drastic, I have noticed that I've been feeling more out of whack emotionally. I watched The Mist the other night and had to fight from sobbing when the little boy was crying cuzz he was scared. That doesn't seem normal to me. Neither does damned near losing it over a fucking commercial. Yet that's where I'm at.
I never know day to day if I'm gonna be able to go to work or get the boy up and around or whatever the hell I have to do that day. Mostly I force myself to go through the motions. And that gets me angry. And I find myself getting pissy with everyone around me. Then I get down on myself even more. Eventually that all leads to me slipping back into a depressive state. It's a vicious circle that I can't seem to stray from.
Five years... I wonder how many more years I can actually take before I effectively lose it?
Thursday, May 29, 2008
After YEARS of threatening...
I finally did it. When my hair came out in clumps when I washed it this morning, I figured now was as good a time as any.
Anyone who tries to call me Britney is gonna get kicked in the junk. That goes for girls, too. The way I figure it, if a girl is gonna try to do that, they must be packin some balls somewhere! :-P
I don't think it looks too bad...
Anyone who tries to call me Britney is gonna get kicked in the junk. That goes for girls, too. The way I figure it, if a girl is gonna try to do that, they must be packin some balls somewhere! :-P
I don't think it looks too bad...
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
In which I foresee my own demise. At 3AM. And it SUCKS
So, I just got to work and I was happily surfing the intarwebs.
And then. THEN! I was ATTACKED by a fucking millipede!
Ok, so maybe I wasn't attacked. All I know is I was sitting, happily minding my own business and waiting for my coffee to brew, when the EMT that's on right now jumped back from his paperwork. I looked over and proceeded to shriek like a little fucking girl.
Dudes. That thing was GINORMOUS!
And we lost it. No clue where it went.
I'm going to be killed and eaten by a GINORMOUS MILLIPEDE today.
Keep me in your thoughts.
And then. THEN! I was ATTACKED by a fucking millipede!
Ok, so maybe I wasn't attacked. All I know is I was sitting, happily minding my own business and waiting for my coffee to brew, when the EMT that's on right now jumped back from his paperwork. I looked over and proceeded to shriek like a little fucking girl.
Dudes. That thing was GINORMOUS!
And we lost it. No clue where it went.
I'm going to be killed and eaten by a GINORMOUS MILLIPEDE today.
Keep me in your thoughts.
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Sitting at work alone in the quiet
Ok, so it's not completely quiet. The scanner is going and it's telling me all about how the city is exploding since it was warm today. There have been a shit ton of suicide attempts and threats, shit tons of drunk people being assholes, the occasional frequent flier... All normal bullshit that happens when the weather turns summery. Last night there was drag racing on I-475. That was different.
I'm not liking having bangs. I had bangs in junior high and my forehead was like one giant zit. It would appear that I had forgotten about that and now I am pissed off at my forehead. It hasn't reached zit meltdown proportions yet, but it is icky greasy and I feel a compulsive need to blot it with toilet paper every 5 minutes or so. I'm really kicking around giving myself a buzz cut tomorrow (ok, technically today) when I get home from work. Will I actually do it? We'll see how pissy I am when I get home. I think it would actually not look that horrible. I mean, I don't think the baldness would be that big of an issues, really. The spots aren't completely bald, they're just very, very thin. I dunno. I think I could make it work. I wonder if Greg has the attachments to his head buzzer thingie...
I broke out the shorts for the first time this year, though they aren't the ones I wanted. I couldn't find those. (One of these days I may take a picture of my bedroom in hopes that by posting it on here, I'll be embarrassed enough to clean the fucker. I kinda wanna see my floor again, too.) I did come across a couple pair of shorts that I wore back in 2003 (I know this cuzz I wore them when I had my picture taken with Shaun the last time. Damn I'm unhealthy in the head) I got a little depressed when I realized that I am FAR bigger now than I was then. This means that I'll be going into my MUST-LOSE-WEIGHT-NOW phase. Maybe it'll actually last more than a week. Heh. I started exercising and shit a couple weeks back, but with all the fucked up hours I've been working, I stopped in favor of making the sleep.
I wish all this damned overtime was making a dent in my bills, but after taxes, I'm losing about $500 a paycheck. Seriously. A few paychecks back, I had to call off work and was a bit fucked up on Dilaudid and I called up to the basse to let them know I wouldn't be coming in that morning. I then instructed one of the medics to open my pay stub cuzz I didn't have enough money and needed more. hehehe. He made me repeat the request a few times just to be sure I was really asking him to do that cuzz it's a pretty big No-No with out permission. I just don't understand how I can gross $1400 and only bring home just over $800. Ok, so $60 gets taken out every check for medical insurance and to go into my retirement fund but DAMN! That's only $60! Fucking government stealing my money and then telling me that they want me to go shopping. Fuckers.
I wish my stimulus check would just hurry up and fucking get here already. I have to wait until the end of June, though.
I'm debating on switching over to 3rd shift. I mean, it'd be kind of ideal with the insomnia and all, but I'm just not sure how I can swing the child care. Especially with summer break coming up in 2 weeks. I mean, if I could get the days I wanted, it shouldn't be a problem, but I can almost promise that wouldn't happen. I mean, I have teh bewbs and apparently, that means that no matter how much time I have in at this place, I automatically get fucked over. When I got taken off weekends, the other daytime dispatcher (which is a guy) was able to dictate which weekends he would work, based on his custody arrangement. When I mentioned that I was going to have issues with MY custody arrangement, I was told that he (my boss) couldn't take that into consideration cuzz it would be showing favoritism. heh. Isn't that just fucking ducky? Who knows, though? Maybe I'll be able to work it out. If I can, I'll get an 8% premium, so that'll mean more money. It's not much (if I did the math right, which I probably didn't), but it's something.
Damn. I feel incredibly boring. I feel like I should have tales of... Something. Lately it seems all I do is bitch about work and other assorted adult bullshit. Ugh.
I'm not liking having bangs. I had bangs in junior high and my forehead was like one giant zit. It would appear that I had forgotten about that and now I am pissed off at my forehead. It hasn't reached zit meltdown proportions yet, but it is icky greasy and I feel a compulsive need to blot it with toilet paper every 5 minutes or so. I'm really kicking around giving myself a buzz cut tomorrow (ok, technically today) when I get home from work. Will I actually do it? We'll see how pissy I am when I get home. I think it would actually not look that horrible. I mean, I don't think the baldness would be that big of an issues, really. The spots aren't completely bald, they're just very, very thin. I dunno. I think I could make it work. I wonder if Greg has the attachments to his head buzzer thingie...
I broke out the shorts for the first time this year, though they aren't the ones I wanted. I couldn't find those. (One of these days I may take a picture of my bedroom in hopes that by posting it on here, I'll be embarrassed enough to clean the fucker. I kinda wanna see my floor again, too.) I did come across a couple pair of shorts that I wore back in 2003 (I know this cuzz I wore them when I had my picture taken with Shaun the last time. Damn I'm unhealthy in the head) I got a little depressed when I realized that I am FAR bigger now than I was then. This means that I'll be going into my MUST-LOSE-WEIGHT-NOW phase. Maybe it'll actually last more than a week. Heh. I started exercising and shit a couple weeks back, but with all the fucked up hours I've been working, I stopped in favor of making the sleep.
I wish all this damned overtime was making a dent in my bills, but after taxes, I'm losing about $500 a paycheck. Seriously. A few paychecks back, I had to call off work and was a bit fucked up on Dilaudid and I called up to the basse to let them know I wouldn't be coming in that morning. I then instructed one of the medics to open my pay stub cuzz I didn't have enough money and needed more. hehehe. He made me repeat the request a few times just to be sure I was really asking him to do that cuzz it's a pretty big No-No with out permission. I just don't understand how I can gross $1400 and only bring home just over $800. Ok, so $60 gets taken out every check for medical insurance and to go into my retirement fund but DAMN! That's only $60! Fucking government stealing my money and then telling me that they want me to go shopping. Fuckers.
I wish my stimulus check would just hurry up and fucking get here already. I have to wait until the end of June, though.
I'm debating on switching over to 3rd shift. I mean, it'd be kind of ideal with the insomnia and all, but I'm just not sure how I can swing the child care. Especially with summer break coming up in 2 weeks. I mean, if I could get the days I wanted, it shouldn't be a problem, but I can almost promise that wouldn't happen. I mean, I have teh bewbs and apparently, that means that no matter how much time I have in at this place, I automatically get fucked over. When I got taken off weekends, the other daytime dispatcher (which is a guy) was able to dictate which weekends he would work, based on his custody arrangement. When I mentioned that I was going to have issues with MY custody arrangement, I was told that he (my boss) couldn't take that into consideration cuzz it would be showing favoritism. heh. Isn't that just fucking ducky? Who knows, though? Maybe I'll be able to work it out. If I can, I'll get an 8% premium, so that'll mean more money. It's not much (if I did the math right, which I probably didn't), but it's something.
Damn. I feel incredibly boring. I feel like I should have tales of... Something. Lately it seems all I do is bitch about work and other assorted adult bullshit. Ugh.
Friday, May 23, 2008
I'm sleeping my life away
Except not.
I went home after my last 16 hr shift (I believe that was Wednesday, but I'm not completely sure. The days have all begun to bleed together and I'm having difficulty tell the difference.), promptly ate a cow and layed on the couch to watch DVRed CSI. I didn't even make it through my first episode before I was out cold. I don't remember Greg coming home from work (he got out at 1000) or even moving from the couch to my bedroom. I do remember waking up just in time to pick the kidling up from school. When I woke up and looked at my phone, I saw that they had been trying to get me to work due to a call off. Heh. I feel bad for sleeping through my phone, but I obviously needed some sleep. I was back in at 3AM this morning, once again, with out sleeping at all the night before. I think it went a bit better, though, since I slept for, like, 15 hrs.
I've started popping the new pills for the Interstitial Cystitis today. My mommy came up and dropped them off to me cuzz I am teh suck when it comes to remembering to get my prescriptions. I had to wait a bit to take them cuzz I have to do so on an empty stomach, no more than 1 hr prior to eating and no less than 2 hrs after eating. I had my crew hijack some cake from the celebration at the main hospital for EMS Week, so I had to wait. Seems they might just make me dizzy. Not sure if I'm actually dizzy at the moment or just having one of those retarded days when it comes to typing. I've had to type out the same sentence like 5 times! o_O
Tell me, when you have a job and someone tells you that you need to do something, like inform them of where the hell you are, would you do it? Or would you continuously IGNORE what you were told? Honestly, if it were ME, I would do as I was told cuzz I wouldn't be too big of an asshat to realize that the reason I was being told to let someone know where I was would be to not only allow the other person to DO THEIR JOB, but to also ensure my safety, should the need arise. Guess I just happen to realize that there's typically a very LOGICAL and VALID reason to say something like that to someone.
I finally got my nails done yesterday. I had to take the poor boy child with me. He was very good, as he was the one other time I had to take him. This time, he had questions, though. The first one was to ask if the guy doing my nails was famous cuzz he was REALLYREALLYREALLY sure he had seen him on a game show once. The next one was to ask why they all looked like they came from another country. Uh... Cuzz they did, was my response and the couple people that worked there that heard him giggled a little. When he asked why, I told him that all sorts of different people wanted to live here for a variety of reasons and that a lot of times, they prefer to keep that to themselves, which is their right. Everyone seemed pleased with that response and now I feel like Mommy of the Freakin Year! I'm so damned awesome.
I find myself wandering through stores, attempting to buy things I don't really need. I mean, I can always use new clothes, cuzz, really? I only have a few things that I wear. And I'm kinda tired of rotating them all the time. And I've been leaning towards more girly type things, which is kinda scary. My hormones are still feeling like they're all outta whack, so maybe that has something to do with it. Bleh.
Oh hay! My pictures from Five Finger Death Punch! Let me shows you them! (Or attempt to. I always seem to have trouble loading them correctly from my picture hosting place.)
Huzzah! I do believe it worked! That's me with the guitar (or possibly bass) player, drummer and lead singer. The singer really liked the necklace my brother gave me when he graduated basic training. It's a replica dog tag that has the ARMY logo and says Proud Sister on the front and his name on the back. I had to put it around my wrist after the show cuzz my skin decided to HATE ME and become allergic to the chain it's on. Damned skin.
And now I am off to smoke more cigarettes and await my replacement. Then I am off to get Chinese and become glued to my couch. MY COUCH! Whee ha mother fucker. Whee ha.
I went home after my last 16 hr shift (I believe that was Wednesday, but I'm not completely sure. The days have all begun to bleed together and I'm having difficulty tell the difference.), promptly ate a cow and layed on the couch to watch DVRed CSI. I didn't even make it through my first episode before I was out cold. I don't remember Greg coming home from work (he got out at 1000) or even moving from the couch to my bedroom. I do remember waking up just in time to pick the kidling up from school. When I woke up and looked at my phone, I saw that they had been trying to get me to work due to a call off. Heh. I feel bad for sleeping through my phone, but I obviously needed some sleep. I was back in at 3AM this morning, once again, with out sleeping at all the night before. I think it went a bit better, though, since I slept for, like, 15 hrs.
I've started popping the new pills for the Interstitial Cystitis today. My mommy came up and dropped them off to me cuzz I am teh suck when it comes to remembering to get my prescriptions. I had to wait a bit to take them cuzz I have to do so on an empty stomach, no more than 1 hr prior to eating and no less than 2 hrs after eating. I had my crew hijack some cake from the celebration at the main hospital for EMS Week, so I had to wait. Seems they might just make me dizzy. Not sure if I'm actually dizzy at the moment or just having one of those retarded days when it comes to typing. I've had to type out the same sentence like 5 times! o_O
Tell me, when you have a job and someone tells you that you need to do something, like inform them of where the hell you are, would you do it? Or would you continuously IGNORE what you were told? Honestly, if it were ME, I would do as I was told cuzz I wouldn't be too big of an asshat to realize that the reason I was being told to let someone know where I was would be to not only allow the other person to DO THEIR JOB, but to also ensure my safety, should the need arise. Guess I just happen to realize that there's typically a very LOGICAL and VALID reason to say something like that to someone.
I finally got my nails done yesterday. I had to take the poor boy child with me. He was very good, as he was the one other time I had to take him. This time, he had questions, though. The first one was to ask if the guy doing my nails was famous cuzz he was REALLYREALLYREALLY sure he had seen him on a game show once. The next one was to ask why they all looked like they came from another country. Uh... Cuzz they did, was my response and the couple people that worked there that heard him giggled a little. When he asked why, I told him that all sorts of different people wanted to live here for a variety of reasons and that a lot of times, they prefer to keep that to themselves, which is their right. Everyone seemed pleased with that response and now I feel like Mommy of the Freakin Year! I'm so damned awesome.
I find myself wandering through stores, attempting to buy things I don't really need. I mean, I can always use new clothes, cuzz, really? I only have a few things that I wear. And I'm kinda tired of rotating them all the time. And I've been leaning towards more girly type things, which is kinda scary. My hormones are still feeling like they're all outta whack, so maybe that has something to do with it. Bleh.
Oh hay! My pictures from Five Finger Death Punch! Let me shows you them! (Or attempt to. I always seem to have trouble loading them correctly from my picture hosting place.)
Huzzah! I do believe it worked! That's me with the guitar (or possibly bass) player, drummer and lead singer. The singer really liked the necklace my brother gave me when he graduated basic training. It's a replica dog tag that has the ARMY logo and says Proud Sister on the front and his name on the back. I had to put it around my wrist after the show cuzz my skin decided to HATE ME and become allergic to the chain it's on. Damned skin.
And now I am off to smoke more cigarettes and await my replacement. Then I am off to get Chinese and become glued to my couch. MY COUCH! Whee ha mother fucker. Whee ha.
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
My chair keeps sinking slowly. It makes me feel short.
For realz, yo. I've been sitting here, trying to keep my mind entertained, and the next thing I know, I'm practically sitting on the floor with my knees up to my chin. Either the chair is broken or I have become so fluffy that the chair can no longer support said fluff. Since I have not appeared to have added any fluff to my already fluffy frame, I'm going with the chair being broken.
Seems I like the word fluff and/or fluffy today.
*cough*
So, I'm on my 3rd pot of coffee. I've also had 2 Red Bulls and a couple caffeine pills. Unfortunately, I'm not feeling wired. I am going back and forth between the hunger, though.
See, I knew I needed to be in to work at 3AM today. I made attempts to sleep and all were in vain. So, I've been up well oer 24 hrs and I still have, like, 4 hrs left in my shift. Sucks to be me.
I got to see Five Finger Death Punch and it was AWESOME!!! I'd post pictures of me with some of the band members, but the home computer is being retarded and freezing up every time I try to upload anything. Greg thinks the hard drive is getting ready to kick it. Heh.
So, I've been working and working and working and working some more. Someone got fired and there's overtime to be had. There was overtime to be had before, since the person who got told not to come back went out on sick leave for a bit, but now it's definite. Er. Yeah... At any rate, I'm looking at working 16 hr shifts damned near every shift, so I shall have even more of no life than before. It's ok, though. I figure I'll snag as much OT as I can right now and get everything caught up and what not and then I can file unemployment (if and) when the outsourcing happens and look for another job then. Hopefully it won't be too difficult, since they're gonna need dispatchers when this ordinance goes into place, but we shall see.
I need to get my nails done. I've got, like, a months worth of growth going on, so not only do they LOOK gnarly, but they're making me type like I'm on crack.
That's pretty much it. I smell my own feet, but they smell like new shoes, so it's cool.
Seems I like the word fluff and/or fluffy today.
*cough*
So, I'm on my 3rd pot of coffee. I've also had 2 Red Bulls and a couple caffeine pills. Unfortunately, I'm not feeling wired. I am going back and forth between the hunger, though.
See, I knew I needed to be in to work at 3AM today. I made attempts to sleep and all were in vain. So, I've been up well oer 24 hrs and I still have, like, 4 hrs left in my shift. Sucks to be me.
I got to see Five Finger Death Punch and it was AWESOME!!! I'd post pictures of me with some of the band members, but the home computer is being retarded and freezing up every time I try to upload anything. Greg thinks the hard drive is getting ready to kick it. Heh.
So, I've been working and working and working and working some more. Someone got fired and there's overtime to be had. There was overtime to be had before, since the person who got told not to come back went out on sick leave for a bit, but now it's definite. Er. Yeah... At any rate, I'm looking at working 16 hr shifts damned near every shift, so I shall have even more of no life than before. It's ok, though. I figure I'll snag as much OT as I can right now and get everything caught up and what not and then I can file unemployment (if and) when the outsourcing happens and look for another job then. Hopefully it won't be too difficult, since they're gonna need dispatchers when this ordinance goes into place, but we shall see.
I need to get my nails done. I've got, like, a months worth of growth going on, so not only do they LOOK gnarly, but they're making me type like I'm on crack.
That's pretty much it. I smell my own feet, but they smell like new shoes, so it's cool.
Friday, May 16, 2008
My, oh my, you know it just won't stop
So, I should be out drinking beer at a going away party for one of my dart throwing peoples.
Care to guess where I am instead?
Yeah... There was a call off, so I'm at work. Ugh. Normally this wouldn't bother me, but I actually had plans tonight. Figures.
I decided last night that I needed to buy some crap to make myself feel cute. Or something. I wound up with a few tank tops, a new pair of shoes, some make up, a new purse... I can't remember what else off the top of my head, but I got some other crap, too. Now I wish I wouldn't have. See, I was told by my boss today that my job is going to be outsourced soon.
Heh. When it rains it fucking pours, I guess.
He did say that I could apply with this other company and that they have 2 slots open. Thing is, I'd have to enroll in the EMT class that's starting this coming Monday. Now, I don't have a problem getting my basic license, I've actually been considering it for some time. What has always stopped me, and what's stopping me now, is the fact that I would be in class on my days off, working on the days I'm not in class and then doing clinicals whenever I had a free moment. That wouldn't be a problem if I weren't a mom who, oh I don't know, didn't like seeing her kid or anything. Truth be told, I kinda love the hell outta the little shit and would like to actually be there while he's growing up. So, since this other company requires their dispatchers to not only be EMD certified, which I am, but also be a licensed EMT, I won't be applying with them. Hopefully I can get in with either county or city 911, but from everything I've been able to find, they're not hiring. At least not until this stupid Overhaul of the EMS system gets going and they figure out whether or not it's going to work or if they'll need more dispatchers (which they will, trust me). The overhaul isn't supposed to take place until at least Jan. 2009. Then again, it'll probably be a couple more years after that since there's a shit ton of companies suing over the whole thing. At any rate, I'm probably looking at playing the waiting game.
If I didn't have to worry about Matt having a fit if I oved out of state, I could go anywhere in the country and answer 911 calls. The certification I have allows me to do that. Hell, if I really wanted to, I could advance myself farther and get the international certification and move to fucking Canada. Matt would never allow that, though. Heh.
Ya know, I was actually starting to feel a little better. Guess I'll just wait and see what the third shit storm will be...
Care to guess where I am instead?
Yeah... There was a call off, so I'm at work. Ugh. Normally this wouldn't bother me, but I actually had plans tonight. Figures.
I decided last night that I needed to buy some crap to make myself feel cute. Or something. I wound up with a few tank tops, a new pair of shoes, some make up, a new purse... I can't remember what else off the top of my head, but I got some other crap, too. Now I wish I wouldn't have. See, I was told by my boss today that my job is going to be outsourced soon.
Heh. When it rains it fucking pours, I guess.
He did say that I could apply with this other company and that they have 2 slots open. Thing is, I'd have to enroll in the EMT class that's starting this coming Monday. Now, I don't have a problem getting my basic license, I've actually been considering it for some time. What has always stopped me, and what's stopping me now, is the fact that I would be in class on my days off, working on the days I'm not in class and then doing clinicals whenever I had a free moment. That wouldn't be a problem if I weren't a mom who, oh I don't know, didn't like seeing her kid or anything. Truth be told, I kinda love the hell outta the little shit and would like to actually be there while he's growing up. So, since this other company requires their dispatchers to not only be EMD certified, which I am, but also be a licensed EMT, I won't be applying with them. Hopefully I can get in with either county or city 911, but from everything I've been able to find, they're not hiring. At least not until this stupid Overhaul of the EMS system gets going and they figure out whether or not it's going to work or if they'll need more dispatchers (which they will, trust me). The overhaul isn't supposed to take place until at least Jan. 2009. Then again, it'll probably be a couple more years after that since there's a shit ton of companies suing over the whole thing. At any rate, I'm probably looking at playing the waiting game.
If I didn't have to worry about Matt having a fit if I oved out of state, I could go anywhere in the country and answer 911 calls. The certification I have allows me to do that. Hell, if I really wanted to, I could advance myself farther and get the international certification and move to fucking Canada. Matt would never allow that, though. Heh.
Ya know, I was actually starting to feel a little better. Guess I'll just wait and see what the third shit storm will be...
Monday, May 12, 2008
So.
Haven't updated in a while. Haven't really felt the urge. Haven't felt the words. Every time I sit down to type, it just feels like bullshit. Heh.
There's not gonna be much to this update, either. Just don't really have much to say.
Or maybe I do. I'm simply not sure yet. I must admit, I've been hesitant about even writing about this here. And I'm not sure why.
I'm still trying to figure out how I feel about it. I mean, I've been perfectly clear about not wanting anymore babies. Cuzz I'm full of the selfish and what not. That, and I've been fairly certain that I could no longer have the babies. Heh.
Seems I was wrong about that. For the most part anyway. I can hardly bring myself to even type up that I had a miscarriage. Not sure if it's cuzz I'm not completely sure how I feel about it or what. What really sucks is that I didn't even realize I was pregnant until, like, the day before, so chances are really good that I'm the reason for the miscarriage. Heh.
So, that's that I guess. Maybe now I can get that hysterectomy...
Haven't updated in a while. Haven't really felt the urge. Haven't felt the words. Every time I sit down to type, it just feels like bullshit. Heh.
There's not gonna be much to this update, either. Just don't really have much to say.
Or maybe I do. I'm simply not sure yet. I must admit, I've been hesitant about even writing about this here. And I'm not sure why.
I'm still trying to figure out how I feel about it. I mean, I've been perfectly clear about not wanting anymore babies. Cuzz I'm full of the selfish and what not. That, and I've been fairly certain that I could no longer have the babies. Heh.
Seems I was wrong about that. For the most part anyway. I can hardly bring myself to even type up that I had a miscarriage. Not sure if it's cuzz I'm not completely sure how I feel about it or what. What really sucks is that I didn't even realize I was pregnant until, like, the day before, so chances are really good that I'm the reason for the miscarriage. Heh.
So, that's that I guess. Maybe now I can get that hysterectomy...
Thursday, May 01, 2008
NEW HAIR!!!!
And the look of PermaExhaustion. o_O
So, I basically got incredibly bored with my hair. I originally had new hair a couple weeks ago, but I got bored with that with the quickness, so I ended up with the newEST hair yesterday. I'm still trying to figure out how to style it and what not.
So, you can kinda see some of the hair loss in the first one, but not too bad. I was able to hide it relatively well in the pictures. Unfortunately, the color I picked and the length seem to amplify the scalp in all of it's butt-ass-white glory. Guess that's what I get for having a hate/hate relationship with the sun. LOL
Next week I start new meds that are gonna make me lose even more hair, so while this cut isn't exactly the most flattering, I think it'll make seeing Bald Leslee a little less shocking. Heh. I think once I figure out how to make it look like I want, it'll look a lot better.
So, I basically got incredibly bored with my hair. I originally had new hair a couple weeks ago, but I got bored with that with the quickness, so I ended up with the newEST hair yesterday. I'm still trying to figure out how to style it and what not.
So, you can kinda see some of the hair loss in the first one, but not too bad. I was able to hide it relatively well in the pictures. Unfortunately, the color I picked and the length seem to amplify the scalp in all of it's butt-ass-white glory. Guess that's what I get for having a hate/hate relationship with the sun. LOL
Next week I start new meds that are gonna make me lose even more hair, so while this cut isn't exactly the most flattering, I think it'll make seeing Bald Leslee a little less shocking. Heh. I think once I figure out how to make it look like I want, it'll look a lot better.
Monday, April 28, 2008
TAGGED!!!
By Cricket, who's in my little list o' people I stalk on the intarwebs. --->
On to the meme.
My roommate and I once read passages from a cheesy romance novel to a guy I was seeing at the time. I laughed so hard as he was getting ready to leave that I may or may not have peed a little. o_O
Never in my life have I had a lot of money. Always had just enough to get by.
High school was a cloud of smoke.
When I am nervous I am either stone silent or will talk non-stop. Seems to depend on the situation. Also, I chain smoke if I'm able.
My hair is far too thin for my taste.
When I was 5 I broke my arm trying to do a cartwheel.
By this time next year I will hopefully be living somewhere else. Cheaper rent (or possibly a house payment) would be awesome.
My ideal breakfast is a cheese omlette and biscuits and gravy.
If you visit my hometown, you'd see Shit tons of railroad tracks and a huge depot.
If you spend the night at my house, you have to be willing to deal with 5 cats that will lay on you at one point or another during your stay.
My favourite blond is uh... Britney? *shrug*
My favourite brunette is Shaun Morgan. (And yes, he counts cuzz the red in his hair is about as natural as mine. :-P)
The animal I would like to see flying is a squirell cuzz it always makes me giggle.
I shouldn’t eat so much damned ice cream.
Last night played Wario on the Wii. And it was FUN.
I’ve been told I look like Jodi Foster, back before i started coloring my hair.
If I could have any car it would be a forest green Blazer with tan interior and all the bells and whistles. (I've wanted the same car since I was 15)
Hmm... I dunno who to tag, so if you wanna do it, then by all means! I'm off to drink some more water and maybe see if I can swallow some salt and see if it helps my throat. :-(
On to the meme.
My roommate and I once read passages from a cheesy romance novel to a guy I was seeing at the time. I laughed so hard as he was getting ready to leave that I may or may not have peed a little. o_O
Never in my life have I had a lot of money. Always had just enough to get by.
High school was a cloud of smoke.
When I am nervous I am either stone silent or will talk non-stop. Seems to depend on the situation. Also, I chain smoke if I'm able.
My hair is far too thin for my taste.
When I was 5 I broke my arm trying to do a cartwheel.
By this time next year I will hopefully be living somewhere else. Cheaper rent (or possibly a house payment) would be awesome.
My ideal breakfast is a cheese omlette and biscuits and gravy.
If you visit my hometown, you'd see Shit tons of railroad tracks and a huge depot.
If you spend the night at my house, you have to be willing to deal with 5 cats that will lay on you at one point or another during your stay.
My favourite blond is uh... Britney? *shrug*
My favourite brunette is Shaun Morgan. (And yes, he counts cuzz the red in his hair is about as natural as mine. :-P)
The animal I would like to see flying is a squirell cuzz it always makes me giggle.
I shouldn’t eat so much damned ice cream.
Last night played Wario on the Wii. And it was FUN.
I’ve been told I look like Jodi Foster, back before i started coloring my hair.
If I could have any car it would be a forest green Blazer with tan interior and all the bells and whistles. (I've wanted the same car since I was 15)
Hmm... I dunno who to tag, so if you wanna do it, then by all means! I'm off to drink some more water and maybe see if I can swallow some salt and see if it helps my throat. :-(
Friday, April 25, 2008
Ya know what pisses me off?
When people try to tell me how to do MY job when they barely have a basic understanding of how it's done and/or why. Fucking seriously. If I code something ALS (Advance Life Support) it's due to the fact that a Basic EMT is NOT supposed to be giving pt care. Typically it's due to there being drugs in an IV or the pt needing to be on a monitor or having some other type of equipment being transported with them. When I give a call that simply tells you WHAT equipment is going with the patient, DO NOT get on the radio and tell me to code it differently. Especially when you have no fucking idea how I coded it in the first place, asshole. I don't give a flying monkey fuck if you're a paramedic or not. YOU DO NOT DO MY JOB. YOU DO NOT UNDERSTAND HOW TO DO MY JOB. Yeah, I'm willing to bet that my job is no where near as difficult as being on the rig, but I don't tell you how to be a fucking ParaGod. Don't tell me how to dispatch.
/end bitchfest
*cough*
Mayhaps I have a touch of the PMS? My uterus is trying to kill me, after all, so I'd say it's a pretty safe bet. I also have this urge to do nothing but chain smoke.
I get to have the boy this weekend. Originally his dad told me no cuzz I have to work until 11 tonight, so that meant I wouldn't be able to take him until tomorrow. But then. THEN. The boy got sick. I'm willing to bet that it's just the beginning of his allergies, just like what happens at this time every.single.year. Seems the other kids might get sick, so I get to have him. Heh. Whatever. I'll gladly keep him and I won't bitch about it one bit. I'm hoping that he's feeling better when I pick him up tomorrow, though. I think I might take him out to lunch or something. I think he'd like that. Let's hope that the PMS tones itself down by then. o_O
I don't really have anything else. I'm gonna try to get up some pictures of the new hair this weekend, but I make no promises. I also want to get the boy's room cleaned up since I don't have to work, but we'll see how that goes, too. I've got a touch of the Spring Cleaning, so I think I should take advantage of that while it's still running through my veins. Too bad I didn't have today off cuzz I'm sure I'd be quite the cleaning fool.
/end bitchfest
*cough*
Mayhaps I have a touch of the PMS? My uterus is trying to kill me, after all, so I'd say it's a pretty safe bet. I also have this urge to do nothing but chain smoke.
I get to have the boy this weekend. Originally his dad told me no cuzz I have to work until 11 tonight, so that meant I wouldn't be able to take him until tomorrow. But then. THEN. The boy got sick. I'm willing to bet that it's just the beginning of his allergies, just like what happens at this time every.single.year. Seems the other kids might get sick, so I get to have him. Heh. Whatever. I'll gladly keep him and I won't bitch about it one bit. I'm hoping that he's feeling better when I pick him up tomorrow, though. I think I might take him out to lunch or something. I think he'd like that. Let's hope that the PMS tones itself down by then. o_O
I don't really have anything else. I'm gonna try to get up some pictures of the new hair this weekend, but I make no promises. I also want to get the boy's room cleaned up since I don't have to work, but we'll see how that goes, too. I've got a touch of the Spring Cleaning, so I think I should take advantage of that while it's still running through my veins. Too bad I didn't have today off cuzz I'm sure I'd be quite the cleaning fool.
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
So, I had this huge amusing entry typed up the other day. When I hit publish, the computer said FUCK YOU (for real!) and told me to refresh the page. The damned internets ate my entry. I was pissed off, so I didn't redo it. Even when I'm trying to NOT suck at the internets, I manage to suck at them.
*sigh*
I'm in a mood
I'm not particularly fond of the crew I'm working with. Not that they're bad people (well, I don't think they're bad people. I don't see them after I leave work, so maybe they eat baby kittens when they leave.), but they are SLOW. And a good majority of the time, it's apparent that they're being slow to prove a point of some kind. What that point might be has never been reveled to me, but they're proving something damn it! It's either that or they're taking care of personal bullshit on the clock. Like the one is ALWAYS on the phone with his girlfriend. Which, whatever. I've never seen a couple so up each other's asses and I have a feeling if Greg and I were like that, I'd have killed him within 3 days, but that's how they roll. It bothers me when it involves my call times. We have a certain amount of time to do things and talking to your girlfriend is not a factor. He's also been trying to renew his national registration, which, ok that's at least job related. But when you're given a call, you don't wait until you're finished with whatever form you need to shove into an envelope. You take your call and do it afterwards. Or, and this is just an idea and maybe it wouldn't work, DO IT ON YOUR OWN FUCKING TIME. He gets 3 days off one week and 4 days off the next week. Yeah, he's a firefighter, too, but it's not for Flint and they typically aren't anywhere near as busy as it is around here.
And the other part of the crew just drives me up the wall. She bitches CONSTANTLY about shit she doesn't even need to worry about. She's a nice enough person, but she just gets under my skin. No idea why. And it's been like that from day 1. Ya know those people that you KNOW there's something about them that you cannot stand, but you just can't quite put your finger on it? That's her. And I've never trusted her. She can be pretty manipulative if she'll get something out of it. This morning when I walked in, she was in here just a rantin and a ravin about something and there was a person over from the base next door just going right along with her. I was ready to bash heads. Fo realz, yo. On top of that, I had left my cigarettes at home this morning and I was NOT a happy camper. (Greg brought them up to me cuzz he was being nice today. I think he wants something.)
I've been cleaning the base like crazy lately. I used to do it all the time, but I got tired of it, so I stopped. Maybe it's the weather or something.
I got nothing else. :-/
*sigh*
I'm in a mood
I'm not particularly fond of the crew I'm working with. Not that they're bad people (well, I don't think they're bad people. I don't see them after I leave work, so maybe they eat baby kittens when they leave.), but they are SLOW. And a good majority of the time, it's apparent that they're being slow to prove a point of some kind. What that point might be has never been reveled to me, but they're proving something damn it! It's either that or they're taking care of personal bullshit on the clock. Like the one is ALWAYS on the phone with his girlfriend. Which, whatever. I've never seen a couple so up each other's asses and I have a feeling if Greg and I were like that, I'd have killed him within 3 days, but that's how they roll. It bothers me when it involves my call times. We have a certain amount of time to do things and talking to your girlfriend is not a factor. He's also been trying to renew his national registration, which, ok that's at least job related. But when you're given a call, you don't wait until you're finished with whatever form you need to shove into an envelope. You take your call and do it afterwards. Or, and this is just an idea and maybe it wouldn't work, DO IT ON YOUR OWN FUCKING TIME. He gets 3 days off one week and 4 days off the next week. Yeah, he's a firefighter, too, but it's not for Flint and they typically aren't anywhere near as busy as it is around here.
And the other part of the crew just drives me up the wall. She bitches CONSTANTLY about shit she doesn't even need to worry about. She's a nice enough person, but she just gets under my skin. No idea why. And it's been like that from day 1. Ya know those people that you KNOW there's something about them that you cannot stand, but you just can't quite put your finger on it? That's her. And I've never trusted her. She can be pretty manipulative if she'll get something out of it. This morning when I walked in, she was in here just a rantin and a ravin about something and there was a person over from the base next door just going right along with her. I was ready to bash heads. Fo realz, yo. On top of that, I had left my cigarettes at home this morning and I was NOT a happy camper. (Greg brought them up to me cuzz he was being nice today. I think he wants something.)
I've been cleaning the base like crazy lately. I used to do it all the time, but I got tired of it, so I stopped. Maybe it's the weather or something.
I got nothing else. :-/
Saturday, April 19, 2008
In Which I STILL Suck at Playing Internets
Yeah... I haven't posted anything anywhere (with the exception of randomly updating my status on MySpace and Facebook on occasion) since the last time I posted here. I haven't really had anything exciting going on and I've been working a metric shit ton of overtime. Let's see if I can put this into perspective. A normal check for me is for 2 weeks of work, which is 84 hours. (36 hrs one week and 48 hrs the next) This last check was for 91 hours and the check I'll be getting in roughly two weeks is gonna be for a minimum of 105 hours. That's if I don't decide to stay over on Friday, which I just might do if I can. So, basically, my life has been all about work lately. And, although some shit went down at ye ole job, I can't talk about it anywhere cuzz rumor has it there are lawyers involved and I don't want to get nailed for opening my mouth. Heh.
I got my herr and nails did this week. I'll post pictures of the hair when I get a chance to take a couple and when Greg gets the fuckin program we use to upload pictures installed on the computer. Turd. He went to some website and tried to download something (to my knowledge, it was not pr0n, but it makes me giggle to think that maybe it was) and pop ups kept jumping on the screen at random times, so he had to reformat it. Now, it wasn't as bad as the last time this happened (that was due to pr0n) cuzz the pop ups were only about life insurance and shit like that. Last time, I was sitting on the couch with Alex watching a movie and I saw something out of the corner of my eye. I looked over and there was a pair of tits staring at me with the words Horny Girls in Grand Blanc Want YOU flashing at me. Alex claims he didn't see the bewbs, but I think he did. LOL Lovely, eh? Anyway, so it was just a bunch of bullshit pop ups this time, but he couldn't get them to stop with all the other crap he did, so reformatting was the way to go. I had just got him to install some other programs that I had been asking him to install for a year on there, so I'm thinking it's gonna be at least another year before they get back on there. Grr. (Yes, I know how to install things, but Greg's programs all organized in his own special way and I can't find shit.)
What else, what else, what else...
I should be getting my little certification diploma and card soon for my AEMD. I kicked that test's ass!
Oh! I know you'll all be shocked, but I finally found out that I definitely DO NOT have Fibromyalsia. I went in for my appt on Wednesday and the doc was all, "Uh... Why are you here?" So I explained everything and he kinda giggled a bit. I told him I was sorry for making him waste an appt, but I didn't have it. He cocked an eyebrow at me and asked if I knew anyone with it, so I told him I did and that I also knew how to read. He laughed and said that there's so much bullshit on the internets that people are diagnosing themselves with and with out things simply based on what someone else wrote. I told him that my bullshit detector was fully functional and explained all the medical background I have and he snickered a bit and said that he needed to do the exam anyway, just to be certain. Ok, I can get that. The only reaction got out of me was when he wound up tickling me. He looked down and asked if what he was doing hurt and I burst out laughing. (I had been trying not to.) He confirmed I don't have it and he's writing a recommendation to my doc for an MRI and/or CAT Scan. he can't understand why I've never had one in the 5 years I've been dealing with this shit, either. He was saying how there's only so much that can be seen with surgery and ultrasound, the rest is typically seen with an MRI. So, that was THAT appt. I saw my urologist, too, and have a new prescription to fill. He finally gave me a script for the pills that are supposed to help the interstitial cystitis. What I had initially (the shit that took me almost 4 months to fucking get) has to be administered in 5 consecutive days and there's just no way I can take that much time off work. Even if I were to have someone come in and cover so I could go up there and go back to work, I have no clue how that crap would effect me and there's a possibility that I would need to stay home afterwards. Bleh. He said the pills take about 3 months to fix anything and if they don't work, I'll have no choice but to use the other stuff, so we'll see how this goes.
And that's pretty much it. Nothing fun and exciting. :-( aw
I got my herr and nails did this week. I'll post pictures of the hair when I get a chance to take a couple and when Greg gets the fuckin program we use to upload pictures installed on the computer. Turd. He went to some website and tried to download something (to my knowledge, it was not pr0n, but it makes me giggle to think that maybe it was) and pop ups kept jumping on the screen at random times, so he had to reformat it. Now, it wasn't as bad as the last time this happened (that was due to pr0n) cuzz the pop ups were only about life insurance and shit like that. Last time, I was sitting on the couch with Alex watching a movie and I saw something out of the corner of my eye. I looked over and there was a pair of tits staring at me with the words Horny Girls in Grand Blanc Want YOU flashing at me. Alex claims he didn't see the bewbs, but I think he did. LOL Lovely, eh? Anyway, so it was just a bunch of bullshit pop ups this time, but he couldn't get them to stop with all the other crap he did, so reformatting was the way to go. I had just got him to install some other programs that I had been asking him to install for a year on there, so I'm thinking it's gonna be at least another year before they get back on there. Grr. (Yes, I know how to install things, but Greg's programs all organized in his own special way and I can't find shit.)
What else, what else, what else...
I should be getting my little certification diploma and card soon for my AEMD. I kicked that test's ass!
Oh! I know you'll all be shocked, but I finally found out that I definitely DO NOT have Fibromyalsia. I went in for my appt on Wednesday and the doc was all, "Uh... Why are you here?" So I explained everything and he kinda giggled a bit. I told him I was sorry for making him waste an appt, but I didn't have it. He cocked an eyebrow at me and asked if I knew anyone with it, so I told him I did and that I also knew how to read. He laughed and said that there's so much bullshit on the internets that people are diagnosing themselves with and with out things simply based on what someone else wrote. I told him that my bullshit detector was fully functional and explained all the medical background I have and he snickered a bit and said that he needed to do the exam anyway, just to be certain. Ok, I can get that. The only reaction got out of me was when he wound up tickling me. He looked down and asked if what he was doing hurt and I burst out laughing. (I had been trying not to.) He confirmed I don't have it and he's writing a recommendation to my doc for an MRI and/or CAT Scan. he can't understand why I've never had one in the 5 years I've been dealing with this shit, either. He was saying how there's only so much that can be seen with surgery and ultrasound, the rest is typically seen with an MRI. So, that was THAT appt. I saw my urologist, too, and have a new prescription to fill. He finally gave me a script for the pills that are supposed to help the interstitial cystitis. What I had initially (the shit that took me almost 4 months to fucking get) has to be administered in 5 consecutive days and there's just no way I can take that much time off work. Even if I were to have someone come in and cover so I could go up there and go back to work, I have no clue how that crap would effect me and there's a possibility that I would need to stay home afterwards. Bleh. He said the pills take about 3 months to fix anything and if they don't work, I'll have no choice but to use the other stuff, so we'll see how this goes.
And that's pretty much it. Nothing fun and exciting. :-( aw
Saturday, April 05, 2008
Well, THAT was interesting...
So, my little brother graduated from basic training this week/weekend. (I can't remember if he graduated Thursday or Friday) I was supposed to go down there for it, but too many doctors appts prevented me from going. My mom is in the process of driving him down to Ft Gordon in Georgia for AIT and Jesse called me from the road.
We're shootin the shit or whatever and he started talking about getting hit with something. I couldn't understand what he was saying. Then I heard a crash and he said they had just gotten hit. I asked if he was ok and he said he was. Then I heard my mom tell him to "get the fuck off the phone and call 911". o_O That kinda worried me a bit, but we got off the phone right away and I got to sit here at work and wonder if they really were ok.
My mom just called a few minutes ago to let me know that they were, indeed, alright and that the sound I had heard was the window shattering on my brother. Seems they got hit in the passenger door by some chick. Jesse was checked out by ambulance personnel and he refused to be taken to the hospital cuzz he didn't need to go. The other car had to be towed cuzz it wouldn't start.
My mom is VERY glad she decided to pay the little of extra money for the insurance.
Renewed my CPR certification. Now I get to renew my EMD. Weeha. This is going to be a LONG week. I have to drive at least 1 hour (each way) for my class Monday - Wednesday after working this weekend and then I have to work Thursday and Friday. Yay.
Boughted me some new girl jeans. These ones don't fall off my ass. As much anyway. Also got the boy some new pants and tshirts. He's not allowed to wear shorts to school, for whatever reason, so these will work well for the rest of the year and probably for some crap during the summer. If the little shit would quit growing I'd be all set. :-P
I almost got one of the funniest cat pictures evAr last night, but I failed. There was one cat eating and 3 more standing behind in line. Once they heard the camera turn on, they scattered. Bitches, ruining my fun.
That's about it. Won't get to see the boy until the 14th cuzz of work and class. That's got me down a bit. Maybe I can steal him away and take him to dinner one night. That shouldn't have him out too late and he won't be too tired for school. Guess I'll have to wait and see where I am financially this week. Heh.
We're shootin the shit or whatever and he started talking about getting hit with something. I couldn't understand what he was saying. Then I heard a crash and he said they had just gotten hit. I asked if he was ok and he said he was. Then I heard my mom tell him to "get the fuck off the phone and call 911". o_O That kinda worried me a bit, but we got off the phone right away and I got to sit here at work and wonder if they really were ok.
My mom just called a few minutes ago to let me know that they were, indeed, alright and that the sound I had heard was the window shattering on my brother. Seems they got hit in the passenger door by some chick. Jesse was checked out by ambulance personnel and he refused to be taken to the hospital cuzz he didn't need to go. The other car had to be towed cuzz it wouldn't start.
My mom is VERY glad she decided to pay the little of extra money for the insurance.
Renewed my CPR certification. Now I get to renew my EMD. Weeha. This is going to be a LONG week. I have to drive at least 1 hour (each way) for my class Monday - Wednesday after working this weekend and then I have to work Thursday and Friday. Yay.
Boughted me some new girl jeans. These ones don't fall off my ass. As much anyway. Also got the boy some new pants and tshirts. He's not allowed to wear shorts to school, for whatever reason, so these will work well for the rest of the year and probably for some crap during the summer. If the little shit would quit growing I'd be all set. :-P
I almost got one of the funniest cat pictures evAr last night, but I failed. There was one cat eating and 3 more standing behind in line. Once they heard the camera turn on, they scattered. Bitches, ruining my fun.
That's about it. Won't get to see the boy until the 14th cuzz of work and class. That's got me down a bit. Maybe I can steal him away and take him to dinner one night. That shouldn't have him out too late and he won't be too tired for school. Guess I'll have to wait and see where I am financially this week. Heh.
Wednesday, April 02, 2008
I fucking heart ths song
Right now, this is BEYOND how I'm feeling. For my lovies that can't play the video or who don't want to.. Have some lyrics!
By Smile Emprty Soul
I walked into a bar tonight
I knew that it was the last place I should be
I'm like a fly to the neon lights
A good buzz is the only thing I need
[Chorus]
Pull up a stool
Nothing to do except
Shot after shot
Drink till I puke
And I'm
Standing on the edge of what is real
I feel like I've drank away the better part of years
My fears have me
Pinned against a wall
without them I would fall so
Before I'm gone lets have a cheers
I've lived through some hard times
I've done the best I could with what I've had
Life is never a short flight
I'm still so young how did I get so
[Chorus]
Before I'm gone lets have a cheers
Before I'm gone lets have a cheers
Standing on the edge of what is real
I feel like I've drank away the better part of years
My fears have me
Pinned against a wall
But without them I would fall so
Before I'm gone lets have a cheers
Before I'm gone lets have a cheers
Before I'm gone lets have a cheers
Before I'm gone lets have a cheers
Story of my life...
And, just cuzz I'm being a YouTube freak... Here's a song Ben Harper remade that I can't get out of my head.
as remade by Ben Harper
All this talk of getting old
It's getting me down my love
Like a cat in a bag waiting to drown
This time I'm comin' down
And I know you're thinking of me
As you lay down on your side
Now the drugs don't work
They just make you worse
But I know I'll see your face again
Now the drugs don't work
They just make you worse
But I know I'll see your face again
But I know I'm on a losing streak
'Cause I passed down by old street
And if you wanna show, just let me know
And I'll sing in your ear again
Now the drugs don't work
They just make you worse
But I know I'll see your face again
So baby, Woh- if heaven calls, I'm coming too
Just like you said you leave my life, I'm better off dead
All this talk of getting old
It's getting me down my love
Like a cat in a bag, waiting to drown
This time I'm comin' down
The drugs don't work
They just make you worse
But I know I'll see your face again
So baby, Woh- if heaven calls, I'm coming too
And like you said, you leave my life, I'm better off dead
But if you wanna show, just let me know
And now I'll sing in your ear again
Now the drugs don't work
They just make you worse
But now I know I'll see your face again
Yeah- I know I'll see your face again
Yeah- I know I'll see your face again
Oh- now
Yeah, I know I'll see your face again
Never coming down, Never coming down
No more, no more, no more, no more, no more, no more
Never coming down, never coming down
No more, no more, no more, no more, no more
Oh- now
Yeah, I know I'll see your face again
There are SO many countless people I could play that for...
Suffice it to say I'm in a melancholy mood right now. And I miss my high school people who were taken too soon.
I think I might just be a naturally EMO perswon. Yes, I DO heart The Cure and I DO wear heavy black eyeliner. Bite me! :-P
Tuesday, April 01, 2008
In which I present Baby Boy! Complete with random update!
So... I missed my appt with the fibromaylsia doc. I slept through my alarm cuzz I am teh awesomest evAr! Seriously, I finally fell asleep around 0500 and had to be up at 0700. Thankfully, they tried to call me into work today cuzz I slept through that alarm, too. Had they not woke me up? The boy would have been HORRIBLY late for school. Heh. New appt is in two weeks. They could've gotten me in next week, but I'll be in class to obtain my EMD (Emergency Medical Dispatch) certification that I allowed to expire in June 2006. I was under the (correct) assumption that I wouldn't need it to work with the hospital that I do, but the Medical Control Authority has recently passed a thing stating that EVERY dispatcher in the county MUST be certified. It's not a bad thing, I like having the training and the reference protocols so that in the (incredibly rare) event I have a private caller that needs me to assist them with CPR (which I could've done anyway, being an {expired} instructor) or maybe to help a caller birth a breech baby, I can do that with a script that was made by actual doctors! Seriously, I completely heart having that certification and it allows me to go ANYWHERE in the U.S. and still be able to dispatch. Which will be awesome as fuck if I decide that I absolutely must leave the state (or maybe change jobs and, say, work with an actual 911 center) I can do it and not have to worry about a job. I would LOVELOVELOVE to leave Michigan, but I'd have to take the ex to court to get permission to take the boy and it's just not worth it right now.
Anyway.
I'm drinking a nice Merlot from Barefoot which (I think and could be COMPLETELY wrong about {damn you ALanis Morrisette}) is ironic as hell considering that I absolutely DESPISE anything and everything that is related to and/or involving feet, and getting ready to start on an even better Cabernet Sauvignon by the same winery, and listening to a band called HURT. (Seriously, check them out! They are fucking AWESOMETACULAR! Especially if you're a lyrics bitch like I am. I have their CDs Vol. 1 and Vol. 2 and it's incredibly {I really like that word tonight} that they ever leave my CD player. They're rock/hard rock, but they're not as hard as what I typically listen to. Go. Listen. and LOVE THEM LIKE I DO!!!)
*cough*
I do believe I promised you good people some BABY pictures! Keep in mind that I neglected to scan his newborn pictures. Well, with the exception of the one that the hospital took. See, when Alex was born, he didn't cry. That made everyone in the room (approx 15 nurses and 3 doctors {for real. I pushed HARD for 3 hours and he didn't move AT.ALL. Plus I had an asthma attack in the middle, so everyone freaked out}) freak, so I didn't get to see him for the first 4 hours of his life. I made his dad go with everyone to the NICU to make sure he didn't get mixed up with another baby or stolen or something and he took pictures. Basically, my precious little boy has a bunch of pictures of himself with tubes and monitors and, while I know it's not a bad thing and it could have been SO much worse, I just don't want to post those. He looks perfectly healthy and like he has absolutely NO need for the wires and tubes (which he didn't, he was just stubborn like his momma) I just don't want to scan the,. Deal with it.
What you get is gonna be SO much more. Well, for as long as I leave it up anyway. the first thing is a page of sorts from his first year. All wallet photos. Yeah... I'm that mom. The one that gets hit on at the bar (Lord only knows WHY) and whips out all sorts of wallet pictures of the precious little child that she is not taking care of for whatever reason. I know, I know, I fucking rawk! After that will be pictures from his first few months until just after his first year. That's where my pictures stop. I lost A LOT of stuff when I left my ex. I just realized last night that a shit ton of pictures were among the things I lost.
Anyway.
Enjoy the cute. My son is the cutest redhead you'll ever see! Ok, Ok, with the exception of Cricket's little boy. But, hey, TWO awesomely cute redheadds acn't be all bad. Unless they somehow get together and join forces. Then all Hell will break loose and I', pretty sure the Four Horsemen will appear and all will be lost. :-P
Let the pictures begin!!!
Isn't he just fucking gorgeous?! I'm totally TOO buzzed and tired to come up with captions. Just remember that he stole that cat toy from Harley and would not go ANYWHERE with out it. And also that he's ALWAYS been tall and skinny. o_O And he STILL loves his BBQ. Momma's boy ALL .THE.WAY.
Anyway.
I'm drinking a nice Merlot from Barefoot which (I think and could be COMPLETELY wrong about {damn you ALanis Morrisette}) is ironic as hell considering that I absolutely DESPISE anything and everything that is related to and/or involving feet, and getting ready to start on an even better Cabernet Sauvignon by the same winery, and listening to a band called HURT. (Seriously, check them out! They are fucking AWESOMETACULAR! Especially if you're a lyrics bitch like I am. I have their CDs Vol. 1 and Vol. 2 and it's incredibly {I really like that word tonight} that they ever leave my CD player. They're rock/hard rock, but they're not as hard as what I typically listen to. Go. Listen. and LOVE THEM LIKE I DO!!!)
*cough*
I do believe I promised you good people some BABY pictures! Keep in mind that I neglected to scan his newborn pictures. Well, with the exception of the one that the hospital took. See, when Alex was born, he didn't cry. That made everyone in the room (approx 15 nurses and 3 doctors {for real. I pushed HARD for 3 hours and he didn't move AT.ALL. Plus I had an asthma attack in the middle, so everyone freaked out}) freak, so I didn't get to see him for the first 4 hours of his life. I made his dad go with everyone to the NICU to make sure he didn't get mixed up with another baby or stolen or something and he took pictures. Basically, my precious little boy has a bunch of pictures of himself with tubes and monitors and, while I know it's not a bad thing and it could have been SO much worse, I just don't want to post those. He looks perfectly healthy and like he has absolutely NO need for the wires and tubes (which he didn't, he was just stubborn like his momma) I just don't want to scan the,. Deal with it.
What you get is gonna be SO much more. Well, for as long as I leave it up anyway. the first thing is a page of sorts from his first year. All wallet photos. Yeah... I'm that mom. The one that gets hit on at the bar (Lord only knows WHY) and whips out all sorts of wallet pictures of the precious little child that she is not taking care of for whatever reason. I know, I know, I fucking rawk! After that will be pictures from his first few months until just after his first year. That's where my pictures stop. I lost A LOT of stuff when I left my ex. I just realized last night that a shit ton of pictures were among the things I lost.
Anyway.
Enjoy the cute. My son is the cutest redhead you'll ever see! Ok, Ok, with the exception of Cricket's little boy. But, hey, TWO awesomely cute redheadds acn't be all bad. Unless they somehow get together and join forces. Then all Hell will break loose and I', pretty sure the Four Horsemen will appear and all will be lost. :-P
Let the pictures begin!!!
Isn't he just fucking gorgeous?! I'm totally TOO buzzed and tired to come up with captions. Just remember that he stole that cat toy from Harley and would not go ANYWHERE with out it. And also that he's ALWAYS been tall and skinny. o_O And he STILL loves his BBQ. Momma's boy ALL .THE.WAY.
Hmm...
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Ya know, I'm a little shocked it wasn't higher. Guess I need to work on incorporating more cussing into my writing. I really thought I had that shit down, yo.
Heh.
I didn't go to bed until around 5 this morning. I just couldn't sleep. I don't know if I'm nervous about going to a doctor that I am almost certain will be telling me that I was right and that I do NOT have Fibromyalsia or if I simply lost last night's battle with insomnia. I am in a pretty descent amount of pain right now, though, so that may have played a part as well. I'd pop some beautiful Dilaudid except that I am teh awesomest pill taker ever. See, the pills are incredibly small and, since I am also teh awesomest when it comes to dropping things, I've gotten into the habit of taking the pills over the sink. (All I need is to drop a pill and have Alex or one of the cats find it and eat it and explode.) So, I was being responsible and what not and was dumping pills into my hand when I decided that it would be even greater fun to just randomly drop the bottle. Into the sink. Where there was an open drain. Ugh. I now have 7 pills to last me until I see my doc again in about 2 weeks. Lovely.
I tried to battle the insomnia demon by scanning pictures into the computer with my awesometastic scanner. I scanned things from my horribly missed community theater days and I scanned pictures of baby Alex cuzz I was jealous of Grandpa Becky's pictures of HER baby Alex. (And dude, I am totally gonna link to those places when I'm finished with this entry. I actually read a few of the blogs you linked.) So, maybe a picture or three?
These two are from my first show You Can't Take It With You. I played a drunk actress. Heheh.
From the first time I did Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat. I got to play girl roles that time. :-P
With the girls from South Pacific. That was my first lead role. And yes, I know I make a shitty blond.
Ok, I'm gonna throw some of the baby Alex pics up later and some funny ones from my theater days, too. But for now, I shall leave you with this...
Pissed off Baby Alex. I totally heart that picture. :-)
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