So, I've been home all by myself tonight and I haven't been able to think of how to do my Year in Review post. I want to do a meme thing, but the only one I've come across has been Grandpa Becky's and it just seemed too serious for me. Maybe it's cuzz I couldn't think of how I would answer the questions, which is weird cuzz when I read memes, I always think of how I would answer them. Gah!
I wasn't expecting to be home alone tonight. The boy is spending the night with his grandparents, so I though it was just gonna be Greg and me. He went to visit friends while I was at work, so I didn't really figure he'd be home till late anyway. He never goes out to see anyone he was friends with before he met me, so I don't mind. Actually, I'm really glad he went. He apparently had too good of a time, though, cuzz around 930 I got a call from one of his friends telling me that Greg was passed out on his living room floor. LMAO He called to let me know tha they were keeping him for the night cuzz they didn't want to make the drive out here. I don't blame them, really. They've never been here before and it's a bit of a drive. I guess Greg woke up cuzz they put him on the phone and it was pretty obvious he was still fucked up. Hehe. I told him that his friends said he was staying there and that I would see him in the morning. He texted me about an hour later and said that he was alright if I wanted to know. That tells me he didn't remember talking to me. I told him I knew cuzz I talked to him and his friend and that he should get some sleep. I think he thought I was gonna be mad at him. I'm pretty sure that if it were me that passed out drunk at a friend's house, he'd have lost his shit. That's how he is, though. If I go out with someone that isn't him, he'll start texting me or calling me and be a dick about it. I remember when I went to Rob Zombie last summer with a friend I've known for about 2 more years than I've known Greg, he completely lost his shit and threatened to move out. That just prompted me to drink more and get pissed. I told him that if he thought he was going to threaten me with that again, he'd better have his shit packed and be gone when I got home cuzz I'd throw his ass out. He hasn't threatened since. Heh.
This wasn't meant to bash Greg, so oops? I didn't really back him, though. Just told what happened, so meh. I'm really glad he had a good time tonight. Hopefully he'll see his friends more often. I think it'll be a good thing for him.
For some reason, I really want a chili dog. o_O Or a coney. Mmm... Coney dogs. Damned weird ass cravings at 230 in the morning.
In other news, I smell fucking awesome! Is it weird that I love the way I smell and that I tell people about it on a regular basis?
I'm gonna smoke my last cigarette and try to get some sleep I think. I want to get up in the morning and start overhauling the boy's bedroom. It's a fucking disaster!
I'll work on that Year in Review thing. I promise.
Monday, December 31, 2007
Saturday, December 29, 2007
Well.
I've been sitting here all by my lonesome for damned near 12 hours now. It's been nice, but pretty damned boring. There's never anything on TV on the weekend and, up until recently, almost all the good shit on the intarwebs was blocked. Today I discovered that not only can I access the games, but I can access the music. I'm blissfully listening to In This River by Black Label Society and all is ok with the world.
Have I mentioned that I think the knocking me out during laprascopy fucked up my mind? Seriously. Like, on Christmas Eve, I was parked out front of my aunt and uncle's house, but I didn't recognize it. And then, on actual Christmas, I was picking Alex up from the ex-husband's parents house and I didn't recognize his backpack. I thought it belonged to one of the other kids. And I had to be convinced that it was actually his. o_O The mind. She burns.
And my leg is all hurty and gimpified. I think I wrote about that, though.
Oooo sweet! Ben Folds Five! I fucking heart them!
*cough*
I have my follow up with my surgery/specialty/non-thorough doc on the second. Well, providing my referral comes through in time. I had to wait until yesterday to set up the appt and the family doc's office closes at noon on Fridays. I called before that, but had to leave a message. Meh. They should be able to get it through. Then I get to see the pee doc on the 25th or something like that to start treatment for the interstitial cystitis, which means I should be bald by summer. At least my head won't be hot, eh? I have to wait until the 2nd to get a hold of the fibromyalsia dude cuzz the office seems to be closed every day I try to call. That's mildly annoying.
And that's about it. Went out and has a beer or five with a couple friends last night and they talked me into going to sing karaoke, which made me miss doing theater again. I haven't been in a show for three damned years now. One of these days I'll get back into it. Maybe. I kinda feel like my time has passed on that one. Grr.
Ok, I'm off to dink around with the games again, I guess. Only about a half an hour left of working and then I get to go home and harass the kitties. Oh! So, my Sirius radio module was thieved from my car at work a couple months back. Today, Greg's was stolen out his car while he was at home. We're thinking it happened sometime after I got home last night. Greg called Sirius and now we're both getting new modules for free. The ones we're getting are normally like $130, I guess. Weeha for that!
Now, I'm really going. I'm thinking of doing a Year in Review thing like Grandpa Becky tomorrow. We'll see if I get the motivation.
I've been sitting here all by my lonesome for damned near 12 hours now. It's been nice, but pretty damned boring. There's never anything on TV on the weekend and, up until recently, almost all the good shit on the intarwebs was blocked. Today I discovered that not only can I access the games, but I can access the music. I'm blissfully listening to In This River by Black Label Society and all is ok with the world.
Have I mentioned that I think the knocking me out during laprascopy fucked up my mind? Seriously. Like, on Christmas Eve, I was parked out front of my aunt and uncle's house, but I didn't recognize it. And then, on actual Christmas, I was picking Alex up from the ex-husband's parents house and I didn't recognize his backpack. I thought it belonged to one of the other kids. And I had to be convinced that it was actually his. o_O The mind. She burns.
And my leg is all hurty and gimpified. I think I wrote about that, though.
Oooo sweet! Ben Folds Five! I fucking heart them!
*cough*
I have my follow up with my surgery/specialty/non-thorough doc on the second. Well, providing my referral comes through in time. I had to wait until yesterday to set up the appt and the family doc's office closes at noon on Fridays. I called before that, but had to leave a message. Meh. They should be able to get it through. Then I get to see the pee doc on the 25th or something like that to start treatment for the interstitial cystitis, which means I should be bald by summer. At least my head won't be hot, eh? I have to wait until the 2nd to get a hold of the fibromyalsia dude cuzz the office seems to be closed every day I try to call. That's mildly annoying.
And that's about it. Went out and has a beer or five with a couple friends last night and they talked me into going to sing karaoke, which made me miss doing theater again. I haven't been in a show for three damned years now. One of these days I'll get back into it. Maybe. I kinda feel like my time has passed on that one. Grr.
Ok, I'm off to dink around with the games again, I guess. Only about a half an hour left of working and then I get to go home and harass the kitties. Oh! So, my Sirius radio module was thieved from my car at work a couple months back. Today, Greg's was stolen out his car while he was at home. We're thinking it happened sometime after I got home last night. Greg called Sirius and now we're both getting new modules for free. The ones we're getting are normally like $130, I guess. Weeha for that!
Now, I'm really going. I'm thinking of doing a Year in Review thing like Grandpa Becky tomorrow. We'll see if I get the motivation.
Monday, December 24, 2007
Ok, so about the laprascopy...
I'm not sure why I've been avoiding blogging about this. Lord knows I don't have that much to do at work today. (Although, I discovered this morning that yahoo games are not blocked right now. Yeah, I've been wasting my day away playing Dynomite and Bookworm between calls. Merry Christmas to me!) I think it might have something to do with the fact that I feel incredibly let down by my doctor.
Let's start at the beginning.
I hate being told I can't eat or drink anything after midnight. I understand why, but being told you can't have and/or do something always makes it that much harder for me. So, when I woke up that morning, I was already a bit pissy. I always wake up thirsty and there was no water in my world that morning. *grumble*
We got there at 1030 and I turned in a medical records release for FMLA that I shouldn't have even had to do cuzz they don't NEED to give my medical records to Human Resources, they just need to write everything down on the application, but if they really want to give HR the power to read about my hoo-hoo and my caustic uterus, then by all means let them have at it!
*cough*
So, we get there and go up to the 2nd floor to the waiting room. This family of three cut me off on the way up to the desk and then proceeded to be stupid, so I made a bit of a show out of reading the sign and signing in like someone who isn't too stupid to read signs. (Hmm... Think the hormones were a raging perhaps?) We sat there for a bit and my mommy came down (she works for the legal dept at the hospital I was at) and I got called back at about 11. Vitals were checked and I peed in the cup on command and put on the gown and sat on the little bed and waited.
And waited.
And, you guessed it! Waited some more.
After an hour of waiting for them to just at least let my mom and Greg come keep me company, I asked a nurse what the hold up was. (I was actually very polite. I start out sweet and get bitchy only when needed when people will be cutting me with sharp things.) They told me that I needed to have an IV first and then they would allow my family to come back. I sat back down on the bed and had just lifted my feet onto it when a two nurse team came in just as happy and peppy as could be! (Guess I just needed to remind someone I was there?) The one nurse got me to sign all sorts of shit and the other one actually got my IV going on the first try. That is pretty much unheard of when it comes to me and my veins. They were in and they were back out and my people were brought in to entertain me.
We waited some more and they came in to explain that my doc was held up and was running behind. We were all kinda expecting that since he delivers the bitty bitty babies and they don't like to keep on a schedule like good bitty bitty babies. They had shift change and I got the nurse who had no people skills at all. I had versaid (I think that's how it's spelled) in my system and was a bit giggly and maybe semi-retarded and he would just stare at me. Stare at me like I was ET and he wasn't impressed cuzz I wasn't a klingon or some shit. He comes to take me to the room of the cutting and told Greg that the doc had just said he expected to be looking around in meh belleh (hehe. I heart Fat Bastard) for at least an hour. Greg said he was gonna go get something to eat and I was on my drugged up way.
I was cracking jokes and shit in the OR cuzz I am awesome when on teh drugz and was generally a delight to be around. (Shut up! I was!) I moved onto the teeny tiny little table thingie in the room and they strapped me down to it. Now, this was not something I knew was going to happen and it was not a good thing that happened. I am weird about being tied down and what not. In some instances, I like it. (rawr!) In most instances, though, I panic. I can't even sleep in a sleeping bag that's zipped up. When they strapped me down with out even telling me that they were going to do it, well, I became a little less than pleasant. There were tears and cussing and ordering of the anesthesiologist to take the bouffant cap off my eyes or he was going to lose his wee little willy. (Yeah, I remember putting it that way.) They quickly told me that they were going to make me go to sleep after that.
The next thing I remember is waking up and not being able to breathe. AT ALL. I think I woke up with a tube still in my throat. Then I remember being wheeled down the hallway very quickly. Finally, I heard a nurse telling me that I had woken up incredibly hard from the anesthetic and that I needed to calm down. Panic ensued, but eventually I could breathe again. I got a lot of pain killers. Then they wheeled me to a different room and gave me Vernor's and a blueberry muffin. Greg came back and made fun of me for looking like a little kid with my Vernor's and muffin. I asked him if the doctor had come out to talk to him.
This is where I began to think that it was simply a waste of my time.
He told me that he left to eat and was gone for maybe half an hour. Remember now, he was told a minimum of one hour in surgery. When he came back, the nurse saw him and told him that the doc was looking for him about ten minutes prior. That means that he had me in the room and looked at in 20 minutes tops.
20 fucking minutes.
He came out and told Greg that he didn't see anything. Now, we don't know if that means that he didn't see anything new or that he didn't see anything at all. I'm hoping that maybe it means nothing new, though I'm betting it means nothing at all. At any rate, I'll find out in about a week and a half.
I have an appointment with my family doc Wednesday to get more pain killers and let them steal my blood. I'll be requesting an MRI and/or CAT scan at that time. I've never had either one, which is odd. I'll also be requesting a second opinion. I feel incredibly let down by this doctor who told me that he would help me. He told me before we went in that if he didn't find anything that he could fix, he would help me manage my pain long term. Mind you, this is the same doc that refused to write me prescriptions when he found out that my family doc had me on Dilaudid. He also made sure to mention that I needed to get into see the urologist for my Interstitial Cystitis in front of my mom, so I can't conveniently forget again. Heh. Looks like I'll actually be bald this year after all.
And, to top it all off, girly time decided that Saturday would be a good time to show up after a 6 month hiatus. Let me be the first to assure you that girly time is PISSED OFF about being gone for so long! And also? For some reason, I am not allowed to having anything in the hoo-hoo (don't you just love TMI? It's so FUN!) for two weeks, so I get to feel extra icky. Wee ha!
I might be back later tonight to bitch about Greg leaving to go to Kentucky and being a complete dick about the whole thing and my spending Christmas with my FIVE (you missed one, Cricket!) cats and a half gallon (ok, prolly not that much) vodka. We'll have to see if I get to tanked at the family's house that I'll be going to tonight. Since it's not family that I know very well, it's going to be awkward, which means it'll be prime drinking time. Also, I'm trying to decide if I should go home and put on a sweater jacket thing and relatively nice shoes and maybe a bit of make up before I go over there when I get out of work, or if I should just show up in my tennis shoes, black elastic banded pants (jeans are still a bit too restricting, which pisses me off) and Zelda sweatshirt with merely eye brows (which are expertly drawn on thankyouverymuch) and mascara.
I hope you enjoyed that run on sentence, it's your Christmas present. I'm so fucking generous :-P
Let's start at the beginning.
I hate being told I can't eat or drink anything after midnight. I understand why, but being told you can't have and/or do something always makes it that much harder for me. So, when I woke up that morning, I was already a bit pissy. I always wake up thirsty and there was no water in my world that morning. *grumble*
We got there at 1030 and I turned in a medical records release for FMLA that I shouldn't have even had to do cuzz they don't NEED to give my medical records to Human Resources, they just need to write everything down on the application, but if they really want to give HR the power to read about my hoo-hoo and my caustic uterus, then by all means let them have at it!
*cough*
So, we get there and go up to the 2nd floor to the waiting room. This family of three cut me off on the way up to the desk and then proceeded to be stupid, so I made a bit of a show out of reading the sign and signing in like someone who isn't too stupid to read signs. (Hmm... Think the hormones were a raging perhaps?) We sat there for a bit and my mommy came down (she works for the legal dept at the hospital I was at) and I got called back at about 11. Vitals were checked and I peed in the cup on command and put on the gown and sat on the little bed and waited.
And waited.
And, you guessed it! Waited some more.
After an hour of waiting for them to just at least let my mom and Greg come keep me company, I asked a nurse what the hold up was. (I was actually very polite. I start out sweet and get bitchy only when needed when people will be cutting me with sharp things.) They told me that I needed to have an IV first and then they would allow my family to come back. I sat back down on the bed and had just lifted my feet onto it when a two nurse team came in just as happy and peppy as could be! (Guess I just needed to remind someone I was there?) The one nurse got me to sign all sorts of shit and the other one actually got my IV going on the first try. That is pretty much unheard of when it comes to me and my veins. They were in and they were back out and my people were brought in to entertain me.
We waited some more and they came in to explain that my doc was held up and was running behind. We were all kinda expecting that since he delivers the bitty bitty babies and they don't like to keep on a schedule like good bitty bitty babies. They had shift change and I got the nurse who had no people skills at all. I had versaid (I think that's how it's spelled) in my system and was a bit giggly and maybe semi-retarded and he would just stare at me. Stare at me like I was ET and he wasn't impressed cuzz I wasn't a klingon or some shit. He comes to take me to the room of the cutting and told Greg that the doc had just said he expected to be looking around in meh belleh (hehe. I heart Fat Bastard) for at least an hour. Greg said he was gonna go get something to eat and I was on my drugged up way.
I was cracking jokes and shit in the OR cuzz I am awesome when on teh drugz and was generally a delight to be around. (Shut up! I was!) I moved onto the teeny tiny little table thingie in the room and they strapped me down to it. Now, this was not something I knew was going to happen and it was not a good thing that happened. I am weird about being tied down and what not. In some instances, I like it. (rawr!) In most instances, though, I panic. I can't even sleep in a sleeping bag that's zipped up. When they strapped me down with out even telling me that they were going to do it, well, I became a little less than pleasant. There were tears and cussing and ordering of the anesthesiologist to take the bouffant cap off my eyes or he was going to lose his wee little willy. (Yeah, I remember putting it that way.) They quickly told me that they were going to make me go to sleep after that.
The next thing I remember is waking up and not being able to breathe. AT ALL. I think I woke up with a tube still in my throat. Then I remember being wheeled down the hallway very quickly. Finally, I heard a nurse telling me that I had woken up incredibly hard from the anesthetic and that I needed to calm down. Panic ensued, but eventually I could breathe again. I got a lot of pain killers. Then they wheeled me to a different room and gave me Vernor's and a blueberry muffin. Greg came back and made fun of me for looking like a little kid with my Vernor's and muffin. I asked him if the doctor had come out to talk to him.
This is where I began to think that it was simply a waste of my time.
He told me that he left to eat and was gone for maybe half an hour. Remember now, he was told a minimum of one hour in surgery. When he came back, the nurse saw him and told him that the doc was looking for him about ten minutes prior. That means that he had me in the room and looked at in 20 minutes tops.
20 fucking minutes.
He came out and told Greg that he didn't see anything. Now, we don't know if that means that he didn't see anything new or that he didn't see anything at all. I'm hoping that maybe it means nothing new, though I'm betting it means nothing at all. At any rate, I'll find out in about a week and a half.
I have an appointment with my family doc Wednesday to get more pain killers and let them steal my blood. I'll be requesting an MRI and/or CAT scan at that time. I've never had either one, which is odd. I'll also be requesting a second opinion. I feel incredibly let down by this doctor who told me that he would help me. He told me before we went in that if he didn't find anything that he could fix, he would help me manage my pain long term. Mind you, this is the same doc that refused to write me prescriptions when he found out that my family doc had me on Dilaudid. He also made sure to mention that I needed to get into see the urologist for my Interstitial Cystitis in front of my mom, so I can't conveniently forget again. Heh. Looks like I'll actually be bald this year after all.
And, to top it all off, girly time decided that Saturday would be a good time to show up after a 6 month hiatus. Let me be the first to assure you that girly time is PISSED OFF about being gone for so long! And also? For some reason, I am not allowed to having anything in the hoo-hoo (don't you just love TMI? It's so FUN!) for two weeks, so I get to feel extra icky. Wee ha!
I might be back later tonight to bitch about Greg leaving to go to Kentucky and being a complete dick about the whole thing and my spending Christmas with my FIVE (you missed one, Cricket!) cats and a half gallon (ok, prolly not that much) vodka. We'll have to see if I get to tanked at the family's house that I'll be going to tonight. Since it's not family that I know very well, it's going to be awkward, which means it'll be prime drinking time. Also, I'm trying to decide if I should go home and put on a sweater jacket thing and relatively nice shoes and maybe a bit of make up before I go over there when I get out of work, or if I should just show up in my tennis shoes, black elastic banded pants (jeans are still a bit too restricting, which pisses me off) and Zelda sweatshirt with merely eye brows (which are expertly drawn on thankyouverymuch) and mascara.
I hope you enjoyed that run on sentence, it's your Christmas present. I'm so fucking generous :-P
Sunday, December 23, 2007
So, I was gonna update about the laprascopy...
Instead, I'm gonna update about how I kinda almost died tonight.
For real.
I was at Meijer buying vodka and cat litter, cuzz that's what's essential for Christmas merriment. Tried to buy some gum, but I must've left it at the counter since I can't find it anywhere.
Anyway.
I was at the stop light waiting for it to turn green so I could be on my merry little way. It turned green and, not seeing any other cars, I proceeded to go through the light.
Next thing I knew, there was a big red pick up truck coming at me.
Fast.
I hit my brakes, but I was already in the middle of Center Rd. I heard the trucks tires squeal and looked over to see what looked like smoke coming from the wheels.
I shit you not when I tell you that fuckin truck literally tapped my driver's side door. He managed to stop JUST.IN.TIME.
There was no damage to either vehicle. The grill of his truck was right in the center of my door. MY DOOR.
I may or may not have peed a little, what with thinking I was a goner and all. He looked like he was gonna have a heart attack.
The reason he ran a red light? He hadn't been in the area in a while and didn't know that there was a light there.
Heh.
So, there will be an update about the laprascopy later. I'm off to drink some more vodka and play with the kitties that are my only company for the next few days.
For real.
I was at Meijer buying vodka and cat litter, cuzz that's what's essential for Christmas merriment. Tried to buy some gum, but I must've left it at the counter since I can't find it anywhere.
Anyway.
I was at the stop light waiting for it to turn green so I could be on my merry little way. It turned green and, not seeing any other cars, I proceeded to go through the light.
Next thing I knew, there was a big red pick up truck coming at me.
Fast.
I hit my brakes, but I was already in the middle of Center Rd. I heard the trucks tires squeal and looked over to see what looked like smoke coming from the wheels.
I shit you not when I tell you that fuckin truck literally tapped my driver's side door. He managed to stop JUST.IN.TIME.
There was no damage to either vehicle. The grill of his truck was right in the center of my door. MY DOOR.
I may or may not have peed a little, what with thinking I was a goner and all. He looked like he was gonna have a heart attack.
The reason he ran a red light? He hadn't been in the area in a while and didn't know that there was a light there.
Heh.
So, there will be an update about the laprascopy later. I'm off to drink some more vodka and play with the kitties that are my only company for the next few days.
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
2 days to go...
Until happy surgery day. I know I just wrote about how I'm looking forward to it, and I still am, but I'm also starting to get nervous. I'm not nervous so much about them finding something (hell I want them to find something!). I'm more nervous about what might happen. I'm not sure if I wrote about this when it happened or not, but my mom almost died when she had her hysterectomy not too long ago. (It's been like a year and a half, maybe two years now) The same doc that did her hysterectomy is doing my laprascopy and I have no doubt in his abilities at all. He's never even had a medical malpractice suit or settlement or anything like that against him. My mom apparently decided that that would be a good time to scare the shit out of everyone and went into cardiac and respiratory arrest. More than once. When she came out of surgery, she was on a vent for a while and it was kinda touch and go for the first few hours. She was off the vent the next day and while she looked like shit, she seemed to be perfectly fine. They released her a couple days later. And while I know that I'm younger and whatever so I most likely will not have the same thing happen to me, it's still kinda freaky to think about. They called to pre-register me a week or so ago and they asked if I had an advanced directive. (I don't even though I know I should have one.) They asked me if I wanted them to save me, should I do what my mommy did, and of course I said yes. I didn't tell them that I don't want to be kept alive by machines, though, should it come down to it. I know I'm over thinking it and that's not even gonna be an issue, but that's how I roll. Always thinking about the worst case scenario. I suck, I know.
The boy is freaked out and keeps asking me when I'm going and if I've already had it done. Like when I picked him up from his dad's on Sunday, that was the first question out of his mouth. I hate that he's so worried and I didn't want to tell him about it, but he must've over heard me talking to someone about it. It's kinda cute how he gets all defensive about me now. His cousin was saying something about how I was walking (effectively making fun of me, like kids do) and the boy chirped right up with, "SHE'S HAVING SURGERY! SHUT!UP!" It's nice to know he'll defend my honor when little kids try to be assholes. LOL
It seems that it's Kitty Olympics time right now. They're ALL running around and jumping on things and knocking them over. They're LOUD, too, so I'm sure Greg is just loving that. They messed with his hours at work, so now everything is an hour off. He goes in an hour later, which means he gets out an hour later than normal. I don't think it would be such a big deal if he worked one shift. He's swing shift supervisor, though, so he works all three shifts. Last night and tonight he works third, which means sleepy time. Not too sure how well that's gonna work when the boys get here after school. Hope he's sleeping now cuzz them boys are LOUD!
Speaking of Greg, he'll be leaving for Kentucky a few days after I have the surgery. Not too thrilled about that. This is the first year that I will actually have Christmas day off and I'll have the boy and was thinking that we were gonna have a nice Christmas all together and be happy and Norman Rockwellish and generally vomit inducing. Seems I was wrong in that assumption as he had already made plans to go to his mom's. He just forgot to tell me. As usual. Ugh. Now I have to figure out how the hell I'm gonna give him money to make sure he can get there and back. This also means that I'm gonna be here all alone for a few days. I haven't been alone in a while, so while that's gonna be nice, I'm not looking as forward to it as I should be. I'll be going back to work Sunday and I'll be working Christmas Eve, so that'll eat up some time, and I'll probably sleep in the hours in between. (Maybe.) Christmas Eve though, I'll be all by my lonesome. *sigh* Maybe I'll call a few friends and see if they wanna come over and drink. That would be all nifty and shit.
Apparently, things are hitting the fan at work. Ambulance companies are always full of Teh Drama for some reason. We all have better things to do with our time, but somehow the rumor mill runs rampant anyway. Which is where a lot of my entertainment comes from. I'm the person that everyone bitches to cuzz I don't tell other people what's said, but I love hearing everything. I'm like a gossip wall or something. I'm nosey as all get out and willfully listen to people bitch about whatever is bothering them and then not say a word. So there's that drama and it's mixed in with the shitty moral. We all used to LOVE going to work when we first started. Now? Not so much. You can only shit on a person so many times before they start to get tired of the smell, ya know? Should be interesting when I go back.
My brother just called to see if I could take him to his recruiter's office. Heh. Can't happen. No money in the bank plus no gas equals no drivey anywhere extra. He signed up to go active ARMY a few weeks ago. Not too excited about that, but he seems to be a bit. There's quite a hefty sign on bonus (providing they don't fuck him over on that, which they will) and he wants to get some kind of training, which will be good for him since he has, like, ZERO job experience. Still, I'm not fond of the idea. He'll be shipped out, I'm sure of it. I had my fill of worrying about that when my ex-husband was in the ARMY. Of course, he was only in for six months before he went AWOL, but the worry is still fresh in my mind. The boy is already worried. He has a couple uncles that are in the service and he worries about them everyday. One was shipped to Iraq a couple times and came very close to being blown up, but managed to get out alive and is stationed in Alaska now. Hopefully he won't get called back. The other two are stationed over seas, just not in war zones. He worries about them so much it's heartbreaking. I swear that boy is gonna have an ulcer by the time he's eight with all the worrying he does. That's one trait I'm not too thrilled to have passed down.
Meh. My hands are getting tired and I feel like I need a nap. Probably best to get rested up before the boys get home. Then I get to fix dinner and ship them off to scouts and hand over the den leader reigns. (That's not spelled right. Oh well) One of the moms said she'd do it, but she wants to ask about changing the meeting night and all sorts of shit. Heh. I'll let her handle all that crap.
Welp, it's off to the couch! Providing the Kitty Olympics are over, that is.
The boy is freaked out and keeps asking me when I'm going and if I've already had it done. Like when I picked him up from his dad's on Sunday, that was the first question out of his mouth. I hate that he's so worried and I didn't want to tell him about it, but he must've over heard me talking to someone about it. It's kinda cute how he gets all defensive about me now. His cousin was saying something about how I was walking (effectively making fun of me, like kids do) and the boy chirped right up with, "SHE'S HAVING SURGERY! SHUT!UP!" It's nice to know he'll defend my honor when little kids try to be assholes. LOL
It seems that it's Kitty Olympics time right now. They're ALL running around and jumping on things and knocking them over. They're LOUD, too, so I'm sure Greg is just loving that. They messed with his hours at work, so now everything is an hour off. He goes in an hour later, which means he gets out an hour later than normal. I don't think it would be such a big deal if he worked one shift. He's swing shift supervisor, though, so he works all three shifts. Last night and tonight he works third, which means sleepy time. Not too sure how well that's gonna work when the boys get here after school. Hope he's sleeping now cuzz them boys are LOUD!
Speaking of Greg, he'll be leaving for Kentucky a few days after I have the surgery. Not too thrilled about that. This is the first year that I will actually have Christmas day off and I'll have the boy and was thinking that we were gonna have a nice Christmas all together and be happy and Norman Rockwellish and generally vomit inducing. Seems I was wrong in that assumption as he had already made plans to go to his mom's. He just forgot to tell me. As usual. Ugh. Now I have to figure out how the hell I'm gonna give him money to make sure he can get there and back. This also means that I'm gonna be here all alone for a few days. I haven't been alone in a while, so while that's gonna be nice, I'm not looking as forward to it as I should be. I'll be going back to work Sunday and I'll be working Christmas Eve, so that'll eat up some time, and I'll probably sleep in the hours in between. (Maybe.) Christmas Eve though, I'll be all by my lonesome. *sigh* Maybe I'll call a few friends and see if they wanna come over and drink. That would be all nifty and shit.
Apparently, things are hitting the fan at work. Ambulance companies are always full of Teh Drama for some reason. We all have better things to do with our time, but somehow the rumor mill runs rampant anyway. Which is where a lot of my entertainment comes from. I'm the person that everyone bitches to cuzz I don't tell other people what's said, but I love hearing everything. I'm like a gossip wall or something. I'm nosey as all get out and willfully listen to people bitch about whatever is bothering them and then not say a word. So there's that drama and it's mixed in with the shitty moral. We all used to LOVE going to work when we first started. Now? Not so much. You can only shit on a person so many times before they start to get tired of the smell, ya know? Should be interesting when I go back.
My brother just called to see if I could take him to his recruiter's office. Heh. Can't happen. No money in the bank plus no gas equals no drivey anywhere extra. He signed up to go active ARMY a few weeks ago. Not too excited about that, but he seems to be a bit. There's quite a hefty sign on bonus (providing they don't fuck him over on that, which they will) and he wants to get some kind of training, which will be good for him since he has, like, ZERO job experience. Still, I'm not fond of the idea. He'll be shipped out, I'm sure of it. I had my fill of worrying about that when my ex-husband was in the ARMY. Of course, he was only in for six months before he went AWOL, but the worry is still fresh in my mind. The boy is already worried. He has a couple uncles that are in the service and he worries about them everyday. One was shipped to Iraq a couple times and came very close to being blown up, but managed to get out alive and is stationed in Alaska now. Hopefully he won't get called back. The other two are stationed over seas, just not in war zones. He worries about them so much it's heartbreaking. I swear that boy is gonna have an ulcer by the time he's eight with all the worrying he does. That's one trait I'm not too thrilled to have passed down.
Meh. My hands are getting tired and I feel like I need a nap. Probably best to get rested up before the boys get home. Then I get to fix dinner and ship them off to scouts and hand over the den leader reigns. (That's not spelled right. Oh well) One of the moms said she'd do it, but she wants to ask about changing the meeting night and all sorts of shit. Heh. I'll let her handle all that crap.
Welp, it's off to the couch! Providing the Kitty Olympics are over, that is.
Sunday, December 16, 2007
Happy Fucking Blizzard!!!
Ok, so maybe it's not technically a blizzard, but the sky shit out a LOT of snow last night. It's actually still doing it. This morning, Greg went and cleaned my car off for me. He opened the door to leave for work about 5 minutes later and I asked him if he had cleaned my car off or had gotten too cold. he said he'd cleaned it, but you couldn't tell AT ALL. Later, I went out to start my car and went back inside for about 5 minutes. When I went back out, you couldn't even tell that I had been outside. This should make picking the kidling up from his dad's an interesting experience. o_O
I'm not fond of snow. AT. ALL.
I'm getting a bit antsy about the laprascopy. Just about 4 days away! I'm looking forward to it simply cuzz for those few hours I'll be under anesthetic, I won't be in any pain. I'll finally be comfortable and just be asleep. I honestly cannot remember the last time I was simply comfortable. I can't sit on the couch and find a comfortable position. I can't lay down in bed and find a comfy spot and just fall asleep. Hell, I can't even sleep through the night. (I've always said that I have insomnia at times, but I used to be able to sleep with the help of a few pills. Now? Not so much) Even when I was pregnant I could get comfortable most of the time. It's so frustrating.
I'm nervous about the laprascopy cuzz I'm betting that they're going to tell me that everything looked "normal". I don't know what the hell I'll do if they say that. Five years of being in pain. 3 years of being told that it was PCOS causing it. A few months of being able to say that it could be endometreosis. If they don't see anything it'll be like they've just been lying to me this whole time. Or that I'm full of the crazy. Actually, I'm thinking it'll be more like I'm full of the crazy. People go into doctor's offices all the time, bitching and moaning about some problem or another and they are perfectly fine. Hypochondria I think is the term for it? Anyway, whenever I would tell my mom that I thought there was something wrong with me when I was younger, she would tell me I was a hypochondriac and that I was fine. Except she was wrong. (Those are stories for a different blog ramble, though.) I loathe being told that I'm imaging that there's something wrong with me. And I really think that's what's going to end up happening. Of course, I'll have to schedule an appointment and wait two weeks to be told all this, which means I get to go out of my mind worrying about it for just a little while longer. Yee ha!
I wonder how much snow is gonna be on the ground when the sky stops shitting on us. I think we've got about 6 inches or so on the ground already. It's definitely made things interesting road wise. And since ambulances drive on the road, it's reeking havoc on my response times. Meh. It's too be expected in weather like this and it's even MORE expected considering that we're in Flint. I swear, the people that are responsible for plowing and throwing salt on the roads are completely devoid of any and all common sense. On my way into work this morning, the roads appeared to not have been touched by a plow at all. Ok, I can see how that could happen what with the snow falling down like it was racing, but when I saw 4 snowplows in a line going down the road, I figured that it wasn't the snow's fault, but possibly that of the road crews. They went down one street, completely in one line all nice and orderly like. Then they turned to the left and went over the bridge and onto a different street, still all nice and orderly. Uh... Wow? The ginormous snow drift they left behind almost killed my car. Idiots. If they are gonna plow together, you'd think that they could try and plow ALL of the street maybe? Maybe?
Bah. I think I'll read the paper. Or eat some chicken noodle soup. Man... I've been living on coup, water and pickles for weeks (for some reason that's all I've been craving) and yet the weight, it doesn't move. Long as it doesn't move UP, I guess I can deal with that.
I'm not fond of snow. AT. ALL.
I'm getting a bit antsy about the laprascopy. Just about 4 days away! I'm looking forward to it simply cuzz for those few hours I'll be under anesthetic, I won't be in any pain. I'll finally be comfortable and just be asleep. I honestly cannot remember the last time I was simply comfortable. I can't sit on the couch and find a comfortable position. I can't lay down in bed and find a comfy spot and just fall asleep. Hell, I can't even sleep through the night. (I've always said that I have insomnia at times, but I used to be able to sleep with the help of a few pills. Now? Not so much) Even when I was pregnant I could get comfortable most of the time. It's so frustrating.
I'm nervous about the laprascopy cuzz I'm betting that they're going to tell me that everything looked "normal". I don't know what the hell I'll do if they say that. Five years of being in pain. 3 years of being told that it was PCOS causing it. A few months of being able to say that it could be endometreosis. If they don't see anything it'll be like they've just been lying to me this whole time. Or that I'm full of the crazy. Actually, I'm thinking it'll be more like I'm full of the crazy. People go into doctor's offices all the time, bitching and moaning about some problem or another and they are perfectly fine. Hypochondria I think is the term for it? Anyway, whenever I would tell my mom that I thought there was something wrong with me when I was younger, she would tell me I was a hypochondriac and that I was fine. Except she was wrong. (Those are stories for a different blog ramble, though.) I loathe being told that I'm imaging that there's something wrong with me. And I really think that's what's going to end up happening. Of course, I'll have to schedule an appointment and wait two weeks to be told all this, which means I get to go out of my mind worrying about it for just a little while longer. Yee ha!
I wonder how much snow is gonna be on the ground when the sky stops shitting on us. I think we've got about 6 inches or so on the ground already. It's definitely made things interesting road wise. And since ambulances drive on the road, it's reeking havoc on my response times. Meh. It's too be expected in weather like this and it's even MORE expected considering that we're in Flint. I swear, the people that are responsible for plowing and throwing salt on the roads are completely devoid of any and all common sense. On my way into work this morning, the roads appeared to not have been touched by a plow at all. Ok, I can see how that could happen what with the snow falling down like it was racing, but when I saw 4 snowplows in a line going down the road, I figured that it wasn't the snow's fault, but possibly that of the road crews. They went down one street, completely in one line all nice and orderly like. Then they turned to the left and went over the bridge and onto a different street, still all nice and orderly. Uh... Wow? The ginormous snow drift they left behind almost killed my car. Idiots. If they are gonna plow together, you'd think that they could try and plow ALL of the street maybe? Maybe?
Bah. I think I'll read the paper. Or eat some chicken noodle soup. Man... I've been living on coup, water and pickles for weeks (for some reason that's all I've been craving) and yet the weight, it doesn't move. Long as it doesn't move UP, I guess I can deal with that.
Sunday, December 09, 2007
Written from work... And then from home!
Holy slow intarwebs Batman! The computer is lagging HARDCORE and it's making me feel a little bit stabby. Then again, I've been feeling a little bit stabby at the drop of a hat lately, so chances are really good that I'm just being too fucking impatient and need to calm down a bit. Damned hormones.
It seems that in order for the laprascopy to go like it should, I need to have the Depo Lupron out of my system. It also seems that while I faithfully received the shots for 5 months, it only takes 6 weeks for that shit to vacate. Sounds odd to me, but I'm no doctor. Just a lowly dispatcher that is beginning to wonder if this doctor that will be doing the procedure actually thinks there's anything wrong with me. But that's a post for a different time. When there's beer and/or wine. Or maybe just when there's a couple of Dilauded pills in my system. Ok fine, it's a post for when I'm at home damn it. (I was trying to sound all hardcore about my creativity and needing booze and possibly pills to be all creative and awesome, but you just had to ruin it for me didn't you! Geeze...)
*cough*
Anyway, with the lupron leaving my system, my beautiful PMS is coming back 10 fold, like it was pissed at being suppressed for so long. In reality, it was never suppressed. It was AMPLIFIED and I was full of the crazy. But, since it didn't have a happy period (fuck you Always products. There is NO SUCH THING.) I think the PMS felt all empty and emo and now? It must take out it's emo angst on me. I expect lots and LOTS of pity.
I forgot to bring food with me to work today and I'm rather hungry. Greg has been home all day and I am hoping that there will be dinner when I bring the boy home from his dad's, but I'm betting that he sat around watching movies all day. *sigh* My home is such an incredibly mess right now and I HATE it. It makes me wish I had a long sword with which I could play stabby and just stab all the crap that needs to be picked up and it would magically go where ever the fuck it needed to go simply with 1 stab. Or that Greg would clean for me. Neither of which is likely to happen, but you never know. Magical stabby cleaning swords appear all the time from what I hear.
OH YEAH! So! Last night I went to darts for the make up games. First, I got a freaked out text from one of the people on my team saying that no one was at the bar we were supposed to throw at and OH!MY!GOD! *insert appropriate freak out here* See, my phone decided to turn itself off at some point and it forgot to tell me. So, there was minor drama there. So, we're throwing and people are asking me if I'm ok and I was wishing I had a walker with those cool tennis balls on the front. About halfway through the games, I went to go sit back down after my shot. As I was walking past the bar, this random chick in a red blazer grabbed my face and started to MAKE OUT WITH ME!!! Then she walked off to the bathroom. I'm guessing the drive by make out was a bit one sided, seeing as how I wasn't anticipating it and, um, well... Girls are not exactly my thing. I was stood there COMPLETELY freaked out and kept asking my friends if they had just seen what happened. We all stood there with this wide eyed look of amazement on our faces. Then this dude in a sweater (think Bill Cosby sweater. Yeah, for real. And he looked like he was younger than I am.) tells me that the same chick dragged him from the front of the place to the bar so she could "buy him a beer for being hot." That pissed me off and shook me out of my shock. I mean, how come HE got a beer and all I got was a random drive by make out? If ANYTHING, I deserved booze for that. Random people who witnessed the drive by make out kept coming up to me, asking if I knew who she was. Every time I answered no, they told me that's what they had thought, judging by my reaction. I'm still a little bitter about not getting any booze.
~And now from home~
I hadn't realized how late it had gotten when I was writing this last night. I had to save right quick and get the hell outta Dodge so I could pick the kidling up from his dad's. I hobbled my way to the door and Matt couldn't even be bothered to step out onto the porch. Dick. I think next week I'll be calling in advance to get him to bring him out to the car. It'll be a mild annoyance, but it'll make me giggle.
I have GOT to remember to get someone to come in early for me on Friday. The boy's Christmas program is that night. I got there incredibly late last year cuzz that's the day I put Harley down. Heh. I just realized that she was put to sleep on the 14th last year, which also happened to be the date of the Christmas program last year and just so happens to be the same date for THIS year's program. How odd...
In my head, I think I've been able to figure out how to buy Christmas this year. All of our bills should be current, so all we really have to worry about is rent. Damn rent. Oh and the phone bill. I HAVE to remember to pay that this time. Last month, my mommy bailed me out cuzz I forgot to pay it for 2 months in a row. I used to be so on top of getting everything paid and now I'm lucky if I remember that I got a bill in the mail. I blame the Lupron.
Is it sad that I'm excited for my surgery simply cuzz it means that I'll get 3 days off? I think it's sad. I love my job for the most part (dealing with some of the nurses makes me wanna play stabby sometimes, though) and I used to look forward to going in. I can remember actually feeling happy that I was going to work when we first started. Now, it's such a damned chore that I would call in all the time if I could get away with it. Meh. I still think it'll get better.
I think I'm gonna stop writing now and blacken my lungs a bit. I typically reserve my Dilaudid for night time use, but I hurt so much right now that I've already taken it. Greg said he'd pick the boy up from school today, though, so that's awesome. I kinda wish they had bus service, though. I guess that's what I get for sending him to a school that had a biggest graduating class of 12 a couple years back. o_O At least I can send him to school with chocolate in his lunch!
It seems that in order for the laprascopy to go like it should, I need to have the Depo Lupron out of my system. It also seems that while I faithfully received the shots for 5 months, it only takes 6 weeks for that shit to vacate. Sounds odd to me, but I'm no doctor. Just a lowly dispatcher that is beginning to wonder if this doctor that will be doing the procedure actually thinks there's anything wrong with me. But that's a post for a different time. When there's beer and/or wine. Or maybe just when there's a couple of Dilauded pills in my system. Ok fine, it's a post for when I'm at home damn it. (I was trying to sound all hardcore about my creativity and needing booze and possibly pills to be all creative and awesome, but you just had to ruin it for me didn't you! Geeze...)
*cough*
Anyway, with the lupron leaving my system, my beautiful PMS is coming back 10 fold, like it was pissed at being suppressed for so long. In reality, it was never suppressed. It was AMPLIFIED and I was full of the crazy. But, since it didn't have a happy period (fuck you Always products. There is NO SUCH THING.) I think the PMS felt all empty and emo and now? It must take out it's emo angst on me. I expect lots and LOTS of pity.
I forgot to bring food with me to work today and I'm rather hungry. Greg has been home all day and I am hoping that there will be dinner when I bring the boy home from his dad's, but I'm betting that he sat around watching movies all day. *sigh* My home is such an incredibly mess right now and I HATE it. It makes me wish I had a long sword with which I could play stabby and just stab all the crap that needs to be picked up and it would magically go where ever the fuck it needed to go simply with 1 stab. Or that Greg would clean for me. Neither of which is likely to happen, but you never know. Magical stabby cleaning swords appear all the time from what I hear.
OH YEAH! So! Last night I went to darts for the make up games. First, I got a freaked out text from one of the people on my team saying that no one was at the bar we were supposed to throw at and OH!MY!GOD! *insert appropriate freak out here* See, my phone decided to turn itself off at some point and it forgot to tell me. So, there was minor drama there. So, we're throwing and people are asking me if I'm ok and I was wishing I had a walker with those cool tennis balls on the front. About halfway through the games, I went to go sit back down after my shot. As I was walking past the bar, this random chick in a red blazer grabbed my face and started to MAKE OUT WITH ME!!! Then she walked off to the bathroom. I'm guessing the drive by make out was a bit one sided, seeing as how I wasn't anticipating it and, um, well... Girls are not exactly my thing. I was stood there COMPLETELY freaked out and kept asking my friends if they had just seen what happened. We all stood there with this wide eyed look of amazement on our faces. Then this dude in a sweater (think Bill Cosby sweater. Yeah, for real. And he looked like he was younger than I am.) tells me that the same chick dragged him from the front of the place to the bar so she could "buy him a beer for being hot." That pissed me off and shook me out of my shock. I mean, how come HE got a beer and all I got was a random drive by make out? If ANYTHING, I deserved booze for that. Random people who witnessed the drive by make out kept coming up to me, asking if I knew who she was. Every time I answered no, they told me that's what they had thought, judging by my reaction. I'm still a little bitter about not getting any booze.
~And now from home~
I hadn't realized how late it had gotten when I was writing this last night. I had to save right quick and get the hell outta Dodge so I could pick the kidling up from his dad's. I hobbled my way to the door and Matt couldn't even be bothered to step out onto the porch. Dick. I think next week I'll be calling in advance to get him to bring him out to the car. It'll be a mild annoyance, but it'll make me giggle.
I have GOT to remember to get someone to come in early for me on Friday. The boy's Christmas program is that night. I got there incredibly late last year cuzz that's the day I put Harley down. Heh. I just realized that she was put to sleep on the 14th last year, which also happened to be the date of the Christmas program last year and just so happens to be the same date for THIS year's program. How odd...
In my head, I think I've been able to figure out how to buy Christmas this year. All of our bills should be current, so all we really have to worry about is rent. Damn rent. Oh and the phone bill. I HAVE to remember to pay that this time. Last month, my mommy bailed me out cuzz I forgot to pay it for 2 months in a row. I used to be so on top of getting everything paid and now I'm lucky if I remember that I got a bill in the mail. I blame the Lupron.
Is it sad that I'm excited for my surgery simply cuzz it means that I'll get 3 days off? I think it's sad. I love my job for the most part (dealing with some of the nurses makes me wanna play stabby sometimes, though) and I used to look forward to going in. I can remember actually feeling happy that I was going to work when we first started. Now, it's such a damned chore that I would call in all the time if I could get away with it. Meh. I still think it'll get better.
I think I'm gonna stop writing now and blacken my lungs a bit. I typically reserve my Dilaudid for night time use, but I hurt so much right now that I've already taken it. Greg said he'd pick the boy up from school today, though, so that's awesome. I kinda wish they had bus service, though. I guess that's what I get for sending him to a school that had a biggest graduating class of 12 a couple years back. o_O At least I can send him to school with chocolate in his lunch!
Saturday, December 08, 2007
So, I seem to have pissed off someone I work with. *blink* And I'm not all that upset about it. It's actually been kinda nice not to have anyone talking to me for the first couple of hours at work. Wonder how long it will last?
I'm hating money right now. HATE. Then again, when do I not hate money? Oh yeah, when I don't have to spend it on bills and wonder how I'm gonna get groceries and Christmas presents. Seriously, we are beyond broke. And who can I blame? It's not like I had a gun to my head and had to give all my money to some mugger. Hell, if that had happened, I could probably take advantage of some sympathy pity. Nope! Just regular ole stupid-asshole-quit-not-managing-your-money-properly pity. And that pity SUCKS. And what sucks just a little more than that? I find myself harboring resentment towards Greg for this. But hey! He's all set with whatever the hell he had in mind when he went out and spent money like we had a money tree, so it's cool. >_<
I am in LOVE with Grape Aquafina. LOVELOVELOVE! I've been seriously contemplating calling the water company to see if I can't just get that shit to flow freely from the faucets. Of course, it'll have to go through the Brita pitcher first cuzz if it doesn't, it'll smell like a combination of chlorine, eggs and ass and probably taste much like that appetizing combo, but hey, it'd be CHEAPER!!!
Having surgery on the 20th. Yippee. I have to remember to get my FMLA paperwork filled out by my surgeon so my boss will approve my PTO. I wish I had known that before yesterday cuzz I could have already taken care of that. Guess that's what happens when the ginormous hospital you work for expects one person to do a job that should take, like, maybe 3 people to do. My boss is INCREDIBLY overloaded and while I do bitch about how he doesn't do this, that and the other thing, I know it's not cuzz he's a complete douche or anything. Which kinda sucks cuzz, really, who wants to defend their boss? That's almost equivalent to ass kissing and NO ONE likes an ass kisser.
I'm not excited about tonight. I have to go and make up a dart night in fuckin Fenton. Not something I'm looking forward to. The team we're playing is no fun, which typically makes the night suck. I don't have any money for beer, so THAT sucks. And, really? I'm just fuckin tired and I'm in pain and I don't want to deal with everyone asking me if I'm ok when I attempt to walk. Do I look like I'm ok? I know it's not a question that's intended to be rude or anything and I try not to be rude when I answer, but DUDES. Every.Fucking.Time.I.Get.Out.Of.A.Chair. I get asked. You try not being a little miffed by that. Betcha can't!
There's a little shindig for Mandy's bday tonight, too. I want to go, but I don't at the same time. I mean, it's her birthday today and everyone should have their friends around for their birthday. Thing is, I'm gonna be dog ass tired to begin with and I can't take my pain meds until I know I'm in for the night, so THAT'S gonna be interesting. I want to at least be able to buy her a beer and/or a shot, but I won't be able to. I'm sure she'll understand, though. Hell, she's probably in the same boat I am financially. I'm planning on heading up as soon as the make up game is done; I'm just not sure if I'll be able to stick to that plan.
I'm going to give up my Den Leader status. Heh. It's just not fair to the boys to have a leader who doesn't know if they can be there for every meeting. I mean, getting sick once in a while is understandable, but I've been having so much trouble getting around that I've been having to miss and that's just not fair. I'm hoping that one of the other parents will step up and quit being so fucking wishy washy about it, but I doubt that's gonna happen. Ugh. I want to quit scouts all together, but the boys would be heartbroken, so that's not an option. If Matt would step up and, oh I don't know, be a father to HIS child instead of only stepping up for Danette's kids, it wouldn't be so bad. Every time I've asked him if he could take the boys to a meeting, he has some excuse. Kinda like the excuse he gave me when I asked if he could take the boy home or at least up to the ER when I went a couple of weeks ago and he couldn't cuzz he didn't have gas. Whatever.
My skin is SO dry right not that it's unreal. Hell, the air is so freaking dry that when I breathe it tastes like blood. Ew. I'm so gross.
I want my makeup. I woke up at, like, 610 this morning and I have to be to work by 7. I had just enough time to shower and start my car while I took off the makeup that was left behind after I washed my face. Suck. I was kinda hoping to throw on a little make up since I'm leaving straight from work to go to other places tonight, but oh well. I'll just look like death tonight. It'll be pure sex, I'm telling you.
What else, what else...
My friend is getting ready to pop out a baby. She's due on Monday. I feel bad cuzz we were supposed to have dinner together and let the boys play (they both have the same name cuzz we are the AWESOME), but I've had to back out every time we've made plans. That's why I just need to randomly show up places. If I could just be all, "Hey, I think I'm gonna show up here and they will feed me and the boy cuzz they will be prepared and it will rawk", then I'd never have to break plans and I would see everyone all the time and everything would be shiny and happy and yay! Shut up, I like living in delusions sometimes.
I guess that's all. I was really enjoying typing for some reason. I'm weird. And you LOVE it. LOVE, I tell you!
I'm hating money right now. HATE. Then again, when do I not hate money? Oh yeah, when I don't have to spend it on bills and wonder how I'm gonna get groceries and Christmas presents. Seriously, we are beyond broke. And who can I blame? It's not like I had a gun to my head and had to give all my money to some mugger. Hell, if that had happened, I could probably take advantage of some sympathy pity. Nope! Just regular ole stupid-asshole-quit-not-managing-your-money-properly pity. And that pity SUCKS. And what sucks just a little more than that? I find myself harboring resentment towards Greg for this. But hey! He's all set with whatever the hell he had in mind when he went out and spent money like we had a money tree, so it's cool. >_<
I am in LOVE with Grape Aquafina. LOVELOVELOVE! I've been seriously contemplating calling the water company to see if I can't just get that shit to flow freely from the faucets. Of course, it'll have to go through the Brita pitcher first cuzz if it doesn't, it'll smell like a combination of chlorine, eggs and ass and probably taste much like that appetizing combo, but hey, it'd be CHEAPER!!!
Having surgery on the 20th. Yippee. I have to remember to get my FMLA paperwork filled out by my surgeon so my boss will approve my PTO. I wish I had known that before yesterday cuzz I could have already taken care of that. Guess that's what happens when the ginormous hospital you work for expects one person to do a job that should take, like, maybe 3 people to do. My boss is INCREDIBLY overloaded and while I do bitch about how he doesn't do this, that and the other thing, I know it's not cuzz he's a complete douche or anything. Which kinda sucks cuzz, really, who wants to defend their boss? That's almost equivalent to ass kissing and NO ONE likes an ass kisser.
I'm not excited about tonight. I have to go and make up a dart night in fuckin Fenton. Not something I'm looking forward to. The team we're playing is no fun, which typically makes the night suck. I don't have any money for beer, so THAT sucks. And, really? I'm just fuckin tired and I'm in pain and I don't want to deal with everyone asking me if I'm ok when I attempt to walk. Do I look like I'm ok? I know it's not a question that's intended to be rude or anything and I try not to be rude when I answer, but DUDES. Every.Fucking.Time.I.Get.Out.Of.A.Chair. I get asked. You try not being a little miffed by that. Betcha can't!
There's a little shindig for Mandy's bday tonight, too. I want to go, but I don't at the same time. I mean, it's her birthday today and everyone should have their friends around for their birthday. Thing is, I'm gonna be dog ass tired to begin with and I can't take my pain meds until I know I'm in for the night, so THAT'S gonna be interesting. I want to at least be able to buy her a beer and/or a shot, but I won't be able to. I'm sure she'll understand, though. Hell, she's probably in the same boat I am financially. I'm planning on heading up as soon as the make up game is done; I'm just not sure if I'll be able to stick to that plan.
I'm going to give up my Den Leader status. Heh. It's just not fair to the boys to have a leader who doesn't know if they can be there for every meeting. I mean, getting sick once in a while is understandable, but I've been having so much trouble getting around that I've been having to miss and that's just not fair. I'm hoping that one of the other parents will step up and quit being so fucking wishy washy about it, but I doubt that's gonna happen. Ugh. I want to quit scouts all together, but the boys would be heartbroken, so that's not an option. If Matt would step up and, oh I don't know, be a father to HIS child instead of only stepping up for Danette's kids, it wouldn't be so bad. Every time I've asked him if he could take the boys to a meeting, he has some excuse. Kinda like the excuse he gave me when I asked if he could take the boy home or at least up to the ER when I went a couple of weeks ago and he couldn't cuzz he didn't have gas. Whatever.
My skin is SO dry right not that it's unreal. Hell, the air is so freaking dry that when I breathe it tastes like blood. Ew. I'm so gross.
I want my makeup. I woke up at, like, 610 this morning and I have to be to work by 7. I had just enough time to shower and start my car while I took off the makeup that was left behind after I washed my face. Suck. I was kinda hoping to throw on a little make up since I'm leaving straight from work to go to other places tonight, but oh well. I'll just look like death tonight. It'll be pure sex, I'm telling you.
What else, what else...
My friend is getting ready to pop out a baby. She's due on Monday. I feel bad cuzz we were supposed to have dinner together and let the boys play (they both have the same name cuzz we are the AWESOME), but I've had to back out every time we've made plans. That's why I just need to randomly show up places. If I could just be all, "Hey, I think I'm gonna show up here and they will feed me and the boy cuzz they will be prepared and it will rawk", then I'd never have to break plans and I would see everyone all the time and everything would be shiny and happy and yay! Shut up, I like living in delusions sometimes.
I guess that's all. I was really enjoying typing for some reason. I'm weird. And you LOVE it. LOVE, I tell you!
Friday, November 30, 2007
When I got home from work on Turkey Day, there was a new friend waiting for me.
Isn't she precious?! Her name is Nala. We think she was someone else's kitty, but she was outside shivering and hungry and Greg said he just couldn't leave her out there on her own. We're keeping an eye out for signs or things in the paper to see if someone lost her, but so far there's been nothing.
There she is with Bitsy. We think they are pretty close in age, but that's just based on how close they are in size.
I just love that picture of Bitsy. She likes to try to eat the camera. I swear, I've never seen a cat eat the things she does. A small list includes olives, peas and pickles. o_O
And then there were 5. For all the bitching he did about there being 4 cats, I never would have guessed that he'd bring home another one.
Isn't she precious?! Her name is Nala. We think she was someone else's kitty, but she was outside shivering and hungry and Greg said he just couldn't leave her out there on her own. We're keeping an eye out for signs or things in the paper to see if someone lost her, but so far there's been nothing.
There she is with Bitsy. We think they are pretty close in age, but that's just based on how close they are in size.
I just love that picture of Bitsy. She likes to try to eat the camera. I swear, I've never seen a cat eat the things she does. A small list includes olives, peas and pickles. o_O
And then there were 5. For all the bitching he did about there being 4 cats, I never would have guessed that he'd bring home another one.
Monday, November 26, 2007
Someimtes I wish I actually had a cock so I could whip it out when I tell the world to suck it
Fucking seriously. Ok, so maybe I don't want to tell the entire world to suck my dick, but that's what fit in the subject line.
So, I don't think I blogged about my most recent appt with my "specialist" that happened the day before Thanksgiving. Allow me to do so now. There might be a lot of paragraphs that shouldn't actually BE paragraphs, but you'll deal with it if they appear. I just feel like separating things at random. Let's see if I do it.
*ahem*
I actually arrived at the office on time. This is pretty much unheard of since I am freakish;y late every where I go. I blame Japanese class in high school. But that's a different story for a different time.
I signed in and started reading my book The Jericho Pact. I got called back after about 15 minutes, which is awesome for his office. See, he's located inside Genesys and he's called out quite a bit for emergency c-sections and what not, so he's usually pretty backed up. I hobbled back to the room and started reading again after I told the nurse about all the pain I've been in. He came in and asked how I was doing and I spouted off to him about how I've been having trouble walking for over a month now and how my pain level is constantly at a 10. He then told me that he wants me to see another doctor. He no longer thinks a hysterectomy will help me. Seems he thinks I have Fibromyalgia. In other words, since the Depo Lupron didn't completely get rid of my pain like he wanted it to, he's giving me the big FUCK YOU and shoving me off on someone else. At that point, I was close to crying cuzz, fuck, I've been dealing with this for 5 years now and NO ONE has been able to tell me exactly what's going, why it's happening or how to fucking stop it. I think when he saw I was gonna cry that he started to feel bad cuzz then he told me that he wanted me to stop the Depo Lupron completely (I had just had my last injection a week and a half before this appt) and he'll do Laprascopy just to be sure that a hysterectomy won't help me. I reminded him, yet again, that when my grandmother had her hysterectomy BEFORE she was 30, they found endometrial cells on her spine, which is what my primary doctor thinks is happening to me. Of course, no one can be sure until they get in there, though. I also told him that he should review my mother's chart, since he's the one that did her hysterectomy last year and that it was possible I could be suffering for whatever the hell was wrong with her.
Then I asked him about pain meds.
See, I ran out of my precrition for Dilaudid the 16th, which is right when I should have. I called my primary doctor the following Monday and was told that she doesn't phone in prescriptions for narcotics over the phone. Ok, no big deal. I asked when I'd be able to get in to see her. I couldn't get in until today. They were closed Wednesday through Friday for Turkey day. I asked if I could speak with her to see about a possible exception since she'd have my chart there to review. I was told that was not her policy and I couldn't speak to her about it. I was pissed and made it known and then booked the appointment for today.
So, I asked him about possibly getting a prescription from him to get me through until I could see my primary. He asked if I was still taking Darvocet. I told him no, that I had been prescribed Dilaudid. He interrupted me at that point and told me that he will NOT prescribe Dilaudid for me or anyone else and that he would NOT be writing me any more prescriptions for pain relief. He then handed me my chart, told me AGAIN that he wouldn't prescribe me anything, pointed to the box of tissues since that's when I started crying and told me he'd see me in 6 weeks for the Laprascopy.
Fast forward to last night. I was at work and was in so much pain that I was shaking. I finally got through to my primary's phone service (I couldn't get through in the days prior for some reason) and explained to her what was going on and what had happened earlier in the week and she told me to go ahead and go to the ER. There just so happens to be one where I work, so Stephanie (a medic I work with and one crazy ass bitch) rolled me down in the office chair I sit in. The nurse who checked me in just so happened to know who my father is. She looked at my name and asked if I knew him, which kind of shocked me a little. Seems that she's worked at that hospital since 1979 and remembers him from when he used to come in for pain meds for his headaches. That kinda put me on edge a bit cuzz he's a drug seeker.
It took forever for the doctor to come to the room I was in. When he saw I was still dressed, he told me that I needed to change so he could examine me. That made me a little pissy cuzz I was hoping to not have to go through the whole pelvic bullshit, but whatever. So many fucking doctors have seen my hoo-hoo that it really doesn't bother me that much anymore. He left while I changed and took another forever to come back. Turns out, he just wanted to push on my belly and apparently I needed to be in one of those fuckin see through hospital gowns for him to do that.
He asked me why I was there and I explained to him all that's wrong with me and blahblahblah. He asked me what I was on for pain, so, of course, I told him that I ran out over a week prior and that I was on Dilaudid. He started shaking his head, telling me that he doesn't give that drug and he doesn't even write prescriptions. He then asked why they haven't "taken the uterus". I told him that he'd have to ask my doctors cuzz I've been telling them to for the last 5 fucking years. Then he told me that he wanted the nurse to draw my blood.
So, she did that while I layed there fucking fuming. See, that doctor was full of shit when he told me that he doesn't give Dilaudid and doesn't write prescriptions. He's given that to someone I know for the migrains they get, so I fucking know he gives Dilaudid. And on top of that, he gave a prescription for Vicoden to someone else I know just that afternoon! By the time she came in to draw my blood, I was crying, so she told me it would be ok and blahblahblah and then left.
After about 45 minutes, the doctor came back in to tell me that my blood TESTED CLEAN and that he wouldn't write me a prescription, which I told him I wasn't asking him to do, but he would have the nurse come back to give me an injection of Dilaudid. I got that about 10 to 15 minutes later and was told to keep my appt with my primary for today.
She didn't have anything new to add, just doubled my prescription so it'll last me a month this time and sent me on my way.
So, to sum it all up in case you've just skipped ahead of all my bitching, I've now been told that a hysterectomy WON'T help me and that I probably have Fribromyalgia. Even though my pain is NOT all over, NOT in my muscles and NOT triggered by pressure points. Basically, I've been given the big FUCK YOU, no-one-knows-what's-wrong-with-you-and-I'm-tired-of-dealing-with-you bullshit that I've been getting for the last 5 years. And it seems that everyone thinks I'm a drug seeker cuzz I'm on Dilaudid cuzz I am in ACTUAL pain.
The medical community can SUCK MY FUCKING DICK.
So, I don't think I blogged about my most recent appt with my "specialist" that happened the day before Thanksgiving. Allow me to do so now. There might be a lot of paragraphs that shouldn't actually BE paragraphs, but you'll deal with it if they appear. I just feel like separating things at random. Let's see if I do it.
*ahem*
I actually arrived at the office on time. This is pretty much unheard of since I am freakish;y late every where I go. I blame Japanese class in high school. But that's a different story for a different time.
I signed in and started reading my book The Jericho Pact. I got called back after about 15 minutes, which is awesome for his office. See, he's located inside Genesys and he's called out quite a bit for emergency c-sections and what not, so he's usually pretty backed up. I hobbled back to the room and started reading again after I told the nurse about all the pain I've been in. He came in and asked how I was doing and I spouted off to him about how I've been having trouble walking for over a month now and how my pain level is constantly at a 10. He then told me that he wants me to see another doctor. He no longer thinks a hysterectomy will help me. Seems he thinks I have Fibromyalgia. In other words, since the Depo Lupron didn't completely get rid of my pain like he wanted it to, he's giving me the big FUCK YOU and shoving me off on someone else. At that point, I was close to crying cuzz, fuck, I've been dealing with this for 5 years now and NO ONE has been able to tell me exactly what's going, why it's happening or how to fucking stop it. I think when he saw I was gonna cry that he started to feel bad cuzz then he told me that he wanted me to stop the Depo Lupron completely (I had just had my last injection a week and a half before this appt) and he'll do Laprascopy just to be sure that a hysterectomy won't help me. I reminded him, yet again, that when my grandmother had her hysterectomy BEFORE she was 30, they found endometrial cells on her spine, which is what my primary doctor thinks is happening to me. Of course, no one can be sure until they get in there, though. I also told him that he should review my mother's chart, since he's the one that did her hysterectomy last year and that it was possible I could be suffering for whatever the hell was wrong with her.
Then I asked him about pain meds.
See, I ran out of my precrition for Dilaudid the 16th, which is right when I should have. I called my primary doctor the following Monday and was told that she doesn't phone in prescriptions for narcotics over the phone. Ok, no big deal. I asked when I'd be able to get in to see her. I couldn't get in until today. They were closed Wednesday through Friday for Turkey day. I asked if I could speak with her to see about a possible exception since she'd have my chart there to review. I was told that was not her policy and I couldn't speak to her about it. I was pissed and made it known and then booked the appointment for today.
So, I asked him about possibly getting a prescription from him to get me through until I could see my primary. He asked if I was still taking Darvocet. I told him no, that I had been prescribed Dilaudid. He interrupted me at that point and told me that he will NOT prescribe Dilaudid for me or anyone else and that he would NOT be writing me any more prescriptions for pain relief. He then handed me my chart, told me AGAIN that he wouldn't prescribe me anything, pointed to the box of tissues since that's when I started crying and told me he'd see me in 6 weeks for the Laprascopy.
Fast forward to last night. I was at work and was in so much pain that I was shaking. I finally got through to my primary's phone service (I couldn't get through in the days prior for some reason) and explained to her what was going on and what had happened earlier in the week and she told me to go ahead and go to the ER. There just so happens to be one where I work, so Stephanie (a medic I work with and one crazy ass bitch) rolled me down in the office chair I sit in. The nurse who checked me in just so happened to know who my father is. She looked at my name and asked if I knew him, which kind of shocked me a little. Seems that she's worked at that hospital since 1979 and remembers him from when he used to come in for pain meds for his headaches. That kinda put me on edge a bit cuzz he's a drug seeker.
It took forever for the doctor to come to the room I was in. When he saw I was still dressed, he told me that I needed to change so he could examine me. That made me a little pissy cuzz I was hoping to not have to go through the whole pelvic bullshit, but whatever. So many fucking doctors have seen my hoo-hoo that it really doesn't bother me that much anymore. He left while I changed and took another forever to come back. Turns out, he just wanted to push on my belly and apparently I needed to be in one of those fuckin see through hospital gowns for him to do that.
He asked me why I was there and I explained to him all that's wrong with me and blahblahblah. He asked me what I was on for pain, so, of course, I told him that I ran out over a week prior and that I was on Dilaudid. He started shaking his head, telling me that he doesn't give that drug and he doesn't even write prescriptions. He then asked why they haven't "taken the uterus". I told him that he'd have to ask my doctors cuzz I've been telling them to for the last 5 fucking years. Then he told me that he wanted the nurse to draw my blood.
So, she did that while I layed there fucking fuming. See, that doctor was full of shit when he told me that he doesn't give Dilaudid and doesn't write prescriptions. He's given that to someone I know for the migrains they get, so I fucking know he gives Dilaudid. And on top of that, he gave a prescription for Vicoden to someone else I know just that afternoon! By the time she came in to draw my blood, I was crying, so she told me it would be ok and blahblahblah and then left.
After about 45 minutes, the doctor came back in to tell me that my blood TESTED CLEAN and that he wouldn't write me a prescription, which I told him I wasn't asking him to do, but he would have the nurse come back to give me an injection of Dilaudid. I got that about 10 to 15 minutes later and was told to keep my appt with my primary for today.
She didn't have anything new to add, just doubled my prescription so it'll last me a month this time and sent me on my way.
So, to sum it all up in case you've just skipped ahead of all my bitching, I've now been told that a hysterectomy WON'T help me and that I probably have Fribromyalgia. Even though my pain is NOT all over, NOT in my muscles and NOT triggered by pressure points. Basically, I've been given the big FUCK YOU, no-one-knows-what's-wrong-with-you-and-I'm-tired-of-dealing-with-you bullshit that I've been getting for the last 5 years. And it seems that everyone thinks I'm a drug seeker cuzz I'm on Dilaudid cuzz I am in ACTUAL pain.
The medical community can SUCK MY FUCKING DICK.
Friday, November 23, 2007
So, I am either awesome and just avoided being scammed or I just missed out on $2000 that I could REALLY use right now.
I just got a phone call from 201. Yeah, 201 is all that came up. On the other end was someone who was obviously from India or a country near there. He asked for me by name and I told him that I wasn't available and asked if I could take a message. He asked if I was family and I told him that I was my sister. I was told that since I have paid my social security taxes on time for many years, I was one of 10,000 people in Michigan that had been selected by the US federal government to receive two deposits of $1000 for the next two months into my checking account. I was told to look at it as a "Christmas bonus". Ok, I love free money and $2000 would get me out of this hole that Greg and I have dug ourselves into cuzz we are retarded with money. They knew my name and my address. All they needed from me was the name of my bank and my deposit number. That changed to my checking account number as the guy rattled on. When I could finally speak, I told him that I would not be giving him my checking account number. He kept asking me why I could not understand and that my checking account number was merely my identification number and was not confidential to the bank. I told him that I had no way to verify that he was legit and asked for his name and phone number so that I could call him back and verify. He said, again, that my checking account number was not confidential and that it was only an identification number. To make it sound like he was telling me the truth, he told me that he was not asking for personal information or my routing number or debit card numbers. I told him that anyone could walk into my bank with an ID that had my name on it and take money out of my account with only my checking account number. He responded by telling me that he would bet me it couldn't be done that way. I told him that I knew for a fact that it could cuzz I had just done so on Wednesday! He transferred me to his "manager", who sounded exactly like him, and HE proceeded to argue with me about it. Finally, I was transferred to an automated thing to obtain my confirmation number and was asked for my checking account number again.
I hung up. I could seriously use $2000 right now, but I can pretty well guarantee that my checking account would be drained and that I'd never see that fucking money. And seriously? $19 is not worth the hassle of having to cancel checks and close one account and open another.
I wanted to report it, but I can't figure out who to call or where to go online. Everything I come up with is about people getting fraudulent social security benefits and I don't think this qualifies.
I just got a phone call from 201. Yeah, 201 is all that came up. On the other end was someone who was obviously from India or a country near there. He asked for me by name and I told him that I wasn't available and asked if I could take a message. He asked if I was family and I told him that I was my sister. I was told that since I have paid my social security taxes on time for many years, I was one of 10,000 people in Michigan that had been selected by the US federal government to receive two deposits of $1000 for the next two months into my checking account. I was told to look at it as a "Christmas bonus". Ok, I love free money and $2000 would get me out of this hole that Greg and I have dug ourselves into cuzz we are retarded with money. They knew my name and my address. All they needed from me was the name of my bank and my deposit number. That changed to my checking account number as the guy rattled on. When I could finally speak, I told him that I would not be giving him my checking account number. He kept asking me why I could not understand and that my checking account number was merely my identification number and was not confidential to the bank. I told him that I had no way to verify that he was legit and asked for his name and phone number so that I could call him back and verify. He said, again, that my checking account number was not confidential and that it was only an identification number. To make it sound like he was telling me the truth, he told me that he was not asking for personal information or my routing number or debit card numbers. I told him that anyone could walk into my bank with an ID that had my name on it and take money out of my account with only my checking account number. He responded by telling me that he would bet me it couldn't be done that way. I told him that I knew for a fact that it could cuzz I had just done so on Wednesday! He transferred me to his "manager", who sounded exactly like him, and HE proceeded to argue with me about it. Finally, I was transferred to an automated thing to obtain my confirmation number and was asked for my checking account number again.
I hung up. I could seriously use $2000 right now, but I can pretty well guarantee that my checking account would be drained and that I'd never see that fucking money. And seriously? $19 is not worth the hassle of having to cancel checks and close one account and open another.
I wanted to report it, but I can't figure out who to call or where to go online. Everything I come up with is about people getting fraudulent social security benefits and I don't think this qualifies.
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Musical Masochist
(I know I've spelled quite a few words wrong in this, but for some reason, the spell check option isn't working for me. Weird...)
I'm not sure if I've ever gone off on a tangent about how much music means to me before or not. I've decided to do that now, even if I've done it before. See, I should be sleeping so I can go to the specialist all refreshed and what not, but that's not happening. And I've been drinking, too. Maybe I'm a little keyed up about my appointment tomorrow?
Anyway, I've always been obsessed with music. Ever since I can remember, I've been a music addict, often foregoing normal kid activities just so I could listen to a song on the radio or watch the video on Mtv. I remember when I was in 2nd grade, I was getting ready to leave for school and saw Janie's Got A Gun by Aerosmith coming on the TV. I decided to stay and watch it cuzz I had it in my head that all music videos and/or songs were only 2 minutes long. No clue where I got that from, but suffice it to say, I was pretty late for school that morning. I can remember getting ready for school in 6th grade and making sure my little brother got his ass going, all while listening to Brian Adams. Most of the significant things that have ever happened in my life I can tie to music in some way. It took me forever to be able to listen to Tori Amos again after I was raped cuzz I had that CD playing while I was sleeping and he came into my bedroom...
Moving on...
I've decided to throw up some of my favorite videos on here so I can share my favorite songs. I have a shit ton, so I'll be narrowing it down quite a bit, I hope you enjoy them.
Fine Again by Seether.
This was the first song I ever heard by Seether. This CD got me through most of my marriage. Especially this song. I wasn't sober for a lot of my marriage. There was a lot of bullshit going on, but this song helped imensely.
Broken by Seether
It's very possible you've heard the version of this song with Amy Lee helping out on vocals. While I love her voice, I much prefer this version of the song. When I was initailly going through my divorce, I would sing this to my son. When I first told his father that I wanted a divorce when he was 4 months old, he took off with my car and my son. I didn't know where they were for three days. It was the beginning of December and the Christmas tree was up with is little swing in front of it so he could watch the lights. I remember walking by his bedroom and bursting into tears cuzz he wasn't there and doing the same when I would walk past his swing. When I first left Matt for the last time, I was petrified he was gonna take off again. Thankfully he didn't, but every night I had Alex, I would sing this to him. He still remembers all the words and asks me to play the song all the time.
And So It Goes by Billy Joel
When I was a kid, I would go through my grandma's tapes and CDs. I "borrowed" this from her when I was about 9, I think. It made me cry. It made me think of my Great Grandma Arlene, which was great grandpa Lawrence's wife. I miss her more than I can put into words and for a long time, I was angry with her cuzz I thought she just abandoned me. I had a very difficult childhood and, until she died, she was my savior.
Hackensack by Fountains of Wayne
This song makes me think of the man that I was supposed to marry before I started seeing my ex-husband. He was my high school sweetheart, if you will. I met him while preforming in Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat. He called me the "cute little redheaded girl", like from Charlie Brown. My goal was to get him to give me his kick ass Superman hat. We were together for over a year and his family gave me pictures of my PeePaw. I never got the hat.
Me and a Gun by Tori Amos
This is the song she wrote after she was raped. While it tells the story of what happened to her, I've always felt like it was telling the story of what happened to me in a way.
Hey Jupiter (remix) by Tori Amos
This song has just always felt like it was written for me.
Three Libras by A Perfect Circle
4 words. Maynard is a genius. The sadness and the raw emtion the words of this song portray draws me in every time. And you don't see me...
Blue by A Perfect Circle
Another awesome song lyrically. (Well, ALL the songs I post are awesome lyrically.) I just didn't want to know... I close my eyes, Ignore the smoke... Just beatiful.
Henry Lee by Nick Cave and the Badseeds featuring PJ Harvey
I love both of their voices. Actually, PJ Harvey's voice is very similar to my own. Such a haunting, beautiful song.
Wise Up by Aimee Mann
I first heard this on an episode of Crossing Jordan and thought it was The Pretenders. o_O There's also a very moving scene in the movie Magnolia that has all the main characters singing along with this song. This song could be so many points in my life...
Lie To Me by Devics
I'm a little jealous that I didn't write this song myself cuzz I feel like I could have. It follows my writing style pretty well. It makes me think of the man I was with in high school. The one I was supposed to marry. We still talk on occassion. This song could have been something that I said to him...
Coffee and Cigarettes by Michelle Featherstone
I found her on MySpace a while back and fell in love with this song. Again, another song that I'm a little jealous I didn't write.
My December by Linkin Park
I've posted the lyrics for this song before. I always feel incredibly lonely at night, which is usually when I'll listen to this song. It breaks my heart. Just wish that it didn't feel like there was something I missed... I always feel like there was something I missed somewhere along the way.
Pin Up by Evans Blue
I've been listening to this song repeatedly for the last few months. It was listening to this song that I began to wonder if the Depo Lupron might be having more of an effect on my emotions than I intially thought. I was driving home from darts one night while listening to this song. There's a paret of my drive that goes by a few lakes. All I wanted to do was to just drive into the water and sink. It felt like the most absolutely right thing in the world. And I wasn't particularly sad about anything. I was stressed, but no more than any other day. I just wanted to drive into the water and never think twice. If I didn't have my son, I more than likely would've done it.
So... I think that's where I'm gonna stop. That's a shit ton of songs to listen to and I commend anyone who's been able to get through all of them. I could go on forever, but the boy has moved out into the living room to sleep (he's got a wicked headache for some reason) and I need to get some rest so I can make it to my doctor's appointment in the morning. Hope you enjoyed my musical entry. And yes, I am well aware that my metal cred is probably no more. LOL
I'm not sure if I've ever gone off on a tangent about how much music means to me before or not. I've decided to do that now, even if I've done it before. See, I should be sleeping so I can go to the specialist all refreshed and what not, but that's not happening. And I've been drinking, too. Maybe I'm a little keyed up about my appointment tomorrow?
Anyway, I've always been obsessed with music. Ever since I can remember, I've been a music addict, often foregoing normal kid activities just so I could listen to a song on the radio or watch the video on Mtv. I remember when I was in 2nd grade, I was getting ready to leave for school and saw Janie's Got A Gun by Aerosmith coming on the TV. I decided to stay and watch it cuzz I had it in my head that all music videos and/or songs were only 2 minutes long. No clue where I got that from, but suffice it to say, I was pretty late for school that morning. I can remember getting ready for school in 6th grade and making sure my little brother got his ass going, all while listening to Brian Adams. Most of the significant things that have ever happened in my life I can tie to music in some way. It took me forever to be able to listen to Tori Amos again after I was raped cuzz I had that CD playing while I was sleeping and he came into my bedroom...
Moving on...
I've decided to throw up some of my favorite videos on here so I can share my favorite songs. I have a shit ton, so I'll be narrowing it down quite a bit, I hope you enjoy them.
Fine Again by Seether.
This was the first song I ever heard by Seether. This CD got me through most of my marriage. Especially this song. I wasn't sober for a lot of my marriage. There was a lot of bullshit going on, but this song helped imensely.
Broken by Seether
It's very possible you've heard the version of this song with Amy Lee helping out on vocals. While I love her voice, I much prefer this version of the song. When I was initailly going through my divorce, I would sing this to my son. When I first told his father that I wanted a divorce when he was 4 months old, he took off with my car and my son. I didn't know where they were for three days. It was the beginning of December and the Christmas tree was up with is little swing in front of it so he could watch the lights. I remember walking by his bedroom and bursting into tears cuzz he wasn't there and doing the same when I would walk past his swing. When I first left Matt for the last time, I was petrified he was gonna take off again. Thankfully he didn't, but every night I had Alex, I would sing this to him. He still remembers all the words and asks me to play the song all the time.
And So It Goes by Billy Joel
When I was a kid, I would go through my grandma's tapes and CDs. I "borrowed" this from her when I was about 9, I think. It made me cry. It made me think of my Great Grandma Arlene, which was great grandpa Lawrence's wife. I miss her more than I can put into words and for a long time, I was angry with her cuzz I thought she just abandoned me. I had a very difficult childhood and, until she died, she was my savior.
Hackensack by Fountains of Wayne
This song makes me think of the man that I was supposed to marry before I started seeing my ex-husband. He was my high school sweetheart, if you will. I met him while preforming in Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat. He called me the "cute little redheaded girl", like from Charlie Brown. My goal was to get him to give me his kick ass Superman hat. We were together for over a year and his family gave me pictures of my PeePaw. I never got the hat.
Me and a Gun by Tori Amos
This is the song she wrote after she was raped. While it tells the story of what happened to her, I've always felt like it was telling the story of what happened to me in a way.
Hey Jupiter (remix) by Tori Amos
This song has just always felt like it was written for me.
Three Libras by A Perfect Circle
4 words. Maynard is a genius. The sadness and the raw emtion the words of this song portray draws me in every time. And you don't see me...
Blue by A Perfect Circle
Another awesome song lyrically. (Well, ALL the songs I post are awesome lyrically.) I just didn't want to know... I close my eyes, Ignore the smoke... Just beatiful.
Henry Lee by Nick Cave and the Badseeds featuring PJ Harvey
I love both of their voices. Actually, PJ Harvey's voice is very similar to my own. Such a haunting, beautiful song.
Wise Up by Aimee Mann
I first heard this on an episode of Crossing Jordan and thought it was The Pretenders. o_O There's also a very moving scene in the movie Magnolia that has all the main characters singing along with this song. This song could be so many points in my life...
Lie To Me by Devics
I'm a little jealous that I didn't write this song myself cuzz I feel like I could have. It follows my writing style pretty well. It makes me think of the man I was with in high school. The one I was supposed to marry. We still talk on occassion. This song could have been something that I said to him...
Coffee and Cigarettes by Michelle Featherstone
I found her on MySpace a while back and fell in love with this song. Again, another song that I'm a little jealous I didn't write.
My December by Linkin Park
I've posted the lyrics for this song before. I always feel incredibly lonely at night, which is usually when I'll listen to this song. It breaks my heart. Just wish that it didn't feel like there was something I missed... I always feel like there was something I missed somewhere along the way.
Pin Up by Evans Blue
I've been listening to this song repeatedly for the last few months. It was listening to this song that I began to wonder if the Depo Lupron might be having more of an effect on my emotions than I intially thought. I was driving home from darts one night while listening to this song. There's a paret of my drive that goes by a few lakes. All I wanted to do was to just drive into the water and sink. It felt like the most absolutely right thing in the world. And I wasn't particularly sad about anything. I was stressed, but no more than any other day. I just wanted to drive into the water and never think twice. If I didn't have my son, I more than likely would've done it.
So... I think that's where I'm gonna stop. That's a shit ton of songs to listen to and I commend anyone who's been able to get through all of them. I could go on forever, but the boy has moved out into the living room to sleep (he's got a wicked headache for some reason) and I need to get some rest so I can make it to my doctor's appointment in the morning. Hope you enjoyed my musical entry. And yes, I am well aware that my metal cred is probably no more. LOL
Sunday, November 18, 2007
It's over. The viewing was on Friday and the funeral was yesterday. I took the boy to the viewing and he did very well. I hadn't intended on staying for the rosary, but I went out for a cigarette and when I came back in, it had already started. I snuck in and just kind of listened. Afterwards, the boy asked my uncle why the priest kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was kinda cute. He kept pulling me over to the casket. I can't say that I was overly excited about that. I don't typically go up to the casket, especially if I'm trying to make sure I don't cry. On the way over, the boy told me that he had prayed he wouldn't cry while we were there. I told him that it was ok if he did, but he insisted that he didn't want to, so I was a bit concerned when he kept pulling me up to the casket. I thought that if I started crying, he probably would as well. But, I held it together. We left not too long after the rosary. We got to the funeral home shortly after 6 and by the time we left, it was 830 or so. The boy was a little mad at me for not wanting him to attend the funeral, even though he said he wanted to. Since it was a full Catholic funeral, though, I didn't think it'd be a good idea. It started at 11 and I don't think we left the church until around 1. I really don't think that he would've been able to be still for that long, no matter how hard he tried to.
I did ok at the funeral. I started crying during the opening hymn and I stared at the wall a lot. I just have a hard time watching everything I guess. At one point, the sister asked if anyone had anything they'd like to say about grandpa. No one stood up, which is just the way the family is, and I think my aunt got a little upset about it. She got up and went to the front and started talking about how special grandpa was to her and how it meant so much that he accepted my uncle (her husband). While she was talking, she started to cry and she looked over at me and I just lost it. Thankfully it was near the end. They did the closing prayer and hymn and then the family followed the casket outside. My aunt made a point to thank my parents for taking care of grandpa for as long as they had, which not a lot of people in the family has ever made it a point to thank them at all. I didn't stop crying until I got into my car. When we got to the cemetary, a horse started whinnying or whatever it's called when they talk. It was kinda like he was saying goodbye to grandpa. LOL There was a small prayer service at the graveside and my grandma started crying. It's rare to see that and it almost made me lose it again.
Oh, I forgot that I ended up having an asthma attack in the middle of the service. Heh. Everytime the incence got stronger, I had a harder time breathing. My mom kinda laughed at me cuzz I smoke and I used to get high and burn incence and have no problems. Apparently, when you don't smoke pot anymore and don't burn incence for a couple years (I used to burn it all the time just cuzz I like the smell) you begin to not be able to breathe around it? LOL
There was a HUGE floral arrangement that my grandpa wanted to give to the boy. (I'll post pictures of it later) He donated the rest of the flowers to the church, but this one was in a Detroit Tigers bucket (grandpa loved the Tigers), so he thought that the boy should have it. He also invited me and the child out to the house, which I guess is a big deal. No one else in the family has been invited out to the house, so I guess I have to make a really big effort to go over there. I'm not too sure if I want to or not, though. I remember the house being a certain way and I know that they've changed it quite a bit. They carpetted the hardwood floors and have redone some rooms and stuff. That house had hardly changed since my grandma passed and I loved that. It made it feel like she was still around a bit, ya know? I'm not sure if I'll handle seeing it all redone very well. We'll see, right?
Now that the funeral is over, the fun begins. There's a lot of drama regarding the will, the fact that my grandfather is pretty damned selfish and happens to be executor of the will and the fact that he has pretty much shunned the rest of the family recently. The most significant has been the fact that he has completely cut ties with my parents after grandpa had to be put into a nursing home. Basically, from what I understand, he doesn't want to give my parents a damned thing and has tried to convince people that they did a shitty job taking care of grandpa. Thing is, everyone in the family KNOWS how well my parents took care of him. It was to a point that my dad was the ONLY person he would allow to help him to the bathroom, get him cleaned up and do various other tasks that CENAs do in nursing homes. They did as best they could for as long as they could and my grandfather seems to be pissed off that he wasn't the one doing it, even though he had ample opertunity to do it and LIVED with grandpa for a while, but refused to do it. Anyway, there's gonna be a lot of drama regarding everything and I'm not looking forward to it at all. There's issues about the house being sold and the proceeds being divided up and the car is supposed to be sold and the proceeds being divided as well. There's already drama about that damned car. Everyone wants it and there is at least one relative who's been claiming that grandpa promised to give it to her. Whether he did or not is anyone's guess, since he didn't tell anyone about it. Ugh. I'm hoping that I get to have the knick knacks that were all around the kitchen. I've said since I was a little girl that I wanted to have those and I'd be happy if I even just got to keep one of them. We'll see. I'm not expecting anything and I'm not concerned about getting money or anything else. Just a knick knack or two.
I did ok at the funeral. I started crying during the opening hymn and I stared at the wall a lot. I just have a hard time watching everything I guess. At one point, the sister asked if anyone had anything they'd like to say about grandpa. No one stood up, which is just the way the family is, and I think my aunt got a little upset about it. She got up and went to the front and started talking about how special grandpa was to her and how it meant so much that he accepted my uncle (her husband). While she was talking, she started to cry and she looked over at me and I just lost it. Thankfully it was near the end. They did the closing prayer and hymn and then the family followed the casket outside. My aunt made a point to thank my parents for taking care of grandpa for as long as they had, which not a lot of people in the family has ever made it a point to thank them at all. I didn't stop crying until I got into my car. When we got to the cemetary, a horse started whinnying or whatever it's called when they talk. It was kinda like he was saying goodbye to grandpa. LOL There was a small prayer service at the graveside and my grandma started crying. It's rare to see that and it almost made me lose it again.
Oh, I forgot that I ended up having an asthma attack in the middle of the service. Heh. Everytime the incence got stronger, I had a harder time breathing. My mom kinda laughed at me cuzz I smoke and I used to get high and burn incence and have no problems. Apparently, when you don't smoke pot anymore and don't burn incence for a couple years (I used to burn it all the time just cuzz I like the smell) you begin to not be able to breathe around it? LOL
There was a HUGE floral arrangement that my grandpa wanted to give to the boy. (I'll post pictures of it later) He donated the rest of the flowers to the church, but this one was in a Detroit Tigers bucket (grandpa loved the Tigers), so he thought that the boy should have it. He also invited me and the child out to the house, which I guess is a big deal. No one else in the family has been invited out to the house, so I guess I have to make a really big effort to go over there. I'm not too sure if I want to or not, though. I remember the house being a certain way and I know that they've changed it quite a bit. They carpetted the hardwood floors and have redone some rooms and stuff. That house had hardly changed since my grandma passed and I loved that. It made it feel like she was still around a bit, ya know? I'm not sure if I'll handle seeing it all redone very well. We'll see, right?
Now that the funeral is over, the fun begins. There's a lot of drama regarding the will, the fact that my grandfather is pretty damned selfish and happens to be executor of the will and the fact that he has pretty much shunned the rest of the family recently. The most significant has been the fact that he has completely cut ties with my parents after grandpa had to be put into a nursing home. Basically, from what I understand, he doesn't want to give my parents a damned thing and has tried to convince people that they did a shitty job taking care of grandpa. Thing is, everyone in the family KNOWS how well my parents took care of him. It was to a point that my dad was the ONLY person he would allow to help him to the bathroom, get him cleaned up and do various other tasks that CENAs do in nursing homes. They did as best they could for as long as they could and my grandfather seems to be pissed off that he wasn't the one doing it, even though he had ample opertunity to do it and LIVED with grandpa for a while, but refused to do it. Anyway, there's gonna be a lot of drama regarding everything and I'm not looking forward to it at all. There's issues about the house being sold and the proceeds being divided up and the car is supposed to be sold and the proceeds being divided as well. There's already drama about that damned car. Everyone wants it and there is at least one relative who's been claiming that grandpa promised to give it to her. Whether he did or not is anyone's guess, since he didn't tell anyone about it. Ugh. I'm hoping that I get to have the knick knacks that were all around the kitchen. I've said since I was a little girl that I wanted to have those and I'd be happy if I even just got to keep one of them. We'll see. I'm not expecting anything and I'm not concerned about getting money or anything else. Just a knick knack or two.
Thursday, November 15, 2007
I knew it was coming...
DOLEHANTY, Lawrence James- Age 92, of Gaines, died Wednesday, November 14, 2007 at Durand Convalescent Home. Funeral Mass will be celebrated 11:00 AM Saturday, November 17, 2007 at St. Joseph Catholic Church, Gaines. Fr. Robert McKeon celebrant. Burial following at St. Joseph Catholic Cemetery. Visitation will be held at Sharp Funeral Home, Miller Road Chapel, 8138 Miller Road, Swartz Creek from 1-4 and 6-9 PM Friday, where a vigil service will be held at 7:00 PM followed by a Knights Of Columbus memorial service, and at the church from 10 AM until time of service Saturday. Those desiring may make contributions to the American Cancer Society. Mr. Dolehanty was born March 4, 1915 in Gaines, the son of Daniel J. and Alma (Brown) Dolehanty. He married Arlene Gilbert in 1938 in Gaines and she preceded him in death June 22, 1987. He retired from GM Fisher Body in 1968 after 36 years of service. He graduated from Gaines High School and has resided in Gaines his entire life. He was a member of St. Joseph Catholic Church and the Knights Of Columbus Council 12186. Surviving are: son, Daniel James and wife Doreen Dolehanty of Gaines; 8 grandchildren, 10 great-grandchildren and 1 great-great-grandchild; 6 step-grandchildren, 11 step-great-grandchildren; 2 sisters, Helen Aurand of Gaines and Ruth Bennett of Bay City; 3 brothers, Clem of Gaines, Paul of Texas and Harold of Rose City. He was also preceded in death by his parents; son, Edward Lee Dolehanty; sister, Thelma Brady; 3 brothers, Steve, Max and Leo Dolehanty. "Online condolences and tributes may be posted on the obituaries page of www.sharpfuneralhome.com"
I'm happy that he's home now. I'm happy that he's finally with my grandma Arlene. But none of that makes it any easier. And it doesn't help ease the guilt I have about not seeing him as often as I should have these past few years.
He's happy now. He's not sick anymore. His memory is back to where it should be.
I feel like I'm being selfish by being so upset. For not crying around other people. I feel incredibly selfish for wondering how this is going to affect my job. I know I shouldn't feel like I'm being selfish, but I do.
The fact that things feel like they're being rushed doesn't help either...
I miss you grandpa. Tell grandma I miss her, too.
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
Ok, so I know I'm getting behind my goal of making an entry every few days a week or whatever. (Although, technically, I did say that I was sticking to one entry a week so my slacker ass didn't get down on myself.) But you see, about 3 weeks ago, my uterus and ovaries decided to rebel against me and try to break free of this mortal coil. (Wow, I sound so dark and goth.) They have been losing, but they have been putting up a helluva fight. Such a helluva a fight, in fact, that today is the first day that I've been able to walk upright ALL.DAY.LONG.
I know, it's shocking, right?
Now, I'm not sure if that means that they are tiring of fighting or if the fact that I have the PLAGUE and have been laying on the couch ever since I came back from shooting my very first gun has anything to do with it. I'm hoping that they are giving up the fight, cuzz, really? I'm fucking tired of walking like an old lady. And I'm tired of being in pain, as well. In fact, I was supposed to call my doctor and see if she would call me in a refill of Dilaudid or if she needed to see me first. I'm betting she'll need to see me first, which is gonna kinda suck a lot of monkey balls.
In other news, I shot my very first gun today. Curious why? Well, I have decided that I am gonna "kill me a bambi" this year. (Not really killing a Bambi, I've just been telling people that to see what kind of reaction I get. Typically, it's a mix of horror and you-need-to-lay-off-the-crack-pipe-you-are-a-GIRL-don't-you-know-that?! Which amuses the hell out of me) I'm hoping that I get my child support tomorrow (it came last week) so I can go pick up an orange hat and at least an orange vest. You know, so I don't get mistaken for a Bambi. Apparently I shot damned well for my first time. My mom called to let me know that my step-dad had been raving about it when he got home. LOL
And that's pretty much gonna be it. I hear the couch calling my name and I need to go check on the boy and the nephew, as we are not at Scouts for the second week in a row. I've got the PLAGUE and I had to pick him up from school early cuzz he had an "accident". (read: shit his pants) I was LIVID when I got home. See, they called me to let me know that I needed to come get him cuzz of his "accident". Not a big deal. I said that I was on my way home and that I wouild swing by there before I actually got home. Then she tells me that he might need cleaned up. Excuse me? Now, normally, this wouldn't have been an issue. I live close enough to the school that I can get there in 5 minutes if needed. Except I wasn't at home today, and I was probably being a moron for thinking that when I SAID I wasn't home, that I was clear about NOT BEING HOME. I told her that I would stop home and grab him a change of clothes before I got up there and she said that he might need to be cleaned up. AGAIN. As if I didn't hear her the first time. I said fine and hung up. I had made up my mind that if he was in the bathroom covered in shit when I got there, I was pulling him from teh school. I mean, I can understand not wanting to do that kind of clean up cuzz of all the molestation allegations that go around and what not, but there comes a point where you say Fuck It and do it anyway cuzz if you don't you could potentially endanger the child. Seriously, being covered in shit is NOT something I want my child to do for longer than a few minutes if it can be helped. Luckily, he was in the office when I got there. He smelled like shit, as I assumed he would, and he had fingerprints on his shirt. I signed him out and asked him who helped him clean up when we got in the car. He said no one, that he had to do it himself as best he could. I wasn't happy about that, but, then again, he wasn't sitting in the bathroom waiting for me, so I guess it's not too big of an issue. I'll be letting my ex-mother-in-law know, since she pays his tuition, and I'll also be telling her that if they fuck up one more time, he's being pulled from that school.
Did I ever blog about the HUGE fuck up they made with Child Protective Services? Let me know and if I haven't, I'll blog about it as much as I can with out getting into too many details. The situation at his father's is NOT one that I want him to be in, but I jhave been told that I have no choice...
I know, it's shocking, right?
Now, I'm not sure if that means that they are tiring of fighting or if the fact that I have the PLAGUE and have been laying on the couch ever since I came back from shooting my very first gun has anything to do with it. I'm hoping that they are giving up the fight, cuzz, really? I'm fucking tired of walking like an old lady. And I'm tired of being in pain, as well. In fact, I was supposed to call my doctor and see if she would call me in a refill of Dilaudid or if she needed to see me first. I'm betting she'll need to see me first, which is gonna kinda suck a lot of monkey balls.
In other news, I shot my very first gun today. Curious why? Well, I have decided that I am gonna "kill me a bambi" this year. (Not really killing a Bambi, I've just been telling people that to see what kind of reaction I get. Typically, it's a mix of horror and you-need-to-lay-off-the-crack-pipe-you-are-a-GIRL-don't-you-know-that?! Which amuses the hell out of me) I'm hoping that I get my child support tomorrow (it came last week) so I can go pick up an orange hat and at least an orange vest. You know, so I don't get mistaken for a Bambi. Apparently I shot damned well for my first time. My mom called to let me know that my step-dad had been raving about it when he got home. LOL
And that's pretty much gonna be it. I hear the couch calling my name and I need to go check on the boy and the nephew, as we are not at Scouts for the second week in a row. I've got the PLAGUE and I had to pick him up from school early cuzz he had an "accident". (read: shit his pants) I was LIVID when I got home. See, they called me to let me know that I needed to come get him cuzz of his "accident". Not a big deal. I said that I was on my way home and that I wouild swing by there before I actually got home. Then she tells me that he might need cleaned up. Excuse me? Now, normally, this wouldn't have been an issue. I live close enough to the school that I can get there in 5 minutes if needed. Except I wasn't at home today, and I was probably being a moron for thinking that when I SAID I wasn't home, that I was clear about NOT BEING HOME. I told her that I would stop home and grab him a change of clothes before I got up there and she said that he might need to be cleaned up. AGAIN. As if I didn't hear her the first time. I said fine and hung up. I had made up my mind that if he was in the bathroom covered in shit when I got there, I was pulling him from teh school. I mean, I can understand not wanting to do that kind of clean up cuzz of all the molestation allegations that go around and what not, but there comes a point where you say Fuck It and do it anyway cuzz if you don't you could potentially endanger the child. Seriously, being covered in shit is NOT something I want my child to do for longer than a few minutes if it can be helped. Luckily, he was in the office when I got there. He smelled like shit, as I assumed he would, and he had fingerprints on his shirt. I signed him out and asked him who helped him clean up when we got in the car. He said no one, that he had to do it himself as best he could. I wasn't happy about that, but, then again, he wasn't sitting in the bathroom waiting for me, so I guess it's not too big of an issue. I'll be letting my ex-mother-in-law know, since she pays his tuition, and I'll also be telling her that if they fuck up one more time, he's being pulled from that school.
Did I ever blog about the HUGE fuck up they made with Child Protective Services? Let me know and if I haven't, I'll blog about it as much as I can with out getting into too many details. The situation at his father's is NOT one that I want him to be in, but I jhave been told that I have no choice...
Wednesday, November 07, 2007
Weirdest. Dream. EvAr.
Holy shit, I fucking LOVE that save feature that I wasn't so fond of before. I was listening to music on the intarwebs and it somehow decided that I was not going to play intarwebs anymore and it closed all the windows I had open, including the one that I was typing my update in. Thanks to that save thingie, my post was tucked safely away as a draft and I didn't lose anything. Huzzah!
Now we continue with the regularly scheduled update.
So, I had this dream. It was an odd kind of dream.
First, Greg had joined the National Guard. I went with him to see him off and wound up joining myself. Apparently, in my dream, the National Guard took place on an aircraft carrier. All of the training and being stationed and all that happy horse shit was on the same aircraft carrier. o_O
Then, I was on leave or something and I kept telling people that I had joined the National Guard and I would laugh like a crazy person. There was a Taco Bell and I guess it had some kind of pool surrounding it cuzz Greg was swimming around and I was floating on a raft thing in a bikini. Weird thing about that, well, besides the fact that I haven't even owned a swimsuit since I was about 15, was that my belly was magically gone but I had this GINORMOUS butt. I am talking one of those asses that you can see for miles and miles. So, I kept trying to cover my ass with my raft. The boy was there with his dad and we were trying to raise money for his school by eating food, but it wasn't Taco Bell food, it was hot dogs. Matt kept trying to make me feel like shit cuzz I had joined the National Guard and the kidling was going to miss me.
Then, I was suddenly carrying Harley into a movie theater. Cricket, you were there with your kitty and some guy. He was making an ass out of himself, like trying to draw attention to himself by acting like he was in high school and trying to do all these stupid tricks. So, we sat next to each other with our kitties, who were eating popcorn for some reason, and you kept telling him what an asshole he was. LOL Then I was walking into a house and you were sitting on the couch with your kitty, still telling the guy what a douche bag he was being. Harley and I sat on the couch and I saw this note that one of the guys I work with had written to the host of the party saying that me and this other guy I work with were gonna be showing up and it was gonna be "off the hook". Very odd. Anyway, I sat there with Harley for a while and just giggled at you telling this guy how much he sucked. I realized I had to use the bathroom and I walked around and found a bathroom outside off this huge ass deck. I went in, sat down and looked over to see two windows. One was at head level and the other was at bowl level and they looked right into the living room. I freaked out and woke up.
See? Weirdest.Dream.EvAr.
Now we continue with the regularly scheduled update.
So, I had this dream. It was an odd kind of dream.
First, Greg had joined the National Guard. I went with him to see him off and wound up joining myself. Apparently, in my dream, the National Guard took place on an aircraft carrier. All of the training and being stationed and all that happy horse shit was on the same aircraft carrier. o_O
Then, I was on leave or something and I kept telling people that I had joined the National Guard and I would laugh like a crazy person. There was a Taco Bell and I guess it had some kind of pool surrounding it cuzz Greg was swimming around and I was floating on a raft thing in a bikini. Weird thing about that, well, besides the fact that I haven't even owned a swimsuit since I was about 15, was that my belly was magically gone but I had this GINORMOUS butt. I am talking one of those asses that you can see for miles and miles. So, I kept trying to cover my ass with my raft. The boy was there with his dad and we were trying to raise money for his school by eating food, but it wasn't Taco Bell food, it was hot dogs. Matt kept trying to make me feel like shit cuzz I had joined the National Guard and the kidling was going to miss me.
Then, I was suddenly carrying Harley into a movie theater. Cricket, you were there with your kitty and some guy. He was making an ass out of himself, like trying to draw attention to himself by acting like he was in high school and trying to do all these stupid tricks. So, we sat next to each other with our kitties, who were eating popcorn for some reason, and you kept telling him what an asshole he was. LOL Then I was walking into a house and you were sitting on the couch with your kitty, still telling the guy what a douche bag he was being. Harley and I sat on the couch and I saw this note that one of the guys I work with had written to the host of the party saying that me and this other guy I work with were gonna be showing up and it was gonna be "off the hook". Very odd. Anyway, I sat there with Harley for a while and just giggled at you telling this guy how much he sucked. I realized I had to use the bathroom and I walked around and found a bathroom outside off this huge ass deck. I went in, sat down and looked over to see two windows. One was at head level and the other was at bowl level and they looked right into the living room. I freaked out and woke up.
See? Weirdest.Dream.EvAr.
Monday, November 05, 2007
LOTS Of Pictures! Of CATS!
And the boy with his pumpkin. I forgot to take any pictures in his Ninja costume. Seems forgetting things has become my super power or something.
Anyway...
PICTURES!!!
I'm not feeling creative enough to caption them. The older cats are starting to like the bitty one, I think. Baby lets her use her as a pillow and vice versa, so I know she's starting to warm up to her. Squeak will clean her on occasion and Mydna has pretty much adopted her as a sidekick. LOL
And that's all for tonight. Wow. 2 entries in a week. I'm impressed with myself.
Anyway...
PICTURES!!!
I'm not feeling creative enough to caption them. The older cats are starting to like the bitty one, I think. Baby lets her use her as a pillow and vice versa, so I know she's starting to warm up to her. Squeak will clean her on occasion and Mydna has pretty much adopted her as a sidekick. LOL
And that's all for tonight. Wow. 2 entries in a week. I'm impressed with myself.
Sunday, November 04, 2007
Everyone seems to be doing this NaBloPoMo thing. I am not due to the fact that I am lazy and I fail at updating anything lately. So, what I've decided to do is attempt to update at least once a week. I'm really shooting for 3 times, but I'll keep that little goal to myself and stick with the minimum of once a week. That way, if I am actually able to update 3 times a week, it'll be a happy fun surprise instead of a disappointment for myself.
So, not much is really new at the moment. Still broke as hell, though now it's a little more so than normal. See, there's something going on with the child support. Last week, it was $20 short and then it just didn't show up at all this week. When I tried to call the ex-husband to let him know about, just in case it was some kind of problem with Friend of the Court and not him, I discovered that his phone had been disconnected. Now, this leads me to 2 conclusions. 1- He got a job down near Detroit and he and his insta-family are going to be moving down there like his grandmother told me or 2- He quit his job cuzz his girlfriend/fiance/whatever is working and, really, why the hell should they have 2 incomes coming in when he can just sit on his ass and make an ass groove in the couch cushions while watching her kids run wild. I'll find out for sure when I pick up the boy after work tonight. I'm leaning toward the quitting the job thing, though I really don't want to find out that's the case. He's actually held a job since we separated which, for him, is pretty fucking spectacular. The only time he hasn't paid his child support was when he was in jail, (he was AWOL from the ARMY and was arrested a few Christmases ago) so I'm really hoping that he hasn't just fucked himself over by deciding that he doesn't need to work since she is. If that's what he's chosen to do, fine. Hope he has a good time with that. When he misses 2 months worth of child support, I'll be more than happy to lead the police right to his house so they can throw his ass in jail for being a douchebag dad.
I've been missing a lot of work lately and spending more and more time at the doctor's office. I'm not sure if it's the PCOS and the Endo or if it's the Depo Lupron, but something is messing with me. I'm having trouble walking and am at a constant 10 on the pain scale. Thing is, it's not just the normal pelvic pain that I have that's shot up to a 10. I now have pain in my hips and back to accompany it. It's fucking miserable. I have prescriptions for Diclofenac and Hydromorphone. The Hydromorphone makes things interesting. There's still the underlying pain, but it's no where near the point that I'm at right now (can't take it at work cuzz they have this thing about not taking controlled substances when you work EMS) and I don't seem to care too much that there's any pain at all. The Diclofenac doesn't really do too much that I can tell. I have to watch out for bleeding into the gut though, so that gives me a nice sense of adventure. I'm hoping to be able to get in to my Gyno next week to see if he can figure out what's going on and maybe get him to just take the girl parts away. I doubt he'll do that, but I'd really like him to.
The boy got his school pictures back and he looks like a little fuzz ball. The Bitsy is growing. She's about the size of my foot now and a bit bigger than my cell phone, so I know she's growing. LOL She's eats like she's a damned garbage disposal! She's face planted into my soup, a plate of eggs... She's eats olives, pickles, buffalo chicken wings. Pretty much anything that drops to the ground is inhaled by that little tiny cat. She's still small enough to squeeze under the doors, which I think makes the other cats jealous.
The boy and I will be traveling to see Great Great Grandpa sometime this week, I hope, since he's probably not gonna be around much longer. It kinda sucks that we won't be able to get out to see him if I don't get my child support any time soon. He's about 1/2 an hour away and gas isn't cheap, as I'm sure you know. I've got just under a 1/2 a tank right now and I don't get another pay check until the 15th. Hooray for $3 in the checking account! At least it's not a negative balance. That would really suck some balls.
Oh! My Sirius Satellite radio module got stolen out of my car yesterday sometime while I was working. I'm normally really good about locking my car up, but we had a pot luck for the Michigan vs. Michigan State game and I must've forgotten to lock it. I went out to my car to go home last night and it was gone. Thankfully, they didn't find the Nintendo DS in the backseat. We just got that for my son on his birthday. With the module gone, I'm only out about $30 to $40 cuzz I got it on sale a few months back. Had they found the DS, I'd have been out another $130.
And that's pretty much it. Got some new kitty pictures to post, but I'll have to do that from home. Now I've got to try and come up with something for the scouts to do at their meeting on Tuesday. Hooray. o_O
So, not much is really new at the moment. Still broke as hell, though now it's a little more so than normal. See, there's something going on with the child support. Last week, it was $20 short and then it just didn't show up at all this week. When I tried to call the ex-husband to let him know about, just in case it was some kind of problem with Friend of the Court and not him, I discovered that his phone had been disconnected. Now, this leads me to 2 conclusions. 1- He got a job down near Detroit and he and his insta-family are going to be moving down there like his grandmother told me or 2- He quit his job cuzz his girlfriend/fiance/whatever is working and, really, why the hell should they have 2 incomes coming in when he can just sit on his ass and make an ass groove in the couch cushions while watching her kids run wild. I'll find out for sure when I pick up the boy after work tonight. I'm leaning toward the quitting the job thing, though I really don't want to find out that's the case. He's actually held a job since we separated which, for him, is pretty fucking spectacular. The only time he hasn't paid his child support was when he was in jail, (he was AWOL from the ARMY and was arrested a few Christmases ago) so I'm really hoping that he hasn't just fucked himself over by deciding that he doesn't need to work since she is. If that's what he's chosen to do, fine. Hope he has a good time with that. When he misses 2 months worth of child support, I'll be more than happy to lead the police right to his house so they can throw his ass in jail for being a douchebag dad.
I've been missing a lot of work lately and spending more and more time at the doctor's office. I'm not sure if it's the PCOS and the Endo or if it's the Depo Lupron, but something is messing with me. I'm having trouble walking and am at a constant 10 on the pain scale. Thing is, it's not just the normal pelvic pain that I have that's shot up to a 10. I now have pain in my hips and back to accompany it. It's fucking miserable. I have prescriptions for Diclofenac and Hydromorphone. The Hydromorphone makes things interesting. There's still the underlying pain, but it's no where near the point that I'm at right now (can't take it at work cuzz they have this thing about not taking controlled substances when you work EMS) and I don't seem to care too much that there's any pain at all. The Diclofenac doesn't really do too much that I can tell. I have to watch out for bleeding into the gut though, so that gives me a nice sense of adventure. I'm hoping to be able to get in to my Gyno next week to see if he can figure out what's going on and maybe get him to just take the girl parts away. I doubt he'll do that, but I'd really like him to.
The boy got his school pictures back and he looks like a little fuzz ball. The Bitsy is growing. She's about the size of my foot now and a bit bigger than my cell phone, so I know she's growing. LOL She's eats like she's a damned garbage disposal! She's face planted into my soup, a plate of eggs... She's eats olives, pickles, buffalo chicken wings. Pretty much anything that drops to the ground is inhaled by that little tiny cat. She's still small enough to squeeze under the doors, which I think makes the other cats jealous.
The boy and I will be traveling to see Great Great Grandpa sometime this week, I hope, since he's probably not gonna be around much longer. It kinda sucks that we won't be able to get out to see him if I don't get my child support any time soon. He's about 1/2 an hour away and gas isn't cheap, as I'm sure you know. I've got just under a 1/2 a tank right now and I don't get another pay check until the 15th. Hooray for $3 in the checking account! At least it's not a negative balance. That would really suck some balls.
Oh! My Sirius Satellite radio module got stolen out of my car yesterday sometime while I was working. I'm normally really good about locking my car up, but we had a pot luck for the Michigan vs. Michigan State game and I must've forgotten to lock it. I went out to my car to go home last night and it was gone. Thankfully, they didn't find the Nintendo DS in the backseat. We just got that for my son on his birthday. With the module gone, I'm only out about $30 to $40 cuzz I got it on sale a few months back. Had they found the DS, I'd have been out another $130.
And that's pretty much it. Got some new kitty pictures to post, but I'll have to do that from home. Now I've got to try and come up with something for the scouts to do at their meeting on Tuesday. Hooray. o_O
Monday, October 15, 2007
Just under 2 months!
Holy damn I need to remember to update more! Although there hasn't been too much excitement going on. I like that, but I hate it at the same time. I like that there's nothing new to stress out about, but I hate that it makes me feel boring.
Meh. Whatcha gonna do?
So, I have added another cat to my collection. We named her Bitsy Lee and she is SO incredibly cute! She has the same coloring and markings that Harley did when I first got her all those years ago. Pictures? OK!
Aw. She was a tired little kitty the night I brought her home.
She was smaller than the remote control. What was really funny was the day that she stepped on teh keyboard for the computer and absolutely none of the keys moved. o_O
Mydna checking her out. They are like best friends now. Well, except when Mydna takes playtime a little too far and tries to chew on her head.
Yeah. She was just a hair bigger than my cell phone.
She's about as big as my foot now. She's all frisky and jumpy and keeps trying to climb me like a fucking tree. She's awesome.
I've also become a den leader/mother/whatever for Tiger Scouts.
Yeah, I'm completely for real. I'll give you a minute to wipe up that drink you just spit at the computer.
All cleaned up?
So, yeah. I kinda got volunteered to be this leader thing, but I'm actually kind of liking it. I've already got the boys all set up to tour an ambulance and base tomorrow for their very first outting. I'm kinda psyched. I hope everyone shows. I didn't go to work on Thursday or Friday cuzz my ovaries decided to try and break out. They failed, but I swear they tore through several layers before giving up. Anyway, since I wasn't at work those two days, I had to call everyone when I got out on Saturday night. Left quite a few messages and still haven't heard back from all the parents. It should all go well.
And that's basically it. Well, other than feeling like I'm living at the doctor's office. I had to go and get my paper work for FMLA filled out since I have a "chronic condition" that makes me call into work at times. With that paperwork filled out, I can't be punished for missing days as long as I can prove that my PCOS and Endo (yeah, newly diagnosed) is what's causing me to miss work. Since I'm not too keen up on getting blood stolen from me and a pelvic everytime I complain about the pain, I don't think they're gonna be getting too many call ins from me.
So, that's all that's been going on. Nothing new on the homefront, which is good. Work is work, which I suppose is good. Basically, everything is pretty fucking good right now.
And now that I've said that, I'm pretty sure I've jinxed myself. o_O
Meh. Whatcha gonna do?
So, I have added another cat to my collection. We named her Bitsy Lee and she is SO incredibly cute! She has the same coloring and markings that Harley did when I first got her all those years ago. Pictures? OK!
Aw. She was a tired little kitty the night I brought her home.
She was smaller than the remote control. What was really funny was the day that she stepped on teh keyboard for the computer and absolutely none of the keys moved. o_O
Mydna checking her out. They are like best friends now. Well, except when Mydna takes playtime a little too far and tries to chew on her head.
Yeah. She was just a hair bigger than my cell phone.
She's about as big as my foot now. She's all frisky and jumpy and keeps trying to climb me like a fucking tree. She's awesome.
I've also become a den leader/mother/whatever for Tiger Scouts.
Yeah, I'm completely for real. I'll give you a minute to wipe up that drink you just spit at the computer.
All cleaned up?
So, yeah. I kinda got volunteered to be this leader thing, but I'm actually kind of liking it. I've already got the boys all set up to tour an ambulance and base tomorrow for their very first outting. I'm kinda psyched. I hope everyone shows. I didn't go to work on Thursday or Friday cuzz my ovaries decided to try and break out. They failed, but I swear they tore through several layers before giving up. Anyway, since I wasn't at work those two days, I had to call everyone when I got out on Saturday night. Left quite a few messages and still haven't heard back from all the parents. It should all go well.
And that's basically it. Well, other than feeling like I'm living at the doctor's office. I had to go and get my paper work for FMLA filled out since I have a "chronic condition" that makes me call into work at times. With that paperwork filled out, I can't be punished for missing days as long as I can prove that my PCOS and Endo (yeah, newly diagnosed) is what's causing me to miss work. Since I'm not too keen up on getting blood stolen from me and a pelvic everytime I complain about the pain, I don't think they're gonna be getting too many call ins from me.
So, that's all that's been going on. Nothing new on the homefront, which is good. Work is work, which I suppose is good. Basically, everything is pretty fucking good right now.
And now that I've said that, I'm pretty sure I've jinxed myself. o_O
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
The Ozzburn
So, Sunday was Ozzfest and I had a fuckin BLAST! The bands were awesome, the pits were violent and there was even a sod fight. All in all, it was a GREAT day. Damned near 12 hours of metal and I have the sunburn to prove it. There were some minor tiffs, but nothing too major. Given that there were 6 of us that went together, I thought there might've been a bit more conflict. If there was, I wasn't around it and that made my day spectacular. I
took my little brother cuzz Greg backed out on me at the last minute. Looking back, it's probably best Greg didn't go. He'd have bitched the whole time. Hell, he texted me to see how it was and when I told him I was have a great time, he responded by telling me that it was all "kids shit anymore" and that there were only "kids with fucked up hair" there and that it was worse than rap, though he called it something different. Then, when the boy got dropped off, he tried to tell me that he wanted me home by 8 so he could go to sleep. He knew I didn't drive, so there was no way that could happen. He then told me that if he fell asleep, he didn't want to hear any bitching. I don't understand why he does things like that. He'll make plans with me, back out and then try to ruin my time when I go anyway. Or he'll just flat out tell me he doesn't want to go and then act like a ginormous asshole when I go anyway. When I was married, I wasn't allowed to do anything with out bargaining. I'm not about to get to that point again. At least he didn't threaten to move out this time. I told him the last time he did that that if he said it again, I'd put his shit out to the curb and he could move back home with mommy. I just don't understand why he has to try and make me feel like shit all the time. Just thinking about that shit makes me exhausted.
That's pretty much everything that's been happening. I took the boy over to my sister's house today. He hasn't seen her since he was like 2 or 3. Our sons are 19 days apart, so that was cool for the boy. He had a lot of fun today. She offered to go with me to the birthday thing on Saturday, too, and I think I'm gonna take her up on that.
So... On to the Ozzburn. It's epic.
This shoulder isn't too bad. I mean, it hurts, but the other side is damned near purple. o_O
Yeah. I'm totally awesome enough to manage to have a very distinct burn line from my necklace.
And there I am with no make up, showing off the mini black eye I got from catching a huge ass clump of sod with my face.
I was SO filthy when I got home that I took a shower right away. I had dirt everywhere. And, even though I was completely filthy, someone made me feel absolutely gorgeous. He seemed sincere when he kept complimenting me. It felt like he meant it and even if he didn't, it still made me feel incredible.
And no, it wasn't Greg.
took my little brother cuzz Greg backed out on me at the last minute. Looking back, it's probably best Greg didn't go. He'd have bitched the whole time. Hell, he texted me to see how it was and when I told him I was have a great time, he responded by telling me that it was all "kids shit anymore" and that there were only "kids with fucked up hair" there and that it was worse than rap, though he called it something different. Then, when the boy got dropped off, he tried to tell me that he wanted me home by 8 so he could go to sleep. He knew I didn't drive, so there was no way that could happen. He then told me that if he fell asleep, he didn't want to hear any bitching. I don't understand why he does things like that. He'll make plans with me, back out and then try to ruin my time when I go anyway. Or he'll just flat out tell me he doesn't want to go and then act like a ginormous asshole when I go anyway. When I was married, I wasn't allowed to do anything with out bargaining. I'm not about to get to that point again. At least he didn't threaten to move out this time. I told him the last time he did that that if he said it again, I'd put his shit out to the curb and he could move back home with mommy. I just don't understand why he has to try and make me feel like shit all the time. Just thinking about that shit makes me exhausted.
That's pretty much everything that's been happening. I took the boy over to my sister's house today. He hasn't seen her since he was like 2 or 3. Our sons are 19 days apart, so that was cool for the boy. He had a lot of fun today. She offered to go with me to the birthday thing on Saturday, too, and I think I'm gonna take her up on that.
So... On to the Ozzburn. It's epic.
This shoulder isn't too bad. I mean, it hurts, but the other side is damned near purple. o_O
Yeah. I'm totally awesome enough to manage to have a very distinct burn line from my necklace.
And there I am with no make up, showing off the mini black eye I got from catching a huge ass clump of sod with my face.
I was SO filthy when I got home that I took a shower right away. I had dirt everywhere. And, even though I was completely filthy, someone made me feel absolutely gorgeous. He seemed sincere when he kept complimenting me. It felt like he meant it and even if he didn't, it still made me feel incredible.
And no, it wasn't Greg.
Saturday, August 18, 2007
So...
I can now officially READ the blogs I was blocked from. Which I like. I can't comment (at least I don't think I can comment) which kinda sucks. Also, I've been trying to get my verification e-mail and I haven't gotten it. I even went through every fucking piece of bulk mail in case it went in there. Let me tell ya, I'm none too happy that it wasn't there. I was doing this thing where I didn't empty out my bulk folder for a while cuzz I was curious to see just how many I could get. I was at about 3000 when I went hunting. I gave up somewhere around 1600 and just emptied the damned thing and told bloglines to give me a new one.
Cricket- Reading your tale of the new wife reminded me that on Sept 1, I'll be spending the day at the beach with the ex-husband, the girlfriend/fiance/whateverthehellaheis and her 3 kids. I guess that's what the ex decided to plan for my son's birthday. I plan on taking the camera for pictures and I am hoping to have back up with me as well. And by back up, I mean someone I know who will sit with me and make sure I don't freak out when the ex's whatever decides to mess with my kid. See, the boy wants me to go cuzz, duh, it's for his birthday, but more specifically, he told me that he wants me there so I can see how she treats him. I know she won't do anything that she shouldn't while I'm there playing Mamma Bear, so that's not going to be an issue. What will be is the fact the she likes to run her mouth. A LOT. It probably doesn't help that I know she's scared of me.
- Ok, a bit of background before I continue. Ex's whatever is the older sister of my little brother's best friend. Little brother's best friend has known me since he was about 11 years old or so. Since little brother is 22 now, that makes it 11 years? Anyway, the whatever has heard stories about me in all that time from my little brother and her little brother. It was common knowledge then that she was scared of me, for whatever reason. I had never really met her and didn't have a problem with her, so really, there was no need to be scared of me. When she met the ex, we had been seperated for a month or so and I can only imagine the stories that came out of his mouth. When they broke up, supposedly "for good" and the ex decided to start calling me every day to tell me about the latest shit she had pulled and to make me think that he had maybe seen the error of his ways while we were married and try to pay me back as far as the lawsuit goes, he told me that she was extremely scared of me. Seems she got it into her head somehow (no doubt the ex's doing) that I was going to beat her ass old school like the next I saw her. No clue why I was going to do that, but okay. Since they've been back together and bought a house, some things have come to light that make me INCREDIBLY angry in the I'm-gonna-do-whatever-I-need-to-protect-my-son kind of way. Since then, she has decided that it's a good idea to run her mouth. -
*cough*
SO! I'm not expecting the day to go well at all. I'm not going to go looking for a fight or anything like that. I plan on keeping pretty much to myself and following the boy around and pretty much ignoring the people I don't feel like seeing. If the ex-in-laws are there, I'm sure that will create a TON of tension, since they like me and will openly point out her flaws physically as well as the flaws in her charactor and parenting. I went through the same thing when I married their son, but since the divorce, a lot of the things that ex was telling them I had done in the marriage were reveled to be bullshit and a lot of the things that he had done came into light, all by his own hand. I didn't run around telling his family about anything that went on during our marriage that they didn't know about. It's none of their business. It should be an interesting event.
Cricket- I'm not sure I have as much self control as you do. I might have a few months ago, but since the menopause? My temper is incredibly quick. If she starts running her mouth, I know I'm gonna shoot off right back at her, which is why I intend on stalking my son around the beach. LOL
Other things that are coming up include Ozzfest (Lamb of God!!! WOO!!!) and my vacation. Mind you, vacation doesn't include actualy going anywhere to... Um... Vaca? Vacation includes going to the boy's Beach Birthday Bonanza and NOT GOING TO WORK. For over a week! I can't begin to express how excited I am to have time off. Granted, I'm not working 7 days a week anymore, but I've been burned out for a while now and I'm hoping this time off will let me get back into things a bit.
I'm excited about Ozzfest, too. This will be the first concert in years that I've gotten Greg to go to with me. Hell, this will be 1 of 2 times he'll have gone out with me someplace that isn't going to dinner and then RIGHTBACKHOME in at least a year. (The other time would be this past weekend when I was able to get him to come out for a grand total of 1 hour for my sister's birthday. I think he only went cuzz he had never met her and wasn't sure if he'd get the chance to again) My mission that day will be to not pass out on the hill. o_O The DTE Energy Music Theater (or Pine Knob for anyone who reads that remembers when it was called that) has a pavillion that's covered and has seats for a lot more money than the "lawn". The "lawn" is basically a GINORMOUS hill that has grass on it in some places. (I remember the first time I saw Korn there and the mosh pits started on the hill, a guy had broken his ankle on a 90 degree angle in the first 3 minutes of the very first song.) Well, when I went to see the Family values Tour last month, I wound up passing out on the hill and missing all of Korn. I'm confused as to WHY I passed, though. The only thing I can come up with is someone put something in my drink when I wasn't paying attention. I mean, it was a warm day out, but I spent most of it in the shade and yeah, I was drinking, but I had eaten and didn't drink nearly enough to get me to the passing out stage. The only thing that makes any sense is someone slipping something into my drink. I think I'm gonna see if I can't take an empty big girl sippy cup in with me this time so I can just empty my drinks into that and put the lid on it.
Phew! There's an entry with substance! Now, I'm off to see if I got my verification e-mail yet...
Thanks for the BlogLines suggestion, Cricket! I wonder how long it'll be before they block that out, too. :-P
Cricket- Reading your tale of the new wife reminded me that on Sept 1, I'll be spending the day at the beach with the ex-husband, the girlfriend/fiance/whateverthehellaheis and her 3 kids. I guess that's what the ex decided to plan for my son's birthday. I plan on taking the camera for pictures and I am hoping to have back up with me as well. And by back up, I mean someone I know who will sit with me and make sure I don't freak out when the ex's whatever decides to mess with my kid. See, the boy wants me to go cuzz, duh, it's for his birthday, but more specifically, he told me that he wants me there so I can see how she treats him. I know she won't do anything that she shouldn't while I'm there playing Mamma Bear, so that's not going to be an issue. What will be is the fact the she likes to run her mouth. A LOT. It probably doesn't help that I know she's scared of me.
- Ok, a bit of background before I continue. Ex's whatever is the older sister of my little brother's best friend. Little brother's best friend has known me since he was about 11 years old or so. Since little brother is 22 now, that makes it 11 years? Anyway, the whatever has heard stories about me in all that time from my little brother and her little brother. It was common knowledge then that she was scared of me, for whatever reason. I had never really met her and didn't have a problem with her, so really, there was no need to be scared of me. When she met the ex, we had been seperated for a month or so and I can only imagine the stories that came out of his mouth. When they broke up, supposedly "for good" and the ex decided to start calling me every day to tell me about the latest shit she had pulled and to make me think that he had maybe seen the error of his ways while we were married and try to pay me back as far as the lawsuit goes, he told me that she was extremely scared of me. Seems she got it into her head somehow (no doubt the ex's doing) that I was going to beat her ass old school like the next I saw her. No clue why I was going to do that, but okay. Since they've been back together and bought a house, some things have come to light that make me INCREDIBLY angry in the I'm-gonna-do-whatever-I-need-to-protect-my-son kind of way. Since then, she has decided that it's a good idea to run her mouth. -
*cough*
SO! I'm not expecting the day to go well at all. I'm not going to go looking for a fight or anything like that. I plan on keeping pretty much to myself and following the boy around and pretty much ignoring the people I don't feel like seeing. If the ex-in-laws are there, I'm sure that will create a TON of tension, since they like me and will openly point out her flaws physically as well as the flaws in her charactor and parenting. I went through the same thing when I married their son, but since the divorce, a lot of the things that ex was telling them I had done in the marriage were reveled to be bullshit and a lot of the things that he had done came into light, all by his own hand. I didn't run around telling his family about anything that went on during our marriage that they didn't know about. It's none of their business. It should be an interesting event.
Cricket- I'm not sure I have as much self control as you do. I might have a few months ago, but since the menopause? My temper is incredibly quick. If she starts running her mouth, I know I'm gonna shoot off right back at her, which is why I intend on stalking my son around the beach. LOL
Other things that are coming up include Ozzfest (Lamb of God!!! WOO!!!) and my vacation. Mind you, vacation doesn't include actualy going anywhere to... Um... Vaca? Vacation includes going to the boy's Beach Birthday Bonanza and NOT GOING TO WORK. For over a week! I can't begin to express how excited I am to have time off. Granted, I'm not working 7 days a week anymore, but I've been burned out for a while now and I'm hoping this time off will let me get back into things a bit.
I'm excited about Ozzfest, too. This will be the first concert in years that I've gotten Greg to go to with me. Hell, this will be 1 of 2 times he'll have gone out with me someplace that isn't going to dinner and then RIGHTBACKHOME in at least a year. (The other time would be this past weekend when I was able to get him to come out for a grand total of 1 hour for my sister's birthday. I think he only went cuzz he had never met her and wasn't sure if he'd get the chance to again) My mission that day will be to not pass out on the hill. o_O The DTE Energy Music Theater (or Pine Knob for anyone who reads that remembers when it was called that) has a pavillion that's covered and has seats for a lot more money than the "lawn". The "lawn" is basically a GINORMOUS hill that has grass on it in some places. (I remember the first time I saw Korn there and the mosh pits started on the hill, a guy had broken his ankle on a 90 degree angle in the first 3 minutes of the very first song.) Well, when I went to see the Family values Tour last month, I wound up passing out on the hill and missing all of Korn. I'm confused as to WHY I passed, though. The only thing I can come up with is someone put something in my drink when I wasn't paying attention. I mean, it was a warm day out, but I spent most of it in the shade and yeah, I was drinking, but I had eaten and didn't drink nearly enough to get me to the passing out stage. The only thing that makes any sense is someone slipping something into my drink. I think I'm gonna see if I can't take an empty big girl sippy cup in with me this time so I can just empty my drinks into that and put the lid on it.
Phew! There's an entry with substance! Now, I'm off to see if I got my verification e-mail yet...
Thanks for the BlogLines suggestion, Cricket! I wonder how long it'll be before they block that out, too. :-P
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
