Random Ramblings from Everyone's Favorite Brite!

Over On The Right...

2030-04-01T09:10:00.002-04:00

(This post will ALWAYS be the first {until 2030 anyway.} Scroll down for newer content)

So, I made a little box that links to places I think do wonderful things and, should anyone visiting here ever feel the need to give to an organization, they deserve donations. I've not lost a child myself and I know that I can never ever begin to feel even a fraction of the pain the parents who've lost children feel, but if I can donate and/or get others to donate, I'll feel like I'm helping them to cope, even if it's only a small sliver of help. So, if you're feeling generous, click those links and throw a couple bucks their way. I will be with my next paycheck.

An Open Letter To My Eyes

2009-07-18T09:54:00.000-04:00

Dear Eyes,
Look, I understand you've got a bit of a complex going on about your looks. I mean, how could you not when everyone keeps telling you how pretty you are. Hell, even I know that you're my best feature. But the recent acts of sucktardness you've been exhibiting need to end and they need to end NOW.

Ok, I'll admit that the possibility of a scratched cornea lies solely with me. I'm sure you've even come to expect it by now considering that the whole scratching thing seems to be a yearly occcurrence. Please believe me when I express just how sorry I am about the whole thing. It sucks to have a scratched cornea and if I could afford it right now, I'd have my happy ass at the doctor's office trying to score some wicked eye drops to make you feel better. Thing is, I am flat ass broke, so we're just gonna have to learn to deal and heal on our own. That being said, I am requesting that you please stop being goopy. It's not very becoming and, quite frankly, it's kinda grossing me out. I appreciate the fact that you're not goopy enough to be crusted shut when I wake up as well as the fact that there's not enough of the aforementioned goop to make me appear diseased, but really? Ew. It needs to end now, please.

Now that that is out of the way, I have one more teeny tiny little request. The whole thing you've got going on right now with the eyelid? It's annoying as hell and I am issuing an immediate cease and desist order. I understand that I've been stressed a lot lately and that sometimes weird little things happen due to said stress. However, I can no longer take the almost constant twitching of my eyelid. While you may think it's a great stress reliever and/or cute the twitching is kinda making me want to go after you with a knitting needle in order to make sure it stops once and for all. Drastic? Probably. And really? I'm pretty ok with that, as long as it results in the eyelid no longer being twitchy. Yeah, it really IS that annoying.

*whew*

I'm glad I was able to get that out there. Again, sorry for the whole possibility of a corneal abrasion. I've tried my hardest to break that tradition, but it would appear that it's one of those never ending battles. As for the twitching though, I make no apologies since I don't believe stress is a good enough reason for you to make my eyelid flip it's shit. So knock it off before I hunt down a knitting needle and end it all myself.

Lovingly yours,

Me

Oh what a beautiful morning!

2009-07-08T10:58:00.000-04:00

*shudder* Now I have that damned song stuck in my head. o_O

Anyway.

What follows is a tale of how my morning has made me think that the rest of my day may just suck ass. Well, maybe not completely, but a little bit of suckage is certainly in my future.

So, after allowing the boy to have a friend stay the night last night and PLEADING with the to just sleep in for once in their teeny tiny lives, I promptly woke up at the asscrack of early. (The asscrack of early happens to be around 0545, in case you're wondering.)

I get out of bed, as I am wont to do when my bladder is screaming at me to make with the moving or else it shall blow, and decide to not even attempt to go back to sleep. It's a losing battle (it always is, even when I should be able to sleep) and I was sick of fighting. I make my way to the couch and turn on the news to only, once again, be saturated by coverage that ye ole king of pop hath kicked the bucket. I decided that it would be a good time to read since the kids were actually still asleep. It was about that time that the cats decided it was time to begin the Kitty Olympics®, which usually means that anyone who happened to be asleep will be no longer. Miraculously, the chillens slept through most of the Kitty Olympics® and I was able to get some reading done.

When they woke up, they promptly decided it was time to take a bike ride. Being that it was all of 0730 and about 45° outside, I had to squash that idea for a bit. It lasted for maybe half an hour due to the fact that my son became enraptured with the death of the king coverage. o_O Before they left, they asked me to make them pancakes and bacon for breakfast. Being the most absolutely awesomest mom evAr, I agreed.

Making breakfast proved to be slow going for some reason. Everything seemed to take hours to fix and it was just weird. I think I'm pretty safe in assuming that everything tasted good cuzz the kid that spent the night asked for seconds and he's super-mini. When they finished eating, I had to break up a small argument (since my kid is an only child for the most part, he sometimes forgets that just cuzz HE wants to do something, not everyone else will) and they decided to go on yet ANOTHER bike ride. (Seems the super-mini kid is the boyfriend of a 22 year old chickie somewhere around here, which is kinda cute but also? kinda creepy) That is when I decided that I may as well start cleaning.

Now, most of you who will read this know that I absolutely abhor cleaning with a passionty passion. (See what I did there? AWESOME.) Though I may scrub the ever-loving shit out the bat cave when I'm working, getting me to clean anything is usually more difficult that pulling the teeth out of the mouth of a live and non-drugged out crocodile. I HATEHATEHATE cleaning, so the fact that I kinda wanted to clean was something I knew enough to jump on as soon as the thought hit my brain.

I got as far as loading and starting the dishwasher before stopping.

Impressed? Anyone care to take a guess as to WHY I stopped after loading the dishwasher? No? Well, why don't I just tell you then.

See, while I absolutely abhor cleaning, I simply LOVE the smell of lemon cleaning products. Whether it's dish soap, crap to mop the floor with, a Clorox wipe, if it's lemon scented, I am sure to sniff the life out of it. So, I got the dishwasher loaded and was pretty damned proud of myself for not only getting it done, but for the beautiful way all the dishes seemed to fit in there all magical like. (Shut up, I told you I was up at the asscrack of early.) I poured the Cascade powder into the little cuppy thingie that holds such crap and turned on the dishwasher, ready to attack whatever else I thought needed to be cleaned. (Which is actually everything, but would have probably only amounted to wiping down the cupboard.) As I was putting away the Cascade, I decided to sniff it, as I do every time I happen to load and start the dishwasher. It smelled SPECTACULAR, so I sniffed again. And then I decided to sniff one last time before I put it back under the sink.

That's when it happened.

Now, this is NOT the first time something like this has happened and I'm sure you're not shocked to read such a thing. I mean, I'm the chick who managed to chip her front teeth SNEEZING and also managed to BREAK a tooth almost completely in half by eating a salad that consisted of nothing but lettuce, cheese and my beloved ranch dressing. ANYTHING that can somehow hurt me has probably managed to do so at least ONCE in my lifetime, dishwasher detergent being no exception.

I accidentally managed to sniff Cascade like (I can only assume) a coke head. >_< Now, don't go thinking that I decided to bust out a razor and cut some lines of Cascade like I was Johnny Depp in blow cuzz that is nowhere near what happened. I simply was enjoying the refreshing lemony scent of the Cascade and sniffed too hard.

I'm sure you can imagine that it was not a comfortable feeling in any way. And while I can attempt to describe how much it burned and actually tasted NOTHING like lemons, I'm sure you all can probably imagine it better than I can describe it, so I'll leave you to it.

Oh and if you're wondering? No, I did not sneeze a bubble like I kinda hoped to. I did however manage to sneeze out a clump of Cascade. Now go eat your lunch and think of me. :-P

In Which I Blame My Mommy For Me Being An Asshole.

2009-05-16T09:37:00.001-04:00

So, I was at work this morning and got out of the office about 10 minutes late. No big deal, happens all the time. I went outside thinking my mom would be there, but she wasn't, which, again, no big deal. Happens a lot. So, I decided to have a cigarette and call my step-dad in case he was home and could remind my mom if she had forgotten. Well, he was on his way to Chesaning, but he said that my mom was awake when he left and she knew she had to come get me. So, I got off the phone, thinking maybe she got stuck behind a back hoe again. (I think that happened last week.)

I stood outside, smoking my cigarette and watching traffic, but I didn't see her by the time I was finished, so I decided to go inside and jump on FaceBook really quick in case she was on there and lost track of time.

- Keep in mind that she was driving a car that I've only seen a handful of times -

I went up to the door and saw a car that looked like my mom's pull into the Chase bank next door. I watched it turn around and saw that it was pulling into the base, so I told everyone I was leaving and walked up to the car. I opened the passenger door and saw that there was a coat on the seat, so I went to kinda set my purse on the floor so I could move the coat.

And then I heard, "I'm sure you think I'm someone else..."

Thankfully, I didn't say what I was thinking, which was, "What the hell?"

Seems I had decided that I was going home and I would be driven by a little old lady. A little old lady who was not related to me in any way, shape or form.

*facepalm*

Hi, I'm Leslee and I'm a ginormous asshole.

I am SO happy I didn't start cussing. I have enough presense of mind not to when there are patients around or if someone comes in to pay a bill or something, but this was the end of my shift and I was feeling pretty giddy. See, not only was she a little old lady who was a completely stranger to me, but she was ALSO a little old lady who was coming to the base to drop off church pamphlets.

I had no choice but to take them. I mean, I had just tried to get into this lady's car for crap's sake, I couldn't very well turn down the pamphlets and tell her no soliciting. I may be a ginormous asshole, but I try to be nice to old people. :-P

So yeah, cuzz my mommy was running late to pick me, I showed my asshole skills to a completely unsuspecting old lady. I am TEH AWESOMER than you!

(I have GOT to stop forgetting I have this! :-/)

And it just keeps on coming...

2009-01-28T16:34:00.002-05:00

I've been wanting to update with happier themes and what not. Unfortunately, this is not gonna be one of those kind of updates. This is the kind of update that just makes me want to start drinking at 800 in the morning. Heh.

So, I haven't had medical insurance since I officially lost my job at Genesys. No big secret there. Once that happened, the insurance coverage I had for the boy was lost as well. Matt still has him on his insurance, so it wasn't really all that big a deal. I've looked into getting him on Medicaid or whatever, but I have yet to hear anything. (I'm not surprised since there has been a GINORMOUS increase in people who need help.) I think it might have to do with the fact that Alex is already insured under Matt, so it's not a top priority to get him Medicaid. The only reason I looked into it is cuzz that according to the divorce paperwork, Matt and I BOTH have to carry medical insurance for Alex. It wasn't a problem when we got divorced cuzz Alex was on Medicaid and then when I got hired in at Genesys, it cost me $60 a month for both of us to have medical, dental and vision. When I hired in at Patriot, I looked into their insurance and realized that unless they decided to pay me like $15 an hour, I couldn't afford it.

So, I got home from work last night and was dinking around online reveling in my Happy Moron Tuesday (seriously, it was rough.). Greg came home from work and brought the mail in cuzz, being that it was Happy Moron Tuesday, I had forgotten to check it. I got a letter from the HR place that Patriot uses, so I figured I'd better open it and make sure I wasn't being fired or anything. (Not that I think I would be, but I'm a little paranoid after everything that went down at GETS.) In that letter, I was told that pursuant a National Medical Support Notice, case number blahblahblah, Alex is going to be enrolled in the medical insurance offered by Patriot. Since he's being enrolled, I have to be enrolled.

What's this insurance going to cost me? Just over $400 a fucking month.

I can barely pay my bills NOW, how the fuck am I supposed to be able to pay any bills when I'm going to be losing damned near half of my paycheck?!

Greg doesn't seem concerned at all. Then again, whenever something happens concerning money, he doesn't really have ANY reaction, so I suppose that's a normal response for him. Heh. I'm gonna have to try to get another job, which is going to be difficult cuzz the dispatchers have all been told that if we need to have another job and it interferes in ANY way with our job at Patriot, we'll be bumped down to part time, which is basically no hours unless they need someone to cover for vacation or a call off.

I don't know what the fuck I'm gonna do...

Long time. Again.

2009-01-25T23:14:00.003-05:00

Damn I suck. I keep meaning to come back and post something, but I always seem to get side tracked. Ugh. I'm gonna throw the last two blogs I've posted elsewhere up here so y'all will be caught up. The first one is pretty damned funny, I think. The last one isn't. Heh.

Here you go!

In Which I Am Scammed By My Only Child
(January 5, 2009)

So, at 630 this morning, Alex came into my room and scared the shit out of me. His alarm goes off 5 minutes before mine, for some reason, and I was actually in a sound sleep. He told me that he didn't want to go to school today cuzz he hadn't slept very well. Seeing as how I was damned tired myself, I wasn't feeling the greatest and I knew it was FREEZING outside, I agreed but told him he had to go right back to bed and it wasn't gonna be something that was gonna happen regularly. He agreed to go back to sleep and I turned off my alarm, effectively assuring that I would forget to call the school to let them know he wasn't going to be there. (Yes, I completely forgot until about 5 minutes ago.)

We played Frog Tennis and Yahtzee and he played his PS2 in his room for a bit. It was a pretty good day. He wanted to play Little Big Planet, which is what he's doing right now.

About 5 minutes ago, I told him that he needed to stop playing the game and work on his spelling words cuzz he has spelling tests every Friday. He told me he didn't need to work on them and offered no other explanation. I told him to get to work on his spelling words before he got himself into trouble. That's when he informed me of WHY he didn't need to work on them.

He has no school tomorrow.

Heh. I called bullshit and made him call his grandma to make sure since she has the calender for the week. She confirmed that he has no school tomorrow.

I texted Becky to tell her I just got played. That's when I learned just exactly how well my one and only child played me.

He has no school Monday, either.

*sigh* I must be losing it. I got played by an 8 year old.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You were a big strapping boy with a boner. Yeah i felt it when we hugged goodbye
(posted tonight, just a few minutes before this)

So, since I MUST have a title for a blog, I figured I'd throw random song lyrics up there. That one sure as shit got your attention, didn't it?

So, things have been relatively shitty the past couple weeks. And by that, I mean shittier than usual.

Let's start with my birthday shall we?

I got a shit ton of birthday wishes, which was awesome. And Becky and Bobbi came up to Patriot and made birthday EXPLODE all over the bat cave (also known as the Dispatch Office), and that was fucking awesome! I already knew I was gonna be spending that night home alone with a sick cat, so while that sucked, it wasn't cuzz I was expecting to go out and do something and then couldn't. What REALLY sucked was what happened with a pillar of the EMS community in Genesee county. Not gonna go into details or anything since anyone who would REALLY care probably already knows. Suffice it to say that the atmosphere at work that day was not ideal and with good cause. And even though no one did anything to make me feel like I did, I wound up feeling like I shouldn't have been having a birthday.

That Saturday my mom called to let me know that my great grandmother was dieing. Seems she had a stroke the day before and didn't pull out of it. Since she was a hospice patient, she wasn't taken to a hospital or anywhere that would attempt to keep her alive. And while I understood that that was how SHE wanted it, I was a bit pissed off that she hadn't been taken to a hospital to be evaluated just to make sure that she had actually had a stroke. I didn't want her to be given anything to extend her life mind you, I knew that wasn't what she wanted, but I was pissed that there wasn't anything being done to simply determine what had actually happened. I think I was hoping that they'd find that she was gonna pull through and be ok. I went and visited her on Monday. She wasn't the gramma I knew anymore. I think she could hear me cuzz there were a few times when it looked like she was trying to crack a smile. I know that chances are really good that it was simply a slight facial tick, but I'm gonna choose she could hear what was being said and thought it was funny.

While I was at work Wednesday, my mom called to tell me that she had passed away.

Sallie B. Cheshire, age 87 of Durand, passed away on Wednesday, January 21, 2009. A memorial service will be held at 2:00pm on Saturday, February 7, 2009 at the Linden Lane Apartments, 3095 Linden Lane Flint, MI 48507. Pastor Ron Grindling will be officiating at the service.

Sallie is survived by 2 children: Glenda Foster of Durand, Phillip (Jude) Smyth of Hawaii; 4 grandchildren: Tony (Christine) Foster, Bob Foster, Chris Foster, Gary (Paula) Foster; 5 great grandchildren, 1 great great grandson, Sisters: Ina Risner of TX, Carolyn Smith of MO and Brother: James Cheshire of TX.

Memorials are suggested to the family. Online condolences may be sent at www.watkinsfuneralhomes.com

I worked a 24 hour shift that day due to a call off. I volunteered for it so I could have the next day off. When I was trying to go home Thursday morning, my car decided to give me the big FUCK YOU and not go over 35 MPH the entire way home. I was amused to see that while my Check Engine light never came on, my ABS light did. Heh.

Jesse was supposed to ship out to Kuwait on Friday. They delayed his platoon until Saturday. Then they delayed it again until tomorrow. He has to report by 0400. If his platoon gets delayed AGAIN (they're the only ones that have yet to ship out), Tony gets to drive down there to drive Jesse to base, since his wife and mother-in-law will be driving their only vehicle to Texas tomorrow regardless of whether or not he gets delayed again. (Kat's from Texas and her mom came up to make sure she got down there ok. She was able to extend her vacation through Monday, but she won't be able to extend it again.) Jesse called tonight was I was getting home from work. I'm proud that I didn't cry. He doesn't need that shit right now.

On the positive side, I think I may have accomplished something at work today. It's not gonna be fixed overnight, but hopefully SOMETHING will happen soon. I'm not holding my breath, but I really think I got through.

And that's it. Not a good couple of weeks, but hey. It could always be worse...

And if you're wondering what song I took my blog title from, here's the lyrics.

Asked You First

by Ani Difranco
things can't get much weirder
this can't get much worse
don't know why you wouldn't kiss me
but it's a good thing i asked you first.

you were a big strapping boy with a boner.
yeah i felt it when we hugged goodbye
you gave me an evening i'll never forget
no matter how hard i try.

yeah you were just mister flirtatious
all night just workin' that ass
well you know it's uncool to bring it to school
if you don't want to share with the class

i am just mrs. embarrassed
i feel like a dirty old man
i've got my eye on a guy
that just moved out of mom's house
with his pretty head stuck in the sand

you've earned yourself a place in my memory
by being the one who said no
where are my fucking car keys
i think i'll just go

surprise surprise now you miss me
now that i'm not in your face
surprise surprise now you're calling me
now that you feel safe
do you think that i could be your prom date
you could do us a stiff little dance
except that this isn't high school, baby
and you had your chance
you had your chance

you've earned yourself a place in my memory
by being the one who said no
now where are my fucking car keys i think i should go
hey look! car keys... bye!]

things can't get much weirder
this can't get much worse
don't know why you wouldn't kiss me
but it's a good thing i asked you first.

you were a big strapping boy with a boner.
yeah i felt it when we hugged goodbye
you're leaving i'll never forget
no matter how hard i try

no matter how hard i try

So there you have. And now you're all caught up on my world. Exciting, no?

It's that time of year again... (Possibly triggering?) (And a spoiler for last night's SVU)

2008-12-11T01:39:00.001-05:00

Not sure if it will be or not, but I figure better to put the little warning in the topic than to not and have someone flip out cuzz I didn't.

Anyway...

I've been in an interesting place today. Well, maybe not so much interesting as it is a little later than normal. See, I've been trying to get passed everything. To finally put it out of my mind and get the fuck over it. Easier said than done. Not to say it didn't enter my thoughts, but I was determined not to write about it this year. Not to get down on myself about it this year. Mostly, I was attempting to crawl back into the warmth of blocked memories.

I was doing ok. I was until last night at least. I love Law & Order:SVU. Have since the beginning. Sometimes the subjects upset me and send me into a bit of spiral, but typically it's nothing too major. I'm not sure if it's the time of year or the story line, but last night's episode got to me like no other. And it sent me into a not too good place.

I've mentioned before that I repressed a lot of the rape. Hell, I'm still remembering new little details every now and again. For a long time though, it was blank. Then came the night when that asshole punk decided to slam on my back door when I was home alone. And everything came flooding back.

The rapist character used some drug from South America (or some place similar) to drug his victims and put them into a state where they'd fight back, but they'd do whatever he wanted cuzz they were completely open to suggestion. After the fact, they'd have no memory of what happened or even having met him. It was the second victim that sent me reeling.

She was married with a small child (a baby, I think). The detectives went to her house after having identified her as someone in a number of videos he'd made of the rapes. When they asked her about whether or not she knew him or if she had ever remembered being assaulted, she had no idea what they were talking about. Her husband came home and the detectives left. Stabler (detective) went back to the home a day or so later and showed the video to the victim's husband. She walked in the door while he was watching it and saw herself and everything started to come back to her. At one point, Olivia (another detective) went back to the victim's house and found her sitting outside. She asked things like how she was supposed to go on now that she knew what had happened. How was she supposed to get back to the way things had been and things like that. There were no answers, obviously, but the questions were still asked.

After that, I found myself chain smoking. Those of you who know me know that I don't smoke inside if my son is home. Seems last night I didn't care. Heh. I wasn't in a real good place for the rest of the episode and in the end, three of his five victims sent him to jail. Yay, happy ending for all. What REALLY sent me reeling was the very end. He had called them dirty sluts and told them they had all wanted it. Then, as the victims were walking out, he kept screaming at them that they'd never forget him. That he's be the one who was always in their dreams.

And I lost promptly lost it.

I'll NEVER forget him. Not his face. Not his voice. Not his scent. Not his touch. EVERY FUCKING THING is burned into my memory. I still to this day find myself looking behind me, thinking he's coming up behind me. Sometimes I find myself stopping dead in my tracks somewhere cuzz I think I've heard his voice. I still flinch when I smell beer and cigarettes on a man's breath, which is REALLY not a good thing since Greg loves his beer and cigarettes. As long as I keep my eyes open and on Greg's face, I'm ok. Otherwise, I start to fight with out even realizing it.

13 fucking years this month and it STILL has such a hold on me and damned near everything that I do.

I've taken a few calls for sexual assaults in my five years of dispatching. And every time, I find myself shaking when everything is done and the crew is transporting the pt to the hospital. Thankfully I'm able to keep my shit in check. If I ever found that I couldn't, I'd quit that very day.

So, since watching that show, I've been jumpier than normal. I've been smoking a lot more. (Usually when Alex is home, I might have 3 or 4 cigarettes the whole time. I'm into my second pack now.) And I've been drinking. Craving beer, actually. And I know that's just my mind or body's way of dealing with shit, and I also know that it's really not the best way to cope.

At this point, I'm fighting to bury it all again or, at the very least, put it in the far reaches of my mind. I'm still waiting to be able to do the online hot line thing with RAINN. They just never seem to have classes near me so I can get the training and get started. After watching that show though, I'm beginning to wonder if I'll ever be able to do something like that or if I'd lose my shit and cause someone else to lose whatever grip they might have.

Tomorrow I'm cooking my first turkey and we're gonna set up the Christmas tree and be all happy and yay family. I'm praying that I don't ruin everything. I need to have something happy and normal happen. Something to take my mind off of this again.

At least for a little while...

Yet another tale of the freaktastic things that happen in my homestead

2008-10-18T16:25:00.000-04:00

Ok, it's no secret that random freaktacular things happen at my house. Like the time that Alex crawled into bed with me one morning and I heard my toilet flush and the water turn on like someone was washing their hands. I figured it was Becky, thinking that she must've run out of toilet paper and used the bathroom in my room. When I asked her about it (or she asked me, I can't remember) we determined that not one of us (me, her or Alex) had even been in the bathroom at that point.

Or the time when Greg was using that bathroom in my room and my hairbrush flew from the counter and into the shower.

And there was the night I was home all alone. I was sleeping and was abruptly woken up by my stuffed frog hitting me in the face. The frog sits at the end of my bedside table and all 5 cats (this was before Smokie) were sleeping on the side closet to the wall. No reason that frog should've hit me in the face, but it did.

I've found the backdoor unlocked multiple times. That door is NEVER used and is locked at all times cuzz I tend to freak out a bit if it's not since it's so close to my bedroom. Well, what happened last night has been one of the more freakier things to happen, I think.

Greg and I were sitting on the couch watching Wife Swap and making fun of how the one couple cried. A lot. Seriously, the chick from California started to cry cuzz she had arranged for a limo to take the daughter and her friends somewhere and the daughter was kinda nervous about it cuzz she'd never done anything like that before. o_O

Anyway...

We're sitting there on the couch ripping on the families cuzz that's what you do when you watch Wife Swap. All of a sudden there was this loud whirring noise that came from the backdoor where the washer and dryer was. I jumped and looked at Greg and asked if he'd had a load of laundry going, thinking that I just hadn't heard the washer when it was filling with water. He kinda looked at me funny and said no. I turned on the lights and went back to investigate. I ran back to the living room and told Greg that the washer was going. The fucking thing just started itself up! Seriously! There were no clothes in it and the lid was up and I could very clearly see the tub spinning. Greg went back and unplugged it and it kept going. He came back out in the living room to tell me that he'd unplugged it and he started to go back there again. He got halfway through the kitchen and it finally stopped.

Uh... The hell?! I thought shit like that was only supposed to happen in the movies!

And yeah, I find it kind of amusing that it happened this close to Halloween.

A blogging I shall go...

2008-10-15T21:21:00.001-04:00

It's been an interesting week or so around here. Jesse and Kat came up from Georgia and I got to know her a little bit. Honestly, I wish I had more time to get to know her before they left for Ft. Bragg cuzz I did most of the talking. Heh. Y'all know how I get with teh booze is involved. :-P Anyway, she actually reminds me a lot of myself, which is somewhat funny. Never thought Jesse would go for someone like ME but hey, I AM awesome, so I really shouldn't be surprised.

A few days before the wedding, my step-dad decided it would be a good idea to get an illness that mainly affects children and damn near die. He had been at the cardiologist setting up an appt for surgery and when he left, I guess he started to have trouble breathing and swallowing. See, he got a sore throat the day before but didn't think much of it cuzz, really? He's an adult and adults get sore throats all the time and are fine. He called my mom and told her what was going on and wouldn't let her call an ambulance for him. He drove himself to the hospital. o_O Seems being stubborn means you can drive when you really shouldn't be. (Yeah, ok, so I would probably have opted to drive myself, too, if I were already on the road, like he was.) Long story short, he ended up on a vent and was told if he had gotten there 5 minutes later, he probably wouldn't have been able to be intibated. He was diagnosed with Epiglottitis, which is a swelling of that little flap at the back of your throat that keeps food from going into your windpipe when you swallow. Now, normally, this is found in kids about 2-7 years old. According to the nurses, he was the 4th adult they'd had on the floor with that condition. (Interesting little factoid for people that went to high school with me... One of his nurses during his stay? Angie Shifflet! No shit dudes! I knew she worked at Genesys cuzz I talked to her to set up an ambulance transport once, but I didn't realize that she was a nurse. And she's married, but not to Chris.) Anyway, he was on the vent for a few days and it was pretty scary to see him that way. He was VERY grey in color and he couldn't talk (obviously) and when he had to cough? You couldn't hear ANYTHING, but you could see the look of pain just wash over his face. It fucking sucked to watch.

Thankfully, he was taken off the vent Saturday night, but not released, so the wedding was in the atrium at Genesys. Great grandma Smith was there and they were both in wheelchairs. They whole time I was trying not to giggle cuzz I had Dueling Banjos stuck in my head and could only think that they were having Dueling Wheelchairs. Trust me, it was funny.

So, Jesse got hitched and I now have a sister-in-law. It's weird cuzz it's Jesse whose married this time and that just makes me feel old as fuck. If they pop out a kid, I think I might just have to get one of those little scooters that the Hooveround people can help me get paid for by Medicare. o_O

Congratulations guys! I'll get the rest of the pictures up sometime this weekend. I think. o_O

Oh, the drunken places you'll go

2008-10-04T00:15:00.002-04:00

So... Long time, no bloggy blog. Yeah. I want to blame it on work, and I can somewhat cuzz there are no intarwebs at work. Well, there actually is internet access, but I have to limit it only to the map system until the new server is fully up and running. That's been ongoing since I hired in. Heh.

Not anything interesting to report really. I've been hermiting it up, only venturing into the vast wilderness to go to work or take the boy to and from school. How lame am I? Seriously. Look back at some entries from this time last year and you might see that I was actually interacting with the outside world. Then again, maybe you won't. I'm not really sure since I haven't looked back myself. If this tells you anything, I'm not throwing darts this season. That should say something. Especially considering that I've been throwing darts with a league on the regular for the last 5 or 6 years.

Yeah.

I'm not sure what exactly is wrong with me lately. I'm stressed out about money. Then again, when am I not stressed out about money. This time though, it seems even bleaker than it has been. If you'll remember, I lost my job at the beginning of July. Yeah, I've found another, but it's for quite a bit less money and, like a dumb ass, I didn't prepare for that. Now gas prices aren't going down all that much and food costs are rising... I can't barely pay my rent and car payments let alone worry about groceries and gas to get to and from work, the boy's school (no buses for private school that I don't pay for) and the grocery store. Child support is infrequent since Matt's been dealing with health issues and what ever else that might keep him from work. And for once? I understand how he has to call off work. Ok, not hat I've been a heartless bitch or anything cuzz I completely understand that people get sick. It's just that lately he's had to deal with pneumonia and shit like that, so it's worse than him just calling off cuzz he's tired. (Which he's bound to be after dealing with 3 kids that aren't his everyday.)

I don't know... Things are just REALLYREALLYREALLY rough right now. And what's worse is that after I go through all the necessary bills (excluding Sirius radio and TV cuzz those are LONG gone) I can't afford the health coverage at work, which means I'm doubly fucked. I've been with out any of my medications for months now, with no way to get them in the near future. Seems I make too much to qualify for government and/or state funded insurance, but I can't afford to have the premiums taken out of my check to get the stuff that's offered by my employer. Not that it's some spectacular insurance cuzz it's not. It's actually right up there with what I was getting with the hospital, but my current employer can't afford to pay as much as the hospital did for it. And I understand why. I mean, I'm working for a private ambulance service again, so I know they don't have the funds that a hospital does. And the people I work for are awesome. Seriously. I got something attached to my check a couple weeks back asking me what I wanted for Christmas that was more than $100. O_O The hell?! I've NEVER been asked that by an employer and now I'm expected to come up with something that expensive?! The only things I can come up are a $100 gas card or a $100 gift card to a grocery store. How pathetic is that?!

And now that I don't have and can't afford health insurance? Yeah, this is when I'm actually considering the fact that I might need professional help to deal with some sort of fucking depression. Heh. Figures, right? Though, if I actually had the resources to get help? I'm damned near certain that I wouldn't. See, to ME that would be showing weakness. That I can't cope with the bullshit life hands you. And while I know that's really no the case here, I probably still wouldn't seek out help cuzz that's just the way my stubborn ass operates.

Other than that, things are going... Well, they're going. The boy's teacher came up to me today to tell me that on their way home from a field trip, he threatened to kill himself. With a knife. O_O I have no idea where he even got the idea from. It's pretty disturbing. The teacher handled everything very well with me, letting me know what he said and that she didn't try to get after him about it or anything. Since this is her first year with him, she may have thought that maybe there was something going on in his head that we were taking care of or something. But, again, she handled it VERY well and I'm thankful for that. When I talked to him about it, he said that it was due to the fact that another little boy in his class wouldn't let him play his DS game. Now, I know he gets really upset when he can't play a game, but he's NEVER threatened to kill himself. When I asked about it, he said it was about the game. So I told him that's not something people threaten lightly and I told him that one of his classmates was crying cuzz hey were worried about him. (His teacher told me about that, too) He was genuinely surprised to hear that and is going to say he's sorry to his teacher on Monday. But still. HOLY SHIT!!! I need to have a conference with her to tell her about everything that's gone on with him and his dad and social services and all that shit. Ugh. Not something I'm looking forward to, but it seems I'm gonna have to go through it every year until his school decides to actually KEEP records about that sort of shit for their students.

So, yeah... That's where I am right now. Being a hermit that goes to work. Heh. I really wish I didn't have to go to work, but there's no way we'd be able to survive if I stayed home... How sad is that shit?!

HOLY SHIT!!! THE ITCHING!!!

2008-08-05T01:39:00.000-04:00

Seriously. The itching. It's itchy.

Heh.

I had to take some Dilaudid tonight and it makes me itchy.

Anyway.

I kinda boycotted the computer and the intarwebs for a bit while I was off feeling sorry for myself about random shit. Now, the computer has shown that it decided to be an asshole while I was gone and went and joined the Cult of Douche Bag Computerstology and it may force me into a boycott that I don't want any part of. We shall see, though. Tomorrow I get to make some phone calls and be a bitch and be all "Where's my money? You best give me my money! You really want me to have to slap a ho cuzz I will and you won't be pretty for a couple weeks and THEN HOW WILL YOU MAKE ME MORE MONEY YOU STUPID FUCKING WHORE?!?!" and hopefully my playing my pimp card will scare them into giving me my money so the computer can be rebuilt.

*cough*

I got pretty used to being at home all the time. It was nice. REALLY nice. I was actually enjoying being a domestic goddess and what not. THAT fun is over. While it's nice to get out of the house, I really miss being able to stay home and do things for the boy. Like getting up and fixing him breakfast, cleaning while he was out playing, doing laundry all day, etc. Things that I absolutely abhor doing (well, cooking for the boy has always made me feel mom-like and it's pretty neat for the most part) I was really beginning to enjoy. Maybe I'll be able to do that kind of shit again some day.

I have added another kitten to my collection. She is a little grey ball of fluff named Smokie! And I heart her like crazy cat ladies heart all kitties. I'd have pictures uploaded, but since the computer decided to become a Douch Bagologist, I can't seem to upload any.

On a not so goofy note, my grandma is in the hospital. Seems she had a stroke on Sunday. I'll be traveling with the boy to visit her tomorrow. I don't want to go. Not cuzz I don't love her or anything like that, but those of you who know my grandma know that she's an incredibly independent and strong woman and this stroke has fucked her up. From what I hear she's slowly getting better, but I'm not used to seeing her... Not in control, I guess. That's not how I want to word it, but it's all I can seem to come up with. If she's ever not been herself, it's cuzz she either decided to drink (which was rare, but always funny) or doped up after a surgery or something. This isn't by choice or out of necessity and it freaks me out. (Also, if anyone is thinking of trying to visit her, don't. Not trying to be rude, but she's been having a lot of tests and she's requested that only family visit and it's on a very limited basis.)

So, that's basically it. Sorry to *POOF* for a bit, but apparently it needed to be done. Now I'm off to sacrifice some tobacco to the leaders of the Cult of Douche Bag Computerstology in hopes that the computer won't be a complete hosebeast and take a giant shit on me.

♥

Who has 2 thumbs, a fuzzy head and NO JOB?

2008-07-07T19:33:00.002-04:00

That's right! It's THIS bitch right here!

Seems that the hospital thinks it'll be cheaper to pay another company to dispatch rather than paying me to work 80 hours a week. Heh. Well, ok. In the long run, they're going to be saving money. I think it's the first of October when they would have had to have had a CAD system and all sorts of other fancy shit in place in order to compliant with county protocols and that would have been a shit ton of money. So they will actually be saving money there.

Anyway.

Am I pissed? Not so much now as I was last Monday when I was told. I worked up in Sagnasty to make sure the other company knew how to do my job (they have a full dispatch center, but all the crap we knew about transporting for the hospital, they didn't. It's actually quite a bit different than how they handle the hospital transports up there.) and it actually wasn't all that bad. Not what I was expecting at all. Depending on what I'm able to negotiate, I may actually wind up working there. o_O

So, right now I'm just kinda sitting back. I signed all my paperwork today, so I am now officially unemployed. I'm not liking that I'm not sure how I'll be getting money, but right now, I'm not all that concerned. I mean, I did get a severance package (which came with a confidentiality agreement, so don't ask) and I'll be ok for a bit. I kinda want to just take the summer off and hang out with the boy. I'd totally do just that if I wasn't afraid that I wouldn't be able to find a job when I was done bumming around and sponging off the government. Mmm... Unemployment benefits. Well, that and the whole needing medical insurance thing. Heh. I've got prospects, though, so that's encouraging. Oakland County is hiring and I'm gonna throw my name in the hat for Genesee and Flint fire. And, not to sound all full of myself or anything, I'm pretty sure I can go to any private company that needs a dispatcher and have a job. After all, it's not that often that someone who's already AEMD certified walks in looking for work.

Tomorrow I talk to the other company and see what they can offer. I have quite a few other phone calls to make as well. It'll all work itself out. Hell, I'll probably wind up some place better, where I'm not pissed off just thinking about having to walk in the door.

Help Save 1-800-SUICIDE

2008-06-29T08:18:00.002-04:00

As taken from hopeline.com

1-800-SUICIDE marks its tenth anniversary this year. It was founded in 1998 by Reese Butler in memory of his wife, Kristin who had committed suicide. The Kristin Brooks Hope Center has helped almost three million callers connect to help and hope.

As they enter their second decade of service to the public, continued support is needed to ensure that the confidentiality of every caller is protected. Because they are totally privately funded, they need to prove to the government that they are capable of supporting 1-800-SUICIDE to keep control of the line from being taken over by the federal government.

The money you donate will not only be used to pay the phone bill that connects about 50,000 callers each month to the Hopeline Network, but will also be used to pay for training of online crisis counselors who will provide the same support via online counseling. This is where the young people of today reach out for help. The success of 1-800-SUICIDE is based on individuals in crisis knowing that any personal identifiable information is kept strictly confidential.

The Hope Center's volunteer staff and Board remain committed to preserving confidential suicide prevention programs. Your action today assures their sustainability!

The Kristin Brooks Hope Center and its national 1-800-SUICIDE hotline is a great asset to our society - one of those private-sector initiatives called a "point of light." For reasons of their own, certain officials within the government tried to snuff that light. With your help and support together we can prevent that tragedy from occurring and help the Hopeline achieve success in liberating 1-800-SUICIDE from government control permanently.

This is definitely something worth saving. If you've ever found yourself in the grips of a depression so deep that you've considered taking that final step, then you understand exactly how vital it is to have some place to reach out to for help. Sometimes friends and family simply aren't enough. Or, they simply aren't there when you need them. At any rate, this is such a good thing that to lose it would be a great detriment.

I'm sure that a lot of you who come across this have also seen this at PostSecret. I'm sure that you've also read the e-mail/letter from Casie at the end of the site. That's just one person's story of being helped. Think of the millions of others who've called and been helped. Then think of the millions of people who won't get to receive that help should t he government get it's hands on it. I know I wouldn't be very likely to call if I couldn't be promised that what ever I said wouldn't be kept private and confidential.

Meh.

2008-06-23T18:21:00.002-04:00

I'm in a... Funk, I suppose. Not really sure what other word applies here.

I had a good weekend off. Lots of beer, lots of friends.

I held together rather well. No random drunken tears (which seem to be abundant lately) and no actual fights. I had my old tattoo on my forehead that called to all the dirty old men. (Especially this one dude who kept trying to talk to me about Vietnam. At one point, a friend of mine made me go to the bar while he went to the bathroom and had strategically placed himself in between us so he didn't bother me anymore.) All in all, it was a good weekend.

And all my stupid What If thoughts are bouncing around in my head. I play all sorts of scenarios of what might've happened if I had done this or that or the other thing. And I know it's pointless, but I can't stop.

So I've worked myself into this... Funk. Bleh. What's new, eh?

At least I giggle and imagine disco whenever I type out Funk. :-P

30 Minutes and Counting...

2008-06-17T16:28:00.004-04:00

Until I get to leave and go pick up my boy for baseball. This will be the first time I'll have seen him since I dropped him off at his gramma's house last Wednesday night. He's probably like 5ft 7in now. o_O

So it looks like I'll be on this 7 days a week thing until, at least, the second week of July. The hospital hasn't approved the job openings for dispatch yet (which, really? They're already vacant. What the hell is there to approve?), which will take a couple weeks. Then it'll take, like, another 2 weeks for the jobs to be posted. But see, they have to be posted internally (which means strictly with in the hospital) first, so that's another 2 weeks. Then they can be posted to the public. Then there's the interview process, which could take however long they want it to. After that, there's at least a month's worth of training. All that crap will put a new hire in and ready to go in about 4 or 5 months. >_< In the mean time, it seems my boss and the girl who does QA have been reassigned to dispatch. I think I'll still be on 7 days a week, but I think that my hours won't be quite so long. (I have four 12 hour and three 9 hour shifts a week. Except this week. Two 12 hour shifts, one 16 hour shift, one 9 hour shift and then three 12 hour shifts. Then I get to have my precious paid time off I put in for oh so long ago.) I dunno, we'll see how it plays out. In the mean time, I'm paying off EVERYTHING that I can and just going from there.

my stimulus check should be in my mailbox any day now, according to a letter I got from the IRS last week. Once I get that bad boy, I'm buying a stationary bike and an Ab-Lounge. Cuzz I want them. And I will use them. Even Greg said he'd use the Ab-Lounge, so that'll be awesome. He thinks he's getting fat cuzz he's gained like 30 lbs since he moved in with me. Um... Yeah... I think he's a big fat liar cuzz he's still ultra skinny. He likes to grab his tummy and tell me it's a fat roll. And then. THEN. I chuckle at him and tell him that until his tummy can become two tummies while wearing pants, he has no room to talk. And then he rubs my tummy and tells me I'm not fat and then I yell at him to stop rubbing my belly cuzz I AM NOT A TREASURE TROLL DAMN IT YOU ASSHOLE! It's a vicious cycle we repeat once a day when we see each other.

I'm seriously considering getting a pedicure. This is HUGE for me since I am so weird about feet. I've been thinking about getting one for, like, 3 months, but whenever I go to get my nails done and try to write that I want a pedicure, too, I have a mini-panic attack cuzz HOLY SHIT THEY'LL TOUCH MY FEET!! And then I sit down with out writing pedicure cuzz I am a chicken shit.

And I'm out of ideas. Nothing else has been happening. Well, I did try to fight this douche bag with a mullet and a purple shirt at the Iron Maiden concert in Ohio Thursday and I may or may not have spent the 2 HOURS we sat in the parking lot waiting to fucking move screaming "I FUCKING HATE OHIO THIS PLACE SUCKS!!!" out the window in an alcohol induced haze.

But that's not exciting...

A blog entry got me thinking...

2008-06-09T08:36:00.001-04:00

I couldn't have said it better if I tried

Obviously, there are differences between me and the author. I've been regularly taking Dilaudid for damned near 6 months now and he won't touch anything harder than Motrin. Trust me, if Motrin or Tylenol or anything similar touched my pain, I'd be all over it.

Over the last five years, I've found that I've lost my drive to do anything more than simply leave the house. I used to take my son to the park every day I was with him. Now he's lucky if I even go out in the yard with him. If we do anything together, I'm often sitting on the sidelines watching HIM do something, rather than actually running with him. I've found that he really loves playing video games with me. I think it's due to the fact that it's something we can do together rather than it being the video game itself.

I've also found that I tend to slip into a depressive state more often that I used to. And that the slips are getting worse every time. I've recently been put on Amitriptylin, which is an anti-depressant that is also used to treat chronic pain. On the leaflet from the pharmacy, I was told to watch for suicidal ideations and report them to my doctor ASAP. While I haven't noticed anything that drastic, I have noticed that I've been feeling more out of whack emotionally. I watched The Mist the other night and had to fight from sobbing when the little boy was crying cuzz he was scared. That doesn't seem normal to me. Neither does damned near losing it over a fucking commercial. Yet that's where I'm at.

I never know day to day if I'm gonna be able to go to work or get the boy up and around or whatever the hell I have to do that day. Mostly I force myself to go through the motions. And that gets me angry. And I find myself getting pissy with everyone around me. Then I get down on myself even more. Eventually that all leads to me slipping back into a depressive state. It's a vicious circle that I can't seem to stray from.

Five years... I wonder how many more years I can actually take before I effectively lose it?

After YEARS of threatening...

2008-05-29T21:51:00.002-04:00

I finally did it. When my hair came out in clumps when I washed it this morning, I figured now was as good a time as any.

Anyone who tries to call me Britney is gonna get kicked in the junk. That goes for girls, too. The way I figure it, if a girl is gonna try to do that, they must be packin some balls somewhere! :-P

I don't think it looks too bad...

In which I foresee my own demise. At 3AM. And it SUCKS

2008-05-28T03:22:00.001-04:00

So, I just got to work and I was happily surfing the intarwebs.

And then. THEN! I was ATTACKED by a fucking millipede!

Ok, so maybe I wasn't attacked. All I know is I was sitting, happily minding my own business and waiting for my coffee to brew, when the EMT that's on right now jumped back from his paperwork. I looked over and proceeded to shriek like a little fucking girl.

Dudes. That thing was GINORMOUS!

And we lost it. No clue where it went.

I'm going to be killed and eaten by a GINORMOUS MILLIPEDE today.

Keep me in your thoughts.

Sitting at work alone in the quiet

2008-05-27T03:07:00.000-04:00

Ok, so it's not completely quiet. The scanner is going and it's telling me all about how the city is exploding since it was warm today. There have been a shit ton of suicide attempts and threats, shit tons of drunk people being assholes, the occasional frequent flier... All normal bullshit that happens when the weather turns summery. Last night there was drag racing on I-475. That was different.

I'm not liking having bangs. I had bangs in junior high and my forehead was like one giant zit. It would appear that I had forgotten about that and now I am pissed off at my forehead. It hasn't reached zit meltdown proportions yet, but it is icky greasy and I feel a compulsive need to blot it with toilet paper every 5 minutes or so. I'm really kicking around giving myself a buzz cut tomorrow (ok, technically today) when I get home from work. Will I actually do it? We'll see how pissy I am when I get home. I think it would actually not look that horrible. I mean, I don't think the baldness would be that big of an issues, really. The spots aren't completely bald, they're just very, very thin. I dunno. I think I could make it work. I wonder if Greg has the attachments to his head buzzer thingie...

I broke out the shorts for the first time this year, though they aren't the ones I wanted. I couldn't find those. (One of these days I may take a picture of my bedroom in hopes that by posting it on here, I'll be embarrassed enough to clean the fucker. I kinda wanna see my floor again, too.) I did come across a couple pair of shorts that I wore back in 2003 (I know this cuzz I wore them when I had my picture taken with Shaun the last time. Damn I'm unhealthy in the head) I got a little depressed when I realized that I am FAR bigger now than I was then. This means that I'll be going into my MUST-LOSE-WEIGHT-NOW phase. Maybe it'll actually last more than a week. Heh. I started exercising and shit a couple weeks back, but with all the fucked up hours I've been working, I stopped in favor of making the sleep.

I wish all this damned overtime was making a dent in my bills, but after taxes, I'm losing about $500 a paycheck. Seriously. A few paychecks back, I had to call off work and was a bit fucked up on Dilaudid and I called up to the basse to let them know I wouldn't be coming in that morning. I then instructed one of the medics to open my pay stub cuzz I didn't have enough money and needed more. hehehe. He made me repeat the request a few times just to be sure I was really asking him to do that cuzz it's a pretty big No-No with out permission. I just don't understand how I can gross $1400 and only bring home just over $800. Ok, so $60 gets taken out every check for medical insurance and to go into my retirement fund but DAMN! That's only $60! Fucking government stealing my money and then telling me that they want me to go shopping. Fuckers.

I wish my stimulus check would just hurry up and fucking get here already. I have to wait until the end of June, though.

I'm debating on switching over to 3rd shift. I mean, it'd be kind of ideal with the insomnia and all, but I'm just not sure how I can swing the child care. Especially with summer break coming up in 2 weeks. I mean, if I could get the days I wanted, it shouldn't be a problem, but I can almost promise that wouldn't happen. I mean, I have teh bewbs and apparently, that means that no matter how much time I have in at this place, I automatically get fucked over. When I got taken off weekends, the other daytime dispatcher (which is a guy) was able to dictate which weekends he would work, based on his custody arrangement. When I mentioned that I was going to have issues with MY custody arrangement, I was told that he (my boss) couldn't take that into consideration cuzz it would be showing favoritism. heh. Isn't that just fucking ducky? Who knows, though? Maybe I'll be able to work it out. If I can, I'll get an 8% premium, so that'll mean more money. It's not much (if I did the math right, which I probably didn't), but it's something.

Damn. I feel incredibly boring. I feel like I should have tales of... Something. Lately it seems all I do is bitch about work and other assorted adult bullshit. Ugh.

I'm sleeping my life away

2008-05-23T17:42:00.002-04:00

Except not.

I went home after my last 16 hr shift (I believe that was Wednesday, but I'm not completely sure. The days have all begun to bleed together and I'm having difficulty tell the difference.), promptly ate a cow and layed on the couch to watch DVRed CSI. I didn't even make it through my first episode before I was out cold. I don't remember Greg coming home from work (he got out at 1000) or even moving from the couch to my bedroom. I do remember waking up just in time to pick the kidling up from school. When I woke up and looked at my phone, I saw that they had been trying to get me to work due to a call off. Heh. I feel bad for sleeping through my phone, but I obviously needed some sleep. I was back in at 3AM this morning, once again, with out sleeping at all the night before. I think it went a bit better, though, since I slept for, like, 15 hrs.

I've started popping the new pills for the Interstitial Cystitis today. My mommy came up and dropped them off to me cuzz I am teh suck when it comes to remembering to get my prescriptions. I had to wait a bit to take them cuzz I have to do so on an empty stomach, no more than 1 hr prior to eating and no less than 2 hrs after eating. I had my crew hijack some cake from the celebration at the main hospital for EMS Week, so I had to wait. Seems they might just make me dizzy. Not sure if I'm actually dizzy at the moment or just having one of those retarded days when it comes to typing. I've had to type out the same sentence like 5 times! o_O

Tell me, when you have a job and someone tells you that you need to do something, like inform them of where the hell you are, would you do it? Or would you continuously IGNORE what you were told? Honestly, if it were ME, I would do as I was told cuzz I wouldn't be too big of an asshat to realize that the reason I was being told to let someone know where I was would be to not only allow the other person to DO THEIR JOB, but to also ensure my safety, should the need arise. Guess I just happen to realize that there's typically a very LOGICAL and VALID reason to say something like that to someone.

I finally got my nails done yesterday. I had to take the poor boy child with me. He was very good, as he was the one other time I had to take him. This time, he had questions, though. The first one was to ask if the guy doing my nails was famous cuzz he was REALLYREALLYREALLY sure he had seen him on a game show once. The next one was to ask why they all looked like they came from another country. Uh... Cuzz they did, was my response and the couple people that worked there that heard him giggled a little. When he asked why, I told him that all sorts of different people wanted to live here for a variety of reasons and that a lot of times, they prefer to keep that to themselves, which is their right. Everyone seemed pleased with that response and now I feel like Mommy of the Freakin Year! I'm so damned awesome.

I find myself wandering through stores, attempting to buy things I don't really need. I mean, I can always use new clothes, cuzz, really? I only have a few things that I wear. And I'm kinda tired of rotating them all the time. And I've been leaning towards more girly type things, which is kinda scary. My hormones are still feeling like they're all outta whack, so maybe that has something to do with it. Bleh.

Oh hay! My pictures from Five Finger Death Punch! Let me shows you them! (Or attempt to. I always seem to have trouble loading them correctly from my picture hosting place.)

Huzzah! I do believe it worked! That's me with the guitar (or possibly bass) player, drummer and lead singer. The singer really liked the necklace my brother gave me when he graduated basic training. It's a replica dog tag that has the ARMY logo and says Proud Sister on the front and his name on the back. I had to put it around my wrist after the show cuzz my skin decided to HATE ME and become allergic to the chain it's on. Damned skin.

And now I am off to smoke more cigarettes and await my replacement. Then I am off to get Chinese and become glued to my couch. MY COUCH! Whee ha mother fucker. Whee ha.

My chair keeps sinking slowly. It makes me feel short.

2008-05-21T14:50:00.002-04:00

For realz, yo. I've been sitting here, trying to keep my mind entertained, and the next thing I know, I'm practically sitting on the floor with my knees up to my chin. Either the chair is broken or I have become so fluffy that the chair can no longer support said fluff. Since I have not appeared to have added any fluff to my already fluffy frame, I'm going with the chair being broken.

Seems I like the word fluff and/or fluffy today.

*cough*

So, I'm on my 3rd pot of coffee. I've also had 2 Red Bulls and a couple caffeine pills. Unfortunately, I'm not feeling wired. I am going back and forth between the hunger, though.

See, I knew I needed to be in to work at 3AM today. I made attempts to sleep and all were in vain. So, I've been up well oer 24 hrs and I still have, like, 4 hrs left in my shift. Sucks to be me.

I got to see Five Finger Death Punch and it was AWESOME!!! I'd post pictures of me with some of the band members, but the home computer is being retarded and freezing up every time I try to upload anything. Greg thinks the hard drive is getting ready to kick it. Heh.

So, I've been working and working and working and working some more. Someone got fired and there's overtime to be had. There was overtime to be had before, since the person who got told not to come back went out on sick leave for a bit, but now it's definite. Er. Yeah... At any rate, I'm looking at working 16 hr shifts damned near every shift, so I shall have even more of no life than before. It's ok, though. I figure I'll snag as much OT as I can right now and get everything caught up and what not and then I can file unemployment (if and) when the outsourcing happens and look for another job then. Hopefully it won't be too difficult, since they're gonna need dispatchers when this ordinance goes into place, but we shall see.

I need to get my nails done. I've got, like, a months worth of growth going on, so not only do they LOOK gnarly, but they're making me type like I'm on crack.

That's pretty much it. I smell my own feet, but they smell like new shoes, so it's cool.

My, oh my, you know it just won't stop

2008-05-16T22:54:00.000-04:00

So, I should be out drinking beer at a going away party for one of my dart throwing peoples.

Care to guess where I am instead?

Yeah... There was a call off, so I'm at work. Ugh. Normally this wouldn't bother me, but I actually had plans tonight. Figures.

I decided last night that I needed to buy some crap to make myself feel cute. Or something. I wound up with a few tank tops, a new pair of shoes, some make up, a new purse... I can't remember what else off the top of my head, but I got some other crap, too. Now I wish I wouldn't have. See, I was told by my boss today that my job is going to be outsourced soon.

Heh. When it rains it fucking pours, I guess.

He did say that I could apply with this other company and that they have 2 slots open. Thing is, I'd have to enroll in the EMT class that's starting this coming Monday. Now, I don't have a problem getting my basic license, I've actually been considering it for some time. What has always stopped me, and what's stopping me now, is the fact that I would be in class on my days off, working on the days I'm not in class and then doing clinicals whenever I had a free moment. That wouldn't be a problem if I weren't a mom who, oh I don't know, didn't like seeing her kid or anything. Truth be told, I kinda love the hell outta the little shit and would like to actually be there while he's growing up. So, since this other company requires their dispatchers to not only be EMD certified, which I am, but also be a licensed EMT, I won't be applying with them. Hopefully I can get in with either county or city 911, but from everything I've been able to find, they're not hiring. At least not until this stupid Overhaul of the EMS system gets going and they figure out whether or not it's going to work or if they'll need more dispatchers (which they will, trust me). The overhaul isn't supposed to take place until at least Jan. 2009. Then again, it'll probably be a couple more years after that since there's a shit ton of companies suing over the whole thing. At any rate, I'm probably looking at playing the waiting game.

If I didn't have to worry about Matt having a fit if I oved out of state, I could go anywhere in the country and answer 911 calls. The certification I have allows me to do that. Hell, if I really wanted to, I could advance myself farther and get the international certification and move to fucking Canada. Matt would never allow that, though. Heh.

Ya know, I was actually starting to feel a little better. Guess I'll just wait and see what the third shit storm will be...

2008-05-12T11:40:00.002-04:00

So.

Haven't updated in a while. Haven't really felt the urge. Haven't felt the words. Every time I sit down to type, it just feels like bullshit. Heh.

There's not gonna be much to this update, either. Just don't really have much to say.

Or maybe I do. I'm simply not sure yet. I must admit, I've been hesitant about even writing about this here. And I'm not sure why.

I'm still trying to figure out how I feel about it. I mean, I've been perfectly clear about not wanting anymore babies. Cuzz I'm full of the selfish and what not. That, and I've been fairly certain that I could no longer have the babies. Heh.

Seems I was wrong about that. For the most part anyway. I can hardly bring myself to even type up that I had a miscarriage. Not sure if it's cuzz I'm not completely sure how I feel about it or what. What really sucks is that I didn't even realize I was pregnant until, like, the day before, so chances are really good that I'm the reason for the miscarriage. Heh.

So, that's that I guess. Maybe now I can get that hysterectomy...

NEW HAIR!!!!

2008-05-01T22:06:00.003-04:00

And the look of PermaExhaustion. o_O

So, I basically got incredibly bored with my hair. I originally had new hair a couple weeks ago, but I got bored with that with the quickness, so I ended up with the newEST hair yesterday. I'm still trying to figure out how to style it and what not.

So, you can kinda see some of the hair loss in the first one, but not too bad. I was able to hide it relatively well in the pictures. Unfortunately, the color I picked and the length seem to amplify the scalp in all of it's butt-ass-white glory. Guess that's what I get for having a hate/hate relationship with the sun. LOL

Next week I start new meds that are gonna make me lose even more hair, so while this cut isn't exactly the most flattering, I think it'll make seeing Bald Leslee a little less shocking. Heh. I think once I figure out how to make it look like I want, it'll look a lot better.

TAGGED!!!

2008-04-28T12:24:00.002-04:00

By Cricket, who's in my little list o' people I stalk on the intarwebs. --->

On to the meme.

My roommate and I once read passages from a cheesy romance novel to a guy I was seeing at the time. I laughed so hard as he was getting ready to leave that I may or may not have peed a little. o_O

Never in my life have I had a lot of money. Always had just enough to get by.

High school was a cloud of smoke.

When I am nervous I am either stone silent or will talk non-stop. Seems to depend on the situation. Also, I chain smoke if I'm able.

My hair is far too thin for my taste.

When I was 5 I broke my arm trying to do a cartwheel.

By this time next year I will hopefully be living somewhere else. Cheaper rent (or possibly a house payment) would be awesome.

My ideal breakfast is a cheese omlette and biscuits and gravy.

If you visit my hometown, you'd see Shit tons of railroad tracks and a huge depot.

If you spend the night at my house, you have to be willing to deal with 5 cats that will lay on you at one point or another during your stay.

My favourite blond is uh... Britney? *shrug*

My favourite brunette is Shaun Morgan. (And yes, he counts cuzz the red in his hair is about as natural as mine. :-P)

The animal I would like to see flying is a squirell cuzz it always makes me giggle.

I shouldn’t eat so much damned ice cream.

Last night played Wario on the Wii. And it was FUN.

I’ve been told I look like Jodi Foster, back before i started coloring my hair.

If I could have any car it would be a forest green Blazer with tan interior and all the bells and whistles. (I've wanted the same car since I was 15)

Hmm... I dunno who to tag, so if you wanna do it, then by all means! I'm off to drink some more water and maybe see if I can swallow some salt and see if it helps my throat. :-(

Ya know what pisses me off?

2008-04-25T17:30:00.002-04:00

When people try to tell me how to do MY job when they barely have a basic understanding of how it's done and/or why. Fucking seriously. If I code something ALS (Advance Life Support) it's due to the fact that a Basic EMT is NOT supposed to be giving pt care. Typically it's due to there being drugs in an IV or the pt needing to be on a monitor or having some other type of equipment being transported with them. When I give a call that simply tells you WHAT equipment is going with the patient, DO NOT get on the radio and tell me to code it differently. Especially when you have no fucking idea how I coded it in the first place, asshole. I don't give a flying monkey fuck if you're a paramedic or not. YOU DO NOT DO MY JOB. YOU DO NOT UNDERSTAND HOW TO DO MY JOB. Yeah, I'm willing to bet that my job is no where near as difficult as being on the rig, but I don't tell you how to be a fucking ParaGod. Don't tell me how to dispatch.

/end bitchfest

*cough*

Mayhaps I have a touch of the PMS? My uterus is trying to kill me, after all, so I'd say it's a pretty safe bet. I also have this urge to do nothing but chain smoke.

I get to have the boy this weekend. Originally his dad told me no cuzz I have to work until 11 tonight, so that meant I wouldn't be able to take him until tomorrow. But then. THEN. The boy got sick. I'm willing to bet that it's just the beginning of his allergies, just like what happens at this time every.single.year. Seems the other kids might get sick, so I get to have him. Heh. Whatever. I'll gladly keep him and I won't bitch about it one bit. I'm hoping that he's feeling better when I pick him up tomorrow, though. I think I might take him out to lunch or something. I think he'd like that. Let's hope that the PMS tones itself down by then. o_O

I don't really have anything else. I'm gonna try to get up some pictures of the new hair this weekend, but I make no promises. I also want to get the boy's room cleaned up since I don't have to work, but we'll see how that goes, too. I've got a touch of the Spring Cleaning, so I think I should take advantage of that while it's still running through my veins. Too bad I didn't have today off cuzz I'm sure I'd be quite the cleaning fool.

2008-04-23T15:14:00.001-04:00

So, I had this huge amusing entry typed up the other day. When I hit publish, the computer said FUCK YOU (for real!) and told me to refresh the page. The damned internets ate my entry. I was pissed off, so I didn't redo it. Even when I'm trying to NOT suck at the internets, I manage to suck at them.

*sigh*

I'm in a mood

I'm not particularly fond of the crew I'm working with. Not that they're bad people (well, I don't think they're bad people. I don't see them after I leave work, so maybe they eat baby kittens when they leave.), but they are SLOW. And a good majority of the time, it's apparent that they're being slow to prove a point of some kind. What that point might be has never been reveled to me, but they're proving something damn it! It's either that or they're taking care of personal bullshit on the clock. Like the one is ALWAYS on the phone with his girlfriend. Which, whatever. I've never seen a couple so up each other's asses and I have a feeling if Greg and I were like that, I'd have killed him within 3 days, but that's how they roll. It bothers me when it involves my call times. We have a certain amount of time to do things and talking to your girlfriend is not a factor. He's also been trying to renew his national registration, which, ok that's at least job related. But when you're given a call, you don't wait until you're finished with whatever form you need to shove into an envelope. You take your call and do it afterwards. Or, and this is just an idea and maybe it wouldn't work, DO IT ON YOUR OWN FUCKING TIME. He gets 3 days off one week and 4 days off the next week. Yeah, he's a firefighter, too, but it's not for Flint and they typically aren't anywhere near as busy as it is around here.

And the other part of the crew just drives me up the wall. She bitches CONSTANTLY about shit she doesn't even need to worry about. She's a nice enough person, but she just gets under my skin. No idea why. And it's been like that from day 1. Ya know those people that you KNOW there's something about them that you cannot stand, but you just can't quite put your finger on it? That's her. And I've never trusted her. She can be pretty manipulative if she'll get something out of it. This morning when I walked in, she was in here just a rantin and a ravin about something and there was a person over from the base next door just going right along with her. I was ready to bash heads. Fo realz, yo. On top of that, I had left my cigarettes at home this morning and I was NOT a happy camper. (Greg brought them up to me cuzz he was being nice today. I think he wants something.)

I've been cleaning the base like crazy lately. I used to do it all the time, but I got tired of it, so I stopped. Maybe it's the weather or something.

I got nothing else. :-/

In Which I STILL Suck at Playing Internets

2008-04-19T14:12:00.001-04:00

Yeah... I haven't posted anything anywhere (with the exception of randomly updating my status on MySpace and Facebook on occasion) since the last time I posted here. I haven't really had anything exciting going on and I've been working a metric shit ton of overtime. Let's see if I can put this into perspective. A normal check for me is for 2 weeks of work, which is 84 hours. (36 hrs one week and 48 hrs the next) This last check was for 91 hours and the check I'll be getting in roughly two weeks is gonna be for a minimum of 105 hours. That's if I don't decide to stay over on Friday, which I just might do if I can. So, basically, my life has been all about work lately. And, although some shit went down at ye ole job, I can't talk about it anywhere cuzz rumor has it there are lawyers involved and I don't want to get nailed for opening my mouth. Heh.

I got my herr and nails did this week. I'll post pictures of the hair when I get a chance to take a couple and when Greg gets the fuckin program we use to upload pictures installed on the computer. Turd. He went to some website and tried to download something (to my knowledge, it was not pr0n, but it makes me giggle to think that maybe it was) and pop ups kept jumping on the screen at random times, so he had to reformat it. Now, it wasn't as bad as the last time this happened (that was due to pr0n) cuzz the pop ups were only about life insurance and shit like that. Last time, I was sitting on the couch with Alex watching a movie and I saw something out of the corner of my eye. I looked over and there was a pair of tits staring at me with the words Horny Girls in Grand Blanc Want YOU flashing at me. Alex claims he didn't see the bewbs, but I think he did. LOL Lovely, eh? Anyway, so it was just a bunch of bullshit pop ups this time, but he couldn't get them to stop with all the other crap he did, so reformatting was the way to go. I had just got him to install some other programs that I had been asking him to install for a year on there, so I'm thinking it's gonna be at least another year before they get back on there. Grr. (Yes, I know how to install things, but Greg's programs all organized in his own special way and I can't find shit.)

What else, what else, what else...

I should be getting my little certification diploma and card soon for my AEMD. I kicked that test's ass!

Oh! I know you'll all be shocked, but I finally found out that I definitely DO NOT have Fibromyalsia. I went in for my appt on Wednesday and the doc was all, "Uh... Why are you here?" So I explained everything and he kinda giggled a bit. I told him I was sorry for making him waste an appt, but I didn't have it. He cocked an eyebrow at me and asked if I knew anyone with it, so I told him I did and that I also knew how to read. He laughed and said that there's so much bullshit on the internets that people are diagnosing themselves with and with out things simply based on what someone else wrote. I told him that my bullshit detector was fully functional and explained all the medical background I have and he snickered a bit and said that he needed to do the exam anyway, just to be certain. Ok, I can get that. The only reaction got out of me was when he wound up tickling me. He looked down and asked if what he was doing hurt and I burst out laughing. (I had been trying not to.) He confirmed I don't have it and he's writing a recommendation to my doc for an MRI and/or CAT Scan. he can't understand why I've never had one in the 5 years I've been dealing with this shit, either. He was saying how there's only so much that can be seen with surgery and ultrasound, the rest is typically seen with an MRI. So, that was THAT appt. I saw my urologist, too, and have a new prescription to fill. He finally gave me a script for the pills that are supposed to help the interstitial cystitis. What I had initially (the shit that took me almost 4 months to fucking get) has to be administered in 5 consecutive days and there's just no way I can take that much time off work. Even if I were to have someone come in and cover so I could go up there and go back to work, I have no clue how that crap would effect me and there's a possibility that I would need to stay home afterwards. Bleh. He said the pills take about 3 months to fix anything and if they don't work, I'll have no choice but to use the other stuff, so we'll see how this goes.

And that's pretty much it. Nothing fun and exciting. :-( aw

Well, THAT was interesting...

2008-04-05T14:55:00.003-04:00

So, my little brother graduated from basic training this week/weekend. (I can't remember if he graduated Thursday or Friday) I was supposed to go down there for it, but too many doctors appts prevented me from going. My mom is in the process of driving him down to Ft Gordon in Georgia for AIT and Jesse called me from the road.

We're shootin the shit or whatever and he started talking about getting hit with something. I couldn't understand what he was saying. Then I heard a crash and he said they had just gotten hit. I asked if he was ok and he said he was. Then I heard my mom tell him to "get the fuck off the phone and call 911". o_O That kinda worried me a bit, but we got off the phone right away and I got to sit here at work and wonder if they really were ok.

My mom just called a few minutes ago to let me know that they were, indeed, alright and that the sound I had heard was the window shattering on my brother. Seems they got hit in the passenger door by some chick. Jesse was checked out by ambulance personnel and he refused to be taken to the hospital cuzz he didn't need to go. The other car had to be towed cuzz it wouldn't start.

My mom is VERY glad she decided to pay the little of extra money for the insurance.

Renewed my CPR certification. Now I get to renew my EMD. Weeha. This is going to be a LONG week. I have to drive at least 1 hour (each way) for my class Monday - Wednesday after working this weekend and then I have to work Thursday and Friday. Yay.

Boughted me some new girl jeans. These ones don't fall off my ass. As much anyway. Also got the boy some new pants and tshirts. He's not allowed to wear shorts to school, for whatever reason, so these will work well for the rest of the year and probably for some crap during the summer. If the little shit would quit growing I'd be all set. :-P

I almost got one of the funniest cat pictures evAr last night, but I failed. There was one cat eating and 3 more standing behind in line. Once they heard the camera turn on, they scattered. Bitches, ruining my fun.

That's about it. Won't get to see the boy until the 14th cuzz of work and class. That's got me down a bit. Maybe I can steal him away and take him to dinner one night. That shouldn't have him out too late and he won't be too tired for school. Guess I'll have to wait and see where I am financially this week. Heh.

I fucking heart ths song

2008-04-02T02:02:00.001-04:00

Right now, this is BEYOND how I'm feeling. For my lovies that can't play the video or who don't want to.. Have some lyrics!

Here's To Another
By Smile Emprty Soul

I walked into a bar tonight
I knew that it was the last place I should be
I'm like a fly to the neon lights
A good buzz is the only thing I need

[Chorus]
Pull up a stool
Nothing to do except
Shot after shot
Drink till I puke
And I'm
Standing on the edge of what is real
I feel like I've drank away the better part of years
My fears have me
Pinned against a wall
without them I would fall so
Before I'm gone lets have a cheers

I've lived through some hard times
I've done the best I could with what I've had
Life is never a short flight
I'm still so young how did I get so

[Chorus]
Before I'm gone lets have a cheers
Before I'm gone lets have a cheers

Standing on the edge of what is real
I feel like I've drank away the better part of years
My fears have me
Pinned against a wall
But without them I would fall so
Before I'm gone lets have a cheers
Before I'm gone lets have a cheers
Before I'm gone lets have a cheers

Before I'm gone lets have a cheers

Story of my life...

And, just cuzz I'm being a YouTube freak... Here's a song Ben Harper remade that I can't get out of my head.

The Drugs Don't Work\
as remade by Ben Harper

All this talk of getting old
It's getting me down my love
Like a cat in a bag waiting to drown
This time I'm comin' down
And I know you're thinking of me
As you lay down on your side

Now the drugs don't work
They just make you worse
But I know I'll see your face again
Now the drugs don't work
They just make you worse
But I know I'll see your face again

But I know I'm on a losing streak
'Cause I passed down by old street
And if you wanna show, just let me know
And I'll sing in your ear again

Now the drugs don't work
They just make you worse
But I know I'll see your face again

So baby, Woh- if heaven calls, I'm coming too
Just like you said you leave my life, I'm better off dead

All this talk of getting old
It's getting me down my love
Like a cat in a bag, waiting to drown
This time I'm comin' down

The drugs don't work
They just make you worse
But I know I'll see your face again

So baby, Woh- if heaven calls, I'm coming too
And like you said, you leave my life, I'm better off dead

But if you wanna show, just let me know
And now I'll sing in your ear again

Now the drugs don't work
They just make you worse
But now I know I'll see your face again
Yeah- I know I'll see your face again
Yeah- I know I'll see your face again
Oh- now
Yeah, I know I'll see your face again
Never coming down, Never coming down
No more, no more, no more, no more, no more, no more
Never coming down, never coming down
No more, no more, no more, no more, no more
Oh- now
Yeah, I know I'll see your face again

There are SO many countless people I could play that for...

Suffice it to say I'm in a melancholy mood right now. And I miss my high school people who were taken too soon.

I think I might just be a naturally EMO perswon. Yes, I DO heart The Cure and I DO wear heavy black eyeliner. Bite me! :-P

In which I present Baby Boy! Complete with random update!

2008-04-01T23:17:00.006-04:00

So... I missed my appt with the fibromaylsia doc. I slept through my alarm cuzz I am teh awesomest evAr! Seriously, I finally fell asleep around 0500 and had to be up at 0700. Thankfully, they tried to call me into work today cuzz I slept through that alarm, too. Had they not woke me up? The boy would have been HORRIBLY late for school. Heh. New appt is in two weeks. They could've gotten me in next week, but I'll be in class to obtain my EMD (Emergency Medical Dispatch) certification that I allowed to expire in June 2006. I was under the (correct) assumption that I wouldn't need it to work with the hospital that I do, but the Medical Control Authority has recently passed a thing stating that EVERY dispatcher in the county MUST be certified. It's not a bad thing, I like having the training and the reference protocols so that in the (incredibly rare) event I have a private caller that needs me to assist them with CPR (which I could've done anyway, being an {expired} instructor) or maybe to help a caller birth a breech baby, I can do that with a script that was made by actual doctors! Seriously, I completely heart having that certification and it allows me to go ANYWHERE in the U.S. and still be able to dispatch. Which will be awesome as fuck if I decide that I absolutely must leave the state (or maybe change jobs and, say, work with an actual 911 center) I can do it and not have to worry about a job. I would LOVELOVELOVE to leave Michigan, but I'd have to take the ex to court to get permission to take the boy and it's just not worth it right now.

Anyway.

I'm drinking a nice Merlot from Barefoot which (I think and could be COMPLETELY wrong about {damn you ALanis Morrisette}) is ironic as hell considering that I absolutely DESPISE anything and everything that is related to and/or involving feet, and getting ready to start on an even better Cabernet Sauvignon by the same winery, and listening to a band called HURT. (Seriously, check them out! They are fucking AWESOMETACULAR! Especially if you're a lyrics bitch like I am. I have their CDs Vol. 1 and Vol. 2 and it's incredibly {I really like that word tonight} that they ever leave my CD player. They're rock/hard rock, but they're not as hard as what I typically listen to. Go. Listen. and LOVE THEM LIKE I DO!!!)

*cough*

I do believe I promised you good people some BABY pictures! Keep in mind that I neglected to scan his newborn pictures. Well, with the exception of the one that the hospital took. See, when Alex was born, he didn't cry. That made everyone in the room (approx 15 nurses and 3 doctors {for real. I pushed HARD for 3 hours and he didn't move AT.ALL. Plus I had an asthma attack in the middle, so everyone freaked out}) freak, so I didn't get to see him for the first 4 hours of his life. I made his dad go with everyone to the NICU to make sure he didn't get mixed up with another baby or stolen or something and he took pictures. Basically, my precious little boy has a bunch of pictures of himself with tubes and monitors and, while I know it's not a bad thing and it could have been SO much worse, I just don't want to post those. He looks perfectly healthy and like he has absolutely NO need for the wires and tubes (which he didn't, he was just stubborn like his momma) I just don't want to scan the,. Deal with it.

What you get is gonna be SO much more. Well, for as long as I leave it up anyway. the first thing is a page of sorts from his first year. All wallet photos. Yeah... I'm that mom. The one that gets hit on at the bar (Lord only knows WHY) and whips out all sorts of wallet pictures of the precious little child that she is not taking care of for whatever reason. I know, I know, I fucking rawk! After that will be pictures from his first few months until just after his first year. That's where my pictures stop. I lost A LOT of stuff when I left my ex. I just realized last night that a shit ton of pictures were among the things I lost.

Anyway.

Enjoy the cute. My son is the cutest redhead you'll ever see! Ok, Ok, with the exception of Cricket's little boy. But, hey, TWO awesomely cute redheadds acn't be all bad. Unless they somehow get together and join forces. Then all Hell will break loose and I', pretty sure the Four Horsemen will appear and all will be lost. :-P

Let the pictures begin!!!

Isn't he just fucking gorgeous?! I'm totally TOO buzzed and tired to come up with captions. Just remember that he stole that cat toy from Harley and would not go ANYWHERE with out it. And also that he's ALWAYS been tall and skinny. o_O And he STILL loves his BBQ. Momma's boy ALL .THE.WAY.

Hmm...

2008-04-01T08:33:00.005-04:00

Created by OnePlusYou - Free Online Dating

Ya know, I'm a little shocked it wasn't higher. Guess I need to work on incorporating more cussing into my writing. I really thought I had that shit down, yo.

Heh.

I didn't go to bed until around 5 this morning. I just couldn't sleep. I don't know if I'm nervous about going to a doctor that I am almost certain will be telling me that I was right and that I do NOT have Fibromyalsia or if I simply lost last night's battle with insomnia. I am in a pretty descent amount of pain right now, though, so that may have played a part as well. I'd pop some beautiful Dilaudid except that I am teh awesomest pill taker ever. See, the pills are incredibly small and, since I am also teh awesomest when it comes to dropping things, I've gotten into the habit of taking the pills over the sink. (All I need is to drop a pill and have Alex or one of the cats find it and eat it and explode.) So, I was being responsible and what not and was dumping pills into my hand when I decided that it would be even greater fun to just randomly drop the bottle. Into the sink. Where there was an open drain. Ugh. I now have 7 pills to last me until I see my doc again in about 2 weeks. Lovely.

I tried to battle the insomnia demon by scanning pictures into the computer with my awesometastic scanner. I scanned things from my horribly missed community theater days and I scanned pictures of baby Alex cuzz I was jealous of Grandpa Becky's pictures of HER baby Alex. (And dude, I am totally gonna link to those places when I'm finished with this entry. I actually read a few of the blogs you linked.) So, maybe a picture or three?

These two are from my first show You Can't Take It With You. I played a drunk actress. Heheh.

From the first time I did Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat. I got to play girl roles that time. :-P

With the girls from South Pacific. That was my first lead role. And yes, I know I make a shitty blond.

Ok, I'm gonna throw some of the baby Alex pics up later and some funny ones from my theater days, too. But for now, I shall leave you with this...

Pissed off Baby Alex. I totally heart that picture. :-)

Guess I spoke too soon...

2008-03-31T08:02:00.002-04:00

So, I updated and thought I'd be blogging with the regularity of an old lady that dutifully drank her prune juice. And then. THEN. I was struck down. THE FLU entered my home.

I woke up perfectly fine. Was giggling and in a pretty damned decent mood. Alex came home (he'd been on Spring Break) from spending the night with his grandparents and gramma told me that his tummy had been bothering him. Uh oh. See, the boy had a birthday party to attend that day. Something he had been looking forward to for almost two weeks. It was all he could talk about. Well, when he was distracted from video game talk. He was looking a little rough, so I told him that we'd see how he was doing as the morning went on and maybe we'd just show up an hour late.

He didn't get any better. His poor little tummy just kept hurting and he started to get one of his headaches, so I called and let them know that he had gotten sick and we wouldn't be able to attend. Of course, there was a fit. I told him to go to his room until he was finished and he asked me why he was in trouble. I told him he wasn't in trouble and I knew that he was just venting his frustrations, but I was starting to not feel well myself and I figured that venting in his bedroom would be a better option for him, since he could get loud as hell in there. So, he had his fit for about an hour and a half. At one point, I went to the bathroom and listened to him tell himself how worthless he was cuzz he could never do anything fun. (Ok, this kid get sick EVERY.TIME. there is something he wants to do or if he gets time off school. Every holiday, he gets sick. Every school break, he gets sick. There's not been one holiday or anything that I can remember since he's been born that he's not been sick.) I went into his room and told him that wasn't true and blahblahtryingtobeagoodmommyblah. In the middle of my little speech, though, I had to run back into the bathroom. The sounds of spewing made him stop having his fit. I think that's when he realized that we were BOTH sick.

The next two days were spent with him laying on the floor on a make shift bed I made for him out of pillows and blankets and me laying on the couch with my pillow, blanket and Pound Puppy. There were MANY cartoons watched and video games played and naps taken. In fact, I didn't bother to set an alarm on Day Two of the Death Flu cuzz I honestly thought we'd be awake at 545 when the boy's dad showed up. Guess who said, "Fuck it, I'm not answering the door. Whoever it is can go to hell!" for the first couple knocks? Heh. Yeah... Daddy was none to happy when he saw Alex all conked out on the floor. The place was a disaster and the cats came out to greet him, so it looked like we were living in a possible junk yard. It was awesome. My hair was plastered to my head in the ever sexy greasy way. I had on sweat pants and an old baseball tshirt. I had just tripped over the Spider-Man chair that goes with the boy's table where he managed to eat some Ramen noodles. There were blankets EVERYWHERE. Dishes everywhere. Empty 2 liter bottles of Vernors were strewn about. 5 cats were wandering around, looking slightly lost and intently smelling Matt's jeans. I looked like the fucking Mother of the Year. He looked at me with one of those are-you-kidding-me looks and I looked at him and said, "Fuck off, we've got the Death Flu and if you keep looking at me that way, I am totally gonna lick you face and give YOU the Death Flu." He backed off cuzz he knew I'd do it. (I did that a couple times while we were married and he was being a dick. heheh.)

So, that's been the reason for this LATEST absence. Hopefully, I shall remain healthy and be able to entertain you all with tales of work place woe and kitty filled drama. Kinda like a soap opera, but with out the always romantic sex scenes. We don't typically do sex scenes around this joint, but if I run out of other material, I just might start!

Frightening, eh?

In Which I Suck At Playing Internets

2008-03-21T16:09:00.002-04:00

Yes, I know. It's been forever and 3 years since I've written. I'm sure you've all been going through withdrawals from the poor grammar and the word "cuzz". Welp, now I'm back (for the time being) and everything will be ok my pets. You'll see.

I'm not completely sure what the hell has been going on with me lately, but I am going to chalk it up to out of whack hormones. Them bitches have NEVER behaved themselves. Fear not, I'm still full of PMSgoodness and whatever else that makes me so gosh darned lovable. (Seriously, I know you all just wanna squish me tight and call me George)

I've wanted to update about my grandmother having to be in the hospital for a few weeks and how my aunt flew in from Japan to help take care of her, but I haven't had the motivation. I've wanted to update about how I've started physical therapy and how I believe that it's really a training camp for dominatrixes, but, again, there's been absolutely no motivation. I've wanted to update about how I've gone all girly and have started having my nails done and have managed to not break a single one in a month and half, but, well, that damned motivation ran away from me. In short, I've spent a lot of time sitting on my couch trying not to cry at stupid fucking commercials. (I'm talking about being near hysterical tears over those commercials with the people made out of pipes who are afraid to do things for fear that they might spring a leak and OMG! I remember feeling like that when I was pregnant and would pee a little every time I sneezed and I felt like a totally gross whale who always smelled of BO and pee and so I got into the the habit of making sure I had deodorant and clean underwear in my purse AT ALL TIMES even though every one around me reassured me that I did NOT in fact smell like either BO or pee but they had to be lieing cuzz no one wants to piss off the preggo. Yeah... Fo realz, yo.)

So, all that stuff happened. Grandma is out of the hospital and is very comical when taking the Valium and Vicodin they gave her for pain. The physical therapy is still kicking my ass and I've been trying to walk everywhere while squeezing together my ass cheeks, sucking in my flubbery belly and sticking out my tits, which is way harder than you think, I promise. (They want me to walk like that and do all these horrible stretches. THEY'RE TRYING TO BREAK ME EVEN MORE!) And the hormones? Well, they still suck my ass.

Next up on my agenda is going to the doctor to have C-Nitrofurantoin and Mild Silver Protein given to me. Since I had to wait a few months to even get the prescription filled and then wait a couple more weeks to be able to have $40 to blow on it, only to read on the labels that I have to take it to the doctor's office, I can only assume that this is something that'll be put directly into my hoo-hoo and this displeases me greatly. When I was first diagnosed with Interstitial Cystitis (spelled wrong, I'm sure) I was told that I could have PILLS rather than injections. Either way, I was going to lose my hair (which is crayon red again cuzz I do not know my colors), so I figured I'd opt for the pills and totally skip over any kind of injections and/or insertion of ANYTHING. Looks like THAT plan went in the shitter. That should provide for some interesting material.

So, there you have it Intarwebs. I still love you, but I was having this thing and I have come crawling back, looking for your love and acceptance. Please tell me you didn't leave me when I was weak.

*cough*

Think I need to go smoke. Yeah...

Heh. Well then!

2008-02-27T17:26:00.002-05:00

So, I think I just fell asleep in the middle of a conversation with someone. I remember her starting to tell me about an electrical problem at her house and the next thing I know, the phone is ringing and everyone had left.

I feel kinda rude, but obviously I was tired.

Really, though? I can't stop giggling about it. Yeah, it was rude, but COME ON! That's some funny shit right there! If someone had fallen asleep while talking to me, I'd have taken their picture with my phone and then made fun of them until I became bored with it.

Couldn't sleep last night. This new work schedule has me all kinds of fuckered. I had a routine where if I couldn't sleep at night, I might be able to catch a nap while the boy was at school. It worked out well. Now, I'm at work when I should be laying on the couch resting. A person needs to make sure they're well rested for a night of throwing pointy sticks and drinking beer, you know.

Yes, my lovelies, that means it's Dart Night. Which will be followed immediately by Time To Make The Sleep, which is required for Out Of Bed At The Ass Crack Of Early For Work. I like to think of my life in terms of different acts from a play sometimes. Ok, only this time, but that's cuzz I'm in an odd mood and I'm trying to make the time go by faster so I can get the hell outta dodge.

I asked that boy to come out to darts tonight. He says he wants to get a beer and catch up, so why not come out to darts? The people I'm throwing with (both on my team and the people we're throwing against) don't know who he is, so there's no worry of conflict, which is a big concern of mine. I know that if one of my friends were to start being nasty to him cuzz he came out to see, I'd wind up going off on them. I don't treat people they bring around like shit if I don't like them, so they should have that same respect for me, ya know? Unfortunately, it wouldn't happen that way and it would just be dramatastic. Or perhaps, dramatacular. Either way, it would suck cuzz I honestly think I'd lose my shit. Anyway, I'm not sure if he'll come out or not and that's cool. Quite frankly, I'd like to drop some more weight before I see him again since I gained it all after the last time I saw him a couple years ago, but what're ya gonna do?

Yes, I said I'd like to drop some more weight. I haven't had a chance to get a scale for home yet, but I bought 2 pairs of girl jeans (I typically wear men's pants) on my birthday and I can now get 1 pair on and off without unbuttoning or unzipping them. I'm not sure about the other pair yet cuzz I just discovered this today, but the pair I CAN do that with were kinda tight when I got them, so YAY! I've cut my calories and portion sizes back quite a bit and I've almost stopped drinking soda. Almost. I loves me some soda, so I doubt I'll be able to stop drinking it completely. Luckily for me, I'm back on my Diet Coke kick. Heh.

Welp, I better grab something to eat before I have to go through pointy sticks. I'd hate to have to try and buy/eat bar food. o_O

In which I am lacking in the life department

2008-02-24T13:41:00.003-05:00

Fo realz, yo.

Not much is going on. I'll have the boy this coming Friday night cuzz the ex-husband has to work Saturday, but other than that, nothing has changed. He told his mom to keep him all this weekend cuzz he had another race in the Pinewood Derby. (I can't remember if it was districts or regionals or what, but it was the 2nd Derby and it was in a different city.) Anyway, I have a strong feeling that his not seeing the boy all weekend is going to be a topic of discussion when I ask him, again, if he's willing to go every other weekend with me. We'll see how that goes.

I've recently been talking to someone I never thought I'd speak with again. When I first started this blog, it was to vent about the guy I was seeing at the time in a place where I wouldn't have to worry about my friends getting protective and telling me what an ass they thought he was. He may have been, but I don't feel like I ever got a chance to find that out due to the way things went down between him and my friends. At any rate, he contacted me a few weeks ago on facebook. It was incredibly unexpected, especially with the way things ended with us. We'll see how this goes. Hopefully I'll wind up with a good friend out of it.

So... That was all written at work. I just got home about half an hour ago. I should have been home before 8, but my car decided to take a shit. I didn't even get out of the parking lot. Heh. I'm glad it happened there, though, instead of on the street somewhere. It appears to be some main air intake valve sensor or something. One of the guys I work with is gonna try to bring up some kind of diagnostic box to make sure. If that's really what it is, I'll be able to give him the money for the part and he'll be able to fix my car for me tomorrow. I really hope that's what it is. I'll be out about $100, but if it's the entire part that the sensor is for, I'll be out even more money and I don't have more money. Now I just gotta make sure that they don't tow my car tomorrow for not being in the "employee" parking lot, which is down behind the hospital. I refuse to park back there cuzz it's not patrolled at all. My car has already been broken into being parked where I am right now, so I can only imagine what might happen to it in the back. And besides that, I'm at work before the sun comes up and I leave after the sun goes down. They lock the back door after 5, so if something were to happen to me back there, I'd have no where to run. They've said to get a security guard to escort me out to my car, but 1- you can never find them and 2- I can take most, if not all, of them, so what good would that do me? LOL

And that's it. That's the excitement I live with. I know you're all jealous of my rockstar life.

We are the people who save your lives.

2008-02-15T13:39:00.004-05:00

So, I'm sitting at work, as I'm prone to do, and both of my crews happened to be back at the base. There's a student riding along today as well, so there was quite the crowd.

Much of our time was spent discussing strippers and glitter. And puking out of cars that are going down the road. Yeah... These are the things that amuse us.

As we're sitting here, thoroughly engrossed in important converstaions, one of the medics was messing around with the drawstring at the bottom of the fleece sweatshirt she was wearing. I see her out of the corner of my eye, but don't think too much about it. After all, we're both smokers and sometimes, you just gotta do something with your hands so you don't chain smoke around here.

We're all giggling, cuzz that's what you do when you're having important and thought provoking discussions about strippers, glitter and puke, and I start to hear the medic say, "Ow". I look at her and she has her finger in the drawstring of the fleece. She pulls on the drawstring with her finger in it and yells, "Ow!". I stare at her and realize that she has managed to get her finger stuck in the drawstring somehow.

*blink*

She pulls again and yells, "OW!". As she's pulling, the drawstring is getting tighter on her finger. She repeated this about 5 times before one of the EMTs helps her get unstuck. I would have helped myself, except that I was far too busy laughing myself into tears.

I'm still giggling a bit. And I now have black smears on my face.

And just think, we're the people who are responsible for saving your lives when you have an emergency. Dontcha feel SO much safer now? :-P

(I have to apologize for the spelling in this. For some reason, the spell check option doesn't work on the work computer. Of course, I could just learn to spell, but where would the fun be in that?)

In which I try to vent my frustration

2008-02-11T23:40:00.000-05:00

I'm feeling violent still. I thought that maybe if a few days went by after I read his letter, I might calm down. But every time I think about what he said that she told him, I feel incredibly violent.

A little back story? Just a little...

My brother started seeing this girl from a different town a while back. (I wanna say it was the year after he graduated, but I can't remember for sure.) They fucked each other up. Jesse was a fucking ass and she was a flaming bitch and eventually they broke up. Well, they got back together. Kinda. I'm not sure if they were official or just trying to see what would happen or what, but the two of them were spending time together and sorta acting like they were together. They break up again and get back to doing whatever. Lather, Rinse, Repeat. Then this other dude comes into the picture that she and Jesse both know. He knows this dude through her and, apparently, she used to date said dude. That becomes a point of tension for Jesse and he asked her to stop talking to the guy. She doesn't want to and tells Jesse that and they fight about it and eventually she just starts lying to Jesse about seeing the guy. Jesse talks to this chick's friend and she tells him that the other dude has won the girl.

So, in the letter I got from my brother, he tells me that she had the balls to call him the night before he left for the ARMY. He answers the phone and they start talking. She tells him that there was a reason that she had her friend tell Jesse that she got back with the one dude. SHe said it wasn't cuzz she was actually with him. It seems that she was 2 months pregnant and she thought it would be easier for HER to have Jesse think that she was with someone else so she could have an abortion.

You might think that that situation is what I'm pissed about. You'd be wrong. What I'm pissed about is that she pulled this shit out the NIGHT BEFORE HE WAS LEAVING. That and the fact that I'm willing to bet my car that the bitch is lying about the whole thing.

See, this wouldn't be the first time that she's lied to Jesse about something major. She seems to like to do this when she hasn't talked to Jesse or when she knows that there's something major going on in Jesse's life. Like, when our great grandfather died, she called him the day of the funeral and said that she was having some kind of major meltdown and wanted Jesse to go be with her instead of going to the funeral. From what I understand, he went to see her after, but she was a little pissed that he didn't just blow off his family to rescue her from whatever bullshit she made up. (I can't remember exactly what it was she told him now or else I would elaborate a bit.)

I'm not sure exactly how Jesse is feeling about the whole thing cuzz I know he doesn't want to worry me. I KNOW he's upset and I'm positive that he'll never let on just how upset he is. Jesse loves kids and I know that if he knew she were pregnant, he'd have tried to do whatever he could for her and that baby.

Just for the record, I'm not upset that she went ahead with an abortion (if she were ever really pregnant, which I 100% doubt). I'm upset cuzz she used that to hurt my brother. SHe's a manipulative, crazy little bitch and if she ever sees me walking toward her, she better turn the fuck around and run.

In other news, we got Guitar Hero 3 this weekend and it's sucking my will to live. The boy and I played damned near all day today and I'm fixing to get it out to play when I get off here. I'm actually pretty good. Well, on the easy setting anyway. LOL

So, I just got a letter from Jesse

2008-02-09T23:42:00.000-05:00

He says he's doing alright. And, for the most part, I believe him. He;s worried about me. Heh. He should be worried about himself.

One thing's for sure... That bitch that fucked with him better hope I NEVER run into her. That's a curb-stomping that's been WELL deserved. Fucking bitch.

His letter made me cry, which I'm sure it wasn't suppsoed to.

I just want my brother back home.

I might update more tomorrow about what the letter said. We'll see what kind of time I have at work.

On the subject of fathers and such

2008-01-30T05:43:00.000-05:00

So, I have this addiction to a show on MTV called True Life. Every time it comes on, I do my damnedest to watch it. I'm sure you can imagine my excitement when I discovered that it was on at the ass crack of who the fuck is awake right now.

The one that I watched was called I'm Looking For My Father. This touched a nerve that I wasn't expecting. I thought that I was ok with the situation with my biological father, but now I'm wondering if that's really the case.

I didn't know my biological father until I was 18. Hell, I didn't even know that my step-dad wasn't my biological father until I was around 9 and found my baby book. I'm sure my mom was incredibly thrilled when I approached her asking why there was another man's name in the place of father. Heh.

I tried to look for him when I was in junior high school. I had a computer class and we were making databases in DOS. (HA! Holy shit those things were archaic. My screen was in green while everyone else's was orange. I was teh awesomest!)

*cough*

So, I had this assignment to make a database of whatever I wanted. My brilliant idea was to get out ye ole phonebook and make one comprised of everyone in Flint with my biological father's last name. (At the time, my last name was the same as my step-father's. I was never formally adopted cuzz the judge ordered that my biological father had to sign off on me and no one could find him, but apparently all my mom had to do was teach me how to spell it and enroll me in school with any name she wanted to give me and no one asked questions. Damned lazy 80s people.) I got an A on my database and was left to sit there kinda twiddling my thumbs until I could figure out what to do with it. Now, the irrational fear of calling people on the phone was just beginning to blossom at that point, so there was no way in hell I was cold calling a damned stranger. Hell fuck no to that. So I decided to write a very basic letter telling whoever happened to read it what my name was and why I was writing to them. I then made photocopies of some of my baby pictures. I was all set to start mailing them out when my mom and step-dad decided to get divorced. Since this meant that my mom, my brother and I were moving, my mailing idea got put on hold indefinitely.

Fast forward to my senior year of high school. That's when I started dating Ron. (He's in some of my bday pictures) On one of our first dates, we went to his aunt's house and I got to meet his mother's extended family. Ron introduced me and one of his aunt's told me that I looked exactly like someone she used to know and asked my last name. When I told her, the entire room got quiet. I was asked if I knew someone that has my exact name. I replied that I was named after my grandfather Leslie and his wife who had passed when my biological father was 8, but that I didn't exactly know them. When I mentioned that my grandfather didn't like to be called Leslie and went by his middle name, it was like I had just told everyone that they had won the lottery. Come to find out, my Pee-Paw (grandfather), actually helped raise Ron's mother and sister's. And the person they thought I looked exactly like? That would be my biological father's mother, who passed when he was 8. So, that was a bit overwhelming! They gave me a picture from way, way back in the day, when my Pee-Paw and Ron's grandfather were teenagers and told me stories, but everyone had lost contact at some point before Ron was born or when he was just a bitty baby, I can't remember which. They also told us that we each had a cousin that was supposed to marry the other, but something happened and they split up, but apparently kept in contact with each other for the rest of their lives. (Hmm... Sounds a bit familiar, doncha think?)

Later that year, Ron and I were in a production of South Pacific. I had the lead, which meant that the local papers wanted to interview me for the stories they ran near show time. So, I was on the front page of one paper and had little blurbs in a lot of others. During one dress rehearsal, there was someone strange sitting out in the "audience". (It wasn't really an audience during rehearsals, but the tech people and the director were always out there watching) I assumed that it was the wife of the guy who played opposite me and continued on. After rehearsal, I went out to smoke cuzz I was a rebel. Or something. Anyway, when I came back in, this strange lady that had been watching approached me and told me she was my aunt. That didn't even phase me cuzz my mother's side of the family is so big that I'm meeting new relatives all the time. When she said aunt, I figured that she was a great aunt or something like that. When she mentioned that the last anyone knew, I was living in California, she had my attention. See, my mom's side of the family knew we were back cuzz we had been to like a billoionty family reunions since moving back to Michigan in like 1987. The only people that wouldn't know would've been my biological father's family. Come to find out, one of the relatives on that side of the family had read the front page article about the show and recognized my name. They started making phone calls and that lead her to the dress rehearsal. (The paper fucked up and labeled that an actual show date, so when she showed up to a closed rehearsal, she explained to the director what was going on and was allowed in.) We exchanged phone numbers, had a friend of mine take our picture and that was that.

The day I met my father was just like any other day, really. I was told that he might go to one of the shows, but to not get my hopes up cuzz he wasn't sure if he wanted to meet me with my mom's side of the family around. Understandable, there was some bad blood there. So, I went about my day as normal. When the curtain went up and made my first entrance, I happened to look out into the audience. He was dead center, with this HUGE smile plastered on his face. He was like that for the entire show. Afterwards, I pointed him out to my mom, who didn't really say much of anything. She was always very careful not to talk badly about him when I was around cuzz she wanted me to be able to form my own opinion of him, which I think was very awesome of her to do. He, my mom and my grandmother exchanged hellos and then my mom's family got the hell outta there so I could talk to him. It was pretty weird and we didn't have a lot of time (I was still in costume and everyone was pretty much waiting on me to lock the place up) so we made plans to have a family BBQ to welcome me back. He told me that I could meet my sister and brothers then.

Now, I'd known that I had a sister cuzz she was born when my biological father was still in my life. We're like 16 months apart or something. But I had no clue that I had two more brothers. I went to the BBQ and all went really well. All these family members that hadn't seen me since I was like 5 kept coming up to me and telling me I looked just like my grandmother and would tell me stories about how I would play with the chickens on my aunt's farm. It was a good day.

Over the next year, I would visit my other family periodically. I went out to visit my Pee-Paw in Florida and had a great time. I was always nervous to visit bio-dad cuzz they lived in Flint and I had never been deeper than the fuckin mall. One night, my biological father told me that he quit drinking the day after my mom left him and hadn't touched a drop since. Then we went up to the liquor store and he split a 12 pack with me. I was 19. I stopped trusting him at that point.

The final straw came when I got a phone call at like 1 in the morning from one of my brother's telling me that if I didn't get out there to watch him and the youngest one, they'd be taken away to foster care cuzz my biological father was going to jail. I talked to the cops and told them that I was on my way. When I got there, he was sitting on the ground outside the cop car. When I asked what was wrong, they said that he thought he was having a heart attack. (I later learned that this was a favorite tactic of his to get out of going to jail.) When I asked what happened, I learned that my youngest brother's mother (dudes, just so you know, we're about to enter Jerry Springerville. You might wanna hold on tight.) left my biological father for the dude across the street. I guess he liked to rub it in my bio-dad's (that's so much easier to type) face by knocking on the door and telling him what a good fuck she was. Well, on this particular night, my bio-dad decided to do something about it. He closed the door, went to the back yard, got a shovel, came back to the front door, opened it and beat the shit out of the guy with the shovel. All in front of my youngest brother. The cops hauled bio-dad off and I was left in a bad part of Flint with my two younger brothers and my ex-husband. (We were 19 then, so not married. Yet.) Oh! And the dude that bio-dad beat with the shovel? Yeah, he was at home across the street. Needless to say, I was freaked out. Called my sister and was told that bio-dad does that shit all the time and to not bother her with it. Finally tracked down the one brother's mom (my sister and one of my brothers share the same mom) and she told me I'd have to wait till she got out of work before she could pick up the one brother. No clue what was gonna happen to the youngest brother. I finally talked Marsha into taking both boys and went home. My ex-husband got to deal with the after math.

I pretty much cut contact with bio-dad after that. I brought Alex over to see him once when he was around 2. Lost contact with my sister and brothers. Pretty much stopped talking to that whole side of my family. I only meant to cut out bio-dad, not everyone.

Last year, I worked with someone who turned out to be my cousin on bio-dad's side of the family. They were having a family reunion that I wasn't able to attend, but she went and told everyone about me. She gave my sister my phone number and pretty much got us all back in contact. My sister and I talk almost every day and usually see each other every Wednesday when I get out of darts. Lately, it's been every other cuzz I work every other Thursday and I just can't hang with the big boys like I used to, but we're getting pretty close. I keep my nephew (who is 19 younger than my son) every Tuesday. (Coincidentally, as I was typing that, he woke up for the day. LOL) I've seen my youngest brother once, but I talk to him on the phone occasionally and I talk to his girlfriend on MySpace sometimes. I talk to my other brother (not sure what to call him. He's younger, but he's also the same age as Jesse, the one that just left for the ARMY) on occasion, too. The only one who I don't talk to is bio-dad. The only time I've spoken to him was when he came to pick up my youngest brother and his girlfriend when they came to visit me. He said maybe 5 words and that was it. When my youngest brother called on Christmas, he wouldn't talk to me. Said he was too sick.

I'm not really sure where to go at this point. I've got my siblings in my life, so I'm thinking that I might just need to be happy with that and move on. I'm incredibly happy to have them in my life, so that's awesome. I just kinda wish Scott, that's bio-dad's name, would talk to me for a bit. But you can't always get what you want, right?

2008-01-29T13:16:00.000-05:00

So, I discovered that I can tweak the colors of my layout. And I did. I was trying to see about changing the background to a picture that I have on my computer, but I'm not that techno-savvy. Damn not knowing how to code everything. I do ok on MySpace, but they have little helper things that I can use on there. I wonder if those codes would work over here. Hmm...

I'm procrastinating. I should be cleaning, but I hate cleaning. I should go grocery shopping, but I'm paranoid that I'll be late to pick the boy up from school. So, the shopping will come after I pick up the boy and the nephew from their schools. Should be interesting. I'm thinking I might just put that off until tomorrow, but I think I should probably just suck it up and do it today. We're supposed to get rain tonight and the temp is supposed to drop so drastically that everything is gonna freeze over. I'm expecting there to be no school for either boy tomorrow. Joy.

I tried to get new tires today, but they told me that they didn't have a full set in stock. WTF? I drive a fucking cavalier. They should have tired for a pretty common car. Bastards.

I might come on here later tonight and write more crap. I'm feeling a bit emo as of late and writing is good for the emo soul. I'm just out of words right now. Heh.

Priorities

2008-01-25T15:04:00.000-05:00

Here's a funny story for you...

I was being a good girlfriend and picked Greg up a case of beer before I went home Wednesday night. We didn't have any in the house and I know how he likes his beer and I was feeling like being nice. Or something. At any rate, I bought a case of bottles. I also stopped at Taco Bell cuzz he wanted tacos.

(It should probably be noted that I was dressed all girl like again. I even had on girl shoes with heels! Remember that, it comes into play later)

I get home and briefly consider making Greg come out to get the beer. I decide against it cuzz I'm the awesome girlfriend! I can do it all! So, I gather my purse (read: duffel bag), the tacos from hell and get into the backseat to get the beer. I make it up the stairs of the porch and kick the screen door to make Greg open the door for me.

It had snowed that day and night and the porch had not been cleaned off. I should've known right then that this was not going to end well.

Greg started to open the door. I stepped back a bit to make room.

And then I began to fall.

Greg said it looked like I was just kinda sliding down the railing. In reality, I was desperately trying to hold on to the railing to keep myself from falling all the way down the porch. I failed.

My hand got caught in the railing. I scraped my pinky and ring fingers relatively badly and thought that I had possibly broken them. I have a goose egg bruise on my hip, a bruised scratch on my thigh and a bruised knee. My ass feels like it's a giant bruise, though I have yet to see discoloration. My fat roll feels like a giant bruise as well and may or may not look the way it feels. I can't tell.

Why is the fat roll bruised you ask? Simple.

Priorities.

When I was falling, I managed to maneuver myself to catch the case of beer with my stomach. I think it may have been an unconscious attempt to free my uterus and ovaries from their horrid captivity.

But hey, I caught the beer. Out of 24 bottles, not a damned one broke.

It's all about priorities.

2008-01-17T16:17:00.001-05:00

Damn it!

I tried to post MOAR pictures from my birthday (cuzz, really, you guys LOVE to see me drunk! I know you do.) but the way that I had it set up cuts off like half the damned picture. Grr. I hate uploading with the photo thingie on here cuzz it always puts the pictures at the very top of the entry and then I have to cut and paste and cut and paste and I forget which picture is which and which caption goes where and it's all very tedious so I am protesting it.

Well, right now anyway.

I'm working 16 hours today (0700 - 2300 if you're interested), so there's a very strong possibility that I'll get the ambition to repost that entry before I'm done for the night. We shall see...

2008-01-16T08:47:00.000-05:00

My doctor's office called yesterday and they had the results of my upper abdominal ultrasound. (She ordered one after I had 2 blood tests that showed I had elevated liver enzymes). It seems that I have something called Fatty Liver, which is common with PCOS.

The site I've found most helpful in describing this

So, she's told me that I need to lose weight, which I've been saying for some time as well. She suggested either Weight Watchers or the South Beach Diet, since both will show me how to eat the right calories with normal food instead of having food and meals delivered to me. I checked out Weight Watchers online and it's $65 for a 3 month subscription. (I should be able to start that in the middle of next month after all the bills and stuff are paid.) I'm also gonna see about FINALLY getting the excersize bike and AbLounge that I've been wanting to get for the last 2 years.

She also wanted me to start taking Glucophage/Metformin again, which I told her I will not do. If you guys don't remember, that's the same drug Dr. Dutt started me on when I was first diagnosed with PCOS and it made me horribly ill. Dr. Kingsbury said that he strongly believes that I'm allergic to it after I described my symptoms to him and it IS listed on my allergies sticker on my chart, so I'm not sure why she said she wanted me on it again. I told them that they can prescribe it all they want to (and by they I mean the office staff) but that I would not fill the prescription. I can't afford to barely be able to get out of bed.

So, that's that, I suppose. She mentioned that my liver is bigger than normal, but not by much. Here's to hoping it was caught in time and that permenant damage hasn't already been done...

(Also, a friend of mine took a shit ton more pictures from Saturday that I'll be posting at some point. There are some really funny ones. :-P)

2008-01-13T20:26:00.000-05:00

Oh dudes.

I feel normal now but this morning? That was a bit rough. I was PLOWED last night. And apparently I was quite the asshole, which makes me AWESOME!

Onward to the photographic evidence!!!

The beginning. While sober.

That is me and my mommy and my sister and her mommy.

Me, Ron (I've written about him before) and Melanee. I met them when I first started doing community theater back in 1997.

My dart girls!

My sister and her mommy again.

My mommy and the brother that joined the ARMY.

I have NO clue what I am giving that look to or why I even felt the need to give that look. But, it amuses me.

Me and the brother.

Aw. Becky, Jesse and me. That pictures so cute that it makes me vomit in my mouth a little. :-P

And that is when it became apparent that, yes, I was drunk and yes, I was having a GREAT time being an asshole!

Singing Three's Company. Damn we're witty.

Ok, so Ron sang and Melanee and I laughed. Hard.

Singing something. Can't remember what. How ya like that inner tube I'm sportin there? o_O

I love that picture of Dawn.

And further proof that the booze kicked my ass. I never dance. Unless I'm drunk. And then I dance very badly. Like how my hair matches the wall? :-P

So, this is where Rhonda and I decide to show the camera our asses. Notice the look on my face. That look gives me away. Fo realz, yo.

When I first saw my sister again (we lost contact for a few years), it was her birthday. When I got to the bar, she was already drunk and she had to tell EVERYONE she saw that I was her sister. It's become a little joke with us. So, there I am, drunk with MY SISTER!

And there I am, drunk with Dawn, who wasn't drunk but insanelt tired.

So, Jesse leaves to go to MEPS tomorrow and then he ships out to Ft. Campbell on Tuesday. Last night, I made Becky sing A Different Kind of Pain by COLD and it just set me off. I don't want him to go. Anyway, I started crying like an asshole and one of us (not sure if it was me or him) decided that we should dance to some song. You can actually see Jesse trying not to cry. And it breaks my heart.

So, there's the photographic evidence for ya! There was quite a turn out. We had a good portion of the place monopolized. And, even better than that, I had a great time. Hooray for being a drunken asshole!

2008-01-12T17:32:00.000-05:00

I am a bundle of nerves.

I get so incredibly anxious before any event I plan that I typicaly just do things spur of the moment to save myself the worry and the nervousness. I'm always afriad that something will go wrong. My biggest fear has always been that no one will show. Or that maybe 3 people will and I'll look like an even bigger loser than I actually am.

So fucking nervous.

I'm sitting here with hair dye on my head, listening to Five Finger Death Punch. I fucking LOVE this band! I saw them at either Ozzfest or The Family Values tour (I really think it was Ozzfest, but I just can't remember) and I wanted to jump in the pit so bad that it pissed me off a little. Had the stage they were playing on not been on asphalt, I so would've jumped in. I pussied out, though, cuzz I just didn't feel like nursing broken bones and/or horrible bloody scrapes. You should have seen some of the injuries. People just kept getting crazier and crazier! It was fucking awesome. I felt bad for the people that got hurt, but they knew what they were getting into the moment they stepped into that pit. No one complained about it either, which was cool. There are some people out there that will jump in the pit and then come out crying that it was too rough. o_O

I've got some heartburn goin on. Think I better take my Pepcid before I go.

Damn. Typing that sentence made me feel incredibly old. Hell, I'll only be 28 tomorrow, but I feel so much older. Ugh.

Welp, I'm ready now (due to the break I took to rinse my now incredibly red hair and to do my make up). I even decided to girl it up tonight, though I'm looking rather pudgy. Oh well. Time for booze!

2008-01-06T13:16:00.000-05:00

♪So I kissed him upside the cranium with an aluminum baseball bat♪

I fucking love Primus.

I've been sitting here playing Dynomite and listening to music for the better part of my day so far and I am having FUN. At work. :-/ Something seems so very wrong with that statement.

I think I am also experiencing a sugar rush that can only possibly be rivaled by smoking a crack pipe. Sadly, I left my crack at home this morning, so I cannot prove this theroy.

The other night, Greg and I decided to trap the two little kitties under a laundry basket just to see what they'd do. I wanted to see if we could have a Kitties in the Cage match, ala WWE, but they disappointed me. They just layed down next to each other and cleaned a little while they tried to keep their eyes open. So then Greg? Well, he has this gas problem. Mainly, he farts ALL.THE.TIME.

So.

Greg has to fart. We're sitting on the couch, half assed watching the TV and trying to see how long it's gonna take the kittens to realize that HEY! They're not able to move about freely! He starts giggling. He then proceeds to squat in front of the laundry basket so his ass is pointing directly at the kitten's faces. And then he ripped off the most ginormous fart I have ever heard him release. He didn't admit it, but I'm willing to bet that it hurt his ass a little. The kittens pick that time to just lose their shit. They could not escape the fart. And I laughed! And laughed and laughed. Greg let them out after about 30 seconds, but I laughed for like 1/2 an hour. He later commented on how hard it usually is to find a chick who will laugh at that kind of thing. I told him that farts are ALWAYS funny. Always.

And that's been basically it. Go in for an ultrasound after I drop the boy off at school and finally get my post op appt taken care of tomorrow afternoon. I was supposed to have it Wednesday, but Mother Nature decided to shit out about a metic ton of snow, so I cancelled. Weeha. What an exciting life I lead. :-P

2008-01-05T16:38:00.000-05:00

Blarg. I wan to blog, but am lacking anything of intrest to blog about.

Then again...

My brother decided to join the ARMY. His ship date for basic was supposedly to be the day after my birthday next week. That's right. I said supposed. Seems the FBI told the ARMY that my brother is a security risk. HAHAHAHA!!! Wait, it gets better. The reason he's a "security risk"? Cuzz he owes a shit ton of money to the state treasury for bullshit Driver Responsibility fees. Now, I've had these fees before, too. Spent well over $2000 paying those bullshit fees. Well, I spent $1000 thinking that I was done cuzz I had paid the intial fee. Imagine my surprise when I received my notice to pay SECOND YEAR fees. Oh yeah. They made me pay AGAIN. Assholes. And people wonder why this state sucks so much ass. Seriously, I can barely keep my bills paid and have to forgo certain things that I'm legally obligated to have (does anyone else understand what a waste of money car insurance is in this state? Especially when you have to choose between keeping your child housed and fed or have insurance on your car? Ugh.). But this post is about my brother.

*cough*

So yeah. Aparently the FBI thinks that he's a security risk cuzz my family isn't swimming in gold coins like Scrooge McDuck. I love knowing that they are willing to rip a man from his family when he is inches away from being done with the whole military thing, but they won't take a young man who WANTS to go cuzz he can't pay bullshit fines that he should be able to contest but CAN'T cuzz that's the way the law was written. (Seriously, once you get a ticket, if you get one that warrents these fees, you can not dispute it under any circumstances. The government has to get their money somehow. Makes me wonder how the hell the state is so fucking broke.) From what I understand, the reason his fees are so high is cuzz the cop that pulled him over was a fucking moron. He was pulled over for his windshield being cracked which, hey, it's illegal so it should've gotten him pulled over. Got that, no problem with that. This wasn't too long after he'd had shoulder surgery and he had a prescription with him. So, since the cop didn't know what the medication was, he decided to arrest my brother and charge him with carrying a controlled substance. In court, it was proven that he didn't have a controlled substance but rather a prescription for anti-inflamatories. My brother had a moment of brilliance and left the narcotics he'd received for pain at home. So that shit got thrown out of court. Well, the Driver Responsibilty fee about the controlled substance wasn't and can't be challenged. Complete bullshit.

My mom wrote to all the senators and congress people yesterday (when they were told they had 48 hours to get things taken care of or he couldn't go to boot camp) and I guess my brother had already heard from some of them by yesterday afternoon. Hopefully they can do something about this. I don't know if he can take another blow like this. He's been trying so fucking hard to do SOMETHING with his life and just when things start going his way, something happens to blow him out of the water.

So, there's that bitch. In other news, there will be birthday shinanagans next weekend. Going to ye ole karaoke bar to get hammered and slur through some songs and call it singing. From what I've been told, since I took Saturday AND Sunday off this year, I'll be drunk all weekend. Ya know what? After the bullshit weekend I've been having, that sounds SO awesome. I hate my bank with the fire of a millionty firey suns spewing fire and will be changing banks as soon as I can. But that's another bitch for another time.

Um...

Huh. Looks like I may have run out of things to type about. Well, since I've run out of things to tell the intarwebs, you should bask in the glory that is my links list on the side bar there. Isn't she pretty?

2008-01-04T17:06:00.000-05:00

For some reason, I feel compelled to offer up some sort of post about Britney. I'm not going to make a post about her, though, cuzz really? Not my place. I think what makes me feel so compelled is the fact that I feel so damned bad for her. We all have HIPAA whenever we get any kind of medical attention and if that confidentiallity gets breached some how? HOLY SHIT! Everyone and their brother gets sued and there's a huge payout and people lose their jobs. With her? Not so much. I would've hated to be the crew on that ambulance. It's hard enought to work a scene with local media outlets, I can't even begin to imagine what a circus it was just to pull into her driveway. It's so obvious that there is ACTUALLY SOMETHING WRONG with her. Leave her the fuck alone already.

In other news, I wore jeans today that are a wee bit too tight. This does not amuse me. How did I manage to find pants that were too tight? Well, the answer to that could be found by simply looking at my horribly messy bedroom. Instead of carpet, I have clothes. (Ok, so there's carpet under the clothes, but you wouldn't know it. I am willing to bet that the carpet in my bedroom is the exact same color as it was when I moved in three years ago) I kept my bedroom clean when I first moved in ye ole homestead, but when greg moved in, it all went to shit for some reason. Not sure why. Anyway, I woke up this morning and looked at the clock. It read 620, so I rolled over to doze for another 10 minutes cuzz I didn't really need to get out of bed until 545. That's right, I typed 545. It took me about 2 minutes to realize that it was well past 545 and I needed to get the hell out of bed. I woke Greg up (on his one day off cuzz I rawk!) and asked him to go start my car so I could shower in record time. He mumbled something and I thought he didn't hear me and was still sleeping. I didn't have time to double check, though, as I ran into the bathroom with whatever clothes happened to be in the clean clothes basket. (Shut up, I have a system!) I showered and brushed my teeth and was out the door at 635. I pulled out off the little street that leads to the big main road and was on my way. Suddenly, the rail block thingies went down and a pretty little train started to inch it's way through. Fuckin trains. (Dudes, you seriously do not, nor will you really ever, comprehend my insane hatred for trains. I grew up in a town SURROUNDED by trains. Our mascot? The Railroader. Fucking trains...) I managed to get to work with a minute to spare thanks to speeding, but I think I forgot to clock in. Ugh. Anyway, that's how I wound up wearing too tight jeans and they have become the bane of my existance. MUST.KILL.THE.JEANS. And quite possibly the bra, too.

Huckabee. That's not an endorsement by any means, I just really like to say Huckabee. It's fun.

I am going to try to figure out how to link other blogs on my sidebar thingie. I feel like I should share these blogs I refresh over and over like a stalker with other people.

I want an air horn.

My birthday is coming up. It seems there was supposed to have been a surprise party set up for me, but that's not happening now due to a lack of intarwebs. (Not mine, obviously, but my friend who was setting it up) Same thing happened last year. Well, not exactly the same thing. She was gonna throw me a surpirse party last year, but our dart league banquet was on the day of my birthday, so I guess that meant it was a no go. Wonder if it will be attempted next year?

MUST.BURN.THE.JEANS.

So, Greg and I are gonna stop being so obsessively careful about not making babies. I doubt anything will come of it, but it's kind of nice to imagine, I guess. I just got to see my friend, Amanda's, new bitty boy and my friend, Rob's, bitty boy was just in here yesterday (he was born Saturday and is SUCH a cute bitty fuzzball!) and the babies. They are contagious. Well, in the wanting them aspect at least. I mean, really, Greg and I aren't really all that careful anyway, so babies could have happened by now, but they haven't. I really don't think they will. I'm thinking we're just not gonna change anything now that I'm typing this. It's bringing tears to my eyes just thinking about it not happening. Ugh.

On that note, I think I'm gonna stop. I'd been trying to come up with a summary of 2007, but I couldn't really think of anything to write. Suffice it to say that 2007 was the Year of the Doctor and of Adopting Little Bitty Kitties! The kitties aren't so bad. :-P

2008-01-01T12:57:00.000-05:00

So, with the help of Cricket, here's my Year in Review thingie. Greg works tonight and the boy goes back to school tomorrow, so I might sit down tonight and write actual paragraphs. Key word here is might. I think it'd be kinda cool to do something like that, I think, it's just a matter of me actually sitting down and doing it.

1) Where did you begin 2007?
I began the year at work. This was back when I was working 7 days a week so make sure that dispatched was staffed. The bossman fired someone or they quit or something and we only had 3 dispatchers instead of 4.
2) What was your status on New years day?
Blue Collar?
3) Were you in school (anytime this year)?
Not this year
4) How did you earn your money?
By telling people where to go.
5) Did you have to go to the hospital?
A few times
6) Did you have any encounters with the police?
Not due to illegal activity. When you work EMS, you sometimes make friends with the po-po.
7) Where did you go on holidays?
Uh... Work. With the exception of Christmas day anyway.
8) What did you purchase that was over $1,000?
Your MOM
9) Did you know anybody who got married?
Yep. Went to the wedding in Indiana. And then Indiana ate my cell phone.
10) Did you know anybody who passed away?
Yeah. A friend and a grandparent.
no 11
12) Did you move anywhere?
Nope. I can honestly say that this is the longest I've lived in one place.
13) What concerts/shows did you go to?
A shit ton. Family Values Tour, Ozzfest... Numerous shows at the Machine Shop.
no 14
15) Are you registered to vote?
Yep
16) Who did you want to win Big Brother?
Uh... I've never actually watched that show.
17) Where do you live now?
Flint
18) Describe your birthday?
Drunken bar hopping fueled by Long Island Iced Teas
19) What's one thing you thought you'd never do but did in 2007?
Bait a fishing hook?
20) What has been your favorite moment?
Probably getting back in touch with my sister and two brothers.
21) What's something you learned about yourself?
That I put up with FAR more bullshit than most people
22) Any new additions to your family?
Kitties! Bisty Lee and Nala Kathleen
23.) What was your best month?
Uh... August? That's the month the boy was born, so it's usually pretty nifty
24.) Any surgeries, and if so, on what?
Yep. Laprascopy and a bladder dilation.
25) Who has been your best drinking buddy?
Melanee and Sherry
26) Made new friends?
Hmm... If I have, it feels like they've been around forever
27) New best friend?
Nah, same ones
28) Favorite Night out?
Ozzfest
29) Did you find love?
Already had it
30) What was your proudest moment?
Let's go with the Ozzburn. That bitch was hardcore. Picture? OK!

That's in the parking lot trying to get to the truck. I was actually purple that night. I still have tan lines from it. And people wonder why I have a hate/hate relationship with the sun. o_O

2007-12-31T02:11:00.000-05:00

So, I've been home all by myself tonight and I haven't been able to think of how to do my Year in Review post. I want to do a meme thing, but the only one I've come across has been Grandpa Becky's and it just seemed too serious for me. Maybe it's cuzz I couldn't think of how I would answer the questions, which is weird cuzz when I read memes, I always think of how I would answer them. Gah!

I wasn't expecting to be home alone tonight. The boy is spending the night with his grandparents, so I though it was just gonna be Greg and me. He went to visit friends while I was at work, so I didn't really figure he'd be home till late anyway. He never goes out to see anyone he was friends with before he met me, so I don't mind. Actually, I'm really glad he went. He apparently had too good of a time, though, cuzz around 930 I got a call from one of his friends telling me that Greg was passed out on his living room floor. LMAO He called to let me know tha they were keeping him for the night cuzz they didn't want to make the drive out here. I don't blame them, really. They've never been here before and it's a bit of a drive. I guess Greg woke up cuzz they put him on the phone and it was pretty obvious he was still fucked up. Hehe. I told him that his friends said he was staying there and that I would see him in the morning. He texted me about an hour later and said that he was alright if I wanted to know. That tells me he didn't remember talking to me. I told him I knew cuzz I talked to him and his friend and that he should get some sleep. I think he thought I was gonna be mad at him. I'm pretty sure that if it were me that passed out drunk at a friend's house, he'd have lost his shit. That's how he is, though. If I go out with someone that isn't him, he'll start texting me or calling me and be a dick about it. I remember when I went to Rob Zombie last summer with a friend I've known for about 2 more years than I've known Greg, he completely lost his shit and threatened to move out. That just prompted me to drink more and get pissed. I told him that if he thought he was going to threaten me with that again, he'd better have his shit packed and be gone when I got home cuzz I'd throw his ass out. He hasn't threatened since. Heh.

This wasn't meant to bash Greg, so oops? I didn't really back him, though. Just told what happened, so meh. I'm really glad he had a good time tonight. Hopefully he'll see his friends more often. I think it'll be a good thing for him.

For some reason, I really want a chili dog. o_O Or a coney. Mmm... Coney dogs. Damned weird ass cravings at 230 in the morning.

In other news, I smell fucking awesome! Is it weird that I love the way I smell and that I tell people about it on a regular basis?

I'm gonna smoke my last cigarette and try to get some sleep I think. I want to get up in the morning and start overhauling the boy's bedroom. It's a fucking disaster!

I'll work on that Year in Review thing. I promise.

2007-12-29T18:11:00.000-05:00

Well.

I've been sitting here all by my lonesome for damned near 12 hours now. It's been nice, but pretty damned boring. There's never anything on TV on the weekend and, up until recently, almost all the good shit on the intarwebs was blocked. Today I discovered that not only can I access the games, but I can access the music. I'm blissfully listening to In This River by Black Label Society and all is ok with the world.

Have I mentioned that I think the knocking me out during laprascopy fucked up my mind? Seriously. Like, on Christmas Eve, I was parked out front of my aunt and uncle's house, but I didn't recognize it. And then, on actual Christmas, I was picking Alex up from the ex-husband's parents house and I didn't recognize his backpack. I thought it belonged to one of the other kids. And I had to be convinced that it was actually his. o_O The mind. She burns.

And my leg is all hurty and gimpified. I think I wrote about that, though.

Oooo sweet! Ben Folds Five! I fucking heart them!

*cough*

I have my follow up with my surgery/specialty/non-thorough doc on the second. Well, providing my referral comes through in time. I had to wait until yesterday to set up the appt and the family doc's office closes at noon on Fridays. I called before that, but had to leave a message. Meh. They should be able to get it through. Then I get to see the pee doc on the 25th or something like that to start treatment for the interstitial cystitis, which means I should be bald by summer. At least my head won't be hot, eh? I have to wait until the 2nd to get a hold of the fibromyalsia dude cuzz the office seems to be closed every day I try to call. That's mildly annoying.

And that's about it. Went out and has a beer or five with a couple friends last night and they talked me into going to sing karaoke, which made me miss doing theater again. I haven't been in a show for three damned years now. One of these days I'll get back into it. Maybe. I kinda feel like my time has passed on that one. Grr.

Ok, I'm off to dink around with the games again, I guess. Only about a half an hour left of working and then I get to go home and harass the kitties. Oh! So, my Sirius radio module was thieved from my car at work a couple months back. Today, Greg's was stolen out his car while he was at home. We're thinking it happened sometime after I got home last night. Greg called Sirius and now we're both getting new modules for free. The ones we're getting are normally like $130, I guess. Weeha for that!

Now, I'm really going. I'm thinking of doing a Year in Review thing like Grandpa Becky tomorrow. We'll see if I get the motivation.

2007-12-29T13:31:00.000-05:00

And this made me giggle, too. I heart Micheal Cera.

2007-12-29T13:20:00.001-05:00

So, I'm stitting here at work, all by myself, and I came across this gem. Seriously? I couldn't stop giggling. I may in fact be giggling a little bit right now.

HAHAHAHAHA!!!

Might make a real update in a little bit. After all, I am the only one here. ALL.DAY.

Weeha.

Ok, so about the laprascopy...

2007-12-24T15:54:00.000-05:00

I'm not sure why I've been avoiding blogging about this. Lord knows I don't have that much to do at work today. (Although, I discovered this morning that yahoo games are not blocked right now. Yeah, I've been wasting my day away playing Dynomite and Bookworm between calls. Merry Christmas to me!) I think it might have something to do with the fact that I feel incredibly let down by my doctor.

Let's start at the beginning.

I hate being told I can't eat or drink anything after midnight. I understand why, but being told you can't have and/or do something always makes it that much harder for me. So, when I woke up that morning, I was already a bit pissy. I always wake up thirsty and there was no water in my world that morning. *grumble*

We got there at 1030 and I turned in a medical records release for FMLA that I shouldn't have even had to do cuzz they don't NEED to give my medical records to Human Resources, they just need to write everything down on the application, but if they really want to give HR the power to read about my hoo-hoo and my caustic uterus, then by all means let them have at it!

*cough*

So, we get there and go up to the 2nd floor to the waiting room. This family of three cut me off on the way up to the desk and then proceeded to be stupid, so I made a bit of a show out of reading the sign and signing in like someone who isn't too stupid to read signs. (Hmm... Think the hormones were a raging perhaps?) We sat there for a bit and my mommy came down (she works for the legal dept at the hospital I was at) and I got called back at about 11. Vitals were checked and I peed in the cup on command and put on the gown and sat on the little bed and waited.

And waited.

And, you guessed it! Waited some more.

After an hour of waiting for them to just at least let my mom and Greg come keep me company, I asked a nurse what the hold up was. (I was actually very polite. I start out sweet and get bitchy only when needed when people will be cutting me with sharp things.) They told me that I needed to have an IV first and then they would allow my family to come back. I sat back down on the bed and had just lifted my feet onto it when a two nurse team came in just as happy and peppy as could be! (Guess I just needed to remind someone I was there?) The one nurse got me to sign all sorts of shit and the other one actually got my IV going on the first try. That is pretty much unheard of when it comes to me and my veins. They were in and they were back out and my people were brought in to entertain me.

We waited some more and they came in to explain that my doc was held up and was running behind. We were all kinda expecting that since he delivers the bitty bitty babies and they don't like to keep on a schedule like good bitty bitty babies. They had shift change and I got the nurse who had no people skills at all. I had versaid (I think that's how it's spelled) in my system and was a bit giggly and maybe semi-retarded and he would just stare at me. Stare at me like I was ET and he wasn't impressed cuzz I wasn't a klingon or some shit. He comes to take me to the room of the cutting and told Greg that the doc had just said he expected to be looking around in meh belleh (hehe. I heart Fat Bastard) for at least an hour. Greg said he was gonna go get something to eat and I was on my drugged up way.

I was cracking jokes and shit in the OR cuzz I am awesome when on teh drugz and was generally a delight to be around. (Shut up! I was!) I moved onto the teeny tiny little table thingie in the room and they strapped me down to it. Now, this was not something I knew was going to happen and it was not a good thing that happened. I am weird about being tied down and what not. In some instances, I like it. (rawr!) In most instances, though, I panic. I can't even sleep in a sleeping bag that's zipped up. When they strapped me down with out even telling me that they were going to do it, well, I became a little less than pleasant. There were tears and cussing and ordering of the anesthesiologist to take the bouffant cap off my eyes or he was going to lose his wee little willy. (Yeah, I remember putting it that way.) They quickly told me that they were going to make me go to sleep after that.

The next thing I remember is waking up and not being able to breathe. AT ALL. I think I woke up with a tube still in my throat. Then I remember being wheeled down the hallway very quickly. Finally, I heard a nurse telling me that I had woken up incredibly hard from the anesthetic and that I needed to calm down. Panic ensued, but eventually I could breathe again. I got a lot of pain killers. Then they wheeled me to a different room and gave me Vernor's and a blueberry muffin. Greg came back and made fun of me for looking like a little kid with my Vernor's and muffin. I asked him if the doctor had come out to talk to him.

This is where I began to think that it was simply a waste of my time.

He told me that he left to eat and was gone for maybe half an hour. Remember now, he was told a minimum of one hour in surgery. When he came back, the nurse saw him and told him that the doc was looking for him about ten minutes prior. That means that he had me in the room and looked at in 20 minutes tops.

20 fucking minutes.

He came out and told Greg that he didn't see anything. Now, we don't know if that means that he didn't see anything new or that he didn't see anything at all. I'm hoping that maybe it means nothing new, though I'm betting it means nothing at all. At any rate, I'll find out in about a week and a half.

I have an appointment with my family doc Wednesday to get more pain killers and let them steal my blood. I'll be requesting an MRI and/or CAT scan at that time. I've never had either one, which is odd. I'll also be requesting a second opinion. I feel incredibly let down by this doctor who told me that he would help me. He told me before we went in that if he didn't find anything that he could fix, he would help me manage my pain long term. Mind you, this is the same doc that refused to write me prescriptions when he found out that my family doc had me on Dilaudid. He also made sure to mention that I needed to get into see the urologist for my Interstitial Cystitis in front of my mom, so I can't conveniently forget again. Heh. Looks like I'll actually be bald this year after all.

And, to top it all off, girly time decided that Saturday would be a good time to show up after a 6 month hiatus. Let me be the first to assure you that girly time is PISSED OFF about being gone for so long! And also? For some reason, I am not allowed to having anything in the hoo-hoo (don't you just love TMI? It's so FUN!) for two weeks, so I get to feel extra icky. Wee ha!

I might be back later tonight to bitch about Greg leaving to go to Kentucky and being a complete dick about the whole thing and my spending Christmas with my FIVE (you missed one, Cricket!) cats and a half gallon (ok, prolly not that much) vodka. We'll have to see if I get to tanked at the family's house that I'll be going to tonight. Since it's not family that I know very well, it's going to be awkward, which means it'll be prime drinking time. Also, I'm trying to decide if I should go home and put on a sweater jacket thing and relatively nice shoes and maybe a bit of make up before I go over there when I get out of work, or if I should just show up in my tennis shoes, black elastic banded pants (jeans are still a bit too restricting, which pisses me off) and Zelda sweatshirt with merely eye brows (which are expertly drawn on thankyouverymuch) and mascara.

I hope you enjoyed that run on sentence, it's your Christmas present. I'm so fucking generous :-P

So, I was gonna update about the laprascopy...

2007-12-23T21:37:00.001-05:00

Instead, I'm gonna update about how I kinda almost died tonight.

For real.

I was at Meijer buying vodka and cat litter, cuzz that's what's essential for Christmas merriment. Tried to buy some gum, but I must've left it at the counter since I can't find it anywhere.

Anyway.

I was at the stop light waiting for it to turn green so I could be on my merry little way. It turned green and, not seeing any other cars, I proceeded to go through the light.

Next thing I knew, there was a big red pick up truck coming at me.

Fast.

I hit my brakes, but I was already in the middle of Center Rd. I heard the trucks tires squeal and looked over to see what looked like smoke coming from the wheels.

I shit you not when I tell you that fuckin truck literally tapped my driver's side door. He managed to stop JUST.IN.TIME.

There was no damage to either vehicle. The grill of his truck was right in the center of my door. MY DOOR.

I may or may not have peed a little, what with thinking I was a goner and all. He looked like he was gonna have a heart attack.

The reason he ran a red light? He hadn't been in the area in a while and didn't know that there was a light there.

Heh.

So, there will be an update about the laprascopy later. I'm off to drink some more vodka and play with the kitties that are my only company for the next few days.

2007-12-23T14:25:00.000-05:00

So, I need to update about the laprascopy.

Thing is, I can't come up with any words.

I'm not happy, but I'm not sure if I have a reason to not be happy.

Make sense? Doubt it.

I'll probably update when I get home from work tonight. After all, it's just gonna be me and the cats for a few days.

Heh.

2 days to go...

2007-12-18T09:33:00.000-05:00

Until happy surgery day. I know I just wrote about how I'm looking forward to it, and I still am, but I'm also starting to get nervous. I'm not nervous so much about them finding something (hell I want them to find something!). I'm more nervous about what might happen. I'm not sure if I wrote about this when it happened or not, but my mom almost died when she had her hysterectomy not too long ago. (It's been like a year and a half, maybe two years now) The same doc that did her hysterectomy is doing my laprascopy and I have no doubt in his abilities at all. He's never even had a medical malpractice suit or settlement or anything like that against him. My mom apparently decided that that would be a good time to scare the shit out of everyone and went into cardiac and respiratory arrest. More than once. When she came out of surgery, she was on a vent for a while and it was kinda touch and go for the first few hours. She was off the vent the next day and while she looked like shit, she seemed to be perfectly fine. They released her a couple days later. And while I know that I'm younger and whatever so I most likely will not have the same thing happen to me, it's still kinda freaky to think about. They called to pre-register me a week or so ago and they asked if I had an advanced directive. (I don't even though I know I should have one.) They asked me if I wanted them to save me, should I do what my mommy did, and of course I said yes. I didn't tell them that I don't want to be kept alive by machines, though, should it come down to it. I know I'm over thinking it and that's not even gonna be an issue, but that's how I roll. Always thinking about the worst case scenario. I suck, I know.

The boy is freaked out and keeps asking me when I'm going and if I've already had it done. Like when I picked him up from his dad's on Sunday, that was the first question out of his mouth. I hate that he's so worried and I didn't want to tell him about it, but he must've over heard me talking to someone about it. It's kinda cute how he gets all defensive about me now. His cousin was saying something about how I was walking (effectively making fun of me, like kids do) and the boy chirped right up with, "SHE'S HAVING SURGERY! SHUT!UP!" It's nice to know he'll defend my honor when little kids try to be assholes. LOL

It seems that it's Kitty Olympics time right now. They're ALL running around and jumping on things and knocking them over. They're LOUD, too, so I'm sure Greg is just loving that. They messed with his hours at work, so now everything is an hour off. He goes in an hour later, which means he gets out an hour later than normal. I don't think it would be such a big deal if he worked one shift. He's swing shift supervisor, though, so he works all three shifts. Last night and tonight he works third, which means sleepy time. Not too sure how well that's gonna work when the boys get here after school. Hope he's sleeping now cuzz them boys are LOUD!

Speaking of Greg, he'll be leaving for Kentucky a few days after I have the surgery. Not too thrilled about that. This is the first year that I will actually have Christmas day off and I'll have the boy and was thinking that we were gonna have a nice Christmas all together and be happy and Norman Rockwellish and generally vomit inducing. Seems I was wrong in that assumption as he had already made plans to go to his mom's. He just forgot to tell me. As usual. Ugh. Now I have to figure out how the hell I'm gonna give him money to make sure he can get there and back. This also means that I'm gonna be here all alone for a few days. I haven't been alone in a while, so while that's gonna be nice, I'm not looking as forward to it as I should be. I'll be going back to work Sunday and I'll be working Christmas Eve, so that'll eat up some time, and I'll probably sleep in the hours in between. (Maybe.) Christmas Eve though, I'll be all by my lonesome. *sigh* Maybe I'll call a few friends and see if they wanna come over and drink. That would be all nifty and shit.

Apparently, things are hitting the fan at work. Ambulance companies are always full of Teh Drama for some reason. We all have better things to do with our time, but somehow the rumor mill runs rampant anyway. Which is where a lot of my entertainment comes from. I'm the person that everyone bitches to cuzz I don't tell other people what's said, but I love hearing everything. I'm like a gossip wall or something. I'm nosey as all get out and willfully listen to people bitch about whatever is bothering them and then not say a word. So there's that drama and it's mixed in with the shitty moral. We all used to LOVE going to work when we first started. Now? Not so much. You can only shit on a person so many times before they start to get tired of the smell, ya know? Should be interesting when I go back.

My brother just called to see if I could take him to his recruiter's office. Heh. Can't happen. No money in the bank plus no gas equals no drivey anywhere extra. He signed up to go active ARMY a few weeks ago. Not too excited about that, but he seems to be a bit. There's quite a hefty sign on bonus (providing they don't fuck him over on that, which they will) and he wants to get some kind of training, which will be good for him since he has, like, ZERO job experience. Still, I'm not fond of the idea. He'll be shipped out, I'm sure of it. I had my fill of worrying about that when my ex-husband was in the ARMY. Of course, he was only in for six months before he went AWOL, but the worry is still fresh in my mind. The boy is already worried. He has a couple uncles that are in the service and he worries about them everyday. One was shipped to Iraq a couple times and came very close to being blown up, but managed to get out alive and is stationed in Alaska now. Hopefully he won't get called back. The other two are stationed over seas, just not in war zones. He worries about them so much it's heartbreaking. I swear that boy is gonna have an ulcer by the time he's eight with all the worrying he does. That's one trait I'm not too thrilled to have passed down.

Meh. My hands are getting tired and I feel like I need a nap. Probably best to get rested up before the boys get home. Then I get to fix dinner and ship them off to scouts and hand over the den leader reigns. (That's not spelled right. Oh well) One of the moms said she'd do it, but she wants to ask about changing the meeting night and all sorts of shit. Heh. I'll let her handle all that crap.

Welp, it's off to the couch! Providing the Kitty Olympics are over, that is.

Happy Fucking Blizzard!!!

2007-12-16T10:11:00.000-05:00

Ok, so maybe it's not technically a blizzard, but the sky shit out a LOT of snow last night. It's actually still doing it. This morning, Greg went and cleaned my car off for me. He opened the door to leave for work about 5 minutes later and I asked him if he had cleaned my car off or had gotten too cold. he said he'd cleaned it, but you couldn't tell AT ALL. Later, I went out to start my car and went back inside for about 5 minutes. When I went back out, you couldn't even tell that I had been outside. This should make picking the kidling up from his dad's an interesting experience. o_O

I'm not fond of snow. AT. ALL.

I'm getting a bit antsy about the laprascopy. Just about 4 days away! I'm looking forward to it simply cuzz for those few hours I'll be under anesthetic, I won't be in any pain. I'll finally be comfortable and just be asleep. I honestly cannot remember the last time I was simply comfortable. I can't sit on the couch and find a comfortable position. I can't lay down in bed and find a comfy spot and just fall asleep. Hell, I can't even sleep through the night. (I've always said that I have insomnia at times, but I used to be able to sleep with the help of a few pills. Now? Not so much) Even when I was pregnant I could get comfortable most of the time. It's so frustrating.

I'm nervous about the laprascopy cuzz I'm betting that they're going to tell me that everything looked "normal". I don't know what the hell I'll do if they say that. Five years of being in pain. 3 years of being told that it was PCOS causing it. A few months of being able to say that it could be endometreosis. If they don't see anything it'll be like they've just been lying to me this whole time. Or that I'm full of the crazy. Actually, I'm thinking it'll be more like I'm full of the crazy. People go into doctor's offices all the time, bitching and moaning about some problem or another and they are perfectly fine. Hypochondria I think is the term for it? Anyway, whenever I would tell my mom that I thought there was something wrong with me when I was younger, she would tell me I was a hypochondriac and that I was fine. Except she was wrong. (Those are stories for a different blog ramble, though.) I loathe being told that I'm imaging that there's something wrong with me. And I really think that's what's going to end up happening. Of course, I'll have to schedule an appointment and wait two weeks to be told all this, which means I get to go out of my mind worrying about it for just a little while longer. Yee ha!

I wonder how much snow is gonna be on the ground when the sky stops shitting on us. I think we've got about 6 inches or so on the ground already. It's definitely made things interesting road wise. And since ambulances drive on the road, it's reeking havoc on my response times. Meh. It's too be expected in weather like this and it's even MORE expected considering that we're in Flint. I swear, the people that are responsible for plowing and throwing salt on the roads are completely devoid of any and all common sense. On my way into work this morning, the roads appeared to not have been touched by a plow at all. Ok, I can see how that could happen what with the snow falling down like it was racing, but when I saw 4 snowplows in a line going down the road, I figured that it wasn't the snow's fault, but possibly that of the road crews. They went down one street, completely in one line all nice and orderly like. Then they turned to the left and went over the bridge and onto a different street, still all nice and orderly. Uh... Wow? The ginormous snow drift they left behind almost killed my car. Idiots. If they are gonna plow together, you'd think that they could try and plow ALL of the street maybe? Maybe?

Bah. I think I'll read the paper. Or eat some chicken noodle soup. Man... I've been living on coup, water and pickles for weeks (for some reason that's all I've been craving) and yet the weight, it doesn't move. Long as it doesn't move UP, I guess I can deal with that.

Written from work... And then from home!

2007-12-09T18:29:00.000-05:00

Holy slow intarwebs Batman! The computer is lagging HARDCORE and it's making me feel a little bit stabby. Then again, I've been feeling a little bit stabby at the drop of a hat lately, so chances are really good that I'm just being too fucking impatient and need to calm down a bit. Damned hormones.

It seems that in order for the laprascopy to go like it should, I need to have the Depo Lupron out of my system. It also seems that while I faithfully received the shots for 5 months, it only takes 6 weeks for that shit to vacate. Sounds odd to me, but I'm no doctor. Just a lowly dispatcher that is beginning to wonder if this doctor that will be doing the procedure actually thinks there's anything wrong with me. But that's a post for a different time. When there's beer and/or wine. Or maybe just when there's a couple of Dilauded pills in my system. Ok fine, it's a post for when I'm at home damn it. (I was trying to sound all hardcore about my creativity and needing booze and possibly pills to be all creative and awesome, but you just had to ruin it for me didn't you! Geeze...)

*cough*

Anyway, with the lupron leaving my system, my beautiful PMS is coming back 10 fold, like it was pissed at being suppressed for so long. In reality, it was never suppressed. It was AMPLIFIED and I was full of the crazy. But, since it didn't have a happy period (fuck you Always products. There is NO SUCH THING.) I think the PMS felt all empty and emo and now? It must take out it's emo angst on me. I expect lots and LOTS of pity.

I forgot to bring food with me to work today and I'm rather hungry. Greg has been home all day and I am hoping that there will be dinner when I bring the boy home from his dad's, but I'm betting that he sat around watching movies all day. *sigh* My home is such an incredibly mess right now and I HATE it. It makes me wish I had a long sword with which I could play stabby and just stab all the crap that needs to be picked up and it would magically go where ever the fuck it needed to go simply with 1 stab. Or that Greg would clean for me. Neither of which is likely to happen, but you never know. Magical stabby cleaning swords appear all the time from what I hear.

OH YEAH! So! Last night I went to darts for the make up games. First, I got a freaked out text from one of the people on my team saying that no one was at the bar we were supposed to throw at and OH!MY!GOD! *insert appropriate freak out here* See, my phone decided to turn itself off at some point and it forgot to tell me. So, there was minor drama there. So, we're throwing and people are asking me if I'm ok and I was wishing I had a walker with those cool tennis balls on the front. About halfway through the games, I went to go sit back down after my shot. As I was walking past the bar, this random chick in a red blazer grabbed my face and started to MAKE OUT WITH ME!!! Then she walked off to the bathroom. I'm guessing the drive by make out was a bit one sided, seeing as how I wasn't anticipating it and, um, well... Girls are not exactly my thing. I was stood there COMPLETELY freaked out and kept asking my friends if they had just seen what happened. We all stood there with this wide eyed look of amazement on our faces. Then this dude in a sweater (think Bill Cosby sweater. Yeah, for real. And he looked like he was younger than I am.) tells me that the same chick dragged him from the front of the place to the bar so she could "buy him a beer for being hot." That pissed me off and shook me out of my shock. I mean, how come HE got a beer and all I got was a random drive by make out? If ANYTHING, I deserved booze for that. Random people who witnessed the drive by make out kept coming up to me, asking if I knew who she was. Every time I answered no, they told me that's what they had thought, judging by my reaction. I'm still a little bitter about not getting any booze.

~And now from home~

I hadn't realized how late it had gotten when I was writing this last night. I had to save right quick and get the hell outta Dodge so I could pick the kidling up from his dad's. I hobbled my way to the door and Matt couldn't even be bothered to step out onto the porch. Dick. I think next week I'll be calling in advance to get him to bring him out to the car. It'll be a mild annoyance, but it'll make me giggle.

I have GOT to remember to get someone to come in early for me on Friday. The boy's Christmas program is that night. I got there incredibly late last year cuzz that's the day I put Harley down. Heh. I just realized that she was put to sleep on the 14th last year, which also happened to be the date of the Christmas program last year and just so happens to be the same date for THIS year's program. How odd...

In my head, I think I've been able to figure out how to buy Christmas this year. All of our bills should be current, so all we really have to worry about is rent. Damn rent. Oh and the phone bill. I HAVE to remember to pay that this time. Last month, my mommy bailed me out cuzz I forgot to pay it for 2 months in a row. I used to be so on top of getting everything paid and now I'm lucky if I remember that I got a bill in the mail. I blame the Lupron.

Is it sad that I'm excited for my surgery simply cuzz it means that I'll get 3 days off? I think it's sad. I love my job for the most part (dealing with some of the nurses makes me wanna play stabby sometimes, though) and I used to look forward to going in. I can remember actually feeling happy that I was going to work when we first started. Now, it's such a damned chore that I would call in all the time if I could get away with it. Meh. I still think it'll get better.

I think I'm gonna stop writing now and blacken my lungs a bit. I typically reserve my Dilaudid for night time use, but I hurt so much right now that I've already taken it. Greg said he'd pick the boy up from school today, though, so that's awesome. I kinda wish they had bus service, though. I guess that's what I get for sending him to a school that had a biggest graduating class of 12 a couple years back. o_O At least I can send him to school with chocolate in his lunch!

2007-12-08T08:46:00.000-05:00

So, I seem to have pissed off someone I work with. *blink* And I'm not all that upset about it. It's actually been kinda nice not to have anyone talking to me for the first couple of hours at work. Wonder how long it will last?

I'm hating money right now. HATE. Then again, when do I not hate money? Oh yeah, when I don't have to spend it on bills and wonder how I'm gonna get groceries and Christmas presents. Seriously, we are beyond broke. And who can I blame? It's not like I had a gun to my head and had to give all my money to some mugger. Hell, if that had happened, I could probably take advantage of some sympathy pity. Nope! Just regular ole stupid-asshole-quit-not-managing-your-money-properly pity. And that pity SUCKS. And what sucks just a little more than that? I find myself harboring resentment towards Greg for this. But hey! He's all set with whatever the hell he had in mind when he went out and spent money like we had a money tree, so it's cool. >_<

I am in LOVE with Grape Aquafina. LOVELOVELOVE! I've been seriously contemplating calling the water company to see if I can't just get that shit to flow freely from the faucets. Of course, it'll have to go through the Brita pitcher first cuzz if it doesn't, it'll smell like a combination of chlorine, eggs and ass and probably taste much like that appetizing combo, but hey, it'd be CHEAPER!!!

Having surgery on the 20th. Yippee. I have to remember to get my FMLA paperwork filled out by my surgeon so my boss will approve my PTO. I wish I had known that before yesterday cuzz I could have already taken care of that. Guess that's what happens when the ginormous hospital you work for expects one person to do a job that should take, like, maybe 3 people to do. My boss is INCREDIBLY overloaded and while I do bitch about how he doesn't do this, that and the other thing, I know it's not cuzz he's a complete douche or anything. Which kinda sucks cuzz, really, who wants to defend their boss? That's almost equivalent to ass kissing and NO ONE likes an ass kisser.

I'm not excited about tonight. I have to go and make up a dart night in fuckin Fenton. Not something I'm looking forward to. The team we're playing is no fun, which typically makes the night suck. I don't have any money for beer, so THAT sucks. And, really? I'm just fuckin tired and I'm in pain and I don't want to deal with everyone asking me if I'm ok when I attempt to walk. Do I look like I'm ok? I know it's not a question that's intended to be rude or anything and I try not to be rude when I answer, but DUDES. Every.Fucking.Time.I.Get.Out.Of.A.Chair. I get asked. You try not being a little miffed by that. Betcha can't!

There's a little shindig for Mandy's bday tonight, too. I want to go, but I don't at the same time. I mean, it's her birthday today and everyone should have their friends around for their birthday. Thing is, I'm gonna be dog ass tired to begin with and I can't take my pain meds until I know I'm in for the night, so THAT'S gonna be interesting. I want to at least be able to buy her a beer and/or a shot, but I won't be able to. I'm sure she'll understand, though. Hell, she's probably in the same boat I am financially. I'm planning on heading up as soon as the make up game is done; I'm just not sure if I'll be able to stick to that plan.

I'm going to give up my Den Leader status. Heh. It's just not fair to the boys to have a leader who doesn't know if they can be there for every meeting. I mean, getting sick once in a while is understandable, but I've been having so much trouble getting around that I've been having to miss and that's just not fair. I'm hoping that one of the other parents will step up and quit being so fucking wishy washy about it, but I doubt that's gonna happen. Ugh. I want to quit scouts all together, but the boys would be heartbroken, so that's not an option. If Matt would step up and, oh I don't know, be a father to HIS child instead of only stepping up for Danette's kids, it wouldn't be so bad. Every time I've asked him if he could take the boys to a meeting, he has some excuse. Kinda like the excuse he gave me when I asked if he could take the boy home or at least up to the ER when I went a couple of weeks ago and he couldn't cuzz he didn't have gas. Whatever.

My skin is SO dry right not that it's unreal. Hell, the air is so freaking dry that when I breathe it tastes like blood. Ew. I'm so gross.

I want my makeup. I woke up at, like, 610 this morning and I have to be to work by 7. I had just enough time to shower and start my car while I took off the makeup that was left behind after I washed my face. Suck. I was kinda hoping to throw on a little make up since I'm leaving straight from work to go to other places tonight, but oh well. I'll just look like death tonight. It'll be pure sex, I'm telling you.

What else, what else...

My friend is getting ready to pop out a baby. She's due on Monday. I feel bad cuzz we were supposed to have dinner together and let the boys play (they both have the same name cuzz we are the AWESOME), but I've had to back out every time we've made plans. That's why I just need to randomly show up places. If I could just be all, "Hey, I think I'm gonna show up here and they will feed me and the boy cuzz they will be prepared and it will rawk", then I'd never have to break plans and I would see everyone all the time and everything would be shiny and happy and yay! Shut up, I like living in delusions sometimes.

I guess that's all. I was really enjoying typing for some reason. I'm weird. And you LOVE it. LOVE, I tell you!

2007-11-30T21:32:00.000-05:00

When I got home from work on Turkey Day, there was a new friend waiting for me.

Isn't she precious?! Her name is Nala. We think she was someone else's kitty, but she was outside shivering and hungry and Greg said he just couldn't leave her out there on her own. We're keeping an eye out for signs or things in the paper to see if someone lost her, but so far there's been nothing.

There she is with Bitsy. We think they are pretty close in age, but that's just based on how close they are in size.

I just love that picture of Bitsy. She likes to try to eat the camera. I swear, I've never seen a cat eat the things she does. A small list includes olives, peas and pickles. o_O

And then there were 5. For all the bitching he did about there being 4 cats, I never would have guessed that he'd bring home another one.

Someimtes I wish I actually had a cock so I could whip it out when I tell the world to suck it

2007-11-26T23:56:00.001-05:00

Fucking seriously. Ok, so maybe I don't want to tell the entire world to suck my dick, but that's what fit in the subject line.

So, I don't think I blogged about my most recent appt with my "specialist" that happened the day before Thanksgiving. Allow me to do so now. There might be a lot of paragraphs that shouldn't actually BE paragraphs, but you'll deal with it if they appear. I just feel like separating things at random. Let's see if I do it.

*ahem*

I actually arrived at the office on time. This is pretty much unheard of since I am freakish;y late every where I go. I blame Japanese class in high school. But that's a different story for a different time.

I signed in and started reading my book The Jericho Pact. I got called back after about 15 minutes, which is awesome for his office. See, he's located inside Genesys and he's called out quite a bit for emergency c-sections and what not, so he's usually pretty backed up. I hobbled back to the room and started reading again after I told the nurse about all the pain I've been in. He came in and asked how I was doing and I spouted off to him about how I've been having trouble walking for over a month now and how my pain level is constantly at a 10. He then told me that he wants me to see another doctor. He no longer thinks a hysterectomy will help me. Seems he thinks I have Fibromyalgia. In other words, since the Depo Lupron didn't completely get rid of my pain like he wanted it to, he's giving me the big FUCK YOU and shoving me off on someone else. At that point, I was close to crying cuzz, fuck, I've been dealing with this for 5 years now and NO ONE has been able to tell me exactly what's going, why it's happening or how to fucking stop it. I think when he saw I was gonna cry that he started to feel bad cuzz then he told me that he wanted me to stop the Depo Lupron completely (I had just had my last injection a week and a half before this appt) and he'll do Laprascopy just to be sure that a hysterectomy won't help me. I reminded him, yet again, that when my grandmother had her hysterectomy BEFORE she was 30, they found endometrial cells on her spine, which is what my primary doctor thinks is happening to me. Of course, no one can be sure until they get in there, though. I also told him that he should review my mother's chart, since he's the one that did her hysterectomy last year and that it was possible I could be suffering for whatever the hell was wrong with her.

Then I asked him about pain meds.

See, I ran out of my precrition for Dilaudid the 16th, which is right when I should have. I called my primary doctor the following Monday and was told that she doesn't phone in prescriptions for narcotics over the phone. Ok, no big deal. I asked when I'd be able to get in to see her. I couldn't get in until today. They were closed Wednesday through Friday for Turkey day. I asked if I could speak with her to see about a possible exception since she'd have my chart there to review. I was told that was not her policy and I couldn't speak to her about it. I was pissed and made it known and then booked the appointment for today.

So, I asked him about possibly getting a prescription from him to get me through until I could see my primary. He asked if I was still taking Darvocet. I told him no, that I had been prescribed Dilaudid. He interrupted me at that point and told me that he will NOT prescribe Dilaudid for me or anyone else and that he would NOT be writing me any more prescriptions for pain relief. He then handed me my chart, told me AGAIN that he wouldn't prescribe me anything, pointed to the box of tissues since that's when I started crying and told me he'd see me in 6 weeks for the Laprascopy.

Fast forward to last night. I was at work and was in so much pain that I was shaking. I finally got through to my primary's phone service (I couldn't get through in the days prior for some reason) and explained to her what was going on and what had happened earlier in the week and she told me to go ahead and go to the ER. There just so happens to be one where I work, so Stephanie (a medic I work with and one crazy ass bitch) rolled me down in the office chair I sit in. The nurse who checked me in just so happened to know who my father is. She looked at my name and asked if I knew him, which kind of shocked me a little. Seems that she's worked at that hospital since 1979 and remembers him from when he used to come in for pain meds for his headaches. That kinda put me on edge a bit cuzz he's a drug seeker.

It took forever for the doctor to come to the room I was in. When he saw I was still dressed, he told me that I needed to change so he could examine me. That made me a little pissy cuzz I was hoping to not have to go through the whole pelvic bullshit, but whatever. So many fucking doctors have seen my hoo-hoo that it really doesn't bother me that much anymore. He left while I changed and took another forever to come back. Turns out, he just wanted to push on my belly and apparently I needed to be in one of those fuckin see through hospital gowns for him to do that.

He asked me why I was there and I explained to him all that's wrong with me and blahblahblah. He asked me what I was on for pain, so, of course, I told him that I ran out over a week prior and that I was on Dilaudid. He started shaking his head, telling me that he doesn't give that drug and he doesn't even write prescriptions. He then asked why they haven't "taken the uterus". I told him that he'd have to ask my doctors cuzz I've been telling them to for the last 5 fucking years. Then he told me that he wanted the nurse to draw my blood.

So, she did that while I layed there fucking fuming. See, that doctor was full of shit when he told me that he doesn't give Dilaudid and doesn't write prescriptions. He's given that to someone I know for the migrains they get, so I fucking know he gives Dilaudid. And on top of that, he gave a prescription for Vicoden to someone else I know just that afternoon! By the time she came in to draw my blood, I was crying, so she told me it would be ok and blahblahblah and then left.

After about 45 minutes, the doctor came back in to tell me that my blood TESTED CLEAN and that he wouldn't write me a prescription, which I told him I wasn't asking him to do, but he would have the nurse come back to give me an injection of Dilaudid. I got that about 10 to 15 minutes later and was told to keep my appt with my primary for today.

She didn't have anything new to add, just doubled my prescription so it'll last me a month this time and sent me on my way.

So, to sum it all up in case you've just skipped ahead of all my bitching, I've now been told that a hysterectomy WON'T help me and that I probably have Fribromyalgia. Even though my pain is NOT all over, NOT in my muscles and NOT triggered by pressure points. Basically, I've been given the big FUCK YOU, no-one-knows-what's-wrong-with-you-and-I'm-tired-of-dealing-with-you bullshit that I've been getting for the last 5 years. And it seems that everyone thinks I'm a drug seeker cuzz I'm on Dilaudid cuzz I am in ACTUAL pain.

The medical community can SUCK MY FUCKING DICK.

2007-11-23T14:58:00.000-05:00

So, I am either awesome and just avoided being scammed or I just missed out on $2000 that I could REALLY use right now.

I just got a phone call from 201. Yeah, 201 is all that came up. On the other end was someone who was obviously from India or a country near there. He asked for me by name and I told him that I wasn't available and asked if I could take a message. He asked if I was family and I told him that I was my sister. I was told that since I have paid my social security taxes on time for many years, I was one of 10,000 people in Michigan that had been selected by the US federal government to receive two deposits of $1000 for the next two months into my checking account. I was told to look at it as a "Christmas bonus". Ok, I love free money and $2000 would get me out of this hole that Greg and I have dug ourselves into cuzz we are retarded with money. They knew my name and my address. All they needed from me was the name of my bank and my deposit number. That changed to my checking account number as the guy rattled on. When I could finally speak, I told him that I would not be giving him my checking account number. He kept asking me why I could not understand and that my checking account number was merely my identification number and was not confidential to the bank. I told him that I had no way to verify that he was legit and asked for his name and phone number so that I could call him back and verify. He said, again, that my checking account number was not confidential and that it was only an identification number. To make it sound like he was telling me the truth, he told me that he was not asking for personal information or my routing number or debit card numbers. I told him that anyone could walk into my bank with an ID that had my name on it and take money out of my account with only my checking account number. He responded by telling me that he would bet me it couldn't be done that way. I told him that I knew for a fact that it could cuzz I had just done so on Wednesday! He transferred me to his "manager", who sounded exactly like him, and HE proceeded to argue with me about it. Finally, I was transferred to an automated thing to obtain my confirmation number and was asked for my checking account number again.

I hung up. I could seriously use $2000 right now, but I can pretty well guarantee that my checking account would be drained and that I'd never see that fucking money. And seriously? $19 is not worth the hassle of having to cancel checks and close one account and open another.

I wanted to report it, but I can't figure out who to call or where to go online. Everything I come up with is about people getting fraudulent social security benefits and I don't think this qualifies.

Musical Masochist

2007-11-20T23:53:00.000-05:00

(I know I've spelled quite a few words wrong in this, but for some reason, the spell check option isn't working for me. Weird...)

I'm not sure if I've ever gone off on a tangent about how much music means to me before or not. I've decided to do that now, even if I've done it before. See, I should be sleeping so I can go to the specialist all refreshed and what not, but that's not happening. And I've been drinking, too. Maybe I'm a little keyed up about my appointment tomorrow?

Anyway, I've always been obsessed with music. Ever since I can remember, I've been a music addict, often foregoing normal kid activities just so I could listen to a song on the radio or watch the video on Mtv. I remember when I was in 2nd grade, I was getting ready to leave for school and saw Janie's Got A Gun by Aerosmith coming on the TV. I decided to stay and watch it cuzz I had it in my head that all music videos and/or songs were only 2 minutes long. No clue where I got that from, but suffice it to say, I was pretty late for school that morning. I can remember getting ready for school in 6th grade and making sure my little brother got his ass going, all while listening to Brian Adams. Most of the significant things that have ever happened in my life I can tie to music in some way. It took me forever to be able to listen to Tori Amos again after I was raped cuzz I had that CD playing while I was sleeping and he came into my bedroom...

Moving on...

I've decided to throw up some of my favorite videos on here so I can share my favorite songs. I have a shit ton, so I'll be narrowing it down quite a bit, I hope you enjoy them.

Fine Again by Seether.

This was the first song I ever heard by Seether. This CD got me through most of my marriage. Especially this song. I wasn't sober for a lot of my marriage. There was a lot of bullshit going on, but this song helped imensely.

Broken by Seether

It's very possible you've heard the version of this song with Amy Lee helping out on vocals. While I love her voice, I much prefer this version of the song. When I was initailly going through my divorce, I would sing this to my son. When I first told his father that I wanted a divorce when he was 4 months old, he took off with my car and my son. I didn't know where they were for three days. It was the beginning of December and the Christmas tree was up with is little swing in front of it so he could watch the lights. I remember walking by his bedroom and bursting into tears cuzz he wasn't there and doing the same when I would walk past his swing. When I first left Matt for the last time, I was petrified he was gonna take off again. Thankfully he didn't, but every night I had Alex, I would sing this to him. He still remembers all the words and asks me to play the song all the time.

And So It Goes by Billy Joel

When I was a kid, I would go through my grandma's tapes and CDs. I "borrowed" this from her when I was about 9, I think. It made me cry. It made me think of my Great Grandma Arlene, which was great grandpa Lawrence's wife. I miss her more than I can put into words and for a long time, I was angry with her cuzz I thought she just abandoned me. I had a very difficult childhood and, until she died, she was my savior.

Hackensack by Fountains of Wayne

This song makes me think of the man that I was supposed to marry before I started seeing my ex-husband. He was my high school sweetheart, if you will. I met him while preforming in Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat. He called me the "cute little redheaded girl", like from Charlie Brown. My goal was to get him to give me his kick ass Superman hat. We were together for over a year and his family gave me pictures of my PeePaw. I never got the hat.

Me and a Gun by Tori Amos

This is the song she wrote after she was raped. While it tells the story of what happened to her, I've always felt like it was telling the story of what happened to me in a way.

Hey Jupiter (remix) by Tori Amos

This song has just always felt like it was written for me.

Three Libras by A Perfect Circle

4 words. Maynard is a genius. The sadness and the raw emtion the words of this song portray draws me in every time. And you don't see me...

Blue by A Perfect Circle

Another awesome song lyrically. (Well, ALL the songs I post are awesome lyrically.) I just didn't want to know... I close my eyes, Ignore the smoke... Just beatiful.

Henry Lee by Nick Cave and the Badseeds featuring PJ Harvey

I love both of their voices. Actually, PJ Harvey's voice is very similar to my own. Such a haunting, beautiful song.

Wise Up by Aimee Mann

I first heard this on an episode of Crossing Jordan and thought it was The Pretenders. o_O There's also a very moving scene in the movie Magnolia that has all the main characters singing along with this song. This song could be so many points in my life...

Lie To Me by Devics

I'm a little jealous that I didn't write this song myself cuzz I feel like I could have. It follows my writing style pretty well. It makes me think of the man I was with in high school. The one I was supposed to marry. We still talk on occassion. This song could have been something that I said to him...

Coffee and Cigarettes by Michelle Featherstone

I found her on MySpace a while back and fell in love with this song. Again, another song that I'm a little jealous I didn't write.

My December by Linkin Park

I've posted the lyrics for this song before. I always feel incredibly lonely at night, which is usually when I'll listen to this song. It breaks my heart. Just wish that it didn't feel like there was something I missed... I always feel like there was something I missed somewhere along the way.

Pin Up by Evans Blue

I've been listening to this song repeatedly for the last few months. It was listening to this song that I began to wonder if the Depo Lupron might be having more of an effect on my emotions than I intially thought. I was driving home from darts one night while listening to this song. There's a paret of my drive that goes by a few lakes. All I wanted to do was to just drive into the water and sink. It felt like the most absolutely right thing in the world. And I wasn't particularly sad about anything. I was stressed, but no more than any other day. I just wanted to drive into the water and never think twice. If I didn't have my son, I more than likely would've done it.

So... I think that's where I'm gonna stop. That's a shit ton of songs to listen to and I commend anyone who's been able to get through all of them. I could go on forever, but the boy has moved out into the living room to sleep (he's got a wicked headache for some reason) and I need to get some rest so I can make it to my doctor's appointment in the morning. Hope you enjoyed my musical entry. And yes, I am well aware that my metal cred is probably no more. LOL

2007-11-18T09:57:00.000-05:00

It's over. The viewing was on Friday and the funeral was yesterday. I took the boy to the viewing and he did very well. I hadn't intended on staying for the rosary, but I went out for a cigarette and when I came back in, it had already started. I snuck in and just kind of listened. Afterwards, the boy asked my uncle why the priest kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was kinda cute. He kept pulling me over to the casket. I can't say that I was overly excited about that. I don't typically go up to the casket, especially if I'm trying to make sure I don't cry. On the way over, the boy told me that he had prayed he wouldn't cry while we were there. I told him that it was ok if he did, but he insisted that he didn't want to, so I was a bit concerned when he kept pulling me up to the casket. I thought that if I started crying, he probably would as well. But, I held it together. We left not too long after the rosary. We got to the funeral home shortly after 6 and by the time we left, it was 830 or so. The boy was a little mad at me for not wanting him to attend the funeral, even though he said he wanted to. Since it was a full Catholic funeral, though, I didn't think it'd be a good idea. It started at 11 and I don't think we left the church until around 1. I really don't think that he would've been able to be still for that long, no matter how hard he tried to.

I did ok at the funeral. I started crying during the opening hymn and I stared at the wall a lot. I just have a hard time watching everything I guess. At one point, the sister asked if anyone had anything they'd like to say about grandpa. No one stood up, which is just the way the family is, and I think my aunt got a little upset about it. She got up and went to the front and started talking about how special grandpa was to her and how it meant so much that he accepted my uncle (her husband). While she was talking, she started to cry and she looked over at me and I just lost it. Thankfully it was near the end. They did the closing prayer and hymn and then the family followed the casket outside. My aunt made a point to thank my parents for taking care of grandpa for as long as they had, which not a lot of people in the family has ever made it a point to thank them at all. I didn't stop crying until I got into my car. When we got to the cemetary, a horse started whinnying or whatever it's called when they talk. It was kinda like he was saying goodbye to grandpa. LOL There was a small prayer service at the graveside and my grandma started crying. It's rare to see that and it almost made me lose it again.

Oh, I forgot that I ended up having an asthma attack in the middle of the service. Heh. Everytime the incence got stronger, I had a harder time breathing. My mom kinda laughed at me cuzz I smoke and I used to get high and burn incence and have no problems. Apparently, when you don't smoke pot anymore and don't burn incence for a couple years (I used to burn it all the time just cuzz I like the smell) you begin to not be able to breathe around it? LOL

There was a HUGE floral arrangement that my grandpa wanted to give to the boy. (I'll post pictures of it later) He donated the rest of the flowers to the church, but this one was in a Detroit Tigers bucket (grandpa loved the Tigers), so he thought that the boy should have it. He also invited me and the child out to the house, which I guess is a big deal. No one else in the family has been invited out to the house, so I guess I have to make a really big effort to go over there. I'm not too sure if I want to or not, though. I remember the house being a certain way and I know that they've changed it quite a bit. They carpetted the hardwood floors and have redone some rooms and stuff. That house had hardly changed since my grandma passed and I loved that. It made it feel like she was still around a bit, ya know? I'm not sure if I'll handle seeing it all redone very well. We'll see, right?

Now that the funeral is over, the fun begins. There's a lot of drama regarding the will, the fact that my grandfather is pretty damned selfish and happens to be executor of the will and the fact that he has pretty much shunned the rest of the family recently. The most significant has been the fact that he has completely cut ties with my parents after grandpa had to be put into a nursing home. Basically, from what I understand, he doesn't want to give my parents a damned thing and has tried to convince people that they did a shitty job taking care of grandpa. Thing is, everyone in the family KNOWS how well my parents took care of him. It was to a point that my dad was the ONLY person he would allow to help him to the bathroom, get him cleaned up and do various other tasks that CENAs do in nursing homes. They did as best they could for as long as they could and my grandfather seems to be pissed off that he wasn't the one doing it, even though he had ample opertunity to do it and LIVED with grandpa for a while, but refused to do it. Anyway, there's gonna be a lot of drama regarding everything and I'm not looking forward to it at all. There's issues about the house being sold and the proceeds being divided up and the car is supposed to be sold and the proceeds being divided as well. There's already drama about that damned car. Everyone wants it and there is at least one relative who's been claiming that grandpa promised to give it to her. Whether he did or not is anyone's guess, since he didn't tell anyone about it. Ugh. I'm hoping that I get to have the knick knacks that were all around the kitchen. I've said since I was a little girl that I wanted to have those and I'd be happy if I even just got to keep one of them. We'll see. I'm not expecting anything and I'm not concerned about getting money or anything else. Just a knick knack or two.

I knew it was coming...

2007-11-15T23:09:00.000-05:00

Lawrence Dolehanty
DOLEHANTY, Lawrence James- Age 92, of Gaines, died Wednesday, November 14, 2007 at Durand Convalescent Home. Funeral Mass will be celebrated 11:00 AM Saturday, November 17, 2007 at St. Joseph Catholic Church, Gaines. Fr. Robert McKeon celebrant. Burial following at St. Joseph Catholic Cemetery. Visitation will be held at Sharp Funeral Home, Miller Road Chapel, 8138 Miller Road, Swartz Creek from 1-4 and 6-9 PM Friday, where a vigil service will be held at 7:00 PM followed by a Knights Of Columbus memorial service, and at the church from 10 AM until time of service Saturday. Those desiring may make contributions to the American Cancer Society. Mr. Dolehanty was born March 4, 1915 in Gaines, the son of Daniel J. and Alma (Brown) Dolehanty. He married Arlene Gilbert in 1938 in Gaines and she preceded him in death June 22, 1987. He retired from GM Fisher Body in 1968 after 36 years of service. He graduated from Gaines High School and has resided in Gaines his entire life. He was a member of St. Joseph Catholic Church and the Knights Of Columbus Council 12186. Surviving are: son, Daniel James and wife Doreen Dolehanty of Gaines; 8 grandchildren, 10 great-grandchildren and 1 great-great-grandchild; 6 step-grandchildren, 11 step-great-grandchildren; 2 sisters, Helen Aurand of Gaines and Ruth Bennett of Bay City; 3 brothers, Clem of Gaines, Paul of Texas and Harold of Rose City. He was also preceded in death by his parents; son, Edward Lee Dolehanty; sister, Thelma Brady; 3 brothers, Steve, Max and Leo Dolehanty. "Online condolences and tributes may be posted on the obituaries page of www.sharpfuneralhome.com"

I'm happy that he's home now. I'm happy that he's finally with my grandma Arlene. But none of that makes it any easier. And it doesn't help ease the guilt I have about not seeing him as often as I should have these past few years.

He's happy now. He's not sick anymore. His memory is back to where it should be.

I feel like I'm being selfish by being so upset. For not crying around other people. I feel incredibly selfish for wondering how this is going to affect my job. I know I shouldn't feel like I'm being selfish, but I do.

The fact that things feel like they're being rushed doesn't help either...

I miss you grandpa. Tell grandma I miss her, too.

2007-11-13T18:05:00.000-05:00

Ok, so I know I'm getting behind my goal of making an entry every few days a week or whatever. (Although, technically, I did say that I was sticking to one entry a week so my slacker ass didn't get down on myself.) But you see, about 3 weeks ago, my uterus and ovaries decided to rebel against me and try to break free of this mortal coil. (Wow, I sound so dark and goth.) They have been losing, but they have been putting up a helluva fight. Such a helluva a fight, in fact, that today is the first day that I've been able to walk upright ALL.DAY.LONG.

I know, it's shocking, right?

Now, I'm not sure if that means that they are tiring of fighting or if the fact that I have the PLAGUE and have been laying on the couch ever since I came back from shooting my very first gun has anything to do with it. I'm hoping that they are giving up the fight, cuzz, really? I'm fucking tired of walking like an old lady. And I'm tired of being in pain, as well. In fact, I was supposed to call my doctor and see if she would call me in a refill of Dilaudid or if she needed to see me first. I'm betting she'll need to see me first, which is gonna kinda suck a lot of monkey balls.

In other news, I shot my very first gun today. Curious why? Well, I have decided that I am gonna "kill me a bambi" this year. (Not really killing a Bambi, I've just been telling people that to see what kind of reaction I get. Typically, it's a mix of horror and you-need-to-lay-off-the-crack-pipe-you-are-a-GIRL-don't-you-know-that?! Which amuses the hell out of me) I'm hoping that I get my child support tomorrow (it came last week) so I can go pick up an orange hat and at least an orange vest. You know, so I don't get mistaken for a Bambi. Apparently I shot damned well for my first time. My mom called to let me know that my step-dad had been raving about it when he got home. LOL

And that's pretty much gonna be it. I hear the couch calling my name and I need to go check on the boy and the nephew, as we are not at Scouts for the second week in a row. I've got the PLAGUE and I had to pick him up from school early cuzz he had an "accident". (read: shit his pants) I was LIVID when I got home. See, they called me to let me know that I needed to come get him cuzz of his "accident". Not a big deal. I said that I was on my way home and that I wouild swing by there before I actually got home. Then she tells me that he might need cleaned up. Excuse me? Now, normally, this wouldn't have been an issue. I live close enough to the school that I can get there in 5 minutes if needed. Except I wasn't at home today, and I was probably being a moron for thinking that when I SAID I wasn't home, that I was clear about NOT BEING HOME. I told her that I would stop home and grab him a change of clothes before I got up there and she said that he might need to be cleaned up. AGAIN. As if I didn't hear her the first time. I said fine and hung up. I had made up my mind that if he was in the bathroom covered in shit when I got there, I was pulling him from teh school. I mean, I can understand not wanting to do that kind of clean up cuzz of all the molestation allegations that go around and what not, but there comes a point where you say Fuck It and do it anyway cuzz if you don't you could potentially endanger the child. Seriously, being covered in shit is NOT something I want my child to do for longer than a few minutes if it can be helped. Luckily, he was in the office when I got there. He smelled like shit, as I assumed he would, and he had fingerprints on his shirt. I signed him out and asked him who helped him clean up when we got in the car. He said no one, that he had to do it himself as best he could. I wasn't happy about that, but, then again, he wasn't sitting in the bathroom waiting for me, so I guess it's not too big of an issue. I'll be letting my ex-mother-in-law know, since she pays his tuition, and I'll also be telling her that if they fuck up one more time, he's being pulled from that school.

Did I ever blog about the HUGE fuck up they made with Child Protective Services? Let me know and if I haven't, I'll blog about it as much as I can with out getting into too many details. The situation at his father's is NOT one that I want him to be in, but I jhave been told that I have no choice...

Weirdest. Dream. EvAr.

2007-11-07T21:11:00.000-05:00

Holy shit, I fucking LOVE that save feature that I wasn't so fond of before. I was listening to music on the intarwebs and it somehow decided that I was not going to play intarwebs anymore and it closed all the windows I had open, including the one that I was typing my update in. Thanks to that save thingie, my post was tucked safely away as a draft and I didn't lose anything. Huzzah!

Now we continue with the regularly scheduled update.

So, I had this dream. It was an odd kind of dream.

First, Greg had joined the National Guard. I went with him to see him off and wound up joining myself. Apparently, in my dream, the National Guard took place on an aircraft carrier. All of the training and being stationed and all that happy horse shit was on the same aircraft carrier. o_O

Then, I was on leave or something and I kept telling people that I had joined the National Guard and I would laugh like a crazy person. There was a Taco Bell and I guess it had some kind of pool surrounding it cuzz Greg was swimming around and I was floating on a raft thing in a bikini. Weird thing about that, well, besides the fact that I haven't even owned a swimsuit since I was about 15, was that my belly was magically gone but I had this GINORMOUS butt. I am talking one of those asses that you can see for miles and miles. So, I kept trying to cover my ass with my raft. The boy was there with his dad and we were trying to raise money for his school by eating food, but it wasn't Taco Bell food, it was hot dogs. Matt kept trying to make me feel like shit cuzz I had joined the National Guard and the kidling was going to miss me.

Then, I was suddenly carrying Harley into a movie theater. Cricket, you were there with your kitty and some guy. He was making an ass out of himself, like trying to draw attention to himself by acting like he was in high school and trying to do all these stupid tricks. So, we sat next to each other with our kitties, who were eating popcorn for some reason, and you kept telling him what an asshole he was. LOL Then I was walking into a house and you were sitting on the couch with your kitty, still telling the guy what a douche bag he was being. Harley and I sat on the couch and I saw this note that one of the guys I work with had written to the host of the party saying that me and this other guy I work with were gonna be showing up and it was gonna be "off the hook". Very odd. Anyway, I sat there with Harley for a while and just giggled at you telling this guy how much he sucked. I realized I had to use the bathroom and I walked around and found a bathroom outside off this huge ass deck. I went in, sat down and looked over to see two windows. One was at head level and the other was at bowl level and they looked right into the living room. I freaked out and woke up.

See? Weirdest.Dream.EvAr.

LOTS Of Pictures! Of CATS!

2007-11-05T22:26:00.000-05:00

And the boy with his pumpkin. I forgot to take any pictures in his Ninja costume. Seems forgetting things has become my super power or something.

Anyway...

PICTURES!!!

I'm not feeling creative enough to caption them. The older cats are starting to like the bitty one, I think. Baby lets her use her as a pillow and vice versa, so I know she's starting to warm up to her. Squeak will clean her on occasion and Mydna has pretty much adopted her as a sidekick. LOL

And that's all for tonight. Wow. 2 entries in a week. I'm impressed with myself.

2007-11-04T13:47:00.000-05:00

Everyone seems to be doing this NaBloPoMo thing. I am not due to the fact that I am lazy and I fail at updating anything lately. So, what I've decided to do is attempt to update at least once a week. I'm really shooting for 3 times, but I'll keep that little goal to myself and stick with the minimum of once a week. That way, if I am actually able to update 3 times a week, it'll be a happy fun surprise instead of a disappointment for myself.

So, not much is really new at the moment. Still broke as hell, though now it's a little more so than normal. See, there's something going on with the child support. Last week, it was $20 short and then it just didn't show up at all this week. When I tried to call the ex-husband to let him know about, just in case it was some kind of problem with Friend of the Court and not him, I discovered that his phone had been disconnected. Now, this leads me to 2 conclusions. 1- He got a job down near Detroit and he and his insta-family are going to be moving down there like his grandmother told me or 2- He quit his job cuzz his girlfriend/fiance/whatever is working and, really, why the hell should they have 2 incomes coming in when he can just sit on his ass and make an ass groove in the couch cushions while watching her kids run wild. I'll find out for sure when I pick up the boy after work tonight. I'm leaning toward the quitting the job thing, though I really don't want to find out that's the case. He's actually held a job since we separated which, for him, is pretty fucking spectacular. The only time he hasn't paid his child support was when he was in jail, (he was AWOL from the ARMY and was arrested a few Christmases ago) so I'm really hoping that he hasn't just fucked himself over by deciding that he doesn't need to work since she is. If that's what he's chosen to do, fine. Hope he has a good time with that. When he misses 2 months worth of child support, I'll be more than happy to lead the police right to his house so they can throw his ass in jail for being a douchebag dad.

I've been missing a lot of work lately and spending more and more time at the doctor's office. I'm not sure if it's the PCOS and the Endo or if it's the Depo Lupron, but something is messing with me. I'm having trouble walking and am at a constant 10 on the pain scale. Thing is, it's not just the normal pelvic pain that I have that's shot up to a 10. I now have pain in my hips and back to accompany it. It's fucking miserable. I have prescriptions for Diclofenac and Hydromorphone. The Hydromorphone makes things interesting. There's still the underlying pain, but it's no where near the point that I'm at right now (can't take it at work cuzz they have this thing about not taking controlled substances when you work EMS) and I don't seem to care too much that there's any pain at all. The Diclofenac doesn't really do too much that I can tell. I have to watch out for bleeding into the gut though, so that gives me a nice sense of adventure. I'm hoping to be able to get in to my Gyno next week to see if he can figure out what's going on and maybe get him to just take the girl parts away. I doubt he'll do that, but I'd really like him to.

The boy got his school pictures back and he looks like a little fuzz ball. The Bitsy is growing. She's about the size of my foot now and a bit bigger than my cell phone, so I know she's growing. LOL She's eats like she's a damned garbage disposal! She's face planted into my soup, a plate of eggs... She's eats olives, pickles, buffalo chicken wings. Pretty much anything that drops to the ground is inhaled by that little tiny cat. She's still small enough to squeeze under the doors, which I think makes the other cats jealous.

The boy and I will be traveling to see Great Great Grandpa sometime this week, I hope, since he's probably not gonna be around much longer. It kinda sucks that we won't be able to get out to see him if I don't get my child support any time soon. He's about 1/2 an hour away and gas isn't cheap, as I'm sure you know. I've got just under a 1/2 a tank right now and I don't get another pay check until the 15th. Hooray for $3 in the checking account! At least it's not a negative balance. That would really suck some balls.

Oh! My Sirius Satellite radio module got stolen out of my car yesterday sometime while I was working. I'm normally really good about locking my car up, but we had a pot luck for the Michigan vs. Michigan State game and I must've forgotten to lock it. I went out to my car to go home last night and it was gone. Thankfully, they didn't find the Nintendo DS in the backseat. We just got that for my son on his birthday. With the module gone, I'm only out about $30 to $40 cuzz I got it on sale a few months back. Had they found the DS, I'd have been out another $130.

And that's pretty much it. Got some new kitty pictures to post, but I'll have to do that from home. Now I've got to try and come up with something for the scouts to do at their meeting on Tuesday. Hooray. o_O

Just under 2 months!

2007-10-15T23:11:00.001-04:00

Holy damn I need to remember to update more! Although there hasn't been too much excitement going on. I like that, but I hate it at the same time. I like that there's nothing new to stress out about, but I hate that it makes me feel boring.

Meh. Whatcha gonna do?

So, I have added another cat to my collection. We named her Bitsy Lee and she is SO incredibly cute! She has the same coloring and markings that Harley did when I first got her all those years ago. Pictures? OK!

Aw. She was a tired little kitty the night I brought her home.

She was smaller than the remote control. What was really funny was the day that she stepped on teh keyboard for the computer and absolutely none of the keys moved. o_O

Mydna checking her out. They are like best friends now. Well, except when Mydna takes playtime a little too far and tries to chew on her head.

Yeah. She was just a hair bigger than my cell phone.

She's about as big as my foot now. She's all frisky and jumpy and keeps trying to climb me like a fucking tree. She's awesome.

I've also become a den leader/mother/whatever for Tiger Scouts.

Yeah, I'm completely for real. I'll give you a minute to wipe up that drink you just spit at the computer.

All cleaned up?

So, yeah. I kinda got volunteered to be this leader thing, but I'm actually kind of liking it. I've already got the boys all set up to tour an ambulance and base tomorrow for their very first outting. I'm kinda psyched. I hope everyone shows. I didn't go to work on Thursday or Friday cuzz my ovaries decided to try and break out. They failed, but I swear they tore through several layers before giving up. Anyway, since I wasn't at work those two days, I had to call everyone when I got out on Saturday night. Left quite a few messages and still haven't heard back from all the parents. It should all go well.

And that's basically it. Well, other than feeling like I'm living at the doctor's office. I had to go and get my paper work for FMLA filled out since I have a "chronic condition" that makes me call into work at times. With that paperwork filled out, I can't be punished for missing days as long as I can prove that my PCOS and Endo (yeah, newly diagnosed) is what's causing me to miss work. Since I'm not too keen up on getting blood stolen from me and a pelvic everytime I complain about the pain, I don't think they're gonna be getting too many call ins from me.

So, that's all that's been going on. Nothing new on the homefront, which is good. Work is work, which I suppose is good. Basically, everything is pretty fucking good right now.

And now that I've said that, I'm pretty sure I've jinxed myself. o_O

The Ozzburn

2007-08-28T21:21:00.000-04:00

So, Sunday was Ozzfest and I had a fuckin BLAST! The bands were awesome, the pits were violent and there was even a sod fight. All in all, it was a GREAT day. Damned near 12 hours of metal and I have the sunburn to prove it. There were some minor tiffs, but nothing too major. Given that there were 6 of us that went together, I thought there might've been a bit more conflict. If there was, I wasn't around it and that made my day spectacular. I

took my little brother cuzz Greg backed out on me at the last minute. Looking back, it's probably best Greg didn't go. He'd have bitched the whole time. Hell, he texted me to see how it was and when I told him I was have a great time, he responded by telling me that it was all "kids shit anymore" and that there were only "kids with fucked up hair" there and that it was worse than rap, though he called it something different. Then, when the boy got dropped off, he tried to tell me that he wanted me home by 8 so he could go to sleep. He knew I didn't drive, so there was no way that could happen. He then told me that if he fell asleep, he didn't want to hear any bitching. I don't understand why he does things like that. He'll make plans with me, back out and then try to ruin my time when I go anyway. Or he'll just flat out tell me he doesn't want to go and then act like a ginormous asshole when I go anyway. When I was married, I wasn't allowed to do anything with out bargaining. I'm not about to get to that point again. At least he didn't threaten to move out this time. I told him the last time he did that that if he said it again, I'd put his shit out to the curb and he could move back home with mommy. I just don't understand why he has to try and make me feel like shit all the time. Just thinking about that shit makes me exhausted.

That's pretty much everything that's been happening. I took the boy over to my sister's house today. He hasn't seen her since he was like 2 or 3. Our sons are 19 days apart, so that was cool for the boy. He had a lot of fun today. She offered to go with me to the birthday thing on Saturday, too, and I think I'm gonna take her up on that.

So... On to the Ozzburn. It's epic.

This shoulder isn't too bad. I mean, it hurts, but the other side is damned near purple. o_O

Yeah. I'm totally awesome enough to manage to have a very distinct burn line from my necklace.

And there I am with no make up, showing off the mini black eye I got from catching a huge ass clump of sod with my face.

I was SO filthy when I got home that I took a shower right away. I had dirt everywhere. And, even though I was completely filthy, someone made me feel absolutely gorgeous. He seemed sincere when he kept complimenting me. It felt like he meant it and even if he didn't, it still made me feel incredible.

And no, it wasn't Greg.

So...

2007-08-18T14:25:00.000-04:00

I can now officially READ the blogs I was blocked from. Which I like. I can't comment (at least I don't think I can comment) which kinda sucks. Also, I've been trying to get my verification e-mail and I haven't gotten it. I even went through every fucking piece of bulk mail in case it went in there. Let me tell ya, I'm none too happy that it wasn't there. I was doing this thing where I didn't empty out my bulk folder for a while cuzz I was curious to see just how many I could get. I was at about 3000 when I went hunting. I gave up somewhere around 1600 and just emptied the damned thing and told bloglines to give me a new one.

Cricket- Reading your tale of the new wife reminded me that on Sept 1, I'll be spending the day at the beach with the ex-husband, the girlfriend/fiance/whateverthehellaheis and her 3 kids. I guess that's what the ex decided to plan for my son's birthday. I plan on taking the camera for pictures and I am hoping to have back up with me as well. And by back up, I mean someone I know who will sit with me and make sure I don't freak out when the ex's whatever decides to mess with my kid. See, the boy wants me to go cuzz, duh, it's for his birthday, but more specifically, he told me that he wants me there so I can see how she treats him. I know she won't do anything that she shouldn't while I'm there playing Mamma Bear, so that's not going to be an issue. What will be is the fact the she likes to run her mouth. A LOT. It probably doesn't help that I know she's scared of me.

- Ok, a bit of background before I continue. Ex's whatever is the older sister of my little brother's best friend. Little brother's best friend has known me since he was about 11 years old or so. Since little brother is 22 now, that makes it 11 years? Anyway, the whatever has heard stories about me in all that time from my little brother and her little brother. It was common knowledge then that she was scared of me, for whatever reason. I had never really met her and didn't have a problem with her, so really, there was no need to be scared of me. When she met the ex, we had been seperated for a month or so and I can only imagine the stories that came out of his mouth. When they broke up, supposedly "for good" and the ex decided to start calling me every day to tell me about the latest shit she had pulled and to make me think that he had maybe seen the error of his ways while we were married and try to pay me back as far as the lawsuit goes, he told me that she was extremely scared of me. Seems she got it into her head somehow (no doubt the ex's doing) that I was going to beat her ass old school like the next I saw her. No clue why I was going to do that, but okay. Since they've been back together and bought a house, some things have come to light that make me INCREDIBLY angry in the I'm-gonna-do-whatever-I-need-to-protect-my-son kind of way. Since then, she has decided that it's a good idea to run her mouth. -

*cough*

SO! I'm not expecting the day to go well at all. I'm not going to go looking for a fight or anything like that. I plan on keeping pretty much to myself and following the boy around and pretty much ignoring the people I don't feel like seeing. If the ex-in-laws are there, I'm sure that will create a TON of tension, since they like me and will openly point out her flaws physically as well as the flaws in her charactor and parenting. I went through the same thing when I married their son, but since the divorce, a lot of the things that ex was telling them I had done in the marriage were reveled to be bullshit and a lot of the things that he had done came into light, all by his own hand. I didn't run around telling his family about anything that went on during our marriage that they didn't know about. It's none of their business. It should be an interesting event.

Cricket- I'm not sure I have as much self control as you do. I might have a few months ago, but since the menopause? My temper is incredibly quick. If she starts running her mouth, I know I'm gonna shoot off right back at her, which is why I intend on stalking my son around the beach. LOL

Other things that are coming up include Ozzfest (Lamb of God!!! WOO!!!) and my vacation. Mind you, vacation doesn't include actualy going anywhere to... Um... Vaca? Vacation includes going to the boy's Beach Birthday Bonanza and NOT GOING TO WORK. For over a week! I can't begin to express how excited I am to have time off. Granted, I'm not working 7 days a week anymore, but I've been burned out for a while now and I'm hoping this time off will let me get back into things a bit.

I'm excited about Ozzfest, too. This will be the first concert in years that I've gotten Greg to go to with me. Hell, this will be 1 of 2 times he'll have gone out with me someplace that isn't going to dinner and then RIGHTBACKHOME in at least a year. (The other time would be this past weekend when I was able to get him to come out for a grand total of 1 hour for my sister's birthday. I think he only went cuzz he had never met her and wasn't sure if he'd get the chance to again) My mission that day will be to not pass out on the hill. o_O The DTE Energy Music Theater (or Pine Knob for anyone who reads that remembers when it was called that) has a pavillion that's covered and has seats for a lot more money than the "lawn". The "lawn" is basically a GINORMOUS hill that has grass on it in some places. (I remember the first time I saw Korn there and the mosh pits started on the hill, a guy had broken his ankle on a 90 degree angle in the first 3 minutes of the very first song.) Well, when I went to see the Family values Tour last month, I wound up passing out on the hill and missing all of Korn. I'm confused as to WHY I passed, though. The only thing I can come up with is someone put something in my drink when I wasn't paying attention. I mean, it was a warm day out, but I spent most of it in the shade and yeah, I was drinking, but I had eaten and didn't drink nearly enough to get me to the passing out stage. The only thing that makes any sense is someone slipping something into my drink. I think I'm gonna see if I can't take an empty big girl sippy cup in with me this time so I can just empty my drinks into that and put the lid on it.

Phew! There's an entry with substance! Now, I'm off to see if I got my verification e-mail yet...

Thanks for the BlogLines suggestion, Cricket! I wonder how long it'll be before they block that out, too. :-P

Heh.

2007-08-18T12:51:00.000-04:00

So... I can't read my OWN blog. I can write, but I can't read.

Neat.

Just a quicky!

2007-08-18T12:33:00.001-04:00

So... I'm at work right now. Big surprise, I know.

Anyway, I have all of my favorite blogs listed in a section of my e-mail and when I have down time at work, I read them. That practice has kept me entertained on many a slow day. At least, it did. I tried to read this morning only to be met with a Page Cannot Be Displayed message. This happened on quite a number of blogs, so I decided to try to go to www.blospot.com. And that's when the giant ACCESS DENIED page came up.

*sigh*

I can't read Cricket at work anymore. I can't read Badger at work anymore. I can't even access PostSecret at work anymore.

And I am pissed.

I'm not sure why I can't access those blogs, but I can access this. I haven't figured that one out yet, since when I've clicked on the view more blogs option on Cricket's blog, I've come across Blogger. In fact, I was under the impression that Blogger and BlogSpot were the same site. Mind you, I'm probably completely wrong in thinking that, but that's the impression I was under.

I'm sure that I'll eventually not be able to access this at all, especially considering that I cuss on here. A lot. I'm also relatively sure that at some point in the coming days and/or weeks, I will no longer have access to my DeadJournal or my LiveJournal as well. After all, my LiveJournal is my source of all things gossip and gossip is wrong. And my DeadJournal is where I say things like fuckity-fucking-fucker all the time. And that's wrong, too.

I guess that's what I get for working for a Catholic hospital. I sometimes wonder if the sisters (yes, I am speaking of nuns) access everyone's history just to see what they're looking at and get all freaked out cuzz there's cussin or something. Meh. I'm amused that I grew up in a pretty strict Catholic family and they did more cussing and rable-rousing (is that how you spell it?) than people in Flint! LOL

I guess I'll just have to limit my reading to when I'm at home. Damn it. I wanna read now!

2007-07-19T15:46:00.000-04:00

So... Not much happening since the last marathon update. Heh. Things seem to have pretty well evened themselves out as far as mood swingy-goodness and the hot flashes are starting to become not so irritating, though I'm still not completely sure when I'm having a hot flash or if the room is just overly warm.

Oh! I finally went and got a hair cut, so THAT'S new. It would seem that the people in my MySpace world think I look awesome, which is a HUGE ego boost. Kinda makes me wanna leave the house and go do something. Kinda, but not quite.

Anyway, here's me being a camwhore.

In that last one, I started out looking at the camera. That also seems to be the exact time that one of the cats (Mydna) decided she wanted to see if she could fly, hence why I'm not actually looking at the camera in the picture. She was unsuccessful, by the way.

So, other than gettin ma herr did, the only other thing I've been doing is working. ALL. THE. TIME.

I'm going to The Family Values Tour and Mushroomhead next Wednesday and Friday, so I should have something interesting to write about and I might just have some equally interesting pictures.

Oh Menopause (This is REALLY long and I'll be impressed if anyone reads it all.)

2007-07-04T01:18:00.000-04:00

So, yeah. I went through with it. I got my shot two weeks ago this past Thursday. So, that means it was June 21st. Wait. What? I did not regale you with the tale that is my trying to get the shot from the fucking pharmacy? OH! Well! Let me lavish that tale upon you!

Picture this if you will...

It's 2 o'clock in the afternoon. My brother and his (girl)friend have just gotten to my house to watch my son so I can begin my injections. I drive over to Diplomat Pharmacy to pick up my prescription so I can take it to my doctor's office. I walk in and tell them my name. They ask me to spell it. I do. They can't find it. Hmm... Odd, since I called this morning to make sure it was there and I was assured that it was. I tell them it might be under the first part of my last name. It's not. They try under Jones. Still not there. Finally, they look under Leslee and they find it.

I give them my insurance card so they can process everything. Can't do it. They try it with my name spelled correctly, which always helps. Nope, can't do it. They try it with just Jones. Nope. Maybe the first part? Still not able to do it. So, the chickie goes to someone with more authority, thinking it's the whole hyphenated name that's messing everything up. Wouldn't be the first time that's happened, so seems like a good idea. She comes back and asks me if I have some other prescription card. Oh yeah! I forgot that I have 500 billionity cards for my insurance crap. I give her the one she was asking about and she goes back to the other chickie with more authority. She comes back after a few minutes and says that it's still not going through, but the other chickie told her to have me call a number on the back of the card and it should be taken care of.

So, I call the number. At this point, I'm mildly peeved.

I get some other chickie on the phone who asks me to spell my name and give her my birthdate and subsriber number. I do, but she can't find me in the system. I spell everything again and still nothing. I tell her I where I work and all my doctors names (there's like 5). She FINALLY finds me in the system and asks me what the problem is that I'm running into. I tell her that I'm at Diplomat trying to pick up a prescription that was called in for me sometime last week. She asks what it's for and I tell her Depo-Lupron. I hear some typing and I get put on hold. Mind you, she never bothered to TELL me she was putting me on hold, she just did.

At this point, I am moving into the not quite pissed off but horrendously peeved part of the mood swing.

She comes back and tells me that I need to have a pre-authorization number. Ok. I ask who I need my doctor's office to call and ask if it's be done any time in the next 15 minutes so I can be sure I can make it to my appointment on time. She informs me that pre-authorizations take 72 hours.

Now I've entered pissed off.

I tell her that 72 hours is not going to work for me since I need to have this shot during girly time and I more than likely will NOT be having girly time in 72 hours. She tells me that I can pay for the prescription in full and mail in the receipt for reimbursement minus my $5 - $10 co-pay. I ask how much it is and I expect to hear that it's between $50 and $100. Oh no. Care to guess how much?

$634.50.

Yeah. For ONE fucking injection. I told the chickie on the phone that she must be on crack. She countered that with a ghetto, "Excuse me?" I imagine she moved her head around like her neck was made of rubber and possibly snapped her fingers. I told her that I'm an EMS dispatcher, I even went so far as to tell her that I answer her 911 calls (even though I rarely take actual emergency calls) and that she must be on crack to think that I had $634.50 that I could just magically shit out of my ass in the middle of the pharmacy. The entire pharmacy staff started laughing. Hard. I think this angered the phone chickie cuzz she dropped her "professional" phone voice and told me that it wasn't her fault I was poor and that I needed to find another job if I wanted to have this medication. That's when I hung up on her and called their customer service line and spoke directly with her supervisor.

Kathleen? Yeah, I hope your bitch ass got fucking fired cuzz of me. Bitch.

If you haven't guessed, I've moved into the fucking pissed off portion of my mood swing.

The chickies at the pharmacy told me to call my doctor and tell them what was going on cuzz they've seen people get pre-auth numbers in a matter of hours when something like that happens. So, I went out to my car and called the doctor's office. I told them what was happening and made it a point of telling them that I work tomorrow 7AM - 7PM and that if I'm not able to get this shot today, there's no telling when I'll be able to get it. When the chickie at the doctor's office asked why, I eplained about the PCOS and that it could be 7 months before I have another cycle. I was met with, "Cooooooooool!" I told her that, no it wasn't really all that cool, but yeah, it kinda was. LOL

I hung up with them and decided to call the receptionist to make sure she knew I wasn't going to be at my appointment. When I called, she put me on hold to see what was going on, since I told her I had already called. Someone else got on the phone with me and told me that they were on hold with the prescription benefits people and that there was a strong possiblity that I could still keep my appointment and that she'd call me back.

Pissed off level went from fucking pissed, to irritated pissed.

I got home and began to play Dynomite cuzz I am horribly addicted to that game. My phone rings at about 4. It's the chickie from the doctor! Hooray! Except no. She tells me that I have NO prescription coverage through Health Plus AT ALL, which was news to me, and that this other thing (remember when I had to pul out the other card at the pharmacy?) is my only means of coverage and they don't deal with Diplomat. Seems that when I told the chickie who set everything up that I had insurance through Genesys and she explaimed that, "No shit? Me too!", she didn't stop to think that she had the exact same prescription coverage as I do and just went through Health Plus. The office had gone ahead and called the in-house pharmacy, though and they would have my injection ready by 130 tomorrow afternoon. Well, that's swell and all except I work 7 - 7 tomorrow, which I reminded her that I had told her that before. She told me to call and check my prescription benefits with the company and that she was going to make some phone calls as well, and asked that I call her back with what I found out. Ok.

I moved to moderately pissed off, at this point.

I called the place back and spoke with a dude this time who, after making me spell every thing and give the name of my first born and any other child I might miraculously conceive and what THEIR children's names might be, told me that Diplomat is covered in my plan. Buh... What?! I told him what was going on and he double checked and sure as shit, Diplomat was covered. So, I called the chickie at the doctor's office back and she told me that she had a pre-auth number and that if I could get to the office by 530 at the latest, they'd be able to give me my shot.

Back down to irritated pissed.

I haul ass back to Diplomat. Keep in mind that Diplomat is just down the street from where I work. If there weren't trees, I could probably spit on it if I had super spitting powers. I put my car in park and my phone starts ringing. It's the chickie from my doctor's office again, telling me that she has this dude on hold from the prescription benefits place telling me that I won't be able to get my prescription from Diplomat cuzz I have NO RETAIL PRESCRIPTION COVERAGE! She then tells me that o-boy wants to call me, but she wanted to be sure that I knew he was calling before he did so I wasn't caught off gaurd. I told her by all means to have him call me, to which she said that I sounded kinda evil. I laughed and told her that I was upset and she said that she would be as well and that she have the dude call me.

I go back to fucking pissed.

So, o-boy calls me and tells me that I have no retail coverage and that I have to have everything either done through the mail or at the in-house pharmacy. I ask when this happened and told him that I had had prescriptions filled at Wal-Greens and Rite-Aid before. He read me off my prescription history and said that while those (inhalers and Darvocet) were covered, high-cost injectables were not and that I needed to use the two options he had just given me. I was right at the drive way for where I work, so I went in and parked and lit a cigarette while he assured me that he was going to make things right. I was put on hold.

When he got back on the line, he told me that in order for them to do a one time over-ride so I could get the prescription at Diplomat, it would take between 72 and 96 hours. So, I told him that I have a cracked out uterus and that this shot MUST be given while I'm having cracked out girly time and I worked tomorrow AND Friday 7 - 7 and could not get the shot done then. He tells me that they can get the prescription transfered to them so they could over night ship it to my house, free of charge. *sigh* I told him AGAIN about the hours that I work. He told me that he could have it sent to the doctor's office instead. I told him there was no point cuzz my doctor's office is INSIDE Genesys and that I could spit on the pharmacy from there. He asked if I wanted it to go to my home or the doctor's office.

Dudes. I went to that special place where pissed off is a happy memory and everything is red. I was at the point where I couldn't yell. All I could do was speak very measured and very calmly. A few of you have seen me at that point. Those of you who have, have also told me that I've never scared you more than I did when I got to that point.

I told him the situation AGAIN and that nothing he was offering me was of help. He counted by telling me that they have certain policies and procedures that they have to follow. I told him that I knew more about policy and procedure than he knew about the color of his own jizz that stained the front of shirt the night before. Yeah, I siad that all calm and measured like. I then told him about the hospital housing the doctor's office and the pharamacy AGAIN. He told me I didn't need to be rude, but he wanted to mail it to either me or my doctor's office and would I be able to sign for a delivery tomorrow?

I laughed at him. There was nothing else I could do. We went round and round saying the same thing to each other for 5 minutes before it occurred to him what I said. He then told me he was sorry for being such a dumbass.

After all that, I went into my base to see if the dispatcher that was working would be able to replace me for 4 hours the next day. He couldn't cuzz he was getting his nuts snipped so he wouldn't reproduce anymore. Is that ironic? I think it is, since I wanted him to replace me so I could make sure I went into Menopause. Fuck you Alanis Morrisette for forever making me doubt myself when it comes to irony.

Anyway, so he couldn't and when I called up there at about 8PM, my boss answered and told me that the chickie I was trying to get a hold of didn't work there anymore, so I was screwed. (She got shit canned, come to find out, with no reasoning as to why and some bullshit write up) Thankfully, the other 3rd shift dispatcher came in for me at 3 that afternoon, so I got my shot.

Let me tell you, it completely stpoped the girly time. Like, within 2 hours, which shocked me. I figured I still had at least a day left to deal with that shit. I was happy that I didn't, but the mood swings were in full effect that same day. I shouldn't be surprised cuzz when they were testing birth control on me to treat the PCOS, I would go from laughing one minute, to full out sobbing the next and then bunching the steel tables (I worked at Domino's at the time) the minute after the sobbing started. I'm sure you can imgaine how bad that must've been. Well, take whatever you imagine and multiply it by like, 500billion.

Yeah.

THAT bad.

I think I'm probably gonna get fired soon. I got into an argument with one of the EMTs that same weekend. It was BAD. And, when I say bad, know that I TRIED TO WALK AWAY. Fucker followed me and had the balls to tell me it was "obvious" that I "have issues" after I REMINDED him that I had been put into menopause and probably wouldn't have a handle on my emotions for a bit. I told him I was sorry for being a bitch, even though I know I wasn't being one and he STILL followed me out of the back room to tell me that shit. I was seriously so mad that I could FELL myself turning red and I couldn't stop shaking. I was STILL shaking when I left 3 hours later.

And the mood swings just get worse form there. Most recently would be yesterday, though I'm still not completely sure it was me that picked the fight. I was cleaning and Greg wanted to make something that I wasn't planning on making for dinner. Mind you, he didn't ask me to fix it for him, but the boy, Greg and I had talked about dinner the night before and I thought we were all on the same page. Well, seems Greg wanted something else, which hurt me more than it should have. In the 2 1/2 years he's been living with me, I should be used to him not eating when I cook. Everyone else I've ever met in my life tells me I'm a wonderful cook, but for some reason, I don't measure up to Greg's standards. So, when he said he wanted something other than what we had agreed on, I was upset.

(I'm gonna copy and paste from my other blog cuzz it's easier at this point.)

I love my profile song (If you can't view my profile, go HERE and click on WITHERED. It's a beautiful song, I promise.) entirely too much. You should check it out. A lot of people I know haven't heard it. In fact, They've never heard of Atomship, which is a shame. They were fucking awesome.

I'm kinda hating this whole menopause shit. I know that seems to be all I talk about anymore, but it interferes with my life more than I ever imgained it would. I figured not too much would change. The PCOS has always fucked with my cycle. Like, to the point where I was buying pregnancy tests to take before I went out drinking. (Seriously, I didn't have any girly time for 7 months last year.) So, I figured since that happened, not too much would change, ya know? I've been moody for as long as I can remember, but this... This is something beyond moody. For those who saw how quickly my moods shifted when they were trying to figure out the right dosage of birth control to put me on to treat the PCOS, just imagine that multiplied by 555,555. Not fun. (Like I said before)

I'm not sure if I picked a fight with Greg today or if he was just being a fucking prick. I absolutely abhor the fact that when he gets mad or "irritated", as he put it today, he won't talk. At all. I was on a bit of a cleaning rampage today so I wouldn't have time to just sit down and think. I already had dinner planned and all of us has talked about it last night. I shouldn't have been surprised or even upset when Greg decided that he was going to fix himself something completely different. When I cook, he doesn't eat. He knows that it drives me insane and that it hurts me when he does that. It makes me feel even more worthless. He chooses to ignore that, though.

Anyway, so I got a little snippy, but I told him to just fix whatever he wanted and went on cleaning the kitchen. Aparently, I was getting in his way cuzz he decided he wanted something else, which was actually what I was going to fix. So, I'm cleaning, he's getting some stuff together and he decided to say that he was gonna make something else to go along with it, whic got me even more worked up. I loathe the fact that he actually, and sometimes actively, does not listen to me. I told him I was gonna go ask Alex if he wanted the same thing and he mumbled something. I thought he said there wasn't going to be enough for anyone except him, so I asked him what he said. He told me it was nothing. That drives me fucking nuts. Don't say something you don't want me to hear. If I can't understand what's said, at least have the balls to tell me what the fuck it was that was said. So, I asked him to tell me whatever he said again. He refused, so I told him what I had thought I heard. When he didn't respond, I got fucking pissed. I asked him one last time to tell me what he had said, explaining that I needed to know if he said there wouldn't be enough of whatever so I could make something different for Alex. He looked dead at me and told me "don't start with your bullshit."

I fucking lost it.

That was one of my step-dad's favorite things to say to me when he thought I was being snotty or bitchy or whatever. I usually got into severe trouble when he used that phrase.

Greg went out to smoke and I grabbed the vacuum and started on the carpets. I was slamming into shit accidentally and felt like I couldn't breathe, so I went to the bedroom and just exploded into full out, body wrenching sobs. I did that for about 10 minutes, went back into the living room and turned around and went back into the bedroom like 2 minutes later to sob some more.

When I finally was able to leave the bedroom with out crying, I went out to smoke. Greg was still out there. I asked him if he was gonna tell me what I did wrong this time, or if I was going to be given the silent treatment for the next week. He said that he was just irritated. I asked if he wanted me to fix whatever it was he wanted with dinner and he told me no, that he was just gonna finish with what he was making and go to work. Mind you, we were having an early dinner (around 330) so he could eat, get ready for work and then go. I was pissed, but I just went back inside. I knew nothing I said would even fucking register, so I gave up. He left at about 345.

He didn't have to be to work until 6.

Paranoia is a minimal side effect, but I'm betting that's what's making me think he's got some other chick out there. He's been leaving earlier and earlier for work (though never as early as he did today) and he's been coming home either later than normal or right when he's supposed to be leaving. Like, the other night, he got home at 10. He wasn't supposed to leave until 10. He works in Pontiac, so it's not like it's only a 10 minute drive home. I trust that he wouldn't be fucking anyone else, but there's a little voice telling me that he is. It wasn't there before.

Depression is also a side effect of the Depo-Lupron. Again, I'm not sure if it's cuzz of the shot or what, but I've been incredibly depressed. I don't want to leave the house. AT. ALL. I stayed in pajamas all day. Well, I got dressed when I had to get Alex from his friends' house, but other than that, constant jammies. I seriously took a shower and changed into fresh jammies rather than throw on a pair of shorts and a t-shirt. I have a feeling that if I didn't have Alex, I wouldn't leave the house until I had to go to work and I'd probably wind up calling in.

I'm gonna force myself though this.

I'll get through it.

I gave serious thought to just telling him to get the fuck out and not come back. I thought about throwing him out over something incredibly stupid. If I didn't need him to help with the bills and rent, I more than likely would have told him to leave and that he could get his shit when I was at work on Thursday. I'm glad I didn't throw him out, but at the same time, I kinda wish I had tried. Maybe if I had said it, it would've made him realize just how selfish he's been.

I wish I could fucking sleep. My sleeping pills haven't been working as well lately. I suppose I'm building a tolerance to them. I bought a bottle of 32 last Wednesday. I have 6 left.

I want to get high. I haven't had been high in forever and, for some reason, I've been craving pot lately. I've been craving it as badly as I craved beef while I was pregnant, so you know that's one hellasious craving. Maybe that would help me sleep. Heh. knowing my luck, though, I'd get fucking fried the night before I had to go to work, would manage to hurt myself the next day, have to take a piss test cuzz I got hurt and wind up losing my job.

It's bad enough I'm not sure how long it's gonna be before I get fired through no real fault of my own. I shouldn't really try to help it along. Heh.

Yeah... So that's pretty much been my whole 2 weeks since the shot. Is this what the next 3 months are gonna be like? I really hope not. I don't know that I could handle all that.

In other news, I volunteered for Online Hotline through RAINN. I know that may not seem like a lot, but it's a HUGE step for me. I'm also concidering being a voluteer for thier national hotline. There's a shelter at the YWCA here in Flint that is affiliated with RAINN. I'm also thinking about being a guest speaker, though I'm not completely sure where I am with that. I mean, I WANT to cuzz I wasn't able to bring myself to do anything legally when I went through everything and I think I might be able to help someone else be strong enough to take that step. Thing is, before i speak in front of anyone, I need to make sure that I'll be able to do so without breaking down. I can't show weakness to these girls and women who've been through the same thing cuzz once I do, they'll think that everyone is completely destroyed by it and I can't let them think that. Regardless of whether or not it's destroyed me, I can't let them see that. If I do, they may not be willing to go forward. I can't now, but maybe I can help someone else who still can, if they're ready and willing.

So, that's where I am right now. Let me leaving you with a giggle inducing picture of me and Marc Rizzo (from Soulfly). I say him and Flaw this past Friday and it was a fucking PHENOMINAL show! Absolutely amazing. If you get a chance, check out Recognize. I know it's only a 30 second demo, but it's all I could find. Trust me, though, when I say that that song is amazing.

Anyway, so here I am with Marc Rizzo. I look WAY too excited to be in that picture. o_O

So, congrats if you've made it through the blog entry from hell! LOL I wasn't joking when I said it was long. I'll try not to let so much more happen before I update again.

2007-06-11T18:24:00.001-04:00

I finally went to the girly doctor instead of rescheduling. I hate the girly doctor. Unfortunately, I have to have pap-smears every few months. Seems my girly parts are just that awesome.

So, while making small talk, the doc did the pap-smear. It HURT. Normally, it's uncomfortable, but nothing too bad. Today was painful. No idea why, since he decided to tell me that my cervix looks perfectly normal. That's a good thing.

He lectured me about smoking just like with every appointment. Blah.

Then he started talking surgery.

He was telling me about how it's been three years since I had the first one and that he didn't think he'd see anything new, but if I told him to do it, he would. I said that I would pretty much be up for anything at this point cuzz I'm tired of always being in pain. I told him about how I'm getting pain on the left now, too, but it's not constant like it is on the right. He asked me if I had ever been on an injection that started with depo, but isn't depo-provera. I told him I had been on depo-provera for years before I had the boy and he assured me that it's not the same drug. This one WILL stop my periods like the depo-provera, but it's not a form of birth control. This shot will send me into early menopause.

Yep. I'm going to have menopause at 27.

He said that 90% of women who use this shot have hot flashes like crazy and mood swings. Thing is, if i have microscopic endometriosis, this shot should help. It should get rid of my pain, which is what I'm ultimately after.

Menopause. I find it somewhat amusing that I'll be going through menopause with my mother. Heh.

So, that's where I'm at with all the girly shit. I have to wait until I start my period, which should be any day now, and then I'll start the shots. Once a month. Joy. He wants to see me again in three months to see if it's helping. If it's not, I get to go in for surgery. It'll just be laprascopy (sp) again, but there's a huge chance that I'll need a hysterectomy if this shot doesn't work.

Weeha!

Graduation, pool party and hate/hate with the sun part 2

2007-06-06T21:30:00.000-04:00

So, the boy graduated from kindergarten on Monday. He's giant. Trust me.

***ALL PICTURES OF THE BOY HAVE BEEN REMOVED***

He really s the tallest in his class. That other little boy is the older brother of the boy who had the pool party.

Remember in my last post how I talked about my hate/hate relationship with the sun? Yeah... Check this shit out.

Less time than at the parade of DOOM. Seriously. Mind you, I spent pretty much all of my time with the kids. We got there late, as is my fashion. heh. I loathe you, sun.

CATS!

2007-06-04T11:39:00.000-04:00

So, I've decided to post pictures of the cats. See, I should be cleaning. But I am procrastinating, since cleaning day really isn't until tomorrow. The boy and I have a play date (that word amuses the hell out of me) with a friend of mine from high school this afternoon and while I love seeing my friend and her kids and I'm the one who initiated the play date, I'm not wanting to leave the house. Ever. It's the vicious cycle I go through where I want to be social, but I rellyreallyreally don't want to. Heh. The boy is excited, though, so there will be no cancelling. He graduates kindergarten tonight, so I'm sure there will be pictures of that coming as well.

Now, onto the CATS!

Aw, Baby Mae. She's so docile that whenever she decides to break out the little toy mouse on a stick and play with it, we're amazed. She's solid, too. We joke about her being fat, but she's really just solid.

Mydna (sneezer) Marie still needs to be spayed. Hoping to do that next paycheck. Until then, Greg's just gonna have to put up with her mounting his feet for pleasure. o_O

Baby had been giving Squeaker Ann a bath, but I guess Squeak decided bath time was over when the picture was taken. LOL

There's a couple better pictures of Mydna. She's our little fluff ball. I'm tempted to shave her just to see how big she actually is. She's the tiniest kitty. We think she's topped out on growing.

You'll have to excuse the mess that is my bedroom. Squeaker likes to lay in there all day long, much like Harley used to. It's like she decided to take over Harley's role as oldest cat. She gets most of the privileges Harley used to have.

We can't figure out why Baby seems to be going bald, but she is. That big spot on her tummy is from where she was spade. It grew back in, but now it's falling out and the area that's going bald is much bigger than where they shaved her. She's also losing it on her knees and backs of her legs. It's almost like she cleans too much or something. Harley would pick her fur off, but when she did it, she'd leave scabs cuzz she kept picking and picking. The vet said she had allergies. Baby doesn't get that much into it, but she cleans constantly.

Welp, those are my kitties. I saw a bunch in the newspaper yesterday that looked just like Harley. They said they were more than likely going to be put down cuzz no one had adopted them yet. If I had more room, those cats would all have a new home.

Stupid sun and other random thoughts

2007-05-29T21:20:00.000-04:00

So, I took the boy the Burton Memorial Day parade yesterday. It was... Well, it was different. See, I'm used to parades in small town, like Durand, where people stay on the curb or the grass by the sidewalk and watch the parade.

The boy and I got there about maybe 5 minutes before and parked near the Speedway on Bristol and Center Rds. I wanted to get a pack of cigarettes before hand, but quickly decided against that when I saw how many damn people were in there. It was kinda freaky. We got our spot near one of the driveways and I sat on the ground so I wouldn't block the view of the people behind me. One of the other moms told me I might want to stand up cuzz it could get violent when it came time for the candy to be thrown. That's when I noticed that all the kids and some of the parents had plastic bags. The boy and I were sorely unprepared.

The parade started and more people came. One group had what appeared to be two moms and like 6 kids between them. One of the moms was saying something about keeping her kids in check cuzz it was just candy. Another mom that was on the other side of me said something to me about tripping the big kid if he started picking on her kid, who was considerably smaller. Then the mom on the other side of me was saying something about it being a bunch of bullshit cuzz it was just candy but she'd throw down if she needed to.

Yeah, it was seriously like that.

I told the boy not to fight with any of the other kids over the candy cuzz he had plenty at home and he did really good. At one point he tried to hand me a handful of Tootsie Rolls to put in my pocket and I told him no (we have this ginormous Tootsie Roll wreath that he got for Christmas that's barely missing a side), so he decided to just put them behind one of the smaller kids so he could "find them". The kid's mom (the one who was ready to trip kids) asked why he did that and I explained so she and her husband were on the look out for different kinds of candy for him.

Quite a few times, the cops had to come over and tell everyone to back up. I didn't realize it, but we had gone from the curb to the double yellow line and the people across the street were at the white dashed line. That was different. LOL

We watched the entire parade. It started at 100 and ended around 230. We got there maybe about 115. So, I was out in the sun for about an hour and a half or so.

Remember how I keep telling you guys how I have a hate/hate relationship with the sun? Well, check out this shit:

The part I circled is the ONLY part of me that got ANY color.

Yeah... No bra and no make-up is pure sex, I know. Try not to jump into your computer monitor trying to get a piece of that. o_O

The boy didn't have school again today. He played outside with some kids he met a few weeks ago all day long. That is, he played outside with them when they weren't in here trying to undue all the fucking cleaning I did today. It would seem that I've been dubbed the "cool mom" cuzz I let the kids play with his toys and have popcicles. Apparently, I am so cool that these kids don't feel a need to knock on my door, they just walk right in. Not too sure how I feel about THAT one.

8 Things You Don't Know About Me

2007-05-20T15:51:00.000-04:00

So, Cricket has tagged me for this. Since I don't know anyone besides her that reads this blog, I'm going to copy this to my DeadJournal (there's a helluva lot more entries, but I've got them on a privacy filter, so you'd have to get a DJ and be my friend in order to see them) and tag people on there.

Hmm... 8 things you don't know about me. This is more difficult than it sounds.

~ I'm thinking about going to school to become a mechanic. Cars have always fascinated me and I'd love to be able to work on my own car and not have to waste time and money waiting for some shop to fix it if it breaks down. Mechanics also make decent money, so that's a plus.

~ I hate leaving the house without showering, yet I love getting dirty. Whether it's getting all greasy from building something or muddy from playing on the ground, I love getting dirty. I wonder if that has anything to do with the fact that I find sex outdoors to be awesome. :-P

~ I tell people that my son was conceived completely by accident, when in reality I wanted to get pregnant cuzz I was convinced that that would be the only time I'd be able to. I had no business trying to get pregnant at 20. I must be psychic cuzz I was diagnosed with PCOS a couple years after he was born and it's very likely I'm not able to have anymore children.

~ When I get drunk, I wake up the next morning with chapped, red lips. No one else I know has that happen when they drink, yet it's happened to me everytime.

~ I am completely enthralled by celebrity gossip. I have no idea why and I think it's completely worthless, but I cannot seem to get enough.

~ I haven't worn a swim suit in 12 years.

~ I love horror movies, but I can't watch them alone. If I do, I wind up scaring myself so much that I won't be able to get off the couch or out of the bed (depending where I'm at when I'm watching the movie, of course) until someone comes home.

~ I reallyreallyreally love the smell of diesel fuel. Like when it comes from a school bus or an old truck or something. I don't know why, but I just love that smell.

Damn... That took me almost an hour to do.

The Jerrdog nuptuals. Also, the infinite smoothness that is Leslee.

2007-05-12T11:26:00.000-04:00

So, it's been a week since I traveled to Indiana for the Jerrdog wedding. I've been meaning to write about it, but every time I start, I get lazy. Probably due to the fact that I am with out my phone and it's kinda making me batshit crazy, but who knows. At least I can still check my voicemail. Heh.

So, Becky and I were going to leave at 11 last Saturday, but we left at 12. 12 was the original time to set out, but I had suggested that we go a little ealier so we could stop at a store along the way so I could see about finding a bra that wouldn't show. I wore black, but it was a little lower cut than I thought when I bought it and I couldn't find any bras at home that wouldn't peek out.

*cough*

Anyway, we hit the road at noon and the ride went smoothly. There was a point after we went through Lansing that kinda freaked me out. For some reason, there's a stretch of I-69 that's not visibly bumpy, but makes your car shake and bounce. It felt like my tire was going flat. I was tempted to pull over, but I never did cuzz I figured I was just being worried over nothing. See, when I travel any real distance, I love to be the one driving. It helps calm me down cuzz I know if anything happens to go wrong with the car, I'm the one in control. I worry about the car breaking down when I'm far away from people I know, but I don't tend to worry as much as I would if I weren't driving.

We got into Indiana and were making great time. We shopped a bit in search of bras, but found none. Seems stores don't like carring ginormous. Bastards. I wound up buying shoes, though, cuzz I accidentally on purpose left my shoes at home. Heh. From there, we decided that we'd look for a hotel, grab something to eat real quick and then go to the wedding. It didn't quite work out that way. First of all, there are not that many hotels around Ft. Wayne, which is odd cuzz there was a shit ton of them listed on the intarwebs when I was being brilliant and wanted to book a room months ago. Unfortunately, I suck with teh monies, so I was never able to book one. We drove and drove and drove. Saw a Holiday Inn Express in New Haven, but Becky wanted to keep going to see if there was somewhere cheaper. Ok, so we drive and drive and drive some more. We come across an actual Holiday Inn. Becky calls Jerry to see if he has any clue where we might be able to stay and he tells her to go back to New Haven cuzz of some basketball thing that was going on that weekend. Heh. So, we go back to New Haven and snag a double queen smoking room. For it being a weekend, we got it for relatively cheap.

By this time, it's like 430 or 5 and the wedding started at 6 in a small town that I can't remember the name of, but I think it was like 20 minutes outside of Ft. Wayne or something. I drove down looking like your typical Flint-white-trash-ghetto chick, so I had to get dressed and fix my hair real quick. I was brilliant enough to have done my make-up before we left or else we'd have probably missed the wedding. Heh.

We got to the church with about 10 minutes to spare. Becky found Jerry's mom and introduced me and then we were ushered to a pew. The wedding started and Jerry kept making all these faces at Jessie and it was full of giggles and general happiness. It was a beautiful wedding. I wish someone had told us that there wasn't any flash photography allowed, though. We brought the camera and no one said anything to us when we got there, so, thinking it was ok, Becky started to take pictures during the ceremony. After she took a picture or two, we saw other flashes going off, so at least we weren't the only ones being assholes. *snicker*

As we were walking out after the ceremony, I noticed a familiar face in the last pew. When we got out of the church, I asked Becky if she recognized the guy and she said she wasn't paying attention. I told her that I could have sworn I had just seen Sahaj from Ra. Sure as shit, just a few minutes after I said that, he walked out the door. We talked to him for a bit and found out that he had come straight from sound check and was actually only going to be at the reception for a little bit cuzz he had a show that night. I still think it was awesome that he was able to go at all, let alone being able to squeeze it in before a show.

We went to the reception and gerenally felt out of place. I mean, we were out of state surrounded by people we didn't know and we were sober. There was NO way to not feel out of place. LOL The wedding party got there and they were introduced and then Jerry and Jessie were introduced. They walked in to Blind which made Becky squee with delight.

And that is when the keg came out.

Like the proud Flint beer drinkers we are, Becky and I beelined to the keg. They had little cups out at first and, since I was nervous, I pretty much threw back the beer at the speed of light. I tried not to cuzz I didn't want to look like I drink professionally in front of people I didn't know, but I decided at some point, that I really didn't give a fuck anymore. Becky and I told Jerry that part of our wedding present to him would be to make sure the keg didn't go to waste. I think we accomplished that. There was even a keg stand, which I don't think pleased some of the old people (looked like grandparents). Of course, it could have just been due to the fact that I was over there and had pissed off an old guy (grandpa?) when I went out to smoke. In my infinite smoothness, I walked outside talking loudly, as I often do, and managed to say something involving the word Fuck. Shocking, I know. Anyway, Becky and I turned the corner to go smoke under the pavillion and there was a dude in a kilt (I think his name was Turner) and an old guy (grandpa?) staring at me. Immeadiately, I said I was sorry and then I fell back on what would become my excuse for the rest of the night. I said, "I'm sorry. I'm from Flint."

*blink*

Yeah. Again, I was working the infinite smoothness.

So, we drank and met some awesome people, like Mama Heart (Hart?), who said that she would let us stay at her place for $95 a night when Becky told her we were charged $100 for our room. She even offered to throw in breakfast. LOL

After the reception, Becky and I decided that we wanted to drink some more. I wanted to go back to the hotel and change, but Becky just wanted to get to the drinkin. The first bar we went to we should have stayed at. It was really close to the hotel and we could have stumbled back if we got to lit. But, it was playing country. Becky is an avid hater of all things country music. We sat down and got giant beer and Becky went to talk to the band cuzz she saw the drums and wanted to pet them. I decided to chat up the bartenders and fall back on my nifty little "I'm from Flint" reasoning while talking to them about being robbed or something. A chick at the bar started talking to me about something and Becky came back and said she couldn't take the country music and we needed to find somewhere else to go. The chickie talked to her and told her about a place and even drew us a map. So, we were off.

The other bar we went to was kind of a dump, but it was kinda like being back in Flint. LOL The beer was cold and cheap, so that pretty much sold us. The fact that there played something other than country music was a plus as well. We drank and decided that we needed breakfast. Well, Becky agreed when I said I wanted breakfast and I kinda insisted that we find someplace. We got directions from some random bar guy and started walking to where ever the hell it was we were supposed to go.

At this point, I should probably point out again that we were still dressed from the wedding. This plays a slightly import role.

The place we were heading to was supposedly right down the street. Keep in mind that this place is like the size of Gaines. We were walking down the street when I decided to display my infinite smoothness yet again. Seems I thought it would be fun to see what would happen if I stepped on one side of my shoe while I launched my body in the opposite direction. Those of you who know me personally should not be surprised by this. You should also not be surpirsed that I managed to bite it. Hard. In my wedding garb. In front of a group of strangers that were walking down the street in front of us.

See? INFINITE SMOOTHNESS. It makes me sexy.

(Incidentally, this is when we think Indiana decided to eat my cell phone)

The group of strangers decided to be good ole small town folk and help me up. One of the guys even helped walk me over to a nearby stoop cuzz walking was just not in the cards after my awesome trip to the ground. They stayed with me while Becky went to get the car. The guy who helped me told me that he had just gotten out of jail, which obviously means that I should have fucked him right then and there. Heh. He told one of his friends, who happened to be a paramedic and confirmed that I had indeed fuckered my ankle, that he was obligated to help any and all girls "whose boobs were hanging out". Um... I know I what I was wearing was low cut, but I was far from having my boobs hanging out. Meh. Becky drove up as he decided to try and get a look at said boobs.

We drove to a gas station to get a soda or something and Becky asked directions back cuzz we had lost the helpful little map somewhere in our travels. He got us LOST. In a place the size of Gaines. Yeah... We went to a different gas station and discovered that we were literally just around the corner from the hotel. We got back there and promptly layed down and fell asleep.

We left just before check out at 11 the next day.

So, that was my adventure to Indiana, otherwise known as The State That Eats Cell Phones. What we think happened is that my phone either fell out of my purse when I bit it and one of the group picked it up or someone took it out of my purse while I was waiting for Becky to come around with the car. Either way, it's gone and I doubt it will ever be seen again. Dammit.

I believe I said something about pictures when I threw up that bulletin about not having my phone. I have 4 that I can put on here, since I was too lazy to actually load them all up on my photobucket while I was at home. Remember, I told you that the fact that we went out in our wedding garb played a slightly imporant role. That role would be comedic in nature. You'll see why here in a second.

Jerry and his bride, Jessie.

Jerry and Becky being weird. I was insistant on getting odd pictures for some reason. I think the purse brings out Jerry's eyes. Well, the purse and that bottle of booze.

Me and Jerry. Notice the beer. Also, Jerry is way prettier than I am.

Here is where the comedy comes in. Those who know me, know that I have not worn anything like this for YEARS.

Yes, that is a dress. Yes, I wore it of my own free will. Now, picture the fall I described. See where the wedding garb makes it funny?

I'm contemplating wearing that tomorrow when I go out for Mother's Day with the fam. I'm not sure if I'll wear it or not cuzz I think it makes me look pregnant. We shall see.

So, that concludes my entry about the trip to The State That Eats Cell Phones. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did. I also hope you're all laughing your ass off at my infinite smoothness. My ankle is better now, thank you.

2007-02-23T21:59:00.000-05:00

Weird things happen to me A LOT
It's true. Something weird will happen to me or to someone I'm very close to at LEAST once a week. This is, by far, one of the weirdest things I've had happen.

So, I'm sitting on the couch, playing Zelda cuzz it has become my crack. My phone rang. I looked at the front and noticed it was an 800 number. Since it's after 9PM, I knew it couldn't be a bill collector or anything like that, so I figured it might be someone I know calling me with a calling card or something. My gramma does that sometimes, so it's not unheard of.

I answer the phone and it's obviously a recording. I caught it mid-sentence. The dude was saying something about how he thought that I worked too hard and that I needed a break.

Uh... Yeah, I do kinda need a break, but how the fuck does this recording know that?

As I continue to listen, Mr. Recording Dude tells me that he hears I am a doctor. He likes that. He tells me he's going to get his stethescope. Then he starts talking all seductive, telling me that I work too hard and that he knows an isolated island in the Bahamas and that I will have servants and he'll be there, waiting to massage me and check me out with his stethescope, so I don't have to be the doctor for once. He told me that he couldn't wait to see me naked in the sun.

HAHAHAHAHAAA!!!

I seriously think I was just prank called by a phone sex recording. He was going into details when I hung up the phone.

Weird, huh?

Can't.Stop.Giggling.

Back to Zelda.

2007-02-17T09:57:00.000-05:00

Heh. So, after 2 weeks and deciding to say fuck the gmail account I have and creating a different account, I've been able to log into my blog. How awesome for me. o_O

So... Let's see. There's been a shit ton of stuff I've wanted to update about, but couldn't. Let's see if I can condense it.

~New cat. She is a little black fluffball of energy called Sneezer Marie. She sneezes ALL.THE.TIME. And all my cats have to have a middle name for reasons I can't name. She seems to be agreeable with the name and, really, she doesn't have much of a say in it. :-P Greg wanted to name her BJ, but I immediately vetoed that. It seems that in the 2 years we've been together, he still hasn't grasped the fact that my mind has taken permanent residence in the gutter. To me, and the majority of my friends, BK = Blow.job and I wasn't havin that. In his innocent mind, he thought BJ would stand for Baby Jr. When I looked at him and said blow.job, he blushed and giggled.

~My uncle almost died this week. He had a pretty massive heart attack. Massive enough that, even though there was a cardiac ambulance ready and waiting at the hospital he was at in Mt. Pleasant, he had to be flown by helicopter to Covenant in Saginaw. Since Covenant decided to be assholes and wait 24 hrs to do anything, I was pretty irate and panicky. Honestly, if someone NEEDS to be flown in by helicopter cuzz their condition is THAT dire, wouldn't it seem like a no brainer to think they'd have some kind of priority? I guess only people who THINK would come to that conclusion. My mom went to the hospital that night and the next day and asked when my uncle was even going to SEE a doctor and they had the balls to tell her that there were more "emergent patients" that needed to be seen first. *insert confused face here* Even if I didn't work in EMS, I feel safe in believing that I would know that any patient that needs flown in is emergent and shouldn't be made to wait 24 hours before seeing a doctor. Yeah. He waited 24 hrs before he even SAW A DOCTOR. (So, I might still be a little pissy) Anyway, he had a heart cath and it showed that his entire anterior wall is blocked and there's another blockage, I forget where, that's blocked 50%. Instead of keeping him there or transferring him out to another hospital for surgery, they discharged him. My mom's hoping to get him to come down here.

~I get to speak to my doctor about testing me for ovarian cancer on Monday. This is stemming from me reading and freaking myself out. I'm sure I more than likely do not have cancer, but when you read a list of symptoms and realize you have all but 2, ya tend to wonder a bit. When you read that in the majority of cases, digestive and urinary problems are diagnosed before anyone even THINKS to test for cancer, you kind of start to freak, especially if you've just been diagnosed with both. Then you push yourself over the edge when you read that the majority of cases are not caught early due to patients not being forceful enough when requesting things be done or when describing symptoms that have been around for a while and have been worsening. 4 years. I've been dealing with this shit for 4 years and not once have I ever had an MRI, CAT scan or my CA 125 levels tested. By all accounts, these tests SHOULD have been done at some point. So, cue me freaking out. Again, I'm next to positive that I do not have cancer, but with the reading and the family history and the holy--shit-that-sounds-just-like-me, I'm kinda paranoid.

I think that's pretty much it. I may or may not have completely killed my friendship with Becky. See, she came up to darts the other night in tears cuzz her water meter was broken and the company wanted to charge her $185 to fix it. I offered to pay for it, but she needed to pay me back. Then she broke down and told me that she was $1300 behind in rent. Well, I'm a very generous person when I'm drinking. I like to make everyone happy cuzz if everyone else is happy, I'll stay happy. Without consulting Greg or thinking about it much, I told Becky to just move back in. Well, last night, I had to have her check and see if the other option she'd been given was still open. My mom and my brother kinda both dumped on me that they might not have places to stay here soon. Now, the brother, is ALWAYS on the verge of not having a place to stay. I think that has something to do with being 21 and next to no job experience, but I could be wrong. My mom has run into some issues with cars and rent increases and more money being spent on gas to get to a job than is what actually being brought home from said job. So, if it comes down to it, I will have my whole family in my little place. That will make 6 people and 3 cats in a 3 bedroom place. Could be interesting if it actually falls into place. So, with that being said, I had to see if Becky could move in somewhere else. I know she's pissed. I'm sure she probably feels slighted since when I left my ex-husband, she let Alex, Harley and me move in at a moments notice. But, what do you do with this situation? Someone is gonna be pissed off regardless of the choice.

My work schedule has finally gone back to normal. After working 7 days a week for just over 3 months, I am MORE than willing to be unemployed for a bit. I told Greg he needs to hurry up and start making more money so I can do the stay-at-home thing. I'm not sure if I'd be able to do that and stay sane, but I am MORE than willing to try. And I know he'd like to be able to make enough money for me to try it. Oh well. Maybe one day.

And that's pretty much it. I feel like I've just written a book! Oh well, I guess that's what happens when you can't access something for a little bit. :-P

I almost forgot to update about what went down with the bank account. That company wound up cashing the other two checks and haven't done anything else since then. My aunt want to wait and see what happens until she can come home in either March or April. If there's no other intrusion until then, we can just wait until that point to switch everything to another account, which will be slightly easier than having to try and fax all the paperwork back and forth between here and Japan. So far, everything's been going smoothly with it, so I'm crossing my fingers that it'll be done and over with. I'm not gonna hold my breath for that, though.

Stupid fucking scammers

2007-01-27T09:53:00.000-05:00

Ok, so back in the summer, some random kids came up to my door selling magazine subscriptions. I've gotten magazines like that before, so I didn't think anything of ordering again. I realized a day or two later that I am a moron when it comes to math and I didn't have as much money in my account as I thought I did. I issued a stop payment on the checks that I had written and that was that.

Except that it wasn't.

I checked my bank account online last night when I got home from work so I could double check my math after I had deposited a check that was cut due to my job deciding it didn't need to pay me 40 fucking hours. Yeah, you read that right. My paycheck was 40 fucking hours short. Anyway, that has been remedied and I deposited the money and looked at my account. There was a check that had been presented and cashed. "Hmm...", I thought. "I haven't written any checks lately." I couldn't view the check then and I couldn't find the checkbook it had come from to look at he duplicate to see what the fuck I decided to write a random check for. (I'm seriously a horrible pack rat. I have old paystubs from my very first job just in case I might need them for something. For what? No clue. But I might need them one day) I told Greg about it and that was that. I looked at my account this morning and could view the check. It's made out to Great Lakes Circulation. The date on the check? 1-12-2007. Here's what REALLY gets me.

I didn't sign the check.

I know that companies can do electronic checks, but I NEVER authorized that to happen. The fact that they used a check number that had a STOP PAYMENT issued on it really pisses me off. They didn't use my full LEGAL name for the signature and on the back, there's an account number or something, some kind of number, that was printed on there by a computer or typewriter or whatever, then CROSSED OUT and another one written in by hand. I am PISSED. I'm going to be calling the telephone banking system here shortly to see what the fuck is going on. If I have to close this account and open a new one, I'm pretty much fucked. My aunt lives in Japan and has to be on the account with me, or I can't have it. (Thank you fucktard ex-husband for completely slaughtering my credit)

I Goggles Great Lakes Circulation and found some sites that said it was nothing but a huge scam. I'm thinking that's true, since they were able to cash a check that I stopped payment on.

Ugh. So that's been my morning. I might post about the doctor's appt I had the other day, later. We'll see how the day goes.

Birthday Shenanigans

2007-01-20T09:22:00.000-05:00

So, I suck at updating when I say I will. In my defense, I've been training my minion (new dispatcher) and I haven't been in front of the computer. When I get home after work, I'm barely able to eat before I curl up in bed. Seriously, these 80 hours work weeks are killing me. That fucking minion better be trained enough to go on his own soon.

Yeah... Birthday shenanigans. I turned 27 on the 13th. Yippie? I decided to take the 14th off work so I could get pleasantly drunk with out having to be hung over at work the next day. Turned out to not really be needed, even though I decided to drink Long Islands all night. Heheh. Not too many people made it out, but whatever. The only two people I wanted to be pissed off at for not going were Bobbi and Jeremy and how am I gonna be pissed when one had a grandparent die and the other was legitimately sick. Meh. All in all, it was a pretty good time.

Oh yeah. There is photographic evidence in existence.

Becky's ass. Just because. I'm not completely sure when and why this was taken, but there it is and now it's burned into your mind. Mwahahahaa!

This is Becky singing. I can only assume this was taken shortly before the ass shot, but I have no idea.

Leara, who has always been very, very skinny.

See? Very, very skinny. I've known her since I was 12 or 13 and she actually has meat on her bones now. Believe it or not, she has spit out 4 kids. For real. (Please excuse the black ball in the picture. That hoodie is just SO comfy!)

Here I am showing off my drunken Rock Star skills. I'm such a badass.

Greg, being a putz. LOL I told him to smile so I could take a nice picture of him and while this one isn't really that bad, he's only smirking and it irks me a bit. The bastard.

The obligatory tongue picture. I must always have my tongue out in at least one picture.

Becky and Chris.

Apparently, this was Becky's pose for the evening.

My friend, Naomi. She's the one who gave me my first cigarette cuzz I was pissed off about something and threatened her. Yeah, when I get lung cancer, I'm gonna blame her just to see if she believes me or not.

Leara, Naomi and me in a booth at Dakota Lodge. See, Dakota Lodge started out as a restaurant and I liked it. I guess that wasn't bringing in the big bucks cuzz now they've turned it into some retarded nightclub. They still serve food, but I'm not sure how in the hell they can get it to their customers since you can't walk around in there with out rubbing up on people. Seriously, it sucks. I requested a song from the DJ and was told under no circumstances was any kind of rock music supposed to be played. I slammed my long island and we got the hell outta dodge.

I'm laughing cuzz I think that is when Becky's boyfriend decided to tell me to move my feet cuzz he was gonna piss on the floor. We really didn't like that place. No, he didn't actually pee on the floor, though he did seriously consider it.

Downing the long island so we can clear the fuck out.

Random picture taken by a random person. Not a flattering picture by any means, but it makes me giggle. Seems that my buttass white skin makes my teeth look very yellow in pictures and my eyebrows look like they could glow in the dark. They're really no where near that bright. And my teeth aren't really yellow like that. I promise.

So, that concludes my birthday shenanigans. We started out at a sports bar, went to a karaoke place, then off to a piece of shit night club/foodery and ended up at The Machine Shop for 80s with Rockstar. Good times.

2006-12-30T07:42:00.000-05:00

I honestly didn't think they'd kill him so quickly. I mean, they were given 30 days to execute him. The conspiracy theorist in me is thinking it's all just a little too convient. Like they're saying the killed him, but are actually hiding him. The rest of me is thinking they just wanted it done and over with after all the years of bullshit he put his country through.

Either way, I hope the families of all the people he killed are able to find peace now.

Is it bad that I want to see video footage of this?

Check out my Slide Show!

2006-12-27T10:27:00.000-05:00

So, I'm more than likely going to take this down come the new year, but here is Christmas at Brite's Homestead. The boy got a shit ton of presents and didn't bitch once about not getting the XBox360 that he was convinced Santa wouldn't need money to get cuzz he builds all his toys. Matter of fact, when he was opening his presents, he kept saying how he had asked Santa for whatever it was and how he must've been really good this year. Thing is, I wasn't the one who took him to see Santa, so I had no clue as to what he had asked for. Guess Santa really kinda does exist! LOL

***Pictures Removed***

2006-12-15T08:38:00.000-05:00

I'm never doing that again. I told Greg last night that I am never putting another cat to sleep. It was horrible and I'm never doing it again.

2006-12-13T16:08:00.000-05:00

So, it looks like I'll be putting Harley to sleep tomorrow. I'm not sure if I'll do it before or after work. I only work 11 - 3 tomorrow, so I could do it whenever, really. I'm kinda leaning towards doing it after work cuzz I don't want to come in here with red eyes and make up all over my face, but then again, I don't want to be sitting here at work thinking about it all day. Ugh. This sucks.

A couple nights ago, Harley was laying down next to Greg and he was petting her. I had walked out of Alex's room into the living room and she started growling and biting her leg. I saw what I thought was spit and was kinda WTF? Then there was just this fountain. She pissed all over the couch and Greg and was growling and shaking. I laughed, cuzz dude, she just pissed all over Greg. The night before that, I went to pick her up in Alex's room and she growled and went for my throat. Seriously. She ended up biting onto my bathrobe right next to my throat. I let her go and she wouldn't let go. She hung there off my robe by her teeth. I had to pull her off me. Freaked me the fuck out. That night, she peed in Alex's bed, in the living room and the next morning, she peed in the kitchen. There's this spot on the counter that she has claimed as her own now. It's kinda gross cuzz, ew cat on the counter, but we can't keep her off it. We put her down, she gets back up. So, she kinda lays there on the one part of the counter. She eats and gets right back up there. Her fur is falling out and she's chewing it off again, too. 12 and 1/2 is pretty old for a cat, I guess.

So, that's what my Christmas money from my aunt is going to. Alex told me last night that he didn't want Harley to pass out. He meant pass away. I explained to him that she won't be hurting anymore and he liked that, but he still doesn't want her to go. I dont' either. Hell, Alex has had Harley around since he was born. I've had her since 1994. Ugh. This fucking sucks...

Harley in the LCD TV box. It was her kitty clubhouse.

Baby running across Harley's clubhouse.

Squeak tempting fate by taunting Harley

Glowy eyes

Circling the toilet to make sure it is all set for prime peeing pleasure

Peeing.

MOUSIE!!!

See the mousie?

Aw.

I have more pictures of her on the camera at home. I guess the internets are gone at home again for some reason. When I get them on the internets, I'll post those, too.

What's really gonna suck is when Alex comes home on Sunday and asks where she is. She disappeared before, right around Christmas. We thought she went somewhere and died, so we told Alex that she went to heaven. But then she came back. He was scared that she was a zombie for a little bit. I hope he doesn't think she's gonna come back this time...